Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Wish I hadn't ventured over to the breastfeeding board..
I checked out the breastfeeding board yesterday and I really wish I hadn't. It really made me feel like a terrible mother. It seemed like if you do anything other than exclusively breast feed then you're a piece of garbage. It seems like I do everything that the people on this board find completely sinful - I breastfeed with the assistance of a shield because the baby would NOT latch on after she was born, I pump and feed from a bottle, and formula feed on top of breastfeeding/pumping because since two weeks the baby has just been completely unsatisfied with solely breastfeeding. It made me worry my supply is going to bottom out because of the way I feed her and made me worry that since I'm starting birth control in a few days (regular pill) that that will make my supply dry up as well. I also read one reply to a post commenting that the amount one baby was being fed during the day was too much, so then I felt like I've been overfeeding mine and what if I'm setting her up to be an overeater her whole life. Add on top of that that I didn't get a nap yesterday and so of course the baby chose last night to just be totally inconsolable for hours after a week or so of sleeping for very nice 2 to 3 hour stretches, so I was just crying all night while attempting to comfort her and while feeding her. I breastfed her at one point for like 30-45 minutes, she came off and seemed sleepy, then began screaming again, so I sent my husband downstairs to make a bottle of formula, which made me feel like crap and cry even more. Now that it's the next day/daytime I obviously know I was completely over reacting and letting my first time mom-ness make me feel inferior/stupid, but needless to say I don't believe I will be going over to the the breastfeeding board again!
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Re: Wish I hadn't ventured over to the breastfeeding board..
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This! I formula feed & the way I see it, if it isn't you or your baby then you don't have the right to gripe or talk down to anyone about their choice. At first my DH made feel a little bad about not breastfeeding. But then I thought, "They're not your boobs!" Heck, even when I was thinking about pumping, the people in my local WIC office complained - to them even pumping isn't good enough! As long as your baby is getting what is needed, nothing else matters.
I am doing all the same things you are - nursing, pumping, bottle feeding, using formula and a nipple shield - and I know first hand how EXHAUSTING it is! I wish I could just put my baby to my breast and that was that, but it just isn't the case. So instead, we have to figure out what works best for us and our babies instead of EBF and do that and get on with it! I know all those posts you refer to on the breastfeeding board - I'm over there often and there is a lot of good support available there too, but when you're struggling, some of the *strong* opinions can feel very shaming and judgmental. Just ignore them!
Someone on one of these boards relayed a quote from their friend the other day, and I'm probably not going to get it exactly right, but it really stuck with me - it was something to the effect of: Instead of choosing to feel bad/inadequate about not being able to (exclusively) breast feed, I choose to feel fortunate that I live in a time when there are great alternatives available.
Know that you are doing everything you can and being a great mom to your little baby - all of us FTMs are finding our way with our unique LOs and I say if they are eating, sleeping and pooping/peeing - then we're doing a pretty good job!
This is what you need to go by! I EBF DS and he nursed for 2 years and we had a great experience. Sure I had some oversupply and clogged ducts, but nothing terrible. My DD was a crappy nurser. She couldn't get the milk out of my breasts as evidenced in a weighed feeding (she sucked for 30min straight and only got out less than a third of an oz even though I had plenty of milk in my breast). My nipples were both bleeding horribly so I began to pump and feed. Then she ended up with bloody poops and other issues showing that she had food protein allergies. Tried to take out the foods I *thought* she reacted to and that did not help enough so we chose hypoallergenic formula for her. It is not perfect, and is not what I wanted for her, but I am grateful that it is an option. What if I had to keep breastfeeding her and I had to keep seeing her bloody poops and how painful it was for her stomach?! no thank you. I am grateful for the formula option.
This. I don't post there a lot, but what I've seen is a LOT of knowledge about all the details of breastfeeding. There are very helpful women there.
That board made me feel like *** as well! I stopped reading it for about 3 weeks because I cried every time I read a post... I am not using a shield, but I am BF, Pumping and using formula because my supply is so low... I even feel/felt like *** when people as me about it... uuggghhh..
Emotionally it is starting to get better... and I am starting to not care what other people think, I am doing what I can and I don't think that makes me a bad mother! AND I think you are fabulous for doing what you can for your little one!!
Stay strong! Stop reading it if you have to... 0-3 month board is much nicer! lol
As long as you have a happy healthy baby tell everyone else to mind themselves! You are a good mom!
I agree, I think you have some stuff to work out regarding you own feelings OP. Its an amazing supportive group and I've never seen anyone try to make someone feel bad about supplementing or switching to FF.
I agree with this. I don't think they are trying to make you feel bad, but are being honest. There are women on there that supplement, use nipple shields, and get frustrated too. Maybe they weren't speaking up on your post if you posted a question. I supplement occasionally when my pumping sessions come up a little short for daycare. No shame in it!
You are doing just fine mama.... Every baby is different and you are doing what is right for YOU and baby. That is the most important thing.
As long as baby is fed, happy, and gaining weight then you are good to go! It doesn't matter how you go about doing that.
You're doing your best to have a healthy child and that it tantamount to any thing else. If that requires that you pump, so be it. If it means making up a bottle of formula, so be it. What keeps your child happy and healthy, as well as YOU happy and healthy is so much more important than the way it's happening! You have a hungry baby that needs to be fed, so feed them.
I'm sorry you feel negatively toward the board! And also sorry that you've been made to feel that you are inadequate!!! Nothing could be further from the truth!
claudia poirier
Little Dude: 16 Apr. 2009 | Little Doll: 10 Jun. 2012
This. I think a lot of what you're feeling is based more on what's going on in your own head, as opposed to whatever is being posted. But, I think what is going on in your head is VERY COMMON for FTM's. FTM often haven't got any idea (i know i didn't) just how hard new parenthood and breastfeeding is. I totally know where you're coming from- I could have written your post 5 years and 3 kids ago. Believe me, it get's easier! And it sounds like you're doing just fine. Your baby is being fed and growing, right? Stop being so hard on yourself.
Agreed. They are posting to other BF moms, so i dont think they are out to make you feel badly. It is true that if you are bf, supplementing can really affect your supply and i learned this the hard way with my first. So im sure that was the point trying to get accross. As moms, we do what we need to do, and what is best. Never feel guilty about the decision you made.
This.
If you want to continue BFing, I would call a lactation consultant; they are amazing and can maybe sort out some of your latch problems...
Eleanor Noelle - 18/05/12 Claire Elisabeth - 16/-5/10
Dont feel bad you did what is best for your baby. Im sort of in the same situation..my son has been in NICU since friday and wont be home until this friday. (I cannot wait to get him home!) He will not latch on no matter what. I spent 3 hours up there trying to get him to nurse every single day, he just wants a bottle. So im pumping only for now. Maybe once he gets home we can try to work on latching on again. At least he's getting breastmilk, I just pray I dont dry up.
But definetley do not feel inferior because of snarky bf'ers. ~Hugs~
Try not to feel bad about it, though I hear what you are saying. My milk didnt even come in until day 8, DS refused to latch and when he did it hurt so bad I'd rather have another c section. Then after he lost almost a pound, and he wasnt super big to begin with, we realized I was getting barely 8 oz a day with a hospital grade pump. So he had to get formula while I went on Domperidone and continued to pump. Fortunately I now get 22-23 oz a day, and have enough support at home that I am able to continue pumping and providing him that BM, the fact that it sucks and I am chained tonan electric outlet notwithstanding. He still gets formula A couple times a day and that's ok. I've done all I could and then some. I am sure you did as well. As long as your baby is healthy, dont worry about what "they" say.
DH-34-MFI-motility+morphology.... Me-32-Hypothyrpid+LPD
7/8/11: Clomid100mg+Ovidrel+IUI#1=BFN
8/2/11: Clomid50mg+Ovidrel+IUI#2=BFFN
8/25/11: Follistim50iu+Ovidrel+IUI#3=BFP!!!!@14dpo
Beta#1 9/8 - 251 Beta#2 9/15 - 1622 Beta#3 9/22 - 12674
1st U/S; heard one beautiful HB of 129 - 9/29/11
OB visit; HB of 166 - 10/13/11
2nd US; HB of 163 - 10/18/11
A/S - 12/9/11 - It's a perfect healthy BOY!!!!
Our miracle baby boy - born 5/24/12
i'm with the others--dont listen to anyone & do what you feel you need to do. We had problems with our first daughter and I took a lot of crap for what i was doing...Turns out, we were later referred to a specialist and I was assured I was doing what was right for my baby.
also, if your child continues to have feeding issues and inconsolable, maybe get her checked out again. My daughter had some of these issues &breastfeeding became nightmare. Turns out she had reflux. it was called silent gerd...because she never spit up....instead she would reflux and shallow it...made feeding difficult for her and made her cry for hours on end..............So, i'm not saying your child has anything but if you continue to have issues, it is worth looking into.
other than that...everyone likes to say their way is the best way, but dont understand it may not be the best way for everyone! Just enjoy the time with the new baby and ignore all the rude comments!!