My immediate family lives out of state and though I talk to my mom on the phone every week, DH and I haven't seen my parents, my sister and my nieces since Christmas. Back then, we were only a few months into TTC and mostly mum on the subject.
We are going to visit this weekend and it seems like this might be a good time to mention our hopes of starting a family. Now that we're approaching the one year mark, I feel almost guilty not talking about it. I feel like if I don't tell them, I'm keeping a secret from my mom and sis especially now that TTC is becoming such a big part of our lives. We haven't been avoiding the subject by any means, but I do feel its a bit awkward to bring up in conversation unprompted. ("What's new you ask? Well, we've been trying to make a baby!")
We don't want to make an announcement that we're trying or anything, we are just discussing whether or not we should bring it up and how to bring it up.
Any thoughts on the subject? At what point (and how) did you share with you parents/immediate family that you're TTC or are you choosing not to tell?
Married 9.29.2012
TTC Since September 2013
Me: 29 DH: 29, congenital adrenal hyperplasia
dx: azoospermia
Treatment: DH on decadron.
Benched since Oct 2014
Re: When did you tell family you were TTC?
If I were more mature I still wouldn't tell her. Or my family. We've only been trying for a couple months but I might say something closer to the year mark. Especially if we go to an RE.
3 failed IUI cycles
Oct '15 - IVF 1 - 10R, 3M, 0F
Sept '16 - IVF - 12R, 11M, 5F and 3 perfect day 5 blasts - MMC 7w5d
Jan '17 - FET 1 - BFP, EDD 10/14
What Are Your Thoughts on Tap Dancing Penguins?
This time around I've told my mom that we're trying again and I've told some close friends.
Baby girl #1 7/11/13
Baby girl #2 4/30/15
Baby Boy Due 2/16/19!
Since she lives 3,000 miles away so I have the option of only talking to her when I feel like it... Other wise I could not imagine hearing that question everyday!
Also, my mom has four kids which she did not have trouble conceiving... So she doesn't understand not being able to get pregnant right away.
Edit: add more words
Me (29) DH (29)
Married 5+ years
I told my sister and my best friend pretty immediately. They both told me when they were trying and they both tried for almost a year before getting pregnant. I don't really have any advice on how to tell because it was a very casual when I told them. I said, "J and I are making a baby!" After our loss however, I was telling my mom about my six week post-loss check up and she asked me if the doctor cleared us to try again. I told her yes and she asked if we were going to right away. I told her yes. I don't think I would've told her but I've never been big about lying so I told her the truth. Also, my sister and best friend knew I was going to ask if we could try again at the check up so they knew the first day also.
I feel very comfortable with the people that know we are trying. Although my sister and best friend have never experienced a loss, they understand the pain of BFNs. They ask where I am in my cycle occasionally but it isn't overly invasive. My mom hasn't mentioned trying again since that first time when she asked me. That was three months ago. Good luck!
TTC #1: February 1, 2014
BFP #1: 2/21/14 EDD: 10/31/14 MMC: discovered 3/31/14 (blighted ovum) D&C: 4/3/14 at 9w6d
BFP #2:12/18/14 EDD: 8/27/14 Beta #1 (16 DPO): 50 Beta #2 (18 DPO): 54 CP: 12/25/14 at 5w0d
Names | Blog | Chart
Formally LisaG09
"Everybody wants to be happy. Nobody wants to feel pain but you can't have a rainbow without the rain."
If it's been a long road, I can definitely see wanting that support.
We told DH's mom at 10 months, but only because I had an emotional sobbing fit at DH's grandma's one night. I excused myself before I fell apart & she followed me to make sure I was ok. I love her.
All of our close friends have found out because we're honest when they ask.
Last week, DH's cousin, asked me to help her with her advanced psychology project. She's a photographer, so she was taking pics with her "subjects" holding a sign with their biggest fear written out. She knows our troubles, and has been there herself. So, my sign said "I'm afraid that I'll Never Become a Mother". As part of her project, she posted the album to Facebook (there were 20 of us with different fears). Best decision I have ever made! I had 9 people reach out to me with their infertility stories. I had no idea that most of then had any trouble.
We're approaching 2 years next week and it's helped me to talk about it. It's also answered "the big question" from my extended family.
The way we've handled this isn't for everyone. I just got tired of the questions.
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We haven't told DHs family & we won't until I get a BFP.
DH - 27
TTC #1 since July 2014
Then again, my mother still tries to (pretends to at least) deny i have sex with dh. Haha, she doesnt want to think about us doing the dirtayyy
I only told my sister. She knew I was planning on stopping birth control when I ran out and that we would start TTC sometime after that. I just told her over the weekend that we are officially TTC. I know that she will keep it to herself and not blab to everyone. I thought about telling my mom, but I know that she will tell people (but tell them not to repeat it to anyone) and soon everyone will know.
TTC 10/2013
RE Help from 10/2014-10/2016 (11 failed IUIs, a corrective surgery, and a donor embryo cycle)
9/2016-transferred two donor embies
BFP 9/29/26 EDD June 11
Plus, I can only eat 50 grams/protein a day and must supplement with a protein formula that has the amino acid I can't process removed from it...and we now live with our IL's for a month so they know.
Other than that, two of my bffs started trying this June/July. One is already pregnant. Its been nice to have them to talk to, and I think it's been good fort pregnant friend to have someone to talk to before announcing, especially as I'm a nurse and she can bounce questions off of me.
Luckily, our parents aren't pushy. They don't bring it up at all.
~Santa Claus is Coming to Town~
Me: 31 DH: 29
DX (me): Inborn error of metabolism - protein restriction, metabolic formula & weekly blood tests
DNA Results (7/1): DH is NOT a carrier for my genetic disorder!
7/3: Metabolic clinic gave the green light to TTC - holy crap!
TTC Since 6/2013 Early Loss: 9/2013 MFI Diagnosis: 12/2014
I 'came out' during NIAW with a cover photo on Facebook but got really no comments about it. I'm pretty open about our losses with friends because it was just too much to keep to myself. H works in a place where there are a lot of people his age (he's 3.5 years younger than me, but by the time they hit 30 most women in his work or wives of guys he works with are done having kids and I'm just starting) and younger who are starting families, so we've alluded to the fact that something's up just so he doesn't have to deal with questions there.
My parents know kind of what our treatment plan is going to look like, my mom isn't wild about me restarting meds, but that's my choice. H's parents know a lightly sketched outline of what's going on but I leave that to him.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!