2nd Trimester
Husband weirded out by sex...
I think something must be wrong with me husband...he doesnt want to have sex since ive been pregnant. Its making me really feel self consious and just plain ugly. When we talk about it he just gets weird. Maybe there is something wrong with him and its not just that im pregnant...I dont know what to do I cant go the next 4 months with out it and we have only had sex maybe 3 times since iv been pregnant,,, I do blame the first tri on myself tho I wanted nothing to do with sex then. I gues this is just a vent. Am I alone is anybody else going through this?
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Re: Husband weirded out by sex...
I know this is going to sound weird but DH and I never wanted to with our first one. It makes no sense b/c it doesn't affec thte baby but maybe your DH is just weirded out by the baby being there. I can't explain it any better though. This pregnancy has been so different and neither one of us can get enough so I hope it gets better for you soon.
The brothers I Rule and OMG! with their faithful sidekickFootFoot.
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
My husband is a doctor and even though he knows and understands medically that it won't hurt the baby he is still weirded out by it. It was the same way with our first pregnancy too. First tri we didn't have much sex because of how I was feeling and fear of miscarriage, early second tri was a little better till I really started showing than it really slowed down. Early third tri we pretty much stopped completely because he was afraid it would cause pre-term labor. Late third tri we forced ourselves a few times to "help" get the baby out... lol. Then it was nothing for about 10 wks after baby was born because I was so sore. Slowly we got back to our routine and eventually our normal sex-life returned once the baby was about 6 mos old. With this pregnancy it's pretty much going the same as the first, I think we have had sex 3 times since the BFP. I am not going to stress about it, I know it will return to normal after the baby is born.
Talk to your husbands about it, about how they feel and you feel but try not to stress to much about it. In the grand scheme of things pregnancy is a very short period in your life and things will return to normal once you aren't housing a baby in your ute.
I got my husband The Expectant Father, which has little updates for dads much like my What to Expect Book. Apparently it told him that not only was it okay, I probably wanted it and he better get some now because after the baby he would be out of luck. I think it rid him of all doubts.
I am so sick of not getting laid! My husband is super sensitive to what's going on around him... he can't feel stressed out, the TV can't be on, and so many other things for him to want to have sex. He's never had a crazy sex drive, but I always have. Now that I'm pregnant it is even worse. Don't feel like it is you... its not. I'm going through this too and I've chalked it all up to him feeling stressed out.
I am definitely going through this. I think at first I was so sick and miserable that when DH came near me I wouln't want to have sex. Since 2nd trimester we've done it a few times, but since getting pregnant it's been no more than 5 times I think. I have moments of feeling like crap, I mean here I am gaining weight and feeling awful about my appearance and my DH doesn't want to have sex with me and now I am starting to pop to the point that its not going to be fun even if we did. I think this is pretty normal though...hoping at least that things will be normal again after baby. fingers crossed.
It's totally normal. My DH is always afraid that we're squishing the twins. My belly is pretty big, and it does get a little bit squished if he's on top, or if I'm on top. Those are the only 2 positions that I can 'ummm finish' in.
Don't think that your DH is the worst man ever, just try to understand men and their weird issues....just as we expect them to understand us with all of our weird hormonal things.
My first pregnancy was fine until she started moving during sex and then it was weird for the both of us haha but it never really stopped us completely, just that time.. although that did turn into the scene from Knocked Up haha
You should talk to him, explain to him that he can't fit through the cervix to the baby and he should be happy about that, lol
Now, I don't know if this is true or not, but in one of my pregnancy books it says the following: "For men, however, desire may slow over the course of your pregnancy. Men who live with pregnant partners produce less testosterone and more of other hormones such as cortisol and prolactin. While this may make your man more relaxed and nurturing, it may also inhibit his sex drive."
Like I said, I don't know if this is true, but maybe this could be why?
I have to say----with my first one, my husband was totally weirded out by sex...at first I took it personally - then realized that he was concerned about hurting me and the baby. Apparently he thought he was going to hit the poor kid in the head or something....I let him know not to flatter himself!! LOL
Then a Sienfeld episode came on one night - it was about exactly this topic and I watched it with my husband...pretty funny. Think my husband was happy that he was not alone in his thoughts....and I was glad to see that other men are just as weird in their thought process as my husband is.
Unfortunately I am in the same boat. He gets all worked up and then he says he doesn't want to "do" anything to hurt the baby. I have not been able to convince him that he want harm the baby. He is going to my next appt so I can have my doctor tell him that it will be fine. Good Luck
I was all for sex throughout this pregnancy. MH however tried to say the same thing where he was weirded out once I finally popped. He said he wanted to stop having sex because the baby was definitely THERE now, there was no pretending like I may have had a couple oreos too much. :P After about a week he came to his senses and realised that he wasn't going to get any after the baby came (not right away anyway) so he's been happy to oblige me whenever I am in the mood or NOT tired as the case may be now that I am further along. As some PP have said, sit down with him and really hatch out what is bothering him. It may just be something as simple as MH's thoughts of the baby being right there, or him not feeling comfortable for fear of hurting either one of you. You should not however feel as though you are ugly or unwanted, and I think that should be one of your first conversations with him. Tell him how it makes you feel not to be "wanted" in a sexual way. I am sure he will understand and maybe you guys will come to some kind of understanding. xoxo
Best of luck
Amanda xox
RME
my DH is exactly the same! He was very honest with me and told me straight up that he's very uncomfortable with the idea. It bothered me a lot at first..... but I am over it now. He loves me very much and I know that, its just a dry spell! Once we have the baby.... we'll be making up for it I am sure.
Plus we had a LOT of sex when we were making our little one....
I feel your pain. Hang in there, I assure you its not because he isn't attracted to you anymore.
I'd recommend talking to him about it to see if it's because of you or just because he is scared of "hurting" the baby.
I don't think I had sex once in my 1st trimester, and that was all my decision. I was obviously nauseous and just plain lazy lol. Now that I'm 5 months pregnant and showing, we've been having sex all the time. He loves the belly and he read the men's section in my book, "What to Expect when You're Expecting" early on so he's never come to me with any concerns. In our situation, feeling the baby kick made us more attracted to each other sexually because we were just so happy that we made a baby and not at all freaked out. It's different for everyone though.
Definitely talk with your husband and let him know how it is affecting your self-esteem. The last thing a pregnant woman needs to feel is ugly!! Hopefully he's just a little nervous. The previous posts about showing him a book or article about it should calm any fears he may have.
I think if you tell him that you want to have sex, he may warm up to the idea. Even though he is nervous, let him know that this is something he can help with and (dare I say it?) FIX IT. If your DH is anything like mine, he will jump on the chance to help you through this. Be honest. Talk about your feelings and don't put him on the spot. hope everything works out.
God Bless
With my last pregnancy, my husband was hands-off since the 1st time he felt the baby move
I wasn't very interested in sex during the 1st trimester because of morning (aka all day) sickness, but as soon as that was over I sure was.
I was so mad at him. I even told him to suck it up, lol. Looking back I can see how he must have been totally weirded out by it all. Hopefully this time around he won't feel the same
I feel very sad for so many of you....I wish I could get my husband on here to talk to ya'lls husbands and/or boyfriends.
At first my hubby was a little weird about the pregnancy sex thing, but now he'll tell ya, it's the best sex in the world!! It really is....the 2nd trimester especially....by this point our hormones have pretty much leveled, we are no longer stuck with our heads in the toilet, we haven't yet got so big as to be uncomfortable...and not to be too personal but lets face it, everything is...shall we say..."primed" and ready to go. I can only speak for myself but I will say that on my end, I've never had an orgasm like the ones I had while pregnant!!
I feel like I am just repeating what everyone else has said LOL...but it is true...talk to him about it but be firm and serious...let him know how it is making you feel...the last thing you need is to feel self concious and dont, it is NOT YOU, it is him LOL
I am going onto my 2nd tri and was not nauseas or anything else, feel pretty normal, so my husband has been at me every day!!! I might as well enjoy it though...who knows how he we feel once the bump starts to really show...good luck!!!
Hubs and I had a discussion about this two nights ago. I knew he was freaked out, and wanted to get him talking about it. He admitted that he felt like our previous miscarriage was his fault, because I miscarried the day after we got back from a very romantic weekend getaway...had never told me that before. Logically, he knows that didn't cause it, but it still broke my heart to know he's been carrying that around with him for almost a year. Don't know how much progress we made in the bedroom, but at least we laid our feelings out there.
I think this is something a lot of guys fear - in our case those fears kind of played out. Be patient, encourage him, do your best to arm him with info, and get him talking. Good luck!!
When we found out we were pregnant with our first - my husband apologetically admitted he was was not interested in having sex knowing that the baby was inside me. Haha. I told him I can appreciate that but that he would have to get over it because, at this point, there is no reason not to and that I don't consider being celibate for 7 more months fun. I also told him what other people have told me about the sex supposedly being much better while pregnant.
He eventually came around (slowly) and we are almost back on a normal frequency. I must admit - I don't know what will happen to our sex lives once I start getting bigger.
I don't think it is at all unusual for husbands to freak out a little. My sister and brother in law didn't have sex 1 time after they found out she was pregnant.
My husband literally did not have sex with me for 7 months with my last son. He gave me the sex look right after the baby was born.
This time however we have been active. It has nothing to do with your appearance. He probably feels like he might hurt the baby.
I know you have gotten tons of replies to this, but another perspective can't hurt.