...TTCAL Week of August 15th...

szwill86

@rainbowturtles I def can relate! My older sister got pregnant her first month trying and my younger sister got pregnant 6 months after her. Now my older sister is pregnant again and said it took "so long" after 3 months of "not" trying and my younger sister is trying again, too. I feel like the odd man out with no successful pregnancies and they're already on/planning their second. I can't have the mentality that no one is going to get pregnant until I do again, but it does suck to hear about all these people getting pregnant so easily with no issues. 

@tscalei I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree that possibly finding a new dr sounds like a good idea and I'm glad to hear your friend referred you to someone else. Sometimes the fit is just not there and you want to be comfortable with the dr and the practice. GL!

rainbowturtles

That is hard @szwill86

KarenBeth714

Guys how do you deal with this sister shenanigans? Like I mentioned before my SIL is due in early December and I haven't seen them since they told me. I already said I won't be going to the shower and have no idea when I will be able to see them again. The thought of if just makes me burst out in tears. When will it go away? It's like ptsd triggers

szwill86

I know,@karenbeth714, it's hard. My only saving grace (if you want to see it that way) is that my sister who is pregnant again lives far away so I won't be seeing her anytime soon. December is also about 4 months away, so who knows how you'll be feeling by then. It's a day to day thing, at least for me and sometimes the weirdest things trigger it. Hugs and positive thoughts to you 

TScalei

@KarenBeth714 - I feel like it does get better with time and you don't know how you will feel in December. But I think anything you have to do to take care your self you should do. In hindsight I think I forced myself to go to events that I probably should have just skipped until I felt emotionally better. 

ladipale

@KarenBeth714 - the sister thing is so so hard! My older sister, whom I'm beat friends with, is due 10 days after my EDD. And then I found out my younger sister is due in February - when I found out I called older sister and she basically yelled at me for being upset about my miscarriage. She even said "I wish I had the miscarriage instead of you because you aren't handling it well". Terrible. 

Anyway- it gets easier. And harder. I can be around my sister now- but she doesn't talk much about pregnancy with me. And I even went through all my baby stuff and gave her some. But I couldn't go to her shower and I was PISSED she came on vacation with me (the one I booked the day after I found out about my MMC). But I know my time for another baby will come, one way or another. I think it will be a new kind of hard when her baby is born...

SnobunnieMel

@KarenBeth714 luckily mine lives in another country so I don't have to deal with seeing her all that often. Which is great right now. Or I would punch her in the gut. (Long story) she thinks we resent her for the fact she got KU on BCP then couldn't even wait until after her "replacement" wedding to get KU again wih their second. I know she really just wanted to get pregnant again before we did because it would steal attention away from her when we have a baby. I can't stand her right now. 

I I don't resent her. I just think she's a selfish bitch. 

KarenBeth714

Thanks for the support and thoughts-  @szwill86 @TScalei
@ladipale ( I can't believe she said I wish I had a miscarriage, really??!!My blood is boiling just thinking about that)
@SnobunnieMel ( I feel the same way about my sil. Like she changed the ttc plan so she could be first and in sync with her sisters. I think it's just pretty callous of her not to tell me, given we were so close at the time of our loss and before when ttc)

I have a little bit of all that going on right now and it's so frustrating. We live relatively close (about a half hour) from each other and each other's families. We normally see each other all the time and were close - did the bridal party thing for each wedding together, go away on long weekends and all holidays together... it sucks. It just hurts so bad and no one understands. My therapist was trying to tell me that it's just sibling rivalry. I've been pondering that thought all week and I decided it's not. I'm trying to pinpoint the reasons for myself, as to why I feel so strongly about it. The "I wanna punch her in the gut" feeling is real, and although I haven't expressed it to them ( I've just expressed my need for space cuz it makes me sad) - those feelings are still there. Just the thought of my family rejoicing with them over the first grandchild, and seeing them all happy when ours should have been born in Sept will just make me ugly cry and want to crawl into a hole and vomit.  I'm trying to get it all out in therapy, over up in here and at the gym. Hopefully in the coming months, it will get easier.

btw - I could talk about this stuff all day. It just really irks me. I'm not even a drama kind of person. I rarely have drama with any friends and steer clear of it.