Parenting

MIL troubles

I don't know where to put this, so I hope it's in the right place!

One of my *things,* that doesn't seem to necessarily bother anyone else, is a fairly rabid stance on seat belts. I do not like anyone in my car riding without one - my BIL stormed out of my car and threatened to walk home from a restaurant a year or two ago because I insisted.

Last night, after dinner, DH was driving home. I offered MIL the front seat, but she declined and chose to sit in the back. I turned and saw she was not wearing her seat belt. I asked if we needed to adjust the car seats so she could buckle up. (For the record, there is access to the seatbelt the way they are now; I just was trying not to make a thing.) She said no. I said "oh, let me switch and sit in the back then," to which she responded, "No. I'm fine." It was getting late and we were still long way from home, so I let it go, but I don't want to drive all the way to vacation and back that way - MIL is come with is to Maryland for a week at the end of the summer. :(

Can you help me draft a diplomatic email to her? Here is what I have:

I'm so glad that you are coming with us on our Ocean City vacation! We all love it there so much, and the kids will be so happy to spend time with you. There is one issue, however, I feel we need to resolve before we set out; I feel strongly that people riding in our car, regardless of age or seat position, be buckled up safely.

New Jersey and Delaware have seat belt laws for every passenger, even those in the back seat, and Maryland will have one going into effect this fall. Not only is safer for the individual to wear a seatbelt, but in the event of an accident, you run the risk of becoming a projectile and injuring others in the car.

DS and DD love you and look up to you, and it is important to me that as a role model you have a seatbelt on as well.

I am happy to offer you the front seat if you would be more comfortable up there. I do know that the back is somewhat crowded with both carseats; poor DS will likely be rear-facing until he is 6 years old, since rear facing is 5 times safer,8
and we bought a car seat with the highest possible rear-facing weight limit!

Thank you, Me

-----
What do you think? This is stressing me out. (I'll obviously change DS, DD, and Me to our actual names...)

Re: MIL troubles

  • The problem is she has to come down with us - it's a really long trip so it would be ridiculous to take 2 cars. And we will be traveling through states where it's illegal not to wear a seat belt - even in the back. I know the likelihood of getting a ticket for that is really low, but it's something...
  • fredalina said:

    Butt out.

    ? It's my car and my kids. Do I not have a right to concern? Especially during the parts of the drive where not wearing it is illegal?

  • This is one of those situations where the message would come better from her son not her daughter-in-law.  Your husband needs to be the one to tell his mother to buckle up.  Why is he making you out to be the bad guy?


    I agree with this.  Also, I'd take out the last sentence about rear-facing before your husband sends it (or calls her to tell her the same - which sounds infinitely less hostile to me than an email).  The rear-facing sentence (though I entirely agree and intend to do the same) seems unnecessarily holier-than-thou.

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  • I disagree with what your MIL did, but she's an adult and can so what she wants. I would ask that she not ride with me.

    I don't get people who refuse seatbelts.

    I disagree that she can do what she wants. She can do what she wants in her own car. You are the one liable if you get pulled over, not Mil. Therefore, she needs to respect your rules. I think you're 100% right for insisting, especially in front of your kids. But it needs to come from your H. Your message was great, but I still think your H needs to step up.
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  • I have the same rule in my car. I've had people get out too. I don't get it at all.

    I'd have your H say something to her.


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  • This is one of those situations where the message would come better from her son not her daughter-in-law.  Your husband needs to be the one to tell his mother to buckle up.  Why is he making you out to be the bad guy?

    That's what I originally thought... But she would *know* it came from me so I thought it would be better to be direct. I'll talk to DH about, but I think he's not going to want to get involved.

  • MrsL1012 said:

    This is one of those situations where the message would come better from her son not her daughter-in-law.  Your husband needs to be the one to tell his mother to buckle up.  Why is he making you out to be the bad guy?

    That's what I originally thought... But she would *know* it came from me so I thought it would be better to be direct. I'll talk to DH about, but I think he's not going to want to get involved.

    But coming from him shows you're united and he agrees with you, even if the idea wasn't his originally.


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    MrsL1012LaurelBee[Deleted User]
  • This is one of those situations where the message would come better from her son not her daughter-in-law.  Your husband needs to be the one to tell his mother to buckle up.  Why is he making you out to be the bad guy?


    I agree with this.  Also, I'd take out the last sentence about rear-facing before your husband sends it (or calls her to tell her the same - which sounds infinitely less hostile to me than an email).  The rear-facing sentence (though I entirely agree and intend to do the same) seems unnecessarily holier-than-thou.

    Agree.  And it has nothing to do with her wearing a seatbelt.
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    MrsL1012
  • Thanks, ladies!

    DH is really, really not confrontational - especially with his family. He prefers to "stay out of it." This leads to me just keeping my mouth shut rather than having a disagreement all the time over minor things, but this is really something I feel strongly about. If DH won't talk to her, I'll have to - I'm just trying to find the most tactful way.

    I won't mention RFing; my reasoning was to highlight that I have lots of car safety rules, not just with her, but I can see where it comes off wrong.
  • I would say let it be.  Secondly those states don't have back seat seatbelt laws so using the angle of it being illegal isn't valid.
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    missymo
  • I would say let it be.  Secondly those states don't have back seat seatbelt laws so using the angle of it being illegal isn't valid.

    Yes, they do -

    NJ:
    http://www.nj.gov/oag/hts/seatbelts.html

    DE:
    http://ohs.delaware.gov/seatbelts
  • I agree with having your DH bring it up. I would do it closer to the trip and in person. I don't think it's a hill to die on, but I can see why it's important to you. I also agree the best angle to take is her modeling good seatbelt practice for your kids.



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  • I agree with PPs. Talk to her in person or see if you can get H to do it instead of an email. I would add, since it's your car and you're driving, let her know if she refuses a seatbelt that she will pay the ticket in any state you're pulled over. My SIL does this too but if it's us driving she does put it on. GL.
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  • MrsL1012 said:
    I would say let it be.  Secondly those states don't have back seat seatbelt laws so using the angle of it being illegal isn't valid.
    Yes, they do - NJ: http://www.nj.gov/oag/hts/seatbelts.html DE: http://ohs.delaware.gov/seatbelts
    For those UNDER 18
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  • MrsL1012 said:

    I would say let it be.  Secondly those states don't have back seat seatbelt laws so using the angle of it being illegal isn't valid.

    Yes, they do -

    NJ:
    http://www.nj.gov/oag/hts/seatbelts.html

    DE:
    http://ohs.delaware.gov/seatbelts

    For those UNDER 18


    I believe it says all passengers.

    From the Delaware website: "Everyone in the vehicle, including backseat passengers and children, must wear seat belts properly."

    And New Jersey:
    " On January 18, 2010, legislation was signed into law requiring all occupants to buckle up, regardless of their seating position in a vehicle. A secondary offense, the new law allows police to issue summonses to unbuckled back seat occupants, 18 years of age and older, when the vehicle they are riding in is stopped for another violation. The law is effective immediately."

    My main concern is not the law, as I insist on seatbelts in NY as well, but it IS illegal in those states.




  • In NJ backseat seatbelt laws are secondary meaning the only reason someone in the backseat would get a ticket would be if the car was pulled over first for a violation...DE only for under 16.


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  • fredalina said:

    The under 18 seat belt laws in back seats are for children, not adults. I say butt out because it's her head, not yours. Your letter is very self righteous.


    The new laws are for everyone. (See links above if you must.)

    I do not want to come off as self-righteous which is why I posted on here for advice. This is something I care about, and I will not "butt out" as it concerns me and my children. I was not asking for your views on seatbelts, and how you handle things in your car or your own family, but rather how best to approach this given MY priorities. Obviously, if you don't share those values, you don't have advice to give, and that's fine. Your car, your rules.
  • In NJ backseat seatbelt laws are secondary meaning the only reason someone in the backseat would get a ticket would be if the car was pulled over first for a violation...DE only for under 16.


    I understand that the NJ law is secondary, but it is still a law. The ways you can get a ticket are not the issue - it remains illegal.

    From my reading of the Delaware website, it says EVERYONE so we will disagree on that.

  • kj07kj07 member
    Long-Lasting Membership 5000 Comments 250 Answers 100 Love Its
    Regardless of the law, as the driver OP trumps MIL.   I'd be more likely to accept the butt-out sentiment if OP was discussing MIL's actions while in MIL's car, but she's not.  She's talking about what MIL is doing in OP's car, while OP is the driver.
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  • Scout2005 said:

    Is she fucking five years old? Buckle your seat belt and grow up.

    I want to unlove your comment so I can love it again. The thread got off topic discussing legality which wasn't my point, primarily.

  • If you look at the NEXT line on the NJ website, which I've already quoted, you will see that as of 2010 the law applies to everyone.
  • The whole email using the "legality" of her seatbelt use to get her to wear her seatbelt is what got everything off topic...

    If you want her to wear her seatlbelt say rules in your car are everyone must wear a seatbelt.  The end.

    If you want to send her an email about it and pussyfoot around then leave it be-because its passive and she will dismiss it.

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  • I'm sure it's been said, but really you need to just let this go.  She is an adult.  It's stupid not to wear a seat belt, but you don't need to be sending your MIL emails and shit about it.  

    I have to be totally honest and say that if I had a DIL who made a big fucking deal about me not wearing a seat belt, I would think less of her.  Again, it's stupid not to wear a seat belt, but it is also stupid to make such a huge deal about another adult making that stupid choice. 

    If you get in an accident and she flies through the window, you can be comforted that you told her so.  



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  • Oh and I'm team don't send the email, just tell her to her face. The email is over the top and ridiculous and won't help.

    I have never had people resist too much when I tell them my buckle up rule.


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    MrsL1012Kaydfry2411[Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • My car, with my kid in it and you WILL wear your seatbelt or get out. End of story.

     

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  • What if we get in an accident and she flies into my belted children? Is that something I can still just brush aside with "I told you so?"

    And when my children are older and they follow Grandma's example and get into other people's cars and don't wear seatbelts and THEY go flying out, she'll just learn her lesson then, right?
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  • Oh and I'm team don't send the email, just tell her to her face. The email is over the top and ridiculous and won't help. I have never had people resist too much when I tell them my buckle up rule.
     I agree with this sentiment.  The email is ridiculous.  My MIL often forgets to buckle up.  I just tell her that she has to use a seat belt in our car.  If I do not tell her my kids will.  I would never send the email the OP wrote.
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  • MrsL1012 said:
    . I turned and saw she was not wearing her seat belt. I asked if we needed to adjust the car seats so she could buckle up. (For the record, there is access to the seatbelt the way they are now; I just was trying not to make a thing.) She said no. I said "oh, let me switch and sit in the back then," to which she responded, "No. I'm fine." It was getting late and we were still long way from home, so I let it go, 
    Why didn't you just say "please buckle up."? You talked about seats and belts, but never made that simple request?  Three spoken words is much better than a multiparagraph email.
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  • MrsL1012 said:
    What if we get in an accident and she flies into my belted children? Is that something I can still just brush aside with "I told you so?" And when my children are older and they follow Grandma's example and get into other people's cars and don't wear seatbelts and THEY go flying out, she'll just learn her lesson then, right?
    You should include this in your email too, since its not at all dramatic.

    Stop being ridiculous and just tell her what you want her to do.  Seriously if you approach issues with your MIL in this way on a regular basis she isn't going to ever give a shit what you say.
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  • Oh and I'm team don't send the email, just tell her to her face. The email is over the top and ridiculous and won't help.

    I have never had people resist too much when I tell them my buckle up rule.

     I agree with this sentiment.  The email is ridiculous.  My MIL often forgets to buckle up.  I just tell her that she has to use a seat belt in our car.  If I do not tell her my kids will.  I would never send the email the OP wrote.

    Please help me make my message less ridiculous and over the top. THAT was my original question. In the event that DH chooses not to talk to her about it and I have to, what is the most tactful approach? I thought the email was less confrontational, but you all have said that's not the case - so I will discuss it with her directly. There is no need to argue with me about the validity of my rules and my interpretation of the law; they are MY rules, and not what I was requesting opinions about.

    The constructive feedback so far has been to ask DH to deal with it, or, failing that, talk to her rather than send an email - any other advice?

  • MrsL1012 said:
    Oh and I'm team don't send the email, just tell her to her face. The email is over the top and ridiculous and won't help. I have never had people resist too much when I tell them my buckle up rule.
     I agree with this sentiment.  The email is ridiculous.  My MIL often forgets to buckle up.  I just tell her that she has to use a seat belt in our car.  If I do not tell her my kids will.  I would never send the email the OP wrote.
    Please help me make my message less ridiculous and over the top. THAT was my original question. In the event that DH chooses not to talk to her about it and I have to, what is the most tactful approach? I thought the email was less confrontational, but you all have said that's not the case - so I will discuss it with her directly. There is no need to argue with me about the validity of my rules and my interpretation of the law; they are MY rules, and not what I was requesting opinions about. The constructive feedback so far has been to ask DH to deal with it, or, failing that, talk to her rather than send an email - any other advice? 

    I have no other advice.  When she gets in the car just say 'please buckle up'.  
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  • This was in response to a comment by a poster here, and obviously not intended as a tactful response to my MIL.

    But you know what? I *am* dramatic about my children's safety. Which is okay with me. And frankly, I would hope my MIL would be concerned with it as well.
  • missymomissymo member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments
    edited August 2013
    You know what else could severely injure someone in a roll over accident? Luggage.  Are you going to make sure you have no luggage, no toys, no water bottles, no sunglasses, etc. in your car?  No cellphones, no books?  Also, please make sure that no one is allowed to take their shoes off.  

    ETA: that being said, I do agree with those who advised you just to tell her to buckle up when she gets in the car.  I wouldn't kick her out if she makes a stink, but obviously it's up to you.  It's the giant fucking deal you were making out of it that seemed over the top and ridiculous.  


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    C is 3 years old

  • OP, just say it's a rule in your car that everyone wears a seatbelt. If she argues simply repeat it's the rule that all passengers wear a belt, and you don't move unless they're belted.

    I also secure luggage in my car, but a luggage's health insurance company has never sued anyone so that's not as big of a concern to me. In my car, all are belted. Adults or no.


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    [Deleted User]FemShep
  • Forget the long email.  Next time someone is in your car and won't buckle up, tell them to get the fuck out.  Stop trying to be so diplomatic.  If you get pulled over and a passenger doesn't have their seat belt on, you could get a ticket (not sure on individual states).  If you get in an accident, MIL becomes a giant projectile endangering everyone else in the car.  And you made a good point about setting a good example for your children.  I would have drove off when BIL had his temper tantrum.  He wants to walk home over a seat belt, let him.  Based on their reactions, your email will just come off as preachy and know-it-all.  
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
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  • missymomissymo member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments
    edited August 2013
    I will admit that I had absolutely no idea that some states required seat belts in the back seat for adults.  Michigan only requires front seat belts for those under 15.  If it's a legal issue, that is different.  I'm very curious as to what states actually require that.  

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    C is 3 years old

  • missymomissymo member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments
    edited August 2013
    Right, but that is front seat occupants.  Rear seat laws only apply to children. 

    ETA: Although I'm reading that 3 states have rear seat laws for adults, I can't seem to figure out which 3 from the graph.  I may very well be having a reading comprehension fail.  



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    C is 3 years old

  • fredalina said:

    OP, have you seriously not picked up on the advice given? You have 3 choices here: Leave it alone (which you don't want), simply tell her the rule in simple words ("Please buckle up", or "The rule in our car is that we start driving when everyone is buckled up"), or send a ridiculous email that will make you look like an idiot. You decide.

    I'm not sure what this is in response to, but I've already stated multiple times that I will be using the more direct, verbal approach. Thank you so much for your feedback and helpful suggestions.

  • Yeah, I looked at the chart.  I simply cannot see what states require adults to wear belts in the back seat.  What am I missing? 

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    C is 3 years old

  • I found it easier to look it up by individual state on the state's websites. That chart confused me as well, although AFTER looking at the states' info, it seems to be accurate.
  • Right. That was where I said I'd heed the advice here, not send the email, and talk to her directly.
  • So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  

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    C is 3 years old

  • I thought there might be a better way of saying it than "you better buckle your seatbelt or you can't come on the family vacation," but you know, whatever.
  • Scout2005 said:

    Yeah, I looked at the chart.  I simply cannot see what states require adults to wear belts in the back seat.  What am I missing? 
    KY has a primary law for over 50. I'm on my phone, I'm not going to look at the whole thing. This is just for edification anyway. The law is irrelevant on the face of my rules in my car. I again reference smoking as another example.

    That's not what the chart says, though.  It says under 50".   Again, unless I'm reading it wrong.  Which is not outside the realm of possibility.  

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    C is 3 years old

  • missymo said:

    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  

    Which states require backseat seatbelts? As primary or secondary offense? The laws vary by each individual state and the age ranges are different, too. I just went to the websites of the states we regularly drive in, and those we will be traveling through for vacation to familiarize myself.

  • missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    If you click on the individual state it will take you to another informational page...what state are you in?
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  • missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    I worry more about the safety of all the passengers in my car than the law.  I DGAF if the state requires it or not, everyone wears a seat belt.  Do you not require seat belts for adults in your car?  Is that why you're so intent on getting to the bottom of what the law requires for adults?  Not trying to be snarky, but getting ticket should be the least of your worries on this topic.  A passenger in the back seat flying through the windshield and breaking the driver's neck on the way out should be way more of a concern.
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
    MrsL1012
  • missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    If you click on the individual state it will take you to another informational page...what state are you in?
    Oh, I'm in Michigan, and I know our laws.  15 and under require seat belts in the back seat.  

    I was just perusing the chart that was linked, and although the text seems to say several states require adults to wear belts in the back, the chart seems to indicate that none do.  I am apparently not good at reading charts.  

    I was curious if anyone else looking at it was seeing something I am missing.  

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    C is 3 years old

  • MrsL1012 said:
    I thought there might be a better way of saying it than "you better buckle your seatbelt or you can't come on the family vacation," but you know, whatever.
    Umm, I stated what I say before and I've never had an issue. So have others.

    Before you turn on the car, look for belts. If she's not belted, tell her that your rule in the car is that everyone wears seatbelts. If she complains or fusses or hesitates, repeat that the rule is in your car that everyone wears seatbelts, and that you will not drive when someone isn't wearing their belt. Don't debate it and say why or why not or whatever. Keep it simple. The rule is you don't drive if everyone isn't belted. If she wants to ride in your car, she wears a belt. Don't argue, just repeat yourself. Tell your DH he'd best back you up and not side with her.


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    MrsL1012[Deleted User]
  • MrsL1012 said:
    I thought there might be a better way of saying it than "you better buckle your seatbelt or you can't come on the family vacation," but you know, whatever.
    Again, my MIL forgets her seatbelt.   I just say 'please buckle up'.  I do not threaten or give a lengthy explanation.  I ask her politely as I would any other adult.  If she refused I would say we cannot go until she buckles because we love her and want to keep her safe.
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  • missymomissymo member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments
    edited August 2013
    missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    I worry more about the safety of all the passengers in my car than the law.  I DGAF if the state requires it or not, everyone wears a seat belt.  Do you not require seat belts for adults in your car?  Is that why you're so intent on getting to the bottom of what the law requires for adults?  Not trying to be snarky, but getting ticket should be the least of your worries on this topic.  A passenger in the back seat flying through the windshield and breaking the driver's neck on the way out should be way more of a concern.

    Ummm...I was intent at getting to the bottom of the law, because I was surprised that some states require seat belts in the back seat for adults.  Is that not a good enough reason?  Should I have no curiosity about what goes on in the world?  

    ETA: I also think it's important to back up your assertions.  Someone said some states required seat belts in rear seats for adults.  Since I am deficient at reading charts (apparently) I assumed whoever asserted that would let me know what few states required this.  I'll just default to the assumed none, I guess.   

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    C is 3 years old

  • @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands, rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4 of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.
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  • missymo said:
    missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    I worry more about the safety of all the passengers in my car than the law.  I DGAF if the state requires it or not, everyone wears a seat belt.  Do you not require seat belts for adults in your car?  Is that why you're so intent on getting to the bottom of what the law requires for adults?  Not trying to be snarky, but getting ticket should be the least of your worries on this topic.  A passenger in the back seat flying through the windshield and breaking the driver's neck on the way out should be way more of a concern.

    Ummm...I was intent at getting to the bottom of the law, because I was surprised that some states require seat belts in the back seat for adults.  Is that not a good enough reason?  Should I have no curiosity about what goes on in the world?  
    Nope, just wondering what the motivation was.  It's just one of those laws that doesn't matter to me because everyone wears a seatbelt in my car.  Same with cell phone laws.  I don't talk on the phone or text while driving.  I don't really care what the law says in each state because it's inherently dangerous and my choosing not to do it is not motivated by the law. 
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the
    Northern Mariana Islands
    , rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4
    of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the
    Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.

    Those, plus the 16 states.

  • fredalina said:
    missymo said:
    So, what states require it, ladies??  Gah! The chart makes it seem like none, but the text says several do.  I am so confused.  I guess I am a complete failure at reading charts.  That is really not a surprise, actually.  
    I worry more about the safety of all the passengers in my car than the law.  I DGAF if the state requires it or not, everyone wears a seat belt.  Do you not require seat belts for adults in your car?  Is that why you're so intent on getting to the bottom of what the law requires for adults?  Not trying to be snarky, but getting ticket should be the least of your worries on this topic.  A passenger in the back seat flying through the windshield and breaking the driver's neck on the way out should be way more of a concern.
    Not missymo, but I've not actually had this problem since college. Everyone I know buckles up. In college I just left it figuring it's their head.
    I had to work on it with my dad for a while.  He was never a butt about it, I just had to remind him.  He never wore his seat belt while I was growing up.  I got in the habit when I started driving in HS.  FIL also never wore his so we have to remind him.  I don't know why people resist it.  I feel so uncomfortable without one on, like when riding on a bus.  
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • MrsL1012 said:
    @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands, rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4 of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.
    Those, plus the 16 states.

    Um no--3 states DO and they are highlighted above...the remaining 13 HAVE NO LAWS.

    13+3=16

    You're welcome.

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  • MrsL1012 said:
    @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands, rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4 of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.
    Those, plus the 16 states.
    Who has looked at this fucking chart? Seriously...I read the text.  Then I looked at the chart.  The chart does not list 16 states that require adults to wear seat belts in rear seats, so I don't know where on earth you are getting that from.  



    image
    C is 3 years old

  • If you are in my car, you wear a seatbelt or get out. If you want to risk serious and unnecessary injury, take your own car, but I will not be liable for it. End of story.

    I'd have your DH present this to her. It shouldn't be this complicated.

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/1e/60/2a/1e602a4261a90b9c761ebe748b780318.jpg    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/47/2c/07/472c076006afed606241716dd0db828a.jpg 
    MrsL1012
  • missymomissymo member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments
    edited August 2013
    That's neat that you don't actually care what the law is @izzourclue.  You are welcome to do things however you want. 

    I, however, like to deal with facts and figures, and my curiosity has been engaged on the subject of rear seat belt requirements for adults.   I am embarrassed that I cannot seem to figure out what states require this, even though it has been insisted that several do.  

    ETA: I can see that Guam requires it for all positions.  But that's all I got, people.  

    image
    C is 3 years old


  • MrsL1012 said:

    @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the
    Northern Mariana Islands
    , rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4
    of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the
    Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats


    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.

    Those, plus the 16 states.

    Um no--3 states DO and they are highlighted above...the remaining 13 HAVE NO LAWS.

    13+3=16

    You're welcome.




    Perhaps you should look at the entire original reference:

    33 states, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands have primary seat belt laws for front seat occupants.

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands, rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4 of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats.

    "16 of these states" refers to the original 33 which have primary laws for front seat passengers. 16 states AND DC AND Guam AND the Northern Mariana Islands have primary laws for rear seats as well.

    It is poorly written and the chart is confusing which is why I recommend checking the website for the specific state you're interested in.

    *You're* welcome.
  • missymo said:


    MrsL1012 said:

    @missymo

    Rear Seats: In 16 of these states, D.C., Guam and the
    Northern Mariana Islands
    , rear seats are also primary enforcement. In 4
    of these states, rear seats are secondary. The remaining 13 and the
    Virgin Islands have no belt requirement for adults in rear seats

    Only those will ticket you if someone in the rear seat isn't wearing a seatbelt...the other 4 are NJ, NC, DE and KS--they will ticket adults not wearing seatbelts in the backseat ONLY if the car has been pulled over for a violation.

    Those, plus the 16 states.


    Who has looked at this fucking chart? Seriously...I read the text.  Then I looked at the chart.  The chart does not list 16 states that require adults to wear seat belts in rear seats, so I don't know where on earth you are getting that from.  




    Are you reading < and > correctly? < = less than, > = greater than. As I see it the chart is correct formthenstates I've looked up, but it is really poorly structured.

  • I think I'm neat.
    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
    MrsL1012Karbird5lollitots[Deleted User]
  • Oh lord.  I am dropping this.  I am sure there are states that require it.  I am sure it is listed on that fucking chart.  I am sure I am deficient at reading charts.  This is not surprising to me.  

    I will just continue on in a state of ignorance about the rear seat belt laws that affect adults. No big. 

    image
    C is 3 years old

  • According to the text, only 10 states have now laws regarding adults in the back seat, regardless of whether it is primary or secondary enforcement.
  • LOL In my haste to correct you MrsL I misread--so I did state that wrong before.

    When you read the charts, it states the laws PERTAIN TO CHILDREN UNDER 18. 16 states have primary enforcement for UNDER 18. 

    So not your MIL.

    You're still welcome to use your legality argument but its still WRONG.
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  • States that require adult rear passengers to wear seatbelts, according to that chart:

    Alaska, California, Delaware, DC, Hawaii, Idaho, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland (as of 10/1/13), Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Carolina, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Washington, Wisconsin, Wyoming
  • And I'm just over here in WA state thinking, seat belt laws everywhere else are weird. The idea of not enforcing for the back seat does not make sense to me.
    image
    image

    imageimage
    jackson290721MrsL1012[Deleted User]
  • LOL In my haste to correct you MrsL I misread--so I did state that wrong before.

    When you read the charts, it states the laws PERTAIN TO CHILDREN UNDER 18. 16 states have primary enforcement for UNDER 18. 

    So not your MIL.

    You're still welcome to use your legality argument but its still WRONG.

    I think you need to go back to elementary school math and learn the "greater" than and "less than" symbols. You seem to need to be right so go right ahead with whatever you believe, but according to the chart, the text above, AND the government websites of the individual states, many areas have laws that include adult passengers.

    Aside from the legal issue, in my car everyone wears a seatbelt. Period.

  • It's the law here that all passengers wear a seatbelt, so I wouldn't hesitate to say, "buckle up or get out of my car". Even if it wasn't a law, I'd still insist on it. I really didn't know that there were grown adults who refused to put on a seatbelt, though.

    In your case, I wouldn't send an email and I wouldn't make a power struggle out of it (like sitting in the driveway until she finally decides to do it). I would simply tell her that you will not drive with passengers who are not wearing a seatbelt so it she refuses, she'll need to find her own way.
    image


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  • And I'm just over here in WA state thinking, seat belt laws everywhere else are weird. The idea of not enforcing for the back seat does not make sense to me.

    I know for CA all people over 16 in any part if the car have to have a seatbelt on. As someone that reads police reports and files criminal charges, I know adults in the back can get ticketed. It rarely happens. The law is different for kids and the adult drivers get in trouble for non belted kids.

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  • caladpi02 said:

    And I'm just over here in WA state thinking, seat belt laws everywhere else are weird. The idea of not enforcing for the back seat does not make sense to me.

    I know for CA all people over 16 in any part if the car have to have a seatbelt on. As someone that reads police reports and files criminal charges, I know adults in the back can get ticketed. It rarely happens. The law is different for kids and the adult drivers get in trouble for non belted kids.

    Yeah I didn't even look at the chart, but we have pretty strict laws here that I don't even understand an adult straight up refusing to buckle up. It just does not compute.
    image
    image

    imageimage
    MrsL1012BabyToGo
  • IDGAF what the law is if you're in my car you need to wear a seat belt.  In an accident an unbelted person can become a projectile that can injure or even kill other people in the car. 
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    [Deleted User]MrsL1012shadypinesBabyToGo
  • Day of trip have your Dh say "mom, can you buckle up please?" If she refuses, Dh says "It's important to us that everyone is buckled in. Please respect our rules." If she refuses again chime in: "would you be happier to buckle up while riding in the front seat? I will gladly switch with you, but the car won't be moving until your seat belt is on." No need to give reasons, stats, etc bc all that does is obviously open it up to conversation and allow her to knit pick.
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  • MrsL1012 said:
    LOL In my haste to correct you MrsL I misread--so I did state that wrong before.

    When you read the charts, it states the laws PERTAIN TO CHILDREN UNDER 18. 16 states have primary enforcement for UNDER 18. 

    So not your MIL.

    You're still welcome to use your legality argument but its still WRONG.
    I think you need to go back to elementary school math and learn the "greater" than and "less than" symbols. You seem to need to be right so go right ahead with whatever you believe, but according to the chart, the text above, AND the government websites of the individual states, many areas have laws that include adult passengers. Aside from the legal issue, in my car everyone wears a seatbelt. Period.
    You brought in the legal issues because it was going to be justification. You can't give the information and then just dismiss others' concerns with it.
    You do come off as VERY preachy and self-righteous.
    Also, you can't say "everyone wears a seatbelt in my car" and then say "oh but it doesn't make sense for her to take her own car if she doesn't because it's a long trip," NO. Stand your ground. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't go. Don't go justifying it. Just be forward. There was nothing wrong with any of the advice given to say put it on or get out. There doesn't have to be a "better" way to say it.

    Formerly known as KJLx121.
  • I agree with PP that you need to have a conversation... In a perfect world, your DH would bring it up and deal with it.

    DH never wore a seat belt before we got together. I'm anal about seat belts. I told him (when I was pregnant and he unclipped his belt 3 blocks from our house) if he widowed me, I'd name our baby Betsy. (A name I LOVE but he can't stand.) He was like "everyone would know I hate that name." And I said, "And everyone know you don't have a say anymore because you couldn't keep your seatbelt on."
    imageimage 
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