Yes, the dreaded naming advice! Also, my MIL grilled me about why I think I'm going to BF this child and tried to make me feel really bad about it. DH was adopted and he was an only child so she literally knows nothing about it but thinks she does.
My sister just texted me what to name my kid. Number 1: she just gave birth a month ago and not once did I tell her what to name her third child, in fact I told her, "it's your kid, name him something you like". Number 2: I haben't asked for help/advice on naming my kid from her
My brother comes up with ridiculous nick names for our babies before they're born and insists on calling them by that name until they're born And legally named. I guess at that point he gives up? First baby was Irene. Second baby was malatchy. This baby is frangelina. Drives my husband CRAZY!!! "So what is baby frangelina doing today!?" "What's baby frangelinas heartbeat right now??" How am I supposed to know?!?
He would also incessantly ask me during my first pregnancy "so are you excited to give birth??" Or "so what do you think it'll be like to give birth!?" Uhhhh
@littleSkittle14 I don't know any Malatchy babies, but I do know a Malachi. My mom thought it was pronounced more like Malatchy than Mal-uh-kye, which I thought was adorable. I almost didn't want to correct her.
ETA: I thought the fact that she had no idea how to say it was adorable. I don't think "Malatchy" makes a good name. haha
*TW* - BFP & MC in March 2016. BFP in June 2016; EDD March 2017. Samuel born February 2017!
@EnglishTeacherMama I know someone who wanted to name her son Malachi and then call him Kai for short. I guess it was vetoed because that's not his name lol but I thought it was a super cute idea.
@EnglishTeacherMama I know someone who wanted to name her son Malachi and then call him Kai for short. I guess it was vetoed because that's not his name lol but I thought it was a super cute idea.
Yeah, that would have been cute! I guess the fact that there's no "k" in the original name makes the nickname kind of sketchy, so maybe that led to the veto?
*TW* - BFP & MC in March 2016. BFP in June 2016; EDD March 2017. Samuel born February 2017!
Yes, the dreaded naming advice! Also, my MIL grilled me about why I think I'm going to BF this child and tried to make me feel really bad about it. DH was adopted and he was an only child so she literally knows nothing about it but thinks she does.
I don't even understand why you would make someone feel bad about it. Like., what is she saying? (my mil was pretty quick to complain that no one else could feed him, but that was more foot in mouth disease than trying to make me feel guilted or bad)
I have so many and most them involve bfing. I was determined to bf DD and I was successful (we still nurse 1-2 times a day). I was the first person in my family, or DH's to exclusively breastfeed. At the beginning I got a lot of "the trouble with nursing is its all on you" and " you have to leave the room to feed the baby" and "how long you gonna do that for?" It was already hard enough to responsible for nourishing another human with my own body without the peanut gallery making comments constantly. When she was older I also got "she's not as big as her cousin. Maybe the nursing isn't working as well" cousin is 4 months younger and loves her formula. She is an eating machine!
Now that I'm pregnant I hear all the time "when are you going to wean?" "Are you going to nurse both of them?" "Does it hurt the baby to be nursing? Are you taking away nutrients from the new baby to nurse?" Answers: we are weaning, no, no, no!!!!!!! The human body is amazing. If it hurt the baby in any way, we wouldn't be able to continue to nurse into pregnancy.
Also, on a completely unrelated note, my MIL response when we told her we were having #2 was "I always thought 1 was perfect." DH is an only child and she just assumed we would only have one. I *almost* reached across the table and scratched her eyes out. She's the queen of passive aggressive
@laurennowa I just don't get why people feel like they need to have an opinion on someone else breastfeeding. I actually had a doctor of all people ask why I was still breastfeeding when my son was 15 months. For the record, the WHO recommends to breastfeed to at least 2 and that's exactly what I did, so that doctor can go fly a kite. The conversation went like this: Me: "I don't want to take a narcotic since I'm still breastfeeding." Dr.: "oh you are? How old is your little one?" Me: "15 months." Dr.: long pause, "why are you still breastfeeding that long?!" Me: stunned silence, "well he does eat solids too..." Dr.: "well are you at least giving him cow's milk?" Me: "why on earth would I give him milk from an animal when he can have my milk?" Dr.: "he doesn't need breast milk at 15 months." Me: "well technically he doesn't need cow's milk either, but I'm here about my injured shoulder so can we just stick with that?"
I was furious! I walked out of there raging and was so pissed off that I was getting this advice from a woman doctor with children at that. There are benefits to breastfeeding past the age of one and there's researched evidence of that. That doctor tried to make me feel like I was doing the wrong thing by continuing to breastfeed and not giving him cow's milk and of course I never saw her again.
Regarding c-sections, "As long as the baby is safe that's all that matters."
Excuse me but there's a lot more that matters! Sure the baby being safe is #1 but my body is pretty involved here too, and my birth preferences matter. This is women's rights issue to me - to be able to birth the way I choose.
My husband and I are only planning on having one child, and lately I've noticed that LOTS of people have opinions on that. I've gotten "only, lonely!" as well as "well you HAVE to have AT LEAST 2!" and "oh, but your baby will be sooo lonely...". It just irritates me, it's our choice how many kids we want to have, and I don't have to justify or explain myself to anyone. They don't know how much and how long it's taken us just to have this baby, and they don't know my medical information! So rude.
Me: 27 DH: 33 Furbaby: Walther, 4 year old Rottweiler/Coonhound mix EDD: 3/7/17<img
@Foersty I am having my fourth but when we had our first, she was far from lonely. I know many families with one child and I often envy them for all of the attention and love that he or she receives. I find those "only" children to be very well adjusted socially and I think anyone shaming the parents of a one child family simply does not know enough of them! Congrats on your precious one.
And with multiples, don't forget that everyone comments on how they were conceived. Were you using fertility drugs? Are they natural? My best friend was carrying identical twins and she always snapped back "science can't make identical twins." Ironically, she did use ivf to conceive, but one egg definitely split lol!
A few nights ago we were having dinner with some friends. The subject of nausea came up and I mentioned that lately I was feeling good and that my appetite was back. One of the guys commented "It must be. I don't think I've ever seen you eat this much!" Oof.
@jem89 thank you, I really appreciate it. I agree with y'all, people always have an opinion they want to express about how many kids we're carrying, how were they conceived, was it planned, what are we eating, how much, etc...I tend to think most people have good intentions and mean well enough, but how nosey!
Me: 27 DH: 33 Furbaby: Walther, 4 year old Rottweiler/Coonhound mix EDD: 3/7/17<img
This weekend I got, "I would NEVER get pregnant before they developed a Zika vaccine. It's just too risky."
So that means no one should have been procreating during the AIDs epidemic, or the Avian flu outbreak, or SARS, or Polio, or Mad Cow disease, or Ebola. Wait until everyone is healthy or it's too risky!!!!!
1. Friend at the beach who knows I'm pregnant (I was wearing a bikini but had a long shirt over it): "I wanted to tell you that I noticed you are showing a little bit, but don't worry, you don't look pregnant, it just looks like you had a really good summer with a lot of ice cream!" Oh good, because that's SO much better!!??
2. I had to tell my male boss early on about my pregnancy because I had severe morning sickness and I couldn't leave the house without having to pull over on the highway to vomit several times on the way to work and all day at work. Luckily he is flexible and let me work from home until the worst of it passed, but never missed an opportunity to tell me all about his wife's m/s, in excruciating detail. For example: "My wife had it so bad, when she puked it came out both ends!" His poor wife, now whenever he mentions her that is all I can picture!
3. Best friend's recent texts, she always teases me about how much I work out: "Are you fat yet?"
4. Husband's best friend, who has two kids (I'm a FTM): "Say goodbye to your life, you're never going out to dinner ever again." Ok just because he and his wife never go out, doesn't mean that is true for everyone!!
1. Friend at the beach who knows I'm pregnant (I was wearing a bikini but had a long shirt over it): "I wanted to tell you that I noticed you are showing a little bit, but don't worry, you don't look pregnant, it just looks like you had a really good summer with a lot of ice cream!" Oh good, because that's SO much better!!??
Seriously? Why the heck would anyone think it's preferred to look like you've "had a lot of ice cream" instead of just plain old pregnant?
1. I hate that stage where you don't quite look pregnant but your friend shouldn't have commented on it. 2. Have they invented brain bleach yet? 3. "No and I'm not going to be "fat" because it's a baby not a burrito." 4. I take my 6 month old out to eat all the time. So, yeah, that dude is wrong.
4. Husband's best friend, who has two kids (I'm a FTM): "Say goodbye to your life, you're never going out to dinner ever again." Ok just because he and his wife never go out, doesn't mean that is true for everyone!!
So sick of hearing how "my life is going to end." or while my in-laws were visiting, each time my FIL heard a baby cry, would turn to me and say, "you better get used to that sound." Seriously? STFU, I don't need to hear from you how much you think my life will suck after the baby is here. Why can't you just be happy and excited about your first grandchild?!DrillSergeantCat said:
1. I hate that stage where you don't quite look pregnant but your friend shouldn't have commented on it.
Also this... I'm sure I'll hate myself for saying that once I'm like 8 months pregnant, but I hate being in that in-between stage. I almost want to hold up a sign that says, "no, I haven't just gained random weight, I'm actually pregnant."
One of my students (college) said to me "But you're so pretty.... Why would you want to do this to yourself? I'm just sayin... I RUINED my moms body! She used to be so skinny and pretty and now she's fat and has flabby boobs and every time I look at her I think 'yea. I did that' and am proud of myself. Your kid is gonna think the same about you!"
I'm sorry WTF did you just say to me?!?
Update: At the time she had said this comment we were just talking about a student who was pregnant and the idea of having kids in general and I said I was excited to have kids which precipitated her comment (above).
Today, this student found out I was pregnant and came into my office crying because she remembered this comment to me and felt terrible.
@DaniBanani16 I do give her props for getting upset and coming to you to apologize. That means she's got a conscience and is an inherently good person. And unlike many other people who make insensitive comments, she's been given a valuable lesson in tact! Hopefully she's more mindful from now on.
Why would you find out the sexes of the babies? It totally ruins the surprise the day they're born!
Why wouldn't you find out the sexes of the babies? It gives you the chance to plan.
How about you let me decide and stfu about it? THANKS!
My FIL keeps saying "you can't find out the sex, that's like knowing what your present is before you open it at Christmas but you still have to act surprised" *insert eye roll*
Today I was told by a woman working in HR, "Oh look you're poochie." Really?? Thanks. Like I don't know I'm in between looking fat and pregnant. I was also asked (during my first pregnancy) by a male coworker if I was scared to poop on the table during labor. I told him no that I poop everyday, but I don't push a 8lb baby out of my vagina very often. It shut him up.
@trambo78 Your post reminds me of this article I read about women's top delivery fear. Apparently the women from this article state it is pooping in front of their significant other. Part of me doesn't believe it and part of me can't handle believing that the female body is so sexualized that during the, arguably, most painful and intense experience of a woman's life, their major concern is looky sexy and as if they do not poop. It pisses me off and the fact that someone says that to you pisses me off.
Today I was told by a woman working in HR, "Oh look you're poochie." Really?? Thanks. Like I don't know I'm in between looking fat and pregnant. I was also asked (during my first pregnancy) by a male coworker if I was scared to poop on the table during labor. I told him no that I poop everyday, but I don't push a 8lb baby out of my vagina very often. It shut him up.
My jaw is gaping at the gall of your male co-worker! And I'm giving you internet high fives for your response.
@jem89 Agreed. I would really hope that in the midst of me delivering, DH is FAR more focused on the birth of his child than whether or not I'm taking a dump. In fact, he's the only person (besides medical staff) I'm comfortable with witnessing all the uncensored glory of birthing a baby. If I'm terrified of him seeing me poop during the most physically traumatic moment of my life, why the hell did I marry him?
I understand the preference of your DH/SO not seeing you in a compromising position and all that, but actually having it be a fear?
@trambo78 Your post reminds me of this article I read about women's top delivery fear. Apparently the women from this article state it is pooping in front of their significant other. Part of me doesn't believe it and part of me can't handle believing that the female body is so sexualized that during the, arguably, most painful and intense experience of a woman's life, their major concern is looky sexy and as if they do not poop. It pisses me off and the fact that someone says that to you pisses me off.
*Also the most powerful, miraculous, awe-inspiring experience of woman's life.
In the moment, none of you will care about poop! Believe me when I say this.
@jem89 definitely. I've heard numerous women talk about this fear. I get that you want to be able to control this bodily function, and feel like it's "gross" to loose that control... But I definitely am not a fearer of the labor poop.
My friend was talking about being at her sisters birth, and said "omg, she said she almost pooped on the table with a super hot nurse in the room, can you believe that? How disgusting! I wouldn't be caught dead in that position..." This is the same friend that will comment about how she hopes when I'm gassy I don't have to fart in front of DH.
Re: Things NOT to say to pregnant women
He would also incessantly ask me during my first pregnancy "so are you excited to give birth??" Or "so what do you think it'll be like to give birth!?" Uhhhh
ETA: I thought the fact that she had no idea how to say it was adorable. I don't think "Malatchy" makes a good name. haha
*TW* - BFP & MC in March 2016.
BFP in June 2016; EDD March 2017.
Samuel born February 2017!
*TW* - BFP & MC in March 2016.
BFP in June 2016; EDD March 2017.
Samuel born February 2017!
Now that I'm pregnant I hear all the time "when are you going to wean?" "Are you going to nurse both of them?" "Does it hurt the baby to be nursing? Are you taking away nutrients from the new baby to nurse?" Answers: we are weaning, no, no, no!!!!!!! The human body is amazing. If it hurt the baby in any way, we wouldn't be able to continue to nurse into pregnancy.
Also, on a completely unrelated note, my MIL response when we told her we were having #2 was "I always thought 1 was perfect." DH is an only child and she just assumed we would only have one. I *almost* reached across the table and scratched her eyes out. She's the queen of passive aggressive
Me: "I don't want to take a narcotic since I'm still breastfeeding."
Dr.: "oh you are? How old is your little one?"
Me: "15 months."
Dr.: long pause, "why are you still breastfeeding that long?!"
Me: stunned silence, "well he does eat solids too..."
Dr.: "well are you at least giving him cow's milk?"
Me: "why on earth would I give him milk from an animal when he can have my milk?"
Dr.: "he doesn't need breast milk at 15 months."
Me: "well technically he doesn't need cow's milk either, but I'm here about my injured shoulder so can we just stick with that?"
I was furious! I walked out of there raging and was so pissed off that I was getting this advice from a woman doctor with children at that. There are benefits to breastfeeding past the age of one and there's researched evidence of that. That doctor tried to make me feel like I was doing the wrong thing by continuing to breastfeed and not giving him cow's milk and of course I never saw her again.
Excuse me but there's a lot more that matters! Sure the baby being safe is #1 but my body is pretty involved here too, and my birth preferences matter. This is women's rights issue to me - to be able to birth the way I choose.
DH: 33
Furbaby: Walther, 4 year old Rottweiler/Coonhound mix
EDD: 3/7/17<img
directed to mom carrying multis
I have noticed. ppl either feel extremely excited
or suddenly feel terribly sorry... these are the comments so far and more I cant think of
"OH IM SO SORRY FOR YOU AND UR HUBBY!!!"
"OH TWINS.. THATS A GOOD THING... RIGHT?!"
"OH MY. IM SOOOOO SORRY FOR YOU"
this comes right after I say. "yes 2 little miracles! we cant be happier! .."
WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I EVER FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE DEPRESSED CARRYING MY BABIES?!!
(sorry for the caps... I just encountered one in the breakroom... and im a bit hungry from throwing up this morning)
SaveSaveBaby Boy: coming March 2017
I agree with y'all, people always have an opinion they want to express about how many kids we're carrying, how were they conceived, was it planned, what are we eating, how much, etc...I tend to think most people have good intentions and mean well enough, but how nosey!
DH: 33
Furbaby: Walther, 4 year old Rottweiler/Coonhound mix
EDD: 3/7/17<img
2. I had to tell my male boss early on about my pregnancy because I had severe morning sickness and I couldn't leave the house without having to pull over on the highway to vomit several times on the way to work and all day at work. Luckily he is flexible and let me work from home until the worst of it passed, but never missed an opportunity to tell me all about his wife's m/s, in excruciating detail. For example: "My wife had it so bad, when she puked it came out both ends!" His poor wife, now whenever he mentions her that is all I can picture!
3. Best friend's recent texts, she always teases me about how much I work out: "Are you fat yet?"
4. Husband's best friend, who has two kids (I'm a FTM): "Say goodbye to your life, you're never going out to dinner ever again." Ok just because he and his wife never go out, doesn't mean that is true for everyone!!
1. I hate that stage where you don't quite look pregnant but your friend shouldn't have commented on it.
2. Have they invented brain bleach yet?
3. "No and I'm not going to be "fat" because it's a baby not a burrito."
4. I take my 6 month old out to eat all the time. So, yeah, that dude is wrong.
Today, this student found out I was pregnant and came into my office crying because she remembered this comment to me and felt terrible.
Married: 8/2005.
BFP: 6/22/2016 EDD: 3/4/2017.
Why wouldn't you find out the sexes of the babies? It gives you the chance to plan.
How about you let me decide and stfu about it? THANKS!
Me: 26 Hubs: 28
Married: 6/6/15
Baby Girl: 3/22/2017
I was also asked (during my first pregnancy) by a male coworker if I was scared to poop on the table during labor. I told him no that I poop everyday, but I don't push a 8lb baby out of my vagina very often. It shut him up.
I understand the preference of your DH/SO not seeing you in a compromising position and all that, but actually having it be a fear?
In the moment, none of you will care about poop! Believe me when I say this.
My friend was talking about being at her sisters birth, and said "omg, she said she almost pooped on the table with a super hot nurse in the room, can you believe that? How disgusting! I wouldn't be caught dead in that position..." This is the same friend that will comment about how she hopes when I'm gassy I don't have to fart in front of DH.