Weekly Randoms - week of 1/9

lulu1180

Chat away gang!

adirat

The head of our department pretty famously doesn't like dealing with personnel issues. We have a couple real duds floating around who are difficult to work with and don't do any work. (We also have a few people who are one of those things, but not both; the double whammy is the issue here.) For various reasons I had to write an email today bringing up my concerns and issues with a particular coworker that I just knew our department head was just going to ignore and downplay. I was super stressed out to send it. I didn't want to have to be the only person willing to say something! But then you know what happened? Our department head replied almost immediately, thanked me for the comments, and asked my permission to share this information with the person in a performance review. WHAT. It's like she was replaced by a personnel-issue-resolving pod person. 

bluejeanbabi05

@adirat yay for the personality transplant! Maybe that's a sign that this week is going to be fantastic for you fx

Ok bear with me ladies because I have a cheesy random. I've been active here only a couple weeks now but I am so incredibly grateful I found this community. Everyone is so genuinely supportive, funny and kind. I want to get KU so badly but part of me also doesn't want to run away too quickly because I feel like I'm really starting to get to know and care so much about so many of you. 

Also I'm legit addicted to bumping.

Ok end of cheesy.

lulu1180

@adirat I'm so happy you did not get the response you expected!!  In my past position I think I was deemed the difficult one. I didn't fit in with the cliquey people and more than once my supervisor took me aside and told me about different complaints....one was that I came across as rude or unfriendly, one was that I made a comment about how someone's clothes fit/their weight and the other was that I made a comment (jokingly) about how someone will want to step up their game and bring in something more than bagels for our weekly department breakfast.  Needless to say I was happy to leave the department when I got a promotion back in June

lulu1180

@bluejeanbabi05 I totally get that!! It's like I want to get KTFU so badly but at the same time I don't want to leave all of these amazing ladies that I have come to think of as friends!

adirat

@lulu1180 I'm sure there are people in my department who think I am mean. But I am only mean to people who are incompetent. 


@bluejeanbabi05

lulu1180

Ladies......I just found out I weigh more than DH  and this is how I feel right now.  I guess no more wine and double stuf Oreo CD1 binges for me   

JNCPro3130

@adirat yay for a positive response! I'm non confrontational so writing to complain about a coworker makes me so uncomfortable. Hopefully they'll follow up and do something about the problem employee.

My random is how exhausted I am and it's only Tuesday morning! My day hasn't even started and I just want to go back to bed. I can't express this to my team at work because everything means "OMG! You're pregnant?!" Why isn't it Friday yet?!

slaven

We just found out today that we're going to Fort Drum, NY in a few months so now I'm stressing about finding a job since it's an hour to Syracuse which is the nearest big(ish) city. My job now pays really well and I'd hate to take a major pay cut. I did a bit of searching today and a lot of it is basic administration which I don't mind doing but no one pays a secretary over $20/hour. 

If anyone happens to know a place that does project management/community development/regional planning/etc. in Jefferson county, NY let me know lol 

BertieMeetsGertie

@lulu1180 I think my DH and I are probably very close in weight. I remember one time he put on my jeans by accident and they fit! He looked ridiculous, but still! 

[Deleted User]

@lulu1180. Arghh, I'm sorry about the weight struggles.  I was at that place before, too, more than DH, <gulp> and honestly that was a huge wakeup call for me that I'm sure helped motivate me to get my butt in gear.  (((Hugs))) I have gained a lot back in this past year of tttc, so I'm kind of excited about having this be another year my weight goes back DOWN, :) instead of up... 

canonmom413

Here's something pretty random. I always wonder if true ob/gyns come on here lurk together and have a blast with a glass of wine reading some of the things they see on the bump. 

RedBreast35

canonmom413 said:

Here's something pretty random. I always wonder if true ob/gyns come on here lurk together and have a blast with a glass of wine reading some of the things they see on the bump. 

Haha, some of them could probably learn a lot if they did lurk here!
Along those lines, the first time I saw my RE, she was impressed with my charts and that I knew what she was talking about when it came to meds, IUI, and stuff like that, so I told her I spent a lot of time doing research on the interwebz.  She was all "The internet has a lot of great information on it, but just stay away from the message boards!" or something like that.  I bit my tongue from telling her that my best source of info was this place!

lulu1180

@BertieMeetsGertie @BusinessWife It's only 3 lbs but still more than I want to be (and admittedly up about 30 lbs since June.  I am making a real attempt at eating better and am using an app I found called lifesum to track what I'm eating and hopefully maybe it will help lead to my bfp....

A girl can dream can't she!

@canonmom413 That hasn't ever crossed my mind until now, but it is kind of an entertaining thought

heatherdubrow

@adirat  yay for a pleasant surprise!

@lulu1180  I have totally been there with my weight. I've been on a weightloss journey the past couple months just trying to feel healthier but before that it was really upsetting.


I have big plans today to clean the house and go to barre...we're also planning a big move this summer so figuring out some details/logistics for that as well.

hartmich

@lulu1180 I am right there with you. H is super slim and always has been, and truly struggles to put ON weight. Meanwhile, I've crept above him and it's not a comfortable place to be. I'm trying to cut out a lot of grain-based carbs because that honestly keeps me from overeating and crossing my fingers the scale finally moves down instead of up! 

adirat

Totally feeling the weight issues here... I have gained about 10 lbs since starting ttc because it feels pointless to watch my weight when I was certain I'd be ktfu any day now... Eye roll... When I see the RE I plan to ask if there are fertility-friendly diets I should be undertaking. My endocrinologist said there's no point beyond avoiding soy but I know that isn't what many of you have heard from REs. 

heatherdubrow

@hartmich that's exactly what I've been doing and I feel like it's working for me. With my pcos (not insulin resistant) carbs are the enemy! I look at a slice of bread and gain weight

@adirat my RE never really encouraged any type of diet for me, but maybe other RE's are more natural minded 

lulu1180

adirat said:

Totally feeling the weight issues here... I have gained about 10 lbs since starting ttc because it feels pointless to watch my weight when I was certain I'd be ktfu any day now... Eye roll... When I see the RE I plan to ask if there are fertility-friendly diets I should be undertaking. My endocrinologist said there's no point beyond avoiding soy but I know that isn't what many of you have heard from REs. 

Yes to this!!!!!!  Except I've gained closer to 30 lbs

hartmich

@heatherdubrow I did a lot of reading about PCOS and it definitely seems like carbs are the enemy... sadly.  I'm glad to hear it's working for you, I need to stick with it. I went away this past weekend to celebrate a friend's 30th birthday, and between the food, beer & wine, I'm up even MORE on the scale. Starting over again as of yesterday. 

@adirat The RE yesterday asked if I was doing any specific diet, but never commented either way. Stupidly, I didn't ask what she thought! Why does that always happen with doctors? 

adirat

@lulu1180 Yep! Plus my husband (coming from an Italian family) thinks it's really important to eat a lot in order to get pregnant so he is not helpful!

@hartmich I know what you mean. Give me all the information you have! I will seriously try anything! (I mean, I am even trying the "relax and it'll happen" BS so...) I am putting together a list of questions to ask the RE because otherwise I know I'm going to forget all of them, and one is going to be about diets both for me and for DH. He will never eat healthy unless a doctor says it (I suppose in all honesty it also remains to be seen if he will do it if a doctor suggests it but...).

jsnakehole

This week has been dragging! Thankfully my principal is out for the day so work is the slightest bit less stressful. I'm just trying to get through until Thursday- I take a burlesque dance class that meets then!

heatherdubrow

@hartmich good for you for getting back at it! It really does help, I feel almost normal when I'm not eating a lot of carbs. I also started taking inositol which is supposed to be good for pcos and that has really improved my mood and carb cravings

lund

@lulu1180 @adirat  I've gained about 25 lbs since starting TTC. And I confess that, when we were first TTC, I was silently judgey towards people who said that they gained weight due to TTC stress.  Needless to say, I've now been put firmly in my place. Sometimes I can't believe what an ignorant douchenozzle I was in the early days of TTC.

In a way I'm lucky that DH struggles with his weight too... not that I wish the weight struggle on anyone, but we're able to relate to each other, as well as work on eating well and working out together. It would be really tough to have a DH who could eat whatever he wants and not gain weight. 

adirat

@LuND I hear you there friend. I recently angrily (like really angrily) defended the alcoholism of the narrator of The Girl on the Train when someone said, "I found it hard to believe that she'd go off the deep end just because an IVF didn't take" and I was like 

lund

@adirat do you think we should do a check-in thread for the ttc & fertility diet thread? Or just revive the old thread?

adirat

@LuND I'd be happy for it to be a weekly thread. I considered starting it for this week but didn't because (a) I'm not picking anything until I see the RE later this month and (b) there wasn't a ton of discussion so I wasn't sure if others were interested? But now that the new year is actually here, I wonder if it will pick up more?

lulu1180

@adirat Some people can be such insensitive pricks!  Until you have struggled TTC you have no idea what people are capable of in a situation like that.  I could absolutely see that happening IRL after the struggles I've been through already.

hartmich

LuND said:

*SNIP*
In a way I'm lucky that DH struggles with his weight too... not that I wish the weight struggle on anyone, but we're able to relate to each other, as well as work on eating well and working out together. It would be really tough to have a DH who could eat whatever he wants and not gain weight. 

I can vouch that this is extremely difficult and annoying! He can literally shovel in cupcakes and fried mozzarella sticks, and then whine he didn't gain anything. Meanwhile, if I even look at what he is eating, I gain 3 pounds. 

lund

@adirat OMG I would've been right there with you defending the narrator!  

adirat

@lulu1180 Yeah I'm basically already on the verge of self-medicating alcoholism and we haven't even gotten to the RE yet. DH has come around on IVF so I am feeling less distraught than I was before (not that IVF is a guarantee of bfp, but it's a game-changer), but if we go in and learn that our chances are 1%, I'm just saying any would-be murderers on my commuter train line should watch the fuck out. 

heatherdubrow

@adirat I would defend that too! Wanting a child and not being able to have one is one of life's cruelest realities. I judge no one for how they handle that pain.

lulu1180

@adirat @heatherdubrow I have to admit prior to TTC (about 7 years ago actually) my oldest sister was TTC and my other sister announced she was KU (which happened to be from a first date) and sister #1 freaked out and called me sobbing uncontrollably.  I felt bad for her but thought her reaction was a little over the top.  Now I completely understand.  Besides the fact that this journey is much longer than I thought it would be (isn't that true for all of us!) it's also a whole lot tougher and takes a huge emotional toll on you.  

The one and only upside to all of this is that I did get to "meet" and become friends with all of you amazing ladies and you all truly gave me a much needed wake up call regarding my body and this journey.  I do hope to see you all get your BFPs soon, even though it will make me a little sad to see my friends leave.

lund

lulu1180 said:

*SNIP*
The one and only upside to all of this is that I did get to "meet" and become friends with all of you amazing ladies and you all truly gave me a much needed wake up call regarding my body and this journey.  I do hope to see you all get your BFPs soon, even though it will make me a little sad to see my friends leave.

canonmom413

@lulu1180 It is even harder when its family. I am in torn place myself. But my husband says this is OUR family, and no one else can tell us what to do. 
*TW sensative material*
My SIL (DHs sister) had a hysterectomy at 24. They found cancerous cells. Prior to surgery she had eggs retrieved and later embrios were frozen. They had 13, only 3 took and remain frozen. Flash forward throughout my own struggles, and just this past summer she had asked me if I would consider being surrogate for her. I medically cannot, and my DH does not want me to, because he feels she only asked me because "she would have to pay less for a family member than an outside  source", which she DID state to me when she asked. She knew about 1 of my MC's she did not know of the second one. Here we are TTC #3 , with difficulty, and my sensitive and compassionate side feels terrible and wants to take her feelings into consideration. My DH thinks we should take our own feelings into consideration first. I know it won't cause family drama if and when we do conceive, but I know she will be hurt. She can go through surrogacy any time she wants (she has a fund for it ready to go, not sure what is holding them back at the moment). Its tough feeling the catch 22. 
**END TW*

Everyone is entitled to have all the feels they feel, whenever they feel like feeling it.

hartmich

Ya'll I can't. even. with the people who are planning to TTC around a specific due date/time frame. Sure, I wanted a summer baby initially but we see how well that has worked out. Now I just want a baby - anytime, anywhere, any sex, any color, any whatever. 

jsnakehole

@hartmich You would love my boss then! She expects all her teachers to try to aim for a summer due date so they don't have to take a leave. 

lund

@hartmich I was one of those special people initially trying to avoid a due date that's around the holidays. But now the idea of TTA for the next few months is utterly laughable. 

Am I missing drama somewhere? Or are you referring to people you know IRL?

lulu1180

@hartmich yes!!!!!!  Initially I didn't want to be KU during the summer (I don't do very well in extreme heat) but now I'm of the opinion that I don't care when I'm KU, all I want is a baby, any sex, any size, whatever.  I'd even take the most uncomfortable and stressful pregnancy if it means that I will get a take home baby.  On the rare occasions that I lurk the BMBs I see people guessing at what sex the baby is and how they're hoping for a boy or girl, I just want to interject and remind them all at how lucky they are just to have any baby at all growing inside their uterus!!!

Rant over, sorry lol

ETA words are stupid

hartmich

@jsnakehole See, that's a situation where I wouldn't have any issue speaking up about IF and TTTC and wouldn't feel bad if she felt bad/guilty about it.

@lund It wasn't super major, just a post in the benched thread. I just feel like if someone lurked here for a few days, they'd know this just wasn't the audience who'd support that. 

hartmich

@lulu1180 YAS. Someone I know isn't handling pregnancy really well and I just think "I'd love morning sickness. I'd love to avoid alcohol. I'd love to be gaining baby weight." I'm not saying that a tough pregnancy will be easier for any of us, BUT I do feel like we all have a bit more perspective.