2nd Trimester

Husband weirded out by sex...

I think something must be wrong with me husband...he doesnt want to have sex since ive been pregnant. Its making me really feel self consious and just plain ugly. When we talk about it he just gets weird. Maybe there is something wrong with him and its not just that im pregnant...I dont know what to do I cant go the next 4 months with out it and we have only had sex maybe 3 times since iv been pregnant,,, I do blame the first tri on myself tho I wanted nothing to do with sex then. I gues this is just a vent. Am I alone is anybody else going through this?

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Re: Husband weirded out by sex...

  • I know this is going to sound weird but DH and I never wanted to with our first one.  It makes no sense b/c it doesn't affec thte baby but maybe your DH is just weirded out by the baby being there.  I can't explain it any better though.  This pregnancy has been so different and neither one of us can get enough so I hope it gets better for you soon.

  • The reason he doesn't want to have sex probably has nothing to do with you.  You guys should really sit down and talk about it.  MH was wary of sex as he was afraid he'd hurt me or the baby, so I brought him to my doctor's appointment and asked about it there.  She assured him that it was fine. 
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  • Yeah my DH and I aren't having as much of it either. It's mostly because he's a little weirded out that he's not alone in there. He knows he can't hurt the baby but it doesn't change the fact that it seems weird to him. We haven't had any sex not in the (TMI) doggie style position almost the whole time since he was afraid of squishing the kid lol. Men have all these different/weird/normal fears. It pretty much never has anything to do with what we look like (pretty, ugly, big, small) - it's pretty much always relating to the baby in some way. I'd say try to pin him down and talk about it more directly, letting him know how his actions are making you feel. Try to have a sexy something on under a robe so that if he feels like trying it then, you're ready! :)
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  • My DH doesn't have a problem having sex but afterwards he a;ways seems worried about the baby. "You OK?"  "Is the baby alright?" stuff like that. I also dont usually give him and option.
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  • You are not alone! My husband and I just had sex for the first time last week. He told me it has nothing to do with me. He just feels weird having sex with me when there is a baby inside of me. Even after the Dr. told him a couple months ago that it was fine and he would not hurt the baby. Needless to say I doubt we will be having sex again until after the baby is here. The whole thing just freaks him out and with him freaking out it turned me off. I'm honestly okay with it because I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. Sorry for the TMI!
  • My hubby and I continue to have sex during our pregnancy however I noticed he always asks if Im ok, if it hurts or is there a more comfortable position I would like to be in. He is just concerned. Maybe your man is too?
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  • I don't know, mine has never had a problem. With our first, I was sick the whole time and didn't have the energy. This time it hasn't been a problem. 
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  • My husband feels this way too. In first tri we were on pelvic rest, but now he just doesn't want o because he is very weirded out by it. He is afraid he will do something to the baby even though logically he knows he won't. It is going to be a long rest of pregnancy. 
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  • Im sure it has nothing to do with you too. Most likely he has a fear, or finds the adjustment from "wife" to "mom" difficult. I would ask him to open up about it with you- it is best to tackle this kind of stuff early.
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  • We are going through the same thing. My husband is weirded out by a baby being in their (he has specifically said this) and I don't feel sexy being all pregnant looking and stuff. While I'm not embarrassed by being pregnant, I don't want anyone to see me bare skinned. Before I was showing, he was weirded out by simply knowing their was a baby in there and quite frankly I am a little bit, too. We know it doesn't really make sense, but that's just the way it is. He also said to wear a loose nightly or something and then approach him if I did want to do it (sounds kinda bad, but I totally agree)...he said he'll leave it up to me and figured I didn't really want to anyway. He was right, but when I confronted him about it I was just concerned that we weren't going to go back to normal shortly after the baby. ;)
  • My husband is a doctor and even though he knows and understands medically that it won't hurt the baby he is still weirded out by it.  It was the same way with our first pregnancy too.  First tri we didn't have much sex because of how I was feeling and fear of miscarriage, early second tri was a little better till I really started showing than it really slowed down.  Early third tri we pretty much stopped completely because he was afraid it would cause pre-term labor.  Late third tri we forced ourselves a few times to "help" get the baby out... lol.  Then it was nothing for about 10 wks after baby was born because I was so sore.  Slowly we got back to our routine and eventually our normal sex-life returned once the baby was about 6 mos old.  With this pregnancy it's pretty much going the same as the first, I think we have had sex 3 times since the BFP.  I am not going to stress about it, I know it will return to normal after the baby is born. 

    Talk to your husbands about it, about how they feel and you feel but try not to stress to much about it.  In the grand scheme of things pregnancy is a very short period in your life and things will return to normal once you aren't housing a baby in your ute.

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  • It's that this baby is the most important thing in his life and he doesnt want to do anything to cause an MC, even if everyone and their doctor says that cant happen they think it can.
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  • My husband was until I gave him"The what to expect when your execting book", then he realized it was ok. I felt like crap first trimester. I feel better now. We are having sex more but im ripping now and its kinda put it a little on the back burner. (TMI i know) . Hopefully you can talk to him. If he sees it in a book like that  maybe he will think differently. I know my husband is a fact guy, he doesnt go on hearsay. Good luck hun. Its not you!
  • I got my husband The Expectant Father, which has little updates for dads much like my What to Expect Book.  Apparently it told him that not only was it okay, I probably wanted it and he better get some now because after the baby he would be out of luck.  I think it rid him of all doubts.

     

     

  • I am so sick of not getting laid! My husband is super sensitive to what's going on around him... he can't feel stressed out, the TV can't be on, and so many other things for him to want to have sex. He's never had a crazy sex drive, but I always have. Now that I'm pregnant it is even worse. Don't feel like it is you... its not. I'm going through this too and I've chalked it all up to him feeling stressed out.

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  • image laurenharrison:

    I think something must be wrong with me husband...he doesnt want to have sex since ive been pregnant. Its making me really feel self consious and just plain ugly. When we talk about it he just gets weird. Maybe there is something wrong with him and its not just that im pregnant...I dont know what to do I cant go the next 4 months with out it and we have only had sex maybe 3 times since iv been pregnant,,, I do blame the first tri on myself tho I wanted nothing to do with sex then. I gues this is just a vent. Am I alone is anybody else going through this?

    I am definitely going through this.  I think at first I was so sick and miserable that when DH came near me I wouln't want to have sex.  Since 2nd trimester we've done it a few times, but since getting pregnant it's been no more than 5 times I think.  I have moments of feeling like crap, I mean here I am gaining weight and feeling awful about my appearance and my DH doesn't want to have sex with me and now I am starting to pop to the point that its not going to be fun even if we did.  I think this is pretty normal though...hoping at least that things will be normal again after baby.  fingers crossed.

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  • It's totally normal.  My DH is always afraid that we're squishing the twins.  My belly is pretty big, and it does get a little bit squished if he's on top, or if I'm on top.  Those are the only 2 positions that I can 'ummm finish' in. 

     

    Don't think that your DH is the worst man ever, just try to understand men and their weird issues....just as we expect them to understand us with all of our weird hormonal things.

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  • My husband is deployed right now, but when I was pregnant with ds, he felt weird about having sex as soon as I really started showing and he could feel the baby moving.  It also made me feel unattractive and self-conscious as well, but I didn't let it bother me that much.  Things went back to normal after ds was sleeping well enough for me to want sex again, but I don't have a huge sex drive to begin with.
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  • My first pregnancy was fine until she started moving during sex and then it was weird for the both of us haha but it never really stopped us completely, just that time.. although that did turn into the scene from Knocked Up haha

    You should talk to him, explain to him that he can't fit through the cervix to the baby and he should be happy about that, lol :)

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  • Now, I don't know if this is true or not, but in one of my pregnancy books it says the following: "For men, however, desire may slow over the course of your pregnancy. Men who live with pregnant partners produce less testosterone and more of other hormones such as cortisol and prolactin. While this may make your man more relaxed and nurturing, it may also inhibit his sex drive."

    Like I said, I don't know if this is true, but maybe this could be why?

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  • I have to say----with my first one, my husband was totally weirded out by sex...at first I took it personally - then realized that he was concerned about hurting me and the baby.  Apparently he thought he was going to hit the poor kid in the head or something....I let him know not to flatter himself!! LOL

    Then a Sienfeld episode came on one night - it was about exactly this topic and I watched it with my husband...pretty funny.  Think my husband was happy that he was not alone in his thoughts....and I was glad to see that other men are just as weird in their thought process as my husband is.  :)

     

  • My husband is also weirded out when I'm pregnant.  It bothered me a lot my first pregnancy, but after talking about it quite a bit in marriage therapy we all agreed it was just best to let it go-- don't try to force him to "get over it".   But I feel your pain, it was a looong nine months.
  • Unfortunately I am in the same boat.  He gets all worked up and then he says he doesn't want to "do" anything to hurt the baby.  I have not been able to convince him that he want harm the baby.  He is going to my next appt so I can have my doctor tell him that it will be fine.  Good Luck

  • My husband is the same way.  He knows it wont hurt the baby he is just weirded out by the fact that there is a baby.  Your not alone so dont stress out about it.
  • No I am having the same problem too. My SO doesn't want to have sex either and when or if we do I feel like I have to rape him to get it.
  • I was all for sex throughout this pregnancy.  MH however tried to say the same thing where he was weirded out once I finally popped. He said he wanted to stop having sex because the baby was definitely THERE now, there was no pretending like I may have had a couple oreos too much. :P After about a week he came to his senses and realised that he wasn't going to get any after the baby came (not right away anyway) so he's been happy to oblige me whenever I am in the mood or NOT tired as the case may be now that I am further along.  As some PP have said, sit down with him and really hatch out what is bothering him.  It may just be something as simple as MH's thoughts of the baby being right there, or him not feeling comfortable for fear of hurting either one of you.  You should not however feel as though you are ugly or unwanted, and I think that should be one of your first conversations with him. Tell him how it makes you feel not to be "wanted" in a sexual way.  I am sure he will understand and maybe you guys will come to some kind of understanding. xoxo

     

    Best of luck

    Amanda xox

  • my DH is exactly the same!  He was very honest with me and told me straight up that he's very uncomfortable with the idea.   It bothered me a lot at first..... but I am over it now.  He loves me very much and I know that, its just a dry spell!  Once we have the baby.... we'll be making up for it I am sure.  :)  Plus we had a LOT of sex when we were making our little one....

     I feel your pain.  Hang in there, I assure you its not because he isn't attracted to you anymore. 

  • I'd recommend talking to him about it to see if it's because of you or just because he is scared of "hurting" the baby.
    I don't think I had sex once in my 1st trimester, and that was all my decision. I was obviously nauseous and just plain lazy lol. Now that I'm 5 months pregnant and showing, we've been having sex all the time. He loves the belly and he read the men's section in my book, "What to Expect when You're Expecting" early on so he's never come to me with any concerns. In our situation, feeling the baby kick made us more attracted to each other sexually because we were just so happy that we made a baby and not at all freaked out. It's different for everyone though.

    Definitely talk with your husband and let him know how it is affecting your self-esteem. The last thing a pregnant woman needs to feel is ugly!! Hopefully he's just a little nervous. The previous posts about showing him a book or article about it should calm any fears he may have.

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  • I think if you tell him that you want to have sex, he may warm up to the idea. Even though he is nervous, let him know that this is something he can help with and (dare I say it?) FIX IT. If your DH is anything like mine, he will jump on the chance to help you through this. Be honest. Talk about your feelings and don't put him on the spot. hope everything works out.

    God Bless

  • With my last pregnancy, my husband was hands-off since the 1st time he felt the baby move Sad

    I wasn't very interested in sex during the 1st trimester because of morning (aka all day) sickness, but as soon as that was over I sure was.

    I was so mad at him.  I even told him to suck it up, lol.  Looking back I can see how he must have been totally weirded out by it all. Hopefully this time around he won't feel the same Wink

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