When did you tell family you were TTC?

suzysurparis

I dont really do secrets, so we told before we were even trying. There was some scheduling issues plus we bought a house, so everyone already assumed anyway. My mom's been the worst, asking if I'm pregnant a lot, but she's an ass like that about a lot of things hence why I moved away (though maybe a different continent was a bit much). My ILs were pretty annoying with the whole "it happened the first month" shit, but then my MIL was also saying how the first two were really quick, but her third took almost a year and she never did get that little girl. It's surprising that our younger friends are spewing the stupider shit: "I've heard that like 25% of women who apply for adoption get pregnant right after the file goes in because their stress is lower" and the "just relax it'll happen." But I realize they havent really thought about it and havent started trying, so we'll see when it's they're turn. I was putting off TTC for a few years, but my dad got diagnosed with cancer last year (he's in remission now, but it's never really gone) and that gave me the kick in the ass I needed. Our circle of older friends is mixed with singles, couples, and parents and most of the parent couples have had losses themselves or very close friends and family with losses or difficulties, so I dont hear any bullshit from them. And my ILs bullshit got a lot quieter since my husband's very close cousin got pregnant on the first month but a D&C at almost 10 weeks.

We're technically on cycle 6, but our timing hasn't been great so I'd put us really at cycle 4. I'll start freaking out on cycle 13. Most of our neighbors and acquaintances that we know had trouble did eventually get the take-home baby (a few times twins), so I'm not worried yet. And I've noticed the average age of our friends having kids for the first is about 28-30 and the number getting KU on cycle 1 is pretty small (they all mention a few months of trying).

Remylove1011

My immediate family knows as well as our close group of friends (all the women on my group are expecting babies this fall). My family and friends are pretty cool about not asking about it as they know we're in month 9. I talk to my mom about almost everything so she knows that we've been struggling and I've had some hormone testing done. 

We haven't told DH'd family that we are trying, just that we're no longer preventing. It helps that we live far away so we only saw his family once this year for them to pester about a baby. 

stace2524

We're at a year and a half TTC and my mom and a few close friends and family know. I agree you have to be careful with who you tell bc the last thing you need is to be pestered with questions, but at the same time I like to be able to talk about it with someone other than DH. I like hearing close friends tell me they are thinking about me and praying for me, I figure I can use all the prayers I can get. I have a close cousin who struggles with IF as well so now she knows someone else with the same issue. When you see all the FB pregnancy posts it's easy to think you're the only person struggling, but in talking with other people you realize that is not the case. I also realize it by stalking these forums!
People will react differently so it's a scary convo to have but I'd say use your best judgement and if your gut says to tell them then open up, it'll increase your support system that much more!

NenaB54

I mentioned it to my parents, sister in law, and some of my closest friends. My in laws don't know yet - which is good because my MIL is recovering from cancer and this is small potatoes to burden her with unless we get pregnant.  I am glad i told my friends for the advice/support. 

My folks I kinda regret only because I don't wanna get asked about it, and I was hoping to surprise them with a BFP on their return from 2 month vacation. ( They are coming home today. BFN =(   )

thewickedfairy

We've chosen not to tell anyone about what we're doing. I've told only one friend just so I have a woman to talk to. We have chosen not to say anything, because we have two older ones (one of each sex) and at one point we're pretty stuck on not having anymore. Recently we've changed our minds, and decided we want to surprise our families but not letting them know we are TTC. For my parents, it'll be overly exciting because I'm the only one who can have kids. For his parents, if it does happen it'll be grand baby 6.

ramaholic

We're not telling anyone (though my husband doesn't understand why, ugh) until we have a positive.  And, if I have it my way, not until 12+ weeks.

SIL might already have an idea, but that's about it.  No one else gets to know until we're there because most of them are a bunch of asshats.

My family and friends situation, though, is not yours.  Awkward is a state of mind -- it's only as "awkward" as you let it be.  If you talk about it as if it were a normal topic of conversation, it will become a normal topic of conversation.  Maybe pulling them aside sometime while you're down there and saying, "I want to let you in on a secret -- H and I have been TTC since last year.  I'm having a really hard time and I needed someone to talk to about it...[insert concerns/vents/frustrations/crying/etc here]" would be a pretty good way to open up and start communication.

Edit because holy fucking novel

bfonz619

We have only told a select few, close family members and friends.  At this point, we do not plan to tell anyone else until after we have conceived.  People ask us on a regular basis when we are going to have kids which makes us feel like the "are you pregnant yet?" would become too regular of a question. 

PB&J714

I originally didn't plan to tell anyone. But I did tell my mom that we plan to TTC in April and she said, "Oh, a January baby!" So that kind of put pressure on me because I might not (probably won't) get pg instantly. So I regretted saying that.

The only other people who know are our neighbors, because some are pg, others are trying, etc. So we all talk about that and it's a no-pressure atmosphere. It is nice having them to talk to.

TRP85

I told my mom this past weekend but I prefixed it with "I just got my iud out so it will take a long time for my cycle to even return to normal so don't expect anything anytime soon". My mom is a big source of support for me so I want to be able to talk to her about it if I need to.
My best friend also knows but she knows better then to start questioning me.
Like so many of the other ladies have said, I think it comes down to your own comfort level and whether people can and will provide you the support you may need without pressuring you.

edited: because I can't type

Twinkie0612

I didn't say anything to my parents until after we hit the year mark and needed medical history for new patient forms with our RE. I did tell my sister earlier since she was also trying and had went through a miscarriage. I didn't want to blindside her with a pregnancy announcement if I conceived before her. It turns out that wasn't an issue since her rainbow baby will turn 2 next month and we are still TTC number 1.

bobloblaw87

If people ask us when we want kids or if we usually respond vaguely, like "if it happens, it happens
 or "we want kids at some point." I've told my sister and a couple close girlfriends that I'm not on BCP anymore but really only my sister and my friend who is a labor and delivery nurse and also struggled with infertility knows that we are actively "trying." I've never voluntarily shared with people. You're basically saying "Hey! We're having ALOT of unprotected sex. Just thought you'd like to know!"

My parents have never asked us when we're having kids, partially because they had trouble trying to conceive, but they are also just respectful of the fact that it's none of their business until we say it is, but H's family is always bugging us.   

PinkRoses53

We didn't tell anyone when we were ttc my son.  This time, I've told my BFF and that is it.   My mom asked me a couple days ago when we think we want to have another baby and I told her that my son is enough for now  (I get all awkward under pressure).  

I just dont want the pressure of people knowing we were ttc especially since we had a very early loss.  

Aldermanbaby

Both my family and DH family would ask all the time after we got married in 2012. Finally we told them that we would start trying in 2014. ( This is when I thought if you didn't use protection once bam you would have an insta baby) Wishing we hadn't they ask like once a week if I am pregnant. I even have distant relatives calling me with "advice" or stories about people they know getting KU and how. WORST IDEA EVER ! Keep it to yourself as long as you can.

ramaholic

SemperFiSis said:

Can I just ask why, women specifically (moms), tend to ask "are you pregnant yet" or other things like that when they should know and understand it's not an immediate thing 9 times out of 10?? I don't get it. They probably hated it when everyone did that to them, why do it to other people?

Rant over.

Maybe they forgot?  Payback?

PrimRoseMama

We never said anything.

KendraEff

I told my parents right away as I have always been close to them. I needed to share my excitement and worries with someone, so I chose my mother. She's a nurse as well so that's a plus. My husband thought it was fine to tell them but wanted to not tell his parents as they aren't as close.

I suppose it's whatever you are most comfortable with. If we have trouble TTC, I would like support from my parents. I don't want to suffer in silence.

tlc35

MrsWaffles said:

I didn't plan on telling family that we were trying. Then I got pregnant, shared it with my parents and in-laws, then had a loss. So now they all know. Thankfully they aren't too pushy to find out info.

This is exactly what happened with us.