Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Wish I hadn't ventured over to the breastfeeding board..

I checked out the breastfeeding board yesterday and I really wish I hadn't. It really made me feel like a terrible mother. It seemed like if you do anything other than exclusively breast feed then you're a piece of garbage. It seems like I do everything that the people on this board find completely sinful - I breastfeed with the assistance of a shield because the baby would NOT latch on after she was born, I pump and feed from a bottle, and formula feed on top of breastfeeding/pumping because since two weeks the baby has just been completely unsatisfied with solely breastfeeding. It made me worry my supply is going to bottom out because of the way I feed her and made me worry that since I'm starting birth control in a few days (regular pill) that that will make my supply dry up as well. I also read one reply to a post commenting that the amount one baby  was being fed during the day was too much, so then I felt like I've been overfeeding mine and what if I'm setting her up to be an overeater her whole life. Add on top of that that I didn't get a nap yesterday and so of course the baby chose last night to just be totally inconsolable for hours after a week or so of sleeping for very nice 2 to 3 hour stretches, so I was just crying all night while attempting to comfort her and while feeding her. I breastfed her at one point for like 30-45 minutes, she came off and seemed sleepy, then began screaming again, so I sent my husband downstairs to make a bottle of formula, which made me feel like crap and cry even more.  Now that it's the next day/daytime I obviously know I was completely over reacting and letting my first time mom-ness make me feel inferior/stupid, but needless to say I don't believe I will be going over to the the breastfeeding board again!

Re: Wish I hadn't ventured over to the breastfeeding board..

  • You are doing what you can for your baby, you are a good mom. You need to be healthy so that your baby can be healthy. Don't take any attacks from people! Each one of us has to find what works for our families. GL
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  • don't worry about it- everyone is different
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  • Seriously I am an EBF and i really think every mom needs to do what is best for their baby. Only you can know what, how and when they should feed. Every baby is so different. As long as your baby is content and nourished that is seriously all that matters.  
  • You are not a bad mom! My son wouldn't latch because he was tongue tied so we had his tongue clipped as suggested and he STILL would'nt latch. So I pumped and formula fed because I didn't have enough milk. But every time I pumped I just got depressed because all I wanted to do was BF. So I stopped after 3 weeks and he formula feeds. He eats 6 oz every 3 hours and is 2 months old. Per the charts that is "too much". Well if he is hungry I am not going to starve him. I don't shove a bottle in his mouth every time he crys but if I do everything else and he is still unconsolable and is cueing to eat, I feed him. Just remember that your baby is different than my baby and every one else's babies. Some babies eat way more than "recommended" and others eat way less. Just keep doing what you are doing. Mom knows best and don't let anyone bring you down! Good luck!! :)
  • image acbfreire:
    You are doing what you can for your baby, you are a good mom. You need to be healthy so that your baby can be healthy. Don't take any attacks from people! Each one of us has to find what works for our families. GL

    This! I formula feed & the way I see it, if it isn't you or your baby then you don't have the right to gripe or talk down to anyone about their choice. At first my DH made feel a little bad about not breastfeeding. But then I thought, "They're not your boobs!" Heck, even when I was thinking about pumping, the people in my local WIC office complained - to them even pumping isn't good enough! As long as your baby is getting what is needed, nothing else matters.

  • I'm sorry you had that experience. I find the BF board to be amazingly supportive. I haven't seen anyone get attacked. I do see a lot of honesty, though. The things you mentioned in your post CAN and DO affect supply for a lot of women. It gets brought up a lot on the BF board, but not in judgement, rather in an "be aware that this could happen" tone. Breastfeeding is challenging, especially without support and education. I encourage you to actually make a post over there - you'll find the women have a lot of knowledge to share.
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  • I am doing all the same things you are - nursing, pumping, bottle feeding, using formula and a nipple shield - and I know first hand how EXHAUSTING it is!  I wish I could just put my baby to my breast and that was that, but it just isn't the case. So instead, we have to figure out what works best for us and our babies instead of EBF and do that and get on with it!  I know all those posts you refer to on the breastfeeding board - I'm over there often and there is a lot of good support available there too, but when you're struggling, some of the *strong* opinions can feel very shaming and judgmental. Just ignore them!

    Someone on one of these boards relayed a quote from their friend the other day, and I'm probably not going to get it exactly right, but it really stuck with me - it was something to the effect of: Instead of choosing to feel bad/inadequate about not being able to (exclusively) breast feed, I choose to feel fortunate that I live in a time when there are great alternatives available.

    Know that you are doing everything you can and being a great mom to your little baby - all of us FTMs are finding our way with our unique LOs and I say if they are eating, sleeping and pooping/peeing - then we're doing a pretty good job! 

  • image desertmouse39:

    Someone on one of these boards relayed a quote from their friend the other day, and I'm probably not going to get it exactly right, but it really stuck with me - it was something to the effect of: Instead of choosing to feel bad/inadequate about not being able to (exclusively) breast feed, I choose to feel fortunate that I live in a time when there are great alternatives available.

    This is what you need to go by!  I EBF DS and he nursed for 2 years and we had a great experience.  Sure I had some oversupply and clogged ducts, but nothing terrible.   My DD was a crappy nurser.  She couldn't get the milk out of my breasts as evidenced in a weighed feeding (she sucked for 30min straight and only got out less than a third of an oz even though I had plenty of milk in my breast).  My nipples were both bleeding horribly so I began to pump and feed.  Then she ended up with bloody poops and other issues showing that she had food protein allergies.  Tried to take out the foods I *thought* she reacted to and that did not help enough so we chose hypoallergenic formula for her.  It is not perfect, and is not what I wanted for her, but I am grateful that it is an option.  What if I had to keep breastfeeding her and I had to keep seeing her bloody poops and how painful it was for her stomach?! no thank you.  I am grateful for the formula option.   

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  • image jennyann28:
    I'm sorry you had that experience. I find the BF board to be amazingly supportive. I haven't seen anyone get attacked. I do see a lot of honesty, though. The things you mentioned in your post CAN and DO affect supply for a lot of women. It gets brought up a lot on the BF board, but not in judgement, rather in an "be aware that this could happen" tone. Breastfeeding is challenging, especially without support and education. I encourage you to actually make a post over there - you'll find the women have a lot of knowledge to share.

    This.  I don't post there a lot, but what I've seen is a LOT of knowledge about all the details of breastfeeding.  There are very helpful women there.

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  • I'm in the same boat as you and feel sad that I can't exclusively feed my little guy.  I do feel that breastfeeding is a time to bond and it's so good for them.  But we have to feed our children and if it means formula then that's what it needs to be.  Don't feel bad you're doing a great job!
    BFP# 1 4/30/11 - m/c 5/3/11 BFP# 2 8/19/11 - m/c 8/26/11 BFP# 3 10/21/11 - hcg 12 dpo = 179 Progesterone = 20 - hcg 14 dpo = 491 Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • That board made me feel like *** as well! I stopped reading it for about 3 weeks because I cried every time I read a post... I am not using a shield, but I am BF, Pumping and using formula because my supply is so low... I even feel/felt like *** when people as me about it... uuggghhh..

    Emotionally it is starting to get better... and I am starting to not care what other people think, I am doing what I can and I don't think that makes me a bad mother! AND I think you are fabulous for doing what you can for your little one!!

    Stay strong! Stop reading it if you have to... 0-3 month board is much nicer! lol

     

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  • As long as you have a happy healthy baby tell everyone else to mind themselves! You are a good mom!

     

  • image Sherbet Lemon:

    image jennyann28:
    I'm sorry you had that experience. I find the BF board to be amazingly supportive. I haven't seen anyone get attacked. I do see a lot of honesty, though. The things you mentioned in your post CAN and DO affect supply for a lot of women. It gets brought up a lot on the BF board, but not in judgement, rather in an "be aware that this could happen" tone. Breastfeeding is challenging, especially without support and education. I encourage you to actually make a post over there - you'll find the women have a lot of knowledge to share.

    This.  I don't post there a lot, but what I've seen is a LOT of knowledge about all the details of breastfeeding.  There are very helpful women there.

    I agree, I think you have some stuff to work out regarding you own feelings OP.  Its an amazing supportive group and I've never seen anyone try to make someone feel bad about supplementing or switching to FF. 

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  • I understand that you've had a a hard time, breastfeeding can be soooo difficultn my first two weeks were pretty bad. But I've got to agree with PP that I really learned a lot from those ladies!
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  • image jennyann28:
    I'm sorry you had that experience. I find the BF board to be amazingly supportive. I haven't seen anyone get attacked. I do see a lot of honesty, though. The things you mentioned in your post CAN and DO affect supply for a lot of women. It gets brought up a lot on the BF board, but not in judgement, rather in an "be aware that this could happen" tone. Breastfeeding is challenging, especially without support and education. I encourage you to actually make a post over there - you'll find the women have a lot of knowledge to share.

    I agree with this.  I don't think they are trying to make you feel bad, but are being honest.  There are women on there that supplement, use nipple shields, and get frustrated too.  Maybe they weren't speaking up on your post if you posted a question.  I supplement occasionally when my pumping sessions come up a little short for daycare.  No shame in it!

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  • You are doing just fine mama.... Every baby is different and you are doing what is right for YOU and baby. That is the most important thing.

    As long as baby is fed, happy, and gaining weight then you are good to go! It doesn't matter how you go about doing that. 

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  • AmyG*AmyG*
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    Sounds like you really could use the support and knowledge of some of the women on the bf board.

    The honest truth is that a nipple shield may impact your supply, but there are things you can do to improve baby's latch with the shield, and be protective of your supply so the shield doesn't kill it.

    LOTS of women exclusively pump on the bf board.  Eping is full of wonder and annoyance, some are very successful at it, and some struggle mightily.  Most women do end up with supply issues from Eping just because a pump doesn't work as well as a baby to fully empty the breast.  But again, there is a lot of knowledge on the board of experience to make it work as well for you as it can.

    And a lot of women use formula to supplement.  some do it without any tears, and some struggle mightily with the supplement.  Formula is not evil, it has uses.  I've used formula (gasp) cause I couldn't pump effectively at all.

     Being completely unsatisfied with breastfeeding seems to be the definition of newborns--cause they are trying to get back to the instant nutrition they had in utero, and some babies are incredibly pissed off at the idea of feeling hunger, ever!  so they want to nurse non-stop. 

     

    I hope you've visited with an IBCLC LC to do a pre and post nursing session weigh in on a very accurate scale to see how much baby is able to take in at the breast.  Then you can adjust the amount of formula supplementation to meet baby's needs more accurately, and get rid of your worry of overfeeding.  It is very easy to overfeed a breastfed baby with a bottle, because they are lookin for that non-stop sucking thing, so they'll down ounces after ounces just wanting to suck.  But if you are doing a lot of formula, baby will probably need more than the 1 oz per hour that is average for a breastfed baby.

     But after all of that the thing that you really should worry about is the regular birth control pills. yes, I bolded that on purpose.  The worry with regular birth control pills is that the increased estrogen in them will actually kill your milk supply.  The hormones etc are considered safe for a breastfeeding baby--as they are similar to what baby would receive if you are a nursing mom who has started ovulating and having her period.  they are approved by the American Academy of Pediatrics for Breastfeeding mothers.  However, the worry about your supply is definitely warranted.  After your supply is well regulated after about 3 months the worry to your supply from the hormones is not as big of a deal.  but if you have a very young baby, it may indeed kill your supply.  I would ask your dr about other options and do a little research just to be sure there are not other options.  Most breastfeeding mothers take the mini-pill with reasonable success, is that not an option for you?

    It is very easy to take breastfeeding information aimed at other women/baby pairs and try to fit it to you and your situation.  But be very careful, if the shoe doesn't fit, don't force it to fit.  Every situation is different, and every situation requires a bit of a tweak to common breastfeeding advice. 

     Most of the above issues you have you should do the research (on bf board or kellymom.com etc) this is why it's a problem to use nipple shields, but they may be useful in xyz situations(like baby not latching at all, inverted nips), but keep an eye out for these things to happen(lowered supply if you don't  pump after feedings if baby isn't fully emptying breast) and these are signs you can wean off of the shield(baby opening wider, baby readily latching easier, baby showing interest in nip without a shield on it), and this is how you could wean from the shield (try various times of removing shield and trying latching, nursing and then taking if off halfway thru, etc).

    hope you do head over to the bf board and get the assistance you need.

    but even more important, get in person, real life help.

      

     

     

     

     

    AMYG*

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  • You're doing your best to have a healthy child and that it tantamount to any thing else. If that requires that you pump, so be it. If it means making up a bottle of formula, so be it. What keeps your child happy and healthy, as well as YOU happy and healthy is so much more important than the way it's happening! You have a hungry baby that needs to be fed, so feed them. 

    I'm sorry you feel negatively toward the board! And also sorry that you've been made to feel that you are inadequate!!! Nothing could be further from the truth!

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  • image BelleWithABlade:
    image Sherbet Lemon:

    image jennyann28:
    I'm sorry you had that experience. I find the BF board to be amazingly supportive. I haven't seen anyone get attacked. I do see a lot of honesty, though. The things you mentioned in your post CAN and DO affect supply for a lot of women. It gets brought up a lot on the BF board, but not in judgement, rather in an "be aware that this could happen" tone. Breastfeeding is challenging, especially without support and education. I encourage you to actually make a post over there - you'll find the women have a lot of knowledge to share.

    This.  I don't post there a lot, but what I've seen is a LOT of knowledge about all the details of breastfeeding.  There are very helpful women there.

    I agree, I think you have some stuff to work out regarding you own feelings OP.  Its an amazing supportive group and I've never seen anyone try to make someone feel bad about supplementing or switching to FF. 

    This.  I think a lot of what you're feeling is based more on what's going on in your own head, as opposed to whatever is being posted.  But, I think what is going on in your head is VERY COMMON for FTM's.  FTM often haven't got any idea (i know i didn't) just how hard new parenthood and breastfeeding is.  I totally know where you're coming from- I could have written your post 5 years and 3 kids ago.  Believe me, it get's easier! And it sounds like you're doing just fine.  Your baby is being fed and growing, right?  Stop being so hard on yourself. =)  

  • image jennyann28:
    I'm sorry you had that experience. I find the BF board to be amazingly supportive. I haven't seen anyone get attacked. I do see a lot of honesty, though. The things you mentioned in your post CAN and DO affect supply for a lot of women. It gets brought up a lot on the BF board, but not in judgement, rather in an "be aware that this could happen" tone. Breastfeeding is challenging, especially without support and education. I encourage you to actually make a post over there - you'll find the women have a lot of knowledge to share.

    Agreed. They are posting to other BF moms, so i dont think they are out to make you feel badly. It is true that if you are bf, supplementing can really affect your supply and i learned this the hard way with my first. So im sure that was the point trying to get accross. As moms, we do what we need to do, and what is best. Never feel guilty about the decision you made. 

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  • image winter-shock:
    Seriously I am an EBF and i really think every mom needs to do what is best for their baby. Only you can know what, how and when they should feed. Every baby is so different. As long as your baby is content and nourished that is seriously all that matters.  

    This.

    If you want to continue BFing, I would call a lactation consultant; they are amazing and can maybe sort out some of your latch problems...

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  • Don't let stuff like that bother you.  I was on here once and someone compared formula to feeding their baby Cheetos.  It created a huge uproar when really the upset members should have just let it roll of their backs.  I EBF but I honestly don't care what you feed your baby, breast milk or formula....it's feeding your child.  Just don't fill the bottle with soda and I'm fine with what you choose for their meal.
  • Dont feel bad you did what is best for your baby. Im sort of in the same situation..my son has been in NICU since friday and wont be home until this friday. (I cannot wait to get him home!) He will not latch on no matter what. I spent 3 hours up there trying to get him to nurse every single day, he just wants a bottle. So im pumping only for now. Maybe once he gets home we can try to work on latching on again. At least he's getting breastmilk, I just pray I dont dry up.

    But definetley do not feel inferior because of snarky bf'ers. ~Hugs~

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  • Try not to feel bad about it, though I hear what you are saying.  My milk didnt even come in until day 8, DS refused to latch and when he did it hurt so bad I'd rather have another c section.  Then after he lost almost a pound, and he wasnt super big to begin with, we realized I was getting barely 8 oz a day with a hospital grade pump.  So he had to get formula while I went on Domperidone and continued to pump.  Fortunately I now get 22-23 oz a day, and have enough support at home that I am able to continue pumping and providing him that BM, the fact that it sucks and I am chained tonan electric outlet notwithstanding. He still gets formula A couple times a day and that's ok.  I've done all I could and then some.  I am sure you did as well.  As long as your baby is healthy, dont worry about what "they" say. 

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  • I know how you feel, I was not able to EBF the way I had planned my milk never came in I got an ounce total a night then my supply went a way totally. A lot of people made me feel like crap even my old pediatrician told me I wasnt trying hard enough. A good mom does what it takes for her baby to be healthy if that means formula feeding than thats what you do. My son lost 14% of his body weight before I stopped listening to others and got on the formula train. Now he's 10lbs :)
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  • i'm with the others--dont listen to anyone & do what you feel you need to do.  We had problems with our first daughter and I took a lot of crap for what i was doing...Turns out, we were later referred to a specialist and I was assured I was doing what was right for my baby.      

    also, if your child continues to have feeding issues and inconsolable, maybe get her checked out again.  My daughter had some of these issues &breastfeeding became  nightmare.  Turns out she had reflux.  it was called silent gerd...because she never spit up....instead she would reflux and shallow it...made feeding difficult for her and made her cry for hours on end..............So, i'm not saying your child has anything but if you continue to have issues, it is worth looking into.

     other than that...everyone likes to say their way is the best way, but dont understand it may not be the best way for everyone!  Just enjoy the time with the new baby and ignore all the rude comments!! 

  • I was right where you are a not too long ago.  All you can do is do your best and make sure that baby and mommy are happy and healthy.  BF was the hardest thing I have done in my life, and the fact that your hormones are all over the place does not help.  I finally made peace with the fact that formula was ok, and that mommy needed to have sanity.  We have been a much happier household since.  But I know, the BF board is supportive but it can be really hard to see boards about oversupplies and people doing well with BF.  We need a FF board!
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  • Don't worry about the board...you are doing the best that you can.  I am also in the same boat.  my lo is 4 weeks and will no longer latch on....I have been pumping but with feeding him and pumping, I am getting overwhelmed...I give him formula at night, but my husband still feels that lo is not getting enough milk....but when I give him over 4 oz in one feeding, he gets real fussy and acts as though his stomach is hurting....want the best for the baby, and I so want to bf as I did my first son, but will try the breastshields as suggested to see if I can ebf again, if not, will pump until I go back to work in 2 weeks and will try to keep going as long as I can.  I bf my first sons for 2 yrs and was wishing to do the same with this one...best wishes for eveyone!!
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