What was the worst thing someone said to you after miscarriage?

BrightenMySky

The "at least you can get pregnant" thing is the worst.  I was meeting with a new midwife group after my loss and one provider popped her head in, her about my loss, and said that.  The provider I was meeting with said, "well, she went through fertility treatments," and yet still the other provider pointed out how some women could never get pregnant.  What that entirely misses is that pregnancy is part of the journey to having a baby, not the end goal, and we don't measure loss or pain or suffering on this by what we appear to go through compared to others.  Sorry your friend was not sensitive, @chloe97.  

And hugs @Taggarab.  Good for you for being nice about it to her, but hopefully she will look at more patient info when she makes her calls from now on.

cmmiller531

"God's Plan"... hate it. Why are drug abusers able to have healthy babies and I'm not?

RiverSong15

@BrightenMySky I agree that "at least you can get pregnant" is the worst. Silly me, I thought a baby was the ultimate goal, not a pregnancy. And I hate when people play the Pain Olympics. IF and loss both suck and we're all hurting. We don't need to make it worse by comparing levels of hurt.

I also recently heard "Well MC is really common..." It's also common for grandparents to die, but if my grandma passed away, no one would say "you know, it's actually really common for grandparents to die...."

dubcompanion

3 months after my D&C, my friend wanted me to watch the show Baby Daddy with her. I was enjoying myself that evening, and I didn't want to watch a show about two irresponsible people attempting to raise a kid that wasn't planned. She waved off my concerns about potential triggers (and the fact I simply didn't want to watch it), and said, "It's funny! The whole baby thing is a small part of it. Come on." She kept urging me, and I relented. I disliked it as much as I thought it would. The only bright side is that I was so irritated with her that I spent more of my time thinking about that than about any possible triggers from the show.

I liken it to asking to watch a parent-bonding movie with a friend whose recently lost a mother or father. If she said she didn't want to watch it because of potential triggers, I would not insist. There are plenty of other things we could watch on Netflix. I just found my friend's insensitivity surprising and irritating.

BrightenMySky

How insensitive @dubcompanion I am sorry. 

@RiverSong15 totally agree not the suffering olympics. I feel like the best things to hear for me are I'm sorry, this sucks, and I'm here for you. Not sure why those are so hard and people need to try to offer up a silver lining when there is never going to be one in some cases. 

Edited for words. 

schmoopie1-2

I could actually excuse every "offish" comment I received - at least it happened now/it wasn't meant to be/that meant something was wrong/this will make you stronger/etc.  I knew it was coming from a place of good, I was extremely sensitive and people really don't know what to say...

The one thing that stuck with me was a friend who has a child and has not been able to conceive again for a year or so said, "at least you know you CAN get pregnant, I can't even conceive."  Um, you have a child.  So...that doesn't hold up in court.    

schmoopie1-2

...what did suck though was after getting the confirmation from my doctor (though, when you know, you know) that I miscarried, I got an update from my app(s) that my baby was the "size of a blueberry".  I went back to work on Monday, and saw the 7W, 8W, 9W, etc. every Wednesday on my calendar along with my first prenatal appt.  I couldn't even bare to scratch it off, but white it out so it's like it wasn't even written there. 

I guess you can say I did it to myself.  

wintersong555

My sister  in law told me that "kids are amazing but they cost a lot of money" I was stunned. Haven't talked to her since. Insensitive, vicious little so and so.