''The Fourth''

TheHauntedHauswife

So when it comes to names, My husband doesn't really have any ideas or much input... other than hes adamant a boy must be a ''Fourth''.

My husband is the Third, and wants to also name his son this, keeping the tradition going.

Sure he told me this years ago he wanted this, but I didn't think he would be so inflexible about it.

I have come to absolutely hate the idea. It drives me completely insane.

I hate the idea of calling my child the same name as my husband, and any nicknames we have come up with playing off the ''Fourth" concept, just arent working for me.

On top of that, We are also possibly looking at twins, (we will know next week.) and he said that even if it was two boys, he still wanted to name the first one this.

However, that is worse to me than just naming a single boy after it. I feel like it would look like we were playing favorites with boy 1, naming him after his Dad. 

While the second boy would have a totally unique name. I just foresee that becoming a weird dynamic. 

I am willing to be potentially flexible when dealing with one boy, but im absolutely not naming 1 half of 2 twin boys this.

Names are such a big deal to me and i'm sure the pregnancy hormones are not helping, but im just wondering how other woman have dealt with a situation like this, 

Also if anyone had any fourth nicknames that they really loved, and definitely opinions on if the twin thing is as weird as i think it is, or not.

kns1988

I agree that the twin thing would be kind of odd, but it probably wouldn't cause as much angst as you're anticipating. Couldn't you call him Junior or JR? I know he's not technically a JR but that seems like a technicality when it comes to nicknames. 

englishtearose

If it's twin boys would DH be open to splitting his name up and giving one boy DHs first name as a middle name and the other boy DHs middle name as a middle name? I think that would be fair.

TheHauntedHauswife

englishtearose I definitely thought about this one, but he wants to keep the full name in tact. hes adamant that its like the fourth exactly. but i will keep stressing this as a possibility!

Linsbins

Why do you think it's twins?

GracieHart

If you don't like it, it should be off the table. He doesn't get sole naming rights and you both have to agree, even if he mentioned years ago like he wanted to do it.

Use your veto rights. Compromise on a name you both like. He's going to have to meet you in the middle.

MamaWren919

He shouldn't be allowed to force a family name on you. The tradition has to stop somewhere! I would not name my son something I hate. This should be a team decision!

Latina211508

My husband is also a third. I'm pregnant with my fourth baby, second boy. My husband brought up years ago that he wanted to give the baby (if a boy) his name as the middle name. I wasn't even sold on that. I thought it would be weird that my first son didn't get any traditional passed down name, so why should my second? It's honestly a heck no for me but we haven't discussed it. I know its not going to be the easiest for myself to say no to it. Funny thing is my FIL doesn't even go by his first name, he goes by JR. My husband goes by his middle name as well. So why even keep the tradition of it if it will solely only be used on paperwork. He has a very uncommon name and I would personally just like to name my son his own name, first and middle. The whole twin thing is kinda weird. I think if you are not fond of making him a fourth then don't.

TheHauntedHauswife

I guess the issue for my husband is that his father died when he was 19 or so, and it has really shaped him as a person. The ghost of his dad is something that is held over things from time to time and i often feel as though i have to be sensitive or accepting of the situation where that is concerned. Its been 12 years and he almost started crying the other day when a tiny little desk fan that belonged to his dad partially broke. When its something his dad probably got at the drug store for 10 bucks. Its just a hugely sensitive topic to my husband and he adamantly wants to name a kid after his dad. To be fair, even his own brother thinks its kind of ridiculous that he wants to do this.

He seriously pissed me off when at some point i said something to the effect of ''if you are going to name a boy, then i get 100% naming choice on a girl'' and his response was no, that we still had to agree on a girl because i knew he wanted to do this going into our relationship. Mind you, i have been with him for 10 years starting when i was 17. I think its pretty silly that he thinks that's any kind of a valid point. I also said i wanted to name my kid after Wednesday Addams during that same conversation [again, when i was 17] and would absolutely never do that now.

I totally agree with you guys @GracieHart & @MamaWren919 but i guess i am having trouble figuring out how to enforce something like that. Cause it seems like its my opinion against his. My opinion is that it should be a compromise and his opinion is that he should get what he wants. When i try to bring it up now, after telling him i am seriously not into this 4th idea... his new thing is that he tells me its too early to talk about it and its not worth having a conversation until we know the sex(es). I dont know about other people, but I would like to have the time to sit on things and muster them around before a decision is made and i am kind of feeling like 20 weeks is a little bit later than i am comfortable with waiting until. I am likely going to see if we can go to an ultrasound place at 16 weeks to at-least give a little more time.

@Latina211508 My husbands name is Rudolph which is decently uncommon and i dont hate Rudolph to be perfectly honest but i just hate that its being chosen for me. I dont want to call my kid my husbands name, i dont want to call my kid some variation of the number 4. I also super hate the idea that some woman 4 generations ago got to name the baby that i am going to carry inside my body for 9 months. Everything about it just simply does not sit right with me. I also agree with what you said because we would likely come up with a nickname for him and only ever call him that. I totally agree that what is the point if its only on paperwork.

I have also learned from talking to people about this that a lot of people who are name exactly after their parents, like juniors, thirds, and fourths, tend to not really like it so much. I am sure there are exceptions (like my husband) but it keeps coming up in conversation that people tend to prefer thier own unique name.

penelope4612

You probably already know this, but when your emotions are high and his emotions are high, no one is going to win.  You are just going to keep fighting and getting angrier at each other.  You are going to have to let things settle down and be in a place where you can talk to him calmly, and he can respond calmly.  I agree that it probably makes the most sense to find out when the sex of the baby is (or if you are having twins) before arguing too much.  It could be a girl (or 2 girls).

You also have to decide what negotiations you are going to be willing to make.  Would it be ok with you if he named the first boy and you named the first girl (or the second boy)?  Or are you throwing that out there when you actually will still be bitter about naming your child Rudolph?  Because if it's the latter, then don't offer it to your husband as an option.

If you haven't already, try validating his feelings.  Tell him that you know that this is so important to him, and you understand that it helps him feel connected to his dad, and that you want to help figure out a way to honor his dad as well.  However, you're simply not comfortable with the way that he wants to do it, that you need to agree on the child's name together, it is not his sole decision, and he needs to come to terms with that.  You can stress that you guys need to do this together, just like you will need to make many other decisions together for the rest of this baby's life.  How would he feel if you single handedly decided something that will affect the child for forever without his input?  Hopefully that will reframe it for him.  Let him think about it for a while.  Then reoffer the ideas you are comfortable with (sounds like using the names as a middle name is an option for you).  

TheHauntedHauswife

Yeah i am definitely not trying to remove some remembrance of the dad involved entirely. I have a few ideas for how to include the name or variations of it somehow. But i definitely agree with all you are saying, I just dont know how to work a situation that hes not willing to compromise on. But i can try with involving the validation of feelings!

BlueJuice

There's already a ton of good advice in here - I just wanted to chime in that I used to be married to a 3rd myself, and this was a thing that drove me totally crazy. We split before we had any children (thank goodness), but I absolutely feel your pain.

Your husband may have a point that it's worth postponing having the serious, serious discussion about this until after an ultrasound, if you guys are planning to find out the baby's sex. If it turns out you're having a girl it becomes a nonissue, for now. In the meantime, you could work on some name lists by yourself and try to sort out exactly what compromises you'd be willing to make - first name but not middle, first name as middle, middle name as first name, or some other variation. You are by far not the only couple that has trouble agreeing on a baby name that both partners like, either - that perspective might help him out some when he feels like it's unfair. Ultimately, neither of you should get what you want in this decision if the other one hates it. You may not be able to come up with something you both love (though that would be great!), but you can find a way to make a name that both of you are okay with.

Knottie1442268460

I agree with pp that it's hard to agree even without the 3rd thing. He picked our sons name, I picked spelling. I picked daughters name (not knowing if we'd get one) and he picked spelling. I don't think he's 100% sold on girl name but compromised.

I don't love the name he picked out but I'm ok with it (was on my 1st list) & it fits our son.

MoreKittens

I'm not sure if this would sit with your husband, but technically, if his father died, it moves up the jr, third, and fourth stuff, so your kiddo might be a third instead of a fourth, which opens up more/different nicknames. It might be too sensitive a situation for that, and if you don't like it you shouldn't have to use it anyway, in my opinion, but just some ideas.

ambercakes92

MoreKittens said:

I'm not sure if this would sit with your husband, but technically, if his father died, it moves up the jr, third, and fourth stuff, so your kiddo might be a third instead of a fourth, which opens up more/different nicknames. It might be too sensitive a situation for that, and if you don't like it you shouldn't have to use it anyway, in my opinion, but just some ideas.

That's not how it works.

MoreKittens

ambercakes92 said:

I'm not sure if this would sit with your husband, but technically, if his father died, it moves up the jr, third, and fourth stuff, so your kiddo might be a third instead of a fourth, which opens up more/different nicknames. It might be too sensitive a situation for that, and if you don't like it you shouldn't have to use it anyway, in my opinion, but just some ideas.

That's not how it works.

Gah! I thought I read that on the board somewhere... 

OK further internet research shows divided responses, (no surprise there) but it looks like junior and senior may shift but not roman numerals. Is that  correct?

My bad - OP disregard!

jeanbug12

MoreKittens said:

ambercakes92 said:

MoreKittens said:

I'm not sure if this would sit with your husband, but technically, if his father died, it moves up the jr, third, and fourth stuff, so your kiddo might be a third instead of a fourth, which opens up more/different nicknames. It might be too sensitive a situation for that, and if you don't like it you shouldn't have to use it anyway, in my opinion, but just some ideas.

That's not how it works.

Gah! I thought I read that on the board somewhere... 

OK further internet research shows divided responses, (no surprise there) but it looks like junior and senior may shift but not roman numerals. Is that  correct?

My bad - OP disregard!

Traditionally, unless you are royalty everyone moves up a spot when someone in the line passes. The suffixes traditionally don't on go birth certificates and are only for social purposes. I think now a days a lot of people do put them on birth certificates though. The idea is to avoid having V VI VII etc.

OP, I suggest using your hubby's name as the boys middle name and choosing something you agree on for the first. If you have twins, you could do his first name for one boys middle name and his middle for the other boy, then he gets both names and you get a first name you like.

TheHauntedHauswife

I am personally not sure what the societal norm is but in my husbands family the hypothetical boy would definitely be considered the fourth. 

I am definitely going to try and work with the middle name(s) thing if I can get him to agree to it. But I know he wants it exact and to be the 4th exactly. I will definitely be bringing it up again in the future and explaining that its unfair for him to make a decision like that. That i am willing to compromise on still including the name but still giving our child their own unique name that was created and thought up for them and not something that was just placed upon them.

izzyp25

I am married to a fourth and he is dead set on naming a son (if its a boy) after him as well giving us a FIFTH! I really wish I could change his mind since I don't particularly care for the name but I have come to realize that if it is important to my husband I will compromise. Granted, I am totally getting full say on the girls name!

TheHauntedHauswife

@izzyp25 ...and honestly that's why i presented that as an option to him at some point. Because i KNOW its important to him. I know it is of immense importance to him but it is important to me too. I would have been willing to make the compromise that I had the choice with a girl but he said no to that. So its become his grandiose idea that this tradition by itself has some kind of weight that takes precedence over my personal feelings or even his personal feelings, that its this external thing that is just necessary and required of us. If he was saying to me that he understood it wasn't my first choice and that it was extremely important to him and presenting me with an option that made me feel like he was valuing my opinion as... ya know the woman whose carrying the child(ren), I would be less upset about it. But its the fact that hes not even considering me and thinks I should just allow it because tradition says so and he knows me well enough to know i am not the type of woman to just allow something that bothers me to occur. Not only that but my husband and i are super against the grain people. We never follow the norm and always consider alternative options to things even when ''they'' said it needs to be done this way. So it also feels morally wrong to me to just submit to a concept like this since it literally goes against who i am at the fiber of my being it just go this. 

P.S. I am totally aware i am pregnancy hormonal/dramatic but its been super awesome having you ladies talk about this with me! Its honestly been insanely helpful.

TheHauntedHauswife

I should also add, which i totally had not done at any point in this post. This was sparked because we were announcing our pregnancy to a few close friends over dinner and he went on to tell them the name and that it would be named that if we had a boy. Even after I had told him it was an issue that needed to be discussed further. So i just felt kind of undermined that he was sharing a decision with people that i had literally told him was not okay with me, and as far as i was concerned had not be made. Hense causing me to go home and start this post to see what others were thinking about it.

herewegrow

I'm sorry this is a point of contention between yall. My personal opinion is that if the name means that much to him and it's tradition, give it to him. If we'd had a boy, his name would've been something I didn't love, but because it meant so much to my husband, I would've grown to love it.

That said, my brother was the fourth and they stopped the tradition when their son was born. They named him after our deceased cousin and used my brother's FN as baby's MN. My SIL pretty much hates our family, so we were all surprised she even agreed to those names.

It'll be a hard decision either way because one of you is going to be very upset. I would see what sex you are dealing with to discuss it further. Best of luck!

jeanbug12

TheHauntedHauswife said:

I should also add, which i totally had not done at any point in this post. This was sparked because we were announcing our pregnancy to a few close friends over dinner and he went on to tell them the name and that it would be named that if we had a boy. Even after I had told him it was an issue that needed to be discussed further. So i just felt kind of undermined that he was sharing a decision with people that i had literally told him was not okay with me, and as far as i was concerned had not be made. Hense causing me to go home and start this post to see what others were thinking about it.

Oh, I would be irate about that! And I am so stubborn, I would probably refuse to use the name based on that alone

Naming kids is so hard! I hope you guys can come to an agreement you are both happy with!

keri0426

I don't think it is fair to you if you can't create a name for your child because someone 4 generations ago created it for you. My husband shares his dad's name and I was against it. I discussed it with him and he understood. We came up with our own name that we both love. You could use his first name for mn for each boy if they are twins.

lindsayddaniels

Okay so I feel your pain here!! My husband is the fourth. I've why must men do this?? Anyways his real name is John Thomas. However he has always and will always go by JT. He signs his name JT and all. We discussed names for a boy. (In relieved we are having a girl)! But we had decided and agreed upon using the same initials JTD but not another John Thomas!! Maybe this will help your husband. And it its two boys they could both have the same initials and be more of a equal thing. Good luck ma'am!!! I hate he is so very adamant about this!!!

eastdurian

I would never agree to have a fourth but I'm also pretty stubborn, especially when it comes to names. DH's name is fine but not what I'd pick out for my own LO.

I'd agree to give up control of the MN if DH were to have wanted to give LO his FN or MN, but he is totally against the idea even though I like his MN.

Good luck maybe propose the initials compromise or middle names. I can't tell you what's right, we're just hoping this LO is a girl because DH hates my boy name and literally can't pick a single boy name he likes.

TheHauntedHauswife

Thank you everyone! 

I too am just going to keep hoping its a girl or two girls and it wont be an issue at all! If i end up with boy/girl twins, Im likely going to end up weighing heavily on the me getting full control over the girl thing. But no matter what i am absolutely going to try and see if he will agree to the middle name! 

Miss Lilac

Honestly, put your foot down.

I'm not sure what is with all these domineering men who seem to think they're the only ones with veto power on naming a baby you made together, but it's freaking annoying. You don't see women on here posting about how they're just flat out ignoring their husband's desires and opinions on the subject. There are ways for your H to honor his dad without waking all over you, be just needs to suck it up and compromise. Maybe I'm being brutal, but I'd stop pandering to a husband, and all his boohoo-wahh antics, who refused to respect my wishes in what I think is a pretty important milestone.

TheHauntedHauswife

That's a very good point @MissLilac that you really don't see it going on the other way around. I definitely feel like my own opinion is just as relevant and important. But of course I am compassionate to the issue with the death of his father. So i am more than happy to find a compromise but i would sincerely prefer that compromise be using middle names and not choosing a full entire name. Cause on paper it sounds nice to say oh well i will just try to convince him to let me name a girl. But what if i only have one boy, and its the only child I ever have (this pregnancy was a result of an IUI) I would be pretty damn heartbroken if my one and only child was named something i was adamantly against and i never had an opportunity to equalize that by naming a second child with my choice. Again it goes back to the not counting my chickens before they hatch thing and just waiting it out until we actually know what we are having, but hey im in my first trimester, i am not feeling well, im spending most of my time in bed right now and its on my mind!

cmerribury

I can (sort of) understand where you are coming from, having never been in the situation myself. However, I think it would be a good idea to put yourself in his shoes for a minute and try to understand the history he associates with the name. I understand it's not your history, and I understand wanting to choose a name for your child yourself, but it seems that to him and to his family it's a big deal. I think putting your foot down is a little unreasonable, honestly. You should certainly talk about it at the very least. You've admitted you don't dislike the name, and it seems like the lack of options is what's really bothering you (which I do get). Obviously the way he announced it wasn't appropriate, however, in his mind it seems like you two were in agreement about it ages ago...anyway. I'm not trying to be negative at all, I promise. Marriage is all about compromise, and in parenthood it's even more important. Try sitting down and sharing your thoughts on why you do and don't want the name, listen to what he says (really hear him) and maybe it will leave you both in a different place at the end. My brother was almost a 3rd, but my Dad opted to break tradition (even though he lost his Dad—his hero—at 14) so everyone is different. But there may be some feelings there for him that he hasn't shared, and it's important to consider those too. Best of luck.

TheHauntedHauswife

cmerribury and I don't disagree with you. I know the dad thing is a really tough spot for him and I think its effected him slightly more than I've personally known it to effect another person. I know i cannot possibly understand what that situation is because both of my parents are alive and even so i am really not close with them and would never feel horribly compelled to name my child after either one. So i am definitely aware that  we exist in very different views where its concerned. 

Warning - Ranting tangent: But its something that comes up so often and again i dont mean to be in any way unsympathetic but its also not fair in a marriage to make it as though when ever his dad is involved in an issue, or he attaches his dad to an issue, that i pretty much automatically lose. I know a lot of people have that one topic you just cant talk about cause it turns into a fight, well its kind of like that in that i am basically expected to give up anything when he makes it about his dad (even when it never was supposed to be or isn't even relative to it.) If something is upsetting to him because of his dad it automatically needs to be dropped. For example we had an issue for a while that our therapist basically told us that if we are fighting and its getting heated, we should be taking a time out so we can both cool down. That worked for me so well, but he would chase after me every single time and never give me the space i needed to cool down, then get mad when i yelled at him. After it came up 50 times, he finally said that he had an issue with it because of something with his dad often leaving and not coming back. So he was worried i would not come back to the discussion. So it ended up being that i had to work a thousand times harder on my anger and in a heated moment when i truly just need to calm down and be alone for a moment, i now need to basically reassure him that i am going to come back and that i just need time alone. When i really just want to be able to storm off and cool down. Growing up the only way i was taught to communicate was through yelling and its something i work on heavily within my self so its frustrating to have to chose a less effective method to ensure i dont bring up his bad memories with his dad, instead of what emotionally works for me. I know this is kind of off the conversation, but I atleast wanted to give an example so it can be understood that its a common theme, sacreficing things for the dad issue. Again, i may just be standing in a place where i cannot possibly understand cause im not in that situation.

cmerribury

It definately sounds like a complicated situation with a lot of history for you and him as a couple, but also for him as a person. Maybe discussing the issue of the name in therapy will help. Therapists are good at letting us know when we are using people or devices as crutches to get our way. I am sure you'll find a way to work though this, I'm sorry it's so challenging. 

TheHauntedHauswife

Thanks! and i guess that's sort of my point. If he was to further work on the dad issue, and was able to be in a better place with that. I don't think these things would come up. So its hard to make a decision based on what i do honestly view as a crutch for him when I think eventually he will work through it more and will be in a different place about it. We actually decided a little bit ago that he would go to her alone for a bit to try and work on some things (such as this), but i think i can request another couples session still. I also wonder if maybe I can email the therapist and sort of suggest she bring it up to him gently rather then having us have a debate about it with her as the mediator.

nbpa3027

The thing to recognize is that by telling people the name knowing you haven't agreed upon it and being equally stubborn about a girls name, he has completely changed the issue and it seems like it isn't really about the name anymore.

He needs to acknowledge that you have a right to an opinion and when all is said and done, the name needs to be agreed on by both of you, even if one of you doesn't get what they ultimately want.

If it were me, I would ultimately give in and make the baby the forth because it means so much to him and I like tradition. But with the way he has changed the argument, he would need to recognize that you have strong feelings about the matter and you have every right to have feelings on the matter.

Now as for the name, what about giving the boy your husbands name, but coming up with a separate nickname/term of endearment not related to the IV. I personally have known multiple Chips, buzz's, Kips, Kit's, etc. that have more old fashioned passed down formal names.

gonetothesea

I feel for you. My husband lost his mom to cancer when he was 12, and is adamant about using her name (Ellen) for a daughter in the future.

While I get it, and am so sad that he lost her so young, I don't want to name my children after anyone. I want them to have their own names to be unique to only them. Besides, it would bum my mom out if I used his mom's name and never used hers, or my grandma's name who passed away when I was 16, who I adored. And besides. I think it's kind of morbid.

Like you said, y'all go against the grain and don't see like the type to follow in line. I hope you can get through to your husband and that you can come to some kind of compromise.

TheHauntedHauswife

Right, and I also do feel like there is a chance i am going to get guilt-tripped into it cause it is very hard on one end to kind of take something away from him that he wants so much, and also officially break a tradition that matters to him... but at the same time, he would be taking it away from me if I give in, hes taking away the opportunity for me to give the child that i will grow, birth and nuture a name created solely for them and them alone. Something that resonates and feels good and special to ME. 

In 4 days we will know for sure if its twins or not, which i think will potentially change the discussion. Because the only combination of twins that even has the possibility to lead to this discussion being a thing is 1 boy and 1 girl. Since me (and his brother too...) were adamant to him that we are not giving 1 part of 2 boys a family name and the other one a totally unique custom name. I feel like that's less of an issue when it comes to a boy and a girl, because there's no way the girl ever would have had the family boys name. So at least twins would give me a 2 out of 3 chance of not having to worry about it anymore! But we wont know the sex(es) until Christmas.

gonetothesea That is definitely tough. Im sure it could be argued that you could incorporate both family names into it middle names or something of the sort, but i just think the overwhelming bottom line here is that naming should always be a compromise in which both people get something, like @thegoudalife said. I just don't feel its fair that anyone man or woman, tries to take full control over a name. To be honest, I would not feel content choosing an entire name, I would always want my husband to have an input on what i was thinking. I think even if we ended up with a boy and a girl twins and he said i could name the girl, i think I would still want his input and ultimately choose something he was okay with, but if its not being reciprocated there in lies the issue for sure.

Mamabeagle

I'm still incredibly curious why you are so convinced you're having twins.

And it was a little harsh to make fun of DH for getting upset that a belonging of his dads broke. Sometimes everyone gets upset over seemingly trivial things, especially during intense emotional times like pregnancy.

TheHauntedHauswife

I didnt intend for that to sound as though i was making fun of him for it, I was trying to paint a picture of how sensitive he is to the whole thing. I certainly did not make fun of him in the moment and definitely didnt mean for my post to come across that way.

Also as far as the twins thing goes. For starters.. My HCG levels are very high. Significantly higher than the sort of average range I have gotten a lot of blood tests because of this being an IUI and the doctors wanting to see how things progressed and because they needed to make sure i was properly absorbing the progesterone they gave me. The doctor herself mentioned it to me first that she thought the levels were a POSSIBLE indicator of twins. Aside from that, again this was an IUI and i had multiple folices that were big and ready. Then I had 2 days of IUI.

theGDpaterfamilias

My wife and I took on naming rights as split with vetoes: I choose FN for boy, she chooses MN. Switch for girl. Since our first born was a girl, the next will be all me for FN and her for MN either way. That worked as fair for us. Your issue wouldn't fly in our relationship, especially if he's claiming full rights on first boy and shared naming rights on anything else or after. No way.

I'm not into the Jr. thing but his father complicates it. I hate naming kids after ourselves (seems vain) but naming them after a parent is totally respectable, which seems to be more where this is coming from. But you're right, he shouldn't use his emotions on the subject to guilt trip you into giving in. That's not right.

I would search for a compromise. How you make him agree to compromise is another issue altogether. Maybe a nickname or hobby his dad was into can yield a name. There are other ways to honor those who came before us than the literal use of a name.

TheHauntedHauswife

I actually like your method quite a bit! It is super fair and it gives you both equal power, and i would imagine even though the final say is by each of you respectively i would imagine that it still ends up being a sort of joint thing which seems really fair.

I honestly have about 6 different ideas to still include his Dad. Honestly I think i could even figure out how to get the dad into a girls name if I needed to! I haven't been able to talk to him about it again since last week but this thread has given me ton of ides on how to approach it. 

oceanchild

Several people have mentioned hat they would compromise to go with their husbands' wishes in your scenario, but that isn't compromise, that's giving in completely. I have to wonder if his father was alive, would he be so offended if the grandson wasn't the fourth? My grandfather told my dad "please don't be ridiculous and name your son the fourth?!" when my brother was born haha (and my dad was glad, bc he didn't like being the third)! And I didn't think you were making fun about the fan. Honestly (and I'm sure that someone will think this sounds unsympathetic), it sounds like sometimes your H almost uses the dad thing as an excuse to get his way or shit you down about something. And if I were in this situation, I can absolutely guarantee you that if I caved to the "fourth" thing that I would feel resentful about it until I was in the grave. Its important to me that my kids' names be meaningful to me also, and that husband and I mutually like the names, and I'm with you – I wouldn't want someone generations ago to have naming rights to my child just bc I married someone who happened to be a Third. Idk. I mean, I have people in my life who were super important that have passed away (my very best friend and kindred spirit, who was also my husband's best friend, a beloved grandparent who literally raised me), but I would never claim full naming rights of our child if my husband didn't love their names and want to use them. You guys are a team. It took two of you to make this baby (and honestly, you have the hard part). I'm with those who say put your foot down and do it early, if you're truly opposed. Why is it okay for him to put his foot down and not you? Nope. If you genuinely change your heart and want to have a Fourth, then awesome. But better to stand your ground firmly than hate your kid's name forever and feel bitter every time you have to fill out a form and use the whole thing and not just a nickname.