Moms of very challenging older toddlers, come in

Hooray2005 · January 2009

Curious - what percentage of the time does your child actually follow your direction on the first or second request? What strategies have you found helpful to increase adherence to rules/requests?

I'm at my wits end. My DS simply refuses to listen to direction (no matter how nicely or sternly I ask), and no amount of consistency seems to influence his behavior (counting to three, giving forced choices, etc.) Time outs are minimally effective, and he seems to "not learn" from the experience.

I know a lot of this is "two-year-old" behavior, but I know DS is on the more "extreme" end, and I need ideas (or a Xanax and glass of wine - lol).

lizard76 · January 2009

My DS generally follows directions within a few times of being asked. If he doesn't and it's an annoying behavior (hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.), he gets put in time-out for 2 minutes. If he's refusing to do something...his most common being to pick up toys, we take something away until he does the behavior. So, if one night he refuses to pick up toys, no Blue's Clues before bed (or books, etc.). Usually this works within 3 nights.

hopefulmom · January 2009

On the 1st command...probably 50% (although there are those days!).

I try to make them sound like it is a fun thing to do when I ask. Like...can you help me take things to the table. For instance, I'll set out bottles and bottles of salad dressing for him to take to the table (even though we usually use one). When he's done with that (usually 3-4 trips) I'll ask him to take in the silverware and then napkins. I give him a lot of praise when he does this. I can usually ask him to do something he normally would not want to do like pick up some of his toys before we go into dinner. I just try to catch him when he's in a "good" mood.

Hooray2005 · January 2009

Ugh - this is what I was afraid of... on a really "good" day, DS listens on the 1-3 try only about 20% of the time...

His temperament is killing me - lol.

Zenya · January 2009

DS is pretty average I think but what worked for us when he went through a 'not listening' phase was that everything stopped before we could proceed. Even just there actually - he threw the plastic bag that held the crayons on the floor while we were coloring.

Me: Please pick that up
DS: No. I can't.
Me: Christopher - please pick up the bag,
DS: (Ignores me) and then says "You do it"

Me: picks up crayons. Puts them on the counter and calmly says "We'll continue coloring when you pick up the bag". And then I went to walk out of the room. He picked it up before I was gone.

Would soemthing like that work? I don't have to go that far anymore very often. But we did have kind of stand offs at the start. But for like... 2 days or something. Really not long.

I don't use t/o and yelling gets me nowhere. I try to just keep calm, polite and direct.

Zenya · January 2009

(not a 2 day stand off btw! Just the prolonged standoffs (> 15 minutes) only went on for a period of 2 days). During those times if he wanted to do something else 'fun' instead I said no. First you have to ________

mlm1128 · January 2009

Honestly, dd rarely listens to me when I order her to do something. I was frustrated beyond belief for months because I just thought I sucked at being her mother. When i calmed down and tried some new things I relaized she responds very well when she thinks that what I ask of her is helping me. She eats it up, really. When she finished she will come over and kiss me and sya things like "I'm a good helper mommy, right?".

She is extremely independent and stong willed. Traits that will serve her well in the future, but can really annoy the heck out of a parent of a toddler!

minnasmommy · January 2009

:::passing Hooray a Xanax and some pinot noir:::

S listens almost never! If she does listen to me I'm in shock! ? you're not alone.?

how are you doing??

stcroixbride · January 2009

I'll join you in that Xanax and wine. I feel like DD listens about.0001% of the time

Hooray2005 · January 2009

Minna and StCroix - I knew I could count on you two!! Xanax and Pinot for everyone!

I'm hanging in there - hoping we have a rental house secured and will be out of this increasingly tiny apt. in a few weeks!

All of my standard child-psychologist tricks aren't working on this kid. He has little/no interest in being my "helper" (what kiddo doesn't want to please their parents on some level?!), starts misbehaving when I "catch him being good" or comment on his desired behavior, and lol, could seriously tantrum for h-o-u-r-s (oh, and trust me, I run his sleep and eating schedule like clockwork otherwise I really have a mess on my hands). He's my real "practical course" for all the school-based learning I got over the years!

Ah, well.... here's to regression to the mean for DS#2!

ca0918 · January 2009

Most of the time mine doesn't look at me or acknowledge my presence when asked to do something. Rarely he looks at me and smirks. I am pg and can't have Xanax or wine. I feel your pain. I just keep repeating "two doesn't last forever, two doesn't last forever".

Hooray2005 · January 2009

LOL, ca0918! That's the beauty of online xanax and wine - you can have it even when pg!

**passes both to ca0918**

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