1st Trimester

Speaking of who should/nt be in the delivery room...

I have a question for all of you, my DH is adamant that he is the only one allowed in the delivery room when it comes time for me to push. What do you ladies think? Is that fair? Should he get to dictate who is in there? Has anyone else had this discussion or one similar? What are your opinions? TIA!!!

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
«13

Re: Speaking of who should/nt be in the delivery room...

  • I still think that you are the patient and the one giving birth so you are the one who decides is in the room.  If having your mom there is comforting to you, then so be it. 

    Now if your mom is outright rude and disrespectful to your DH then I Ican see where he is coming from. 

  • Well I think its up to you and what makes you feel most comfortable..because Its happening to you lol. Your pushing. Me personally I only want my fiance in the room. My mom and sisters keep bugging but they agrivate me on a good day...i cant imagine when im in labor how much they will bug me.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Personally I do not want anyone else in there at all.  I see his point.  This is something for the 2 of you to share, this is your baby.  Everyone else will see the baby and you soon after.  I think that moment is for the 3 of you to enjoy.  I know my DH is so excited to go out and tell everyone in the waiting room if it is a boy or a girl and all the stats!  That is the only thing DH really gets, the rest is all about you and the baby.
    imageAnniversaryimageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • My husband and I talked about it. It was interesting to try to convince him to let my mom be there for the moment as well. But I told him that this will be my mom's first biological grandchild. My siblings are all adopted and have kids but my mom wasn't there for any of them. I told him for our other children I would just want him and me. He was fine with it. It's really up to the women I think who she wants there. It's more her who needs the support of people by her side.
    BabyFruit Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think that it is definitely something you have to learn to agree on. My husband and I are actually opposite of you. I wanted it to be just me and him but he would like my mom in there. My mother is fantastic and she is very important in our lives but I never pictured her in there while I was giving birth. We have discussed it a little bit and have agreed to talk about it again later. I think that just becuase we are the ones giving birth doesn't give us final say though. So I hope we end up agreeing on it. I would suggest discussing why each of you feels the way you do about the subject. IF he understands why you want so and so in there he might agree to it. Or if you understand why he wants it just the two of you, you might agree to it... Just talk.....
    image
  • DH has not said no one else can be in the room, but I think we both agree, that I just don't want all eyes on "all of me" if you know what I mean.  I am worried about the labor piece in general, so the fewer people there the better for me.  I don't think my parents would ever expect to be in there anyhow. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I believe it's your ladybits, your decision.

    I had my mom and DH during labor.  Thankful that my mom was there since it lasted 31 hours and DH went home for 7 hours the 2nd day.   

    However, I always knew that when it caming pushing and actual delivery, I just wanted it to be me and him.   (didn't matter, ended with a csecetion so he was the only one allowed anyway)

    image
    TTC#1 Chart
    TTC#2 Chart
    IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
    IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09) AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
    beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    image
    it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
  • Well I think he gets a small say about who is there. No way should he say someone is in there that you don't want! But if he wants just the two of you, it's something to think about. You could compromise and have your mom with you while you labor.
  • He and my mom get along great.  He is just adamant that the father is the only one allowed, I have tried to discuss it b/c quite frankly this is my first kid and I have no idea if I will want my mom in there or not.  It just stinks that if I decide I want my mom in there the idea is already shot down w/o discussion.  Thanks for all of the ideas and perspectives.  Definitely things to think about.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • DH and I haven't had such a conversation but I would want my DH and my mom.  My mom is very good at not over stepping her boundaries, but her presence will be very comforting for me.  She is the type of person that can sense my emotions and can stay calm which in turn helps me be calm.  Now if I have to have a C-section then of course my DH will be the only one there.
    image





    image
  • DH has left the decision up to me.  I do not want anyone other than DH at the hospital.  Period.  He is to call NO ONE when I go into labor.  He can only call after the baby is born.

     

  • I thought DH would want it to be just us, and I thought I wanted that too it didn't turn out that way with DD. I thought DH would feel weird about getting emotional in front of other people but he cried and I didn't oddly enough. My mom and his mom were with us the second day of my induction and then my sister showed up later on to help me out since I wanted to go drug free (which didn't happen) By the end of the whole thing I was so exhausted and didn't care who was in the room, so all 3 of them stayed. Plus, I had my water broken and was on a birthing ball for a lot of my labor but had to keep getting up to go to the bathroom so my mom and MIL would help unhook all the monitors and helped wipe my amniotic fluid off the floor every time I got up..how can you be like "ok can you please leave the room for pushing?" after all of that.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • image Newts Mommy:
    He and my mom get along great.  He is just adamant that the father is the only one allowed, I have tried to discuss it b/c quite frankly this is my first kid and I have no idea if I will want my mom in there or not.  It just stinks that if I decide I want my mom in there the idea is already shot down w/o discussion.  Thanks for all of the ideas and perspectives.  Definitely things to think about.

    Hmm then I think he needs to understand that you are the one in extreme pain and scared out of your mind and if having your mom there is comforting to YOU and will make YOUR birth experince more pleasant than he needs to consider that.  It's not all about him either. 

  • something to think about - my mom was the one who ran out and picked up food for DH at one point in the middle of the night.
    image
    TTC#1 Chart
    TTC#2 Chart
    IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
    IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09) AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
    beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    image
    it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
  • It's no use fighting with him about it, it doesn't matter what I want, he cares about what I think and what I want, but I don't know why I would bother to tell him because it's not like it would change anything, he will still say no absolutely not to having anyone other than the two of us in there.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I just think that it's weird to have everyone in the room..sisters, cousins, friends, moms... IMHO...too many cooks in the kitchen.

    Giving birth is a personal thing that my husband and I will share..and I would like to keep it that way. 

    Photobucket Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image Newts Mommy:

    It's no use fighting with him about it, it doesn't matter what I want, he cares about what I think and what I want, but I don't know why I would bother to tell him because it's not like it would change anything, he will still say no absolutely not to having anyone other than the two of us in there.

    Really?  Wow. 

  • I think it should be an equal decision but you get more pull with it. Come a mutual decision.
    [PM me for the link to my blog]
    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • He said I am more than welcome to have someone else in there but it will be a huge fight. I'm giving up on it...it's no use, I have the decision to have someone else in there and have a fight, or decide to just let him make the decision and there will be no fight but it might not be what I want, how on earth is that a decision?
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Honest question what is your opinion on why the woman get's more pull with it?
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I just think that this isn't an issue like what to name the baby or how to decorate the nursery.  You are the one who is spread eagle, in excrutiating pain, who is pooping, sweating, peeing, bleeding all over herself and is also scared of what is happening, so you have more weight so to speak.    If having your mom there makes you more comfortable and she can offer words of wisdom and encouragement that your husband can't ( because hey she has been there before), then you should have her there.  I mean unless she is going to push your husband out of the way and cut the umbilical cord or try to catch the baby.  This way once the baby is born he can go to the baby and be with him/her and your mom can be there for you. 
  • image Newts Mommy:
    Honest question what is your opinion on why the woman get's more pull with it?

    It is YOUR body. It may be his child but it is also YOUR child. You have just as much right and more to make this decision. I am kind of thinking your DH is being a jerk right now.


    J13 October siggy challenge: Halloween Fail
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Follow Me on Pinterest

    Formerly meimsx
  • image stw_77:
    I just think that this isn't an issue like what to name the baby or how to decorate the nursery.  You are the one who is spread eagle, in excrutiating pain, who is pooping, sweating, peeing, bleeding all over herself and is also scared of what is happening, so you have more weight so to speak.    If having your mom there makes you more comfortable and she can offer words of wisdom and encouragement that your husband can't ( because hey she has been there before), then you should have her there.  I mean unless she is going to push your husband out of the way and cut the umbilical cord or try to catch the baby.  This way once the baby is born he can go to the baby and be with him/her and your mom can be there for you. 

    I never thought of posing this to him...doubt it would change his mind, but it is something for him to chew on. Thanks.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image Newts Mommy:

    image stw_77:
    I just think that this isn't an issue like what to name the baby or how to decorate the nursery.  You are the one who is spread eagle, in excrutiating pain, who is pooping, sweating, peeing, bleeding all over herself and is also scared of what is happening, so you have more weight so to speak.    If having your mom there makes you more comfortable and she can offer words of wisdom and encouragement that your husband can't ( because hey she has been there before), then you should have her there.  I mean unless she is going to push your husband out of the way and cut the umbilical cord or try to catch the baby.  This way once the baby is born he can go to the baby and be with him/her and your mom can be there for you. 

    I never thought of posing this to him...doubt it would change his mind, but it is something for him to chew on. Thanks.

    A vaginal birth isn't an option for me so having my mom in the operating room isn't going to happen.  However, if she could be there, I would want her there for that very reason you highlighted.  Plus, my husband would be more than happy to do that for me considering I am the one having major surgery.  Honestly, when he left to be with DD I did wish there was someone there next to me besides the anethesiologist. 

  • He says that if I make the decision then I am dictating to him who is going to be there and who isn't, but if he makes the decision then he's dictating to me...I just don't see a compromise here.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • You really need to stand up for yourself and what you want out of your birthing process.  I understand he is the father and his role is incredibly important right now, but he is treating you like you are an incubator for his child and not like an equal. 
  • image stw_77:
    You really need to stand up for yourself and what you want out of your birthing process.  I understand he is the father and his role is incredibly important right now, but he is treating you like you are an incubator for his child and not like an equal. 

    This!! A million times this!! Honestly all of this but mostly the bold. Well said.


    J13 October siggy challenge: Halloween Fail
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Follow Me on Pinterest

    Formerly meimsx
  • DH wanted to be just us in the delivery room. I really wanted my mom and my MIL was really pushing to be in there too (she wanted to video tape everything...ya right!) 

    DH said a comment I that was really profound "No one was there watching when we made the baby why is it okay they are there for the delivery of the baby"  

    It really is a magical and sacred time. I thought I would miss my moms great support, but I didn't. DH isn't an emotional person and not a "you can do it" kind of person in nature so I had my concerns. My mom was there when I had contractions (everyone was allowed in the room at that point) and she really helped me get past the pain, but once I got an epi and it was time to push every one left and really I didn't "need" anyone.  

    Also DH became really supportive, emotional and encouraging. He was amazed what the human body is capable of doing and was really there for me. If my mom or someone else was present I don't think he would be able to show that side of himself so easily. I have no regrets!  

    ETA: DH also would tell me that by having my mom there for emotional support I am not giving him the opportunity to  be in a role he should be in as a husband. I am already choosing my mom over him and pushing him aside. I agreed and told him that when I start pushing and feel I need my mom (after he has had an opportunity to be supportive) then that is my choice and a nurse would go get my mom. I found that I didn't need my mom and he was very supportive.  

    On the Mini pill, ebfing, and no AF ever.....16 months apart!

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

    image]
  • When I was pregnant, DH had told me that he only wanted it to be him, me, nurses, doctors in room. No moms or other family members. I had told him that if I felt like my mom needed to be there, that I would have her in the room. My mom is an RN so I felt like if I needed her support that I would ask her to be in the room. 

    I was induced so while I was laboring, etc, my mom was in the room ALL day. His mom was in there for a little while in the am, but once I started getting heavy contrax she left. Right before I started to push, I had some family and close friends in the room just saying hi, good luck, etc. Once it was time to push, EVERYONE left the room except for the three nurses, dh, and my ob. I was very glad with my decision. Our families were very involved in the whole pregnancy, so it was nice to have just dh and medical staff in room. It was also good because there was meconium in the fluid so we had to have two extra nurses in the room. Once my DD was born, they took her over to the side of the room to clean her out and make sure her lungs were clear. If other family was in the room, I know it would have been very stressful.

    When I get pregnant with another one, I am SURE we will do the same thing. You have to remember, it is a very special moment, and you may not want a lot of people in the room. Family can spend as much time with you and baby after but it was nice to have that ALONE time with DH. I know my mom's feelings were hurt but she got over it and had to respect my decision. 

  • While I agree that it is a special moment between you and your DH I also think she should have some say in the matter. I have been in the Just DH boat for a long time but if I wanted my mother in there then I think my DH should at least consider that option. It just seems too controlling to me. Its her baby too and furthermore its her body. While she may change her mind when it comes down to decision time I think she should have the option to have her mother in the room if she wants it.

    J13 October siggy challenge: Halloween Fail
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Follow Me on Pinterest

    Formerly meimsx
«13
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards