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just got sad news

PMJacobsenPMJacobsen
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months
a family friend who was pregnant lost the baby. she went for her 12 week check up, saw the baby on the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat. everything was fine.  they were so excited and had been TTC for awhile.  then 3 weeks later (today), she started bleeding. when she went to the doctor, they told her the baby died 2 weeks ago.  since the baby has been in there for  so long, toxins have built up and she is having full out surgery in the morning.  they don't know if they can save the uterus.  she is (obviously) devastated and i just feel so sick for her.  my heart is aching.  they also have a 4 year old and are arguing about what to tell him.  the mom wants to tell him the baby disappeared and the dad wants to tell him that they changed their minds and made the baby leave...
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Re: just got sad news

  • mavs_girl07mavs_girl07 member
    Changed their minds and made the baby leave??  That's gotta be the worst thing they could say to a 4 year old. 
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  • cchrislercchrisler
    OMG. Horrible story!! My heart goes out to every one affected. I can't even imagine. How sad! I'm sure the staff at the hospital, maybe child life coordinator etc, would have thoughts on what to tell their 4 yr old. Not sure either of those 2 stories are good ones..:(
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  • LynnInLove1007LynnInLove1007 member

    OMG that is terrible. I am praying for them.

    I definitely think the moms idea is better when it comes to telling the 4 year old. The  dads idea is kind of weird IMO.

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  • Sueball1Sueball1 member
    Oh that is so sad. My thoughts are with your friend...
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  • engaged678engaged678 member
    Oh so sad. I would be devastated to learn that my uterus might not make it. I'd tell the 4 y/o that the baby got sick and died. Don't think I'm on board for telling him that they've changed their minds... seems wrong to me.
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  • Serendipity*Serendipity*
    omg! how awful! my heart goes out to them!
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  • megs042107megs042107

    imagePMJacobsen:
    the dad wants to tell him that they changed their minds and made the baby leave...

    ok, what? ?that's an awful explanation!

    so sad for your friend... i hope they can save her uterus. ?so so sad.?

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  • bstngrl578bstngrl578 member

    That is really sad.

    As far as what to tell the 4 year old, I don't like either of their ideas. Be honest with the kid.

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  • barkers4jmmbarkers4jmm

    imagePMJacobsen:
    the dad wants to tell him that they changed their minds and made the baby leave...

    You can't say that to a child!  The child will think they can change their minds about him and make him go away.  The disappearing thing is bad too.  Tell him the truth.

    That is such heartbreaking news.

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  • PMJacobsenPMJacobsen
    imagemegs042107:

    imagePMJacobsen:
    the dad wants to tell him that they changed their minds and made the baby leave...

    ok, what?  that's an awful explanation!

    so sad for your friend... i hope they can save her uterus.  so so sad. 

    i agree. i think in their mourning, they are just so lost.  hopefully someone will be able to reach out to them.  the idea about grief counselors at the hospital is a good one.

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  • jnksmomjnksmom member

    That is horrible. My thoughts go out to your friend.I hope they can save her uterus.

    I don't think either of their explanations are good ones for a 4 year old. They should just be honest with the kid...agree with pp need to reach out to counselors at the hospital.

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  • iowandfwiowandfw member
    i feel badly for your friend's loss, but wow- the reasoning to/for the 4 year old is a little.....odd.
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  • littleittybittylittleittybitty member
    imagebstngrl578:

    That is really sad.

    As far as what to tell the 4 year old, I don't like either of their ideas. Be honest with the kid.

    I would be honest too. 

    What a tragic and sad story! :(

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  • hav2runhav2run
    Oh my what a horrible story.  I cannot imagine.  But FFS, she needs a second opinion if they even consider removing her uterus.  I have been working in the OR for several years, and we do more than our fair share of surgery after miscarriage.  Not once have I ever seen a woman need a hysterectomy after a m/c...never, not once.  I would NOT consider that without a second or third opinion.  It is absurd to even think of it.  Tell your friend not to allow it without confirmation of the diagnosis by two or three docs.  I hope all goes well.  I would tell the other DC that the baby went to heaven or something to that effect..  No other excuse necessary.
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  • rease.rease.

    thats so so sad. im sorry for your friend. :(

    when i lost a baby before i told my kids that the baby got sick and went to go live in heaven. they understood. they asked questions and i answered. Keep it simple, kids arent stupid.

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  • zucchinigirlzucchinigirl

    Agree with PPs... those two explanations are awful.  Tell the child the truth - the baby was sick and couldn't stay in mommy's belly anymore. 

    So sorry for your friend...

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  • longhorn14longhorn14
    That is terrible. My heart goes out to them. :(
    Mom to an almost 4 y/o and an almost 2 y/o. In process of growing our family through adoption.
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  • loveybearloveybear
    oh that is so sad, my heart goes out to them. i hope they can save their uterus and i hope they come up with a better explanation for their 4 year old.
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