Bi-Racial and adopted into an all caucasian family... Open to answering any questions
kaitielynnrichardson
member
hello all! I am 29 years old and was adopted at 3 weeks. I always knew I was adopted, at least for as long as I could remember.. It was never anything my parents hid from me. (I mean seriously, how could they... on the outside I looked different than them... although I never felt any different!)
anyway, I wanted to share my story and be open to answering any questions anyone might have about my adoption experience. My family and I certainly had our rough times, but at the end of the day, I am beyond thankful that my birth mother gave me up. some background....
My mom and dad (the ones that adopted me) could not have their own children, so they decided to adopt... after 5 long years of waiting, I was born!
My birth mother (Caucasian) was 28, birth father (African American) was 16. Birth mother never told birth father she was pregnant. She had 2 older daughters and knew she could not properly care for another child at that time.
About three years ago I decided to hire a private investigator, after failed attempts of finding my birth family through the state in which I was adopted. I was able to locate my birth mother, her three daughters, my birth father and his daughter. I have been able to get all my medical information, and meet my birth father and one of my birth mother's daughters. It was am amazing experience, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. (My birth mother decided it was too hard for her to meet me, and I respect that.. I will be here if and when she decides she does want to reconnect though)
To the moms out there who are thinking of putting their little one up for adoption... I can only speak for myself and my situation, but what I can say is that I know deep down inside (and I have always known) that my mother did whatever she needed to do to ensure I had a great life. She knew she was unable to provide for me the way she wanted to, so she acted selflessly when she made the decision to give me up. there are not enough words to express how grateful I am that she made that decision. I cannot imagine how hard it must of been - how strong she was to make the decision. I don't know that I could have done it. Have peace in knowing you are making the best decision for your child, and we appreciate and love you for it.
I am happy to share many more details of my experience if anyone is interested.. I honestly feel like I could write a book. My story is just my story, and many others may be very different, but I feel that my life has been a positive example of how amazing adoption is. I could have been left at a doorstep, or put in a foster home, but instead, my birth mother made the decision to place me with a loving family that gave me the world. For that, I will always be thankful!
Good luck to everyone in their journey. It truly is a beautiful one to take.
Re: Bi-Racial and adopted into an all caucasian family... Open to answering any questions
Baby Boy
@happyhorse sorry for the long overdue response!! My mom and dad (adoptive, but I don't call them that) did adopt another child - a son, 5 years before me. Back then, there were not nearly as many babies to be adopted in their area, so it took 5 years between he and I. They did not foster any children after me, however, my brother has since adopted a son..
The hardest part of my adoption was the race issue. Kids are mean. I was often picked on and told that my black parents couldn't afford me or didn't want me and that's why they gave me up.. It was also a struggle when I was referred to by using racial slurs.. My mom and dad did not understand that -- how could they? they didn't look like me and hadn't experienced that. Looking back, I can remember my mom telling me it will pass and that these kids didn't know any better.. She tried her best to explain what was happening and really, just loved me unconditionally, no matter what.
I used to try to imagine my birth mother -- did I look like her, did we talk the same, etc.. (come to find out, I look more like my mom than my birth mother, which I find interesting... nature vs. nurture...)
What really stands out to me is the way the embraced our differences (the way we looked, my hair, etc), but always made sure I knew that love knew no color. They never treated me any differently than my brother, they never babied me because they felt bad for what i was going through.. They made me a fighter. They made sure I knew that no matter what, I was loved, I was supported, I was no mistake. They were also very open and honest about my adoption, and always answered any questions I had to the best of their ability.. Mom and dad supported me in everything I ever wanted to do, and believe me when I say, I did it all. I was a very lucky kid, and now a very lucky woman. I wouldn't trade my parents or my experience for anything.
Feel free to PM me if you want to continue our chat -- I am 22W and 3D pregnant, so I don't get online as much as I would like.. I will say, I am very excited to welcome our little boy to this world. For the first time, I will have someone close to me who shares my DNA - that is a blessing.