3rd Trimester

Cry it out method - something to think about

I'm not advocating for or against the CIO method.  To each his/her own.  I could never do it but what works for each family is different.  I could almost do modified Ferber but, honestly, it depends on the night.  Some nights I know DD is just being a booger; other nights I can tell she needs/wants the nurturing. 

Whatever you decide, I think this article is an interesting read.

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/crying-dangerous-kids-one-expert-says-222400379.html

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Re: Cry it out method - something to think about

  • Thanks for sharing!  Good read for DH and I both!
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  • I saw the Pyschology Today article on this yesterday and definitely found it compelling. Some people seem to think that there are only 2 options in getting LO to go to sleep: cry it out versus the attachment parenting approach. I just want to put out there, that these are not the only options. The Baby Whisperer books are very moderate and while she does advocate structure, her method never requires you to ignore your baby's cries.
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  • I just read this article this morning on Yahoo. An like most I'm not for or against it whatever works for you. Although as a parent you should be able to tell the difference between your child's cry. You know when they are just crying for attention or they actually need you.
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  • image cecilyandgautam:
    The Baby Whisperer books are very moderate and while she does advocate structure, her method never requires you to ignore your baby's cries.

    I'm reading one of her books right now and I really like her style. 

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  • I agree with PP... you need to know the difference between your baby's cries. We have let our LO cry when we know she just misses us or wants to play and not go to sleep... 3 to 5 minutes later she is sleeping just fine. We give her plenty of attention and love all day long, so i don't personally foresee her being "damaged emotionally" because of that. Now if she is sick, in pain, wailing, etc. then of course you should tend to your baby... but my LO has always been a good sleeper, and we plan to help our next LO to learn to self-soothe as well..
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  • I wouldn't compare letting your baby cry for a few nights to not nurturing them and meeting their needs leading to perminant damage! I did the Ferber method and it worked like a dream for DS. It took 3 nights and he never cried more than 30 mins (and we went in to soothe him as ferber says, we didn't just leave him). I guess I was "lucky" it wasn't too long, but I don't see that as I left him to "cry it out" all night long. DS gets constant attention, plenty of hugs, kisses, constant love from us and his family. I don't think 3 nights of crying will effect him whatsoever in the future! That's actually laughable to me, it's so ridiculous! To each his/her own... You never know until you're in the situation what you will do. Never judge... If you read many different books, tried many different techniques, and still you, your DH, and your 8 month old is miserable and exhausted 24/7... you never know. 
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  • image Jillibean85:
    I agree with PP... you need to know the difference between your baby's cries. We have let our LO cry when we know she just misses us or wants to play and not go to sleep... 3 to 5 minutes later she is sleeping just fine. We give her plenty of attention and love all day long, so i don't personally foresee her being "damaged emotionally" because of that. Now if she is sick, in pain, wailing, etc. then of course you should tend to your baby... but my LO has always been a good sleeper, and we plan to help our next LO to learn to self-soothe as well..

    I agree.... Teaching them to self-soothe is extremely important. And you learn their cries and when they really need you! When ds is sick, teething, etc, I'm in his room within seconds when he cries for me. 

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  • Read the link in that article to the article about "cry it out." That parent left their baby to cry for 40 MINUTES. That is not how you are supposed to do it at all, and if that is what they are saying the Ferber method is, then THAT  is what is dangerous.
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  • image heather_09_15_07:
    Read the link in that article to the article about "cry it out." That parent left their baby to cry for 40 MINUTES. That is not how you are supposed to do it at all, and if that is what they are saying the Ferber method is, then THAT  is what is dangerous.

    No that is not the ferber method.... Read his book! You soothe them every few mins. You don't just leave them wailing for hours alone in their room. That's absolutely not the Ferber method. 

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  • image LuckyBride06:

    image heather_09_15_07:
    Read the link in that article to the article about "cry it out." That parent left their baby to cry for 40 MINUTES. That is not how you are supposed to do it at all, and if that is what they are saying the Ferber method is, then THAT  is what is dangerous.

    No that is not the ferber method.... Read his book! You soothe them every few mins. You don't just leave them wailing for hours alone in their room. That's absolutely not the Ferber method. 

    I know, that's what I said. Most people associate Ferber with CIO, don't actually read the book, and think CIO is to just leave the baby crying. That's not it at all.

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  • image heather_09_15_07:
    image LuckyBride06:

    image heather_09_15_07:
    Read the link in that article to the article about "cry it out." That parent left their baby to cry for 40 MINUTES. That is not how you are supposed to do it at all, and if that is what they are saying the Ferber method is, then THAT  is what is dangerous.

    No that is not the ferber method.... Read his book! You soothe them every few mins. You don't just leave them wailing for hours alone in their room. That's absolutely not the Ferber method. 

    I know, that's what I said. Most people associate Ferber with CIO, don't actually read the book, and think CIO is to just leave the baby crying. That's not it at all.

    Exactly! And, that's NOT the ferber method - that's NEGLECT. We personally do not follow the ferber method, but I don't have a problem with those that properly do (like a few of our friends). DD has been a terrible sleeper since day #1. And, unfortunately for us, she's a climber and strong! Before putting her in a big girl bed (after climbing out of 2 different cribs - yes, lowest setting), we would let her cry/fuss for up to 5 minutes, before going in to check on her. We also had a video monitor, so we watched her during this time (want to make sure she's okay). Most of the time, she was out within 2 minutes.

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  • image LuckyBride06:

    image Jillibean85:
    I agree with PP... you need to know the difference between your baby's cries. We have let our LO cry when we know she just misses us or wants to play and not go to sleep... 3 to 5 minutes later she is sleeping just fine. We give her plenty of attention and love all day long, so i don't personally foresee her being "damaged emotionally" because of that. Now if she is sick, in pain, wailing, etc. then of course you should tend to your baby... but my LO has always been a good sleeper, and we plan to help our next LO to learn to self-soothe as well..

    I agree.... Teaching them to self-soothe is extremely important. And you learn their cries and when they really need you! When ds is sick, teething, etc, I'm in his room within seconds when he cries for me. 

     

    Ditto. Teaching your child to self-soothe is crucial, IMO. We did modified CIO with our son and it worked like a charm after 2 nights. He was an awful sleeper before that. Now, we knew his cries by that point and we knew when he was just wanting attention vs. sick/in pain. From about 6 months on to present day, if he cries in the middle of the night, we KNOW something is wrong (sick, bad dream etc) because if he just happens to wake up, he knows how to put himself back to sleep on his own. THAT is what CIO is about, imo.

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  • p.s. Crying for 30 mins for 2 nights or so is WAY better than them getting up and being scared all night and crying for years. I literally know someone whose child did not know how to put himself back to sleep for YEARS and cried every single night when he woke up. Two nights is better than that, IMO.
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  • And some kids don't take to any method...like my DD. We've done it all "No Cry"- "Ferber" and straight up "CIO" for as long as it would take until she exhausted herself and fell asleep, none worked. NONE.- She simply does not want to go to bed in spite of the fact that she's rubbing her eyes and in a horrible mood-she fights us. 

    And I mean we've done literally everything books have to told us, everything our parents have recommended and stuff they didn't. We pushed back her bedtime, we pushed her bedtime forward we've done everything. Every.Single.Night is a struggle to get her to go to sleep. We have a routine and it doesn't matter because she KNOWS that there are certain things we won't say no to- like if she says she hungry/thirsty or she needs to use the potty- we have to give in because not doing so would be abusive and neglectful.

    We start her bedtime routine at 7:30pm- if she's alseep before 9:30 that's a victory for us- because even if she's "in bed" at 8 she's fussing or asking for stuff for an hour after that.

    I guess what I am saying is that no two children are alike and what works for some people doesn't/won't work for others no matter how much you want them to.  I can tell you the frustration level at our house when 7:30 hits is huge. We've been struggling for almost two years with this.

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  • I mostly agree with what everyone said so far.

    I would just like to add that you are simply lucky if your kid is a good sleeper:D 

    m/c - Dec 2005, DS - March 27, 2007, m/c - Oct 2009, DD - Feb 20, 2012

    Proud mother of two breech babies:)

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  • image LillyGrrl:

    And some kids don't take to any method...like my DD. We've done it all "No Cry"- "Ferber" and straight up "CIO" for as long as it would take until she exhausted herself and fell asleep, none worked. NONE.- She simply does not want to go to bed in spite of the fact that she's rubbing her eyes and in a horrible mood-she fights us. 

    And I mean we've done literally everything books have to told us, everything our parents have recommended and stuff they didn't. We pushed back her bedtime, we pushed her bedtime forward we've done everything. Every.Single.Night is a struggle to get her to go to sleep. We have a routine and it doesn't matter because she KNOWS that there are certain things we won't say no to- like if she says she hungry/thirsty or she needs to use the potty- we have to give in because not doing so would be abusive and neglectful.

    We start her bedtime routine at 7:30pm- if she's alseep before 9:30 that's a victory for us- because even if she's "in bed" at 8 she's fussing or asking for stuff for an hour after that.

    I guess what I am saying is that no two children are alike and what works for some people doesn't/won't work for others no matter how much you want them to.  I can tell you the frustration level at our house when 7:30 hits is huge. We've been struggling for almost two years with this.

     

    OMG, I can feel your frustration. Poor thing. I hope your next one is the best sleeper ever.

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  • DD is crying it out right now... after a week of playing the come and get me game (and not getting to bed before 9:00) we decided she needed to stay in the crib.  Period.  She is dry, she is fed, she has her doggie.  It has been 6 minutes and is currently quiet... I think there is a time an a place for CIO.  For what it's worth, I SWORE I would never ever allow my child to CIO, but it was a last resort and the only one that actually worked for us.  We finally tried it at 8 mos. and she never looked back... until this week of course.  We will see how it goes from here on out!
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  • image salt78:

    image cecilyandgautam:
    The Baby Whisperer books are very moderate and while she does advocate structure, her method never requires you to ignore your baby's cries.

    I'm reading one of her books right now and I really like her style. 

    I love these books! By Tracy Hogg - they advocate getting to know your child as an individual, reacting accordingly, and tailoring different methods to suit your family. We've used her "E.A.S.Y." method on my now 2yr old & are starting the 2mo old now.  Even my hubby read this book ;)   

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