Did you have trouble getting DH to do SA?

sillygirlio · January 2009

Little background, DH and I have been TTC since Oct. 2006. We've never even had a bfp. My cycles are regular, I chart and so I'm (fairly) certain that I ovulate. (haven't had any blood work to know for sure) Our insurance doesn't cover ANYTHING, so we need to go about this in the correct order for the sake of nothing more than $$$$.

So, last September I call my gyno's office and request SA info (gyno suggested that would be the first step at my yearly back in May of 08) and it is mailed to our house with instructions. Since then I have been trying to get DH to go do the test and he says that he will, he says that he needs to, he says that he plans to... BUT HE NEVER DOES!!! I swear I bring it up every week and I'm starting to feel like a nag, but damnit, this is something that needs to be done.

I know this is hard for men, but it's not going to get better if we don't know what the problem is. How did you get your reluctant husband to do this test? Am I going to have to drop a load of money on tests for me before I can even get him to whack it into a cup???

Oh, and as an aside, yes, I'm sure he wants kids. He gets mad at pregnant women just as much as I do. We're nuts together.

mybobble · January 2009

While he wasn't thrilled w/ the idea he knew he needed to do his share of testings. He didn't think it would be fair for me to go though all of these tests and he not do anything. He's had 2 sa's so far.

Mrs.Babbsy · January 2009

It's an ego thing, what if it's him? Maybe he is just not ready to find that out yet. If he is collecting at home offer to "help" him. Can you buy him some porn? Make him his own video (My hubby loved the home video).

I'm just throwing things out there. My H didn't have any issues going, he just makes jokes about it to help with his uncomfortableness and he knows the testing I have been through. He gets the fun part.

fallbride110406 · January 2009

My husband was nervous, but he was more than willing to do what he had to do instead of making me go through Clomid and who knows what else my OB/Gyn would have done without checking him. ?I went with him to "help" him give his sample, which he said made it 100x easier. ?

Offer to go with him (if you can), let him know how important this is to you and that if there is something wrong with him, that it doesn't change anything, that you're in this together. ?The main reason my husband and I have to do IVF is because of my husband's low morph, and I know it kills him to watch me do injections and go to all these monitoring appointments. ?I just tell him constantly that we're in this together, he just gets the fun part. ?

elizabeth710 · January 2009

My husband was also less than thrilled. After-the-fact, he mentioned that the set-up at the facility only contributed to his anxiety. He said they told him to go into a bathroom, just off the waiting room, to perform. He felt like everyone outside knew what he was doing, it was before 10am (my DH is definately not a morning person), and he had to sit on a cold cold toilet seat.

My advice, I agree with the PP - try to make the set up at the facility conducive to what's gotta be done. Take the time to find a lab that has a designated room with *special* viewing matieral and/or one that allows you to accompany him.

I think if you step up to take him there yourself, it'll get done much faster than on his own accord. Men love to procrastinate Good luck!

August1807Bride · January 2009

We've just started the testing process, and my husband is ok with going for the test (however not thrilled with the thought of it). I know that I personally am completely stressed over wondering what is wrong with me (because i'm of course positive something must be), so perhaps your husband is feeling the same way, especially since you indicate you appear to be healthy. Have you had a real heart-to-heart with him and ask him why he is putting it off? You might be surprised at his answer.

GreenEyedGal · January 2009

Not at all. He was more than willing to do what it takes to get this show on the road.

Ireland05 · January 2009

GreenEyedGal:
Not at all. He was more than willing to do what it takes to get this show on the road.

?Ditto this. ?DH is worried he won't be able to "perform" at the office, but he's totally fine with needing an SA. ??

mrsparker2007 · January 2009

at cycle 10, when I first started mentioning going to the dr. for testing and such, he was totally against the SA part of testing. I mean, he literally said "no way am I doing that into a cup for someone to look at" For MH it was not wanting it to be his fault; I already have to go through being pregnant and giving birth and he's worried that he can't even go through on his end of the deal. By cycle 12 when I went to the dr. and she ordered a SA, he decided that if I had to get up at the same time every morning and get blood work done twice in one month to make sure I was ok, then he could do the SA. I went with him, and he's gone with me to each blood work appt and dr. appt, go with him to show that you're in this together

Mrs.T22308 · January 2009

My DH was in the same boat. ?My DR ordered the SA in November... my husband works retail... so I let him use that excuse until the new year. ?Then I twisted his arm every day until he did. ?OUr original clinic required he give the sample there, and he just didn't feel comfortable, so we found a clinic that would accept a sample taken at home, and I assisted. ?

After the fact he realized it wasn't such a big deal (although he admits he's not exactly dying to do it again!) and the fact that the nurse at the lab was trying to hit on him makes it even more funny!!

?What made it really "click" for him though was explaining that I'll be on all sorts of meds and going through all sorts of procedures (which are not pleasant) and all he has to do is pleasure himself into a cup. ?I told him I'd love to switch anyday... and he realized he had the easier end of the deal! GL!?

sakidavi · January 2009

my dh was definitely not excited about this, but he's been a trooper.

?from the beginning, i explained to him, we both want children, and my body will most likely undergo a lot in the next several months but i'm more than willing to do what it takes. I told him this was his one and only thing he had to do,and that i wasn't going to bug him about it. I said this is your part, so when you're ready make the appointment, and he did.?

side note: the day of my ER, my doc says, "you're husband looks much more nervous than you". But he got through it.

good luck!?

asreinholm · January 2009

I'm sorry you're having a hard time! I think this is pretty common. My husband just recently has an SA done. He surely wasn't thrilled about it. He came up with the excuse 'I can't do it without lubrication.' I immediately responded, "think of all the tests and pain I've gone through for US, the least you can do is masterbate into a cup!" Maybe get involved and "help" him? Make it exciting! : )

Quizzle · January 2009

Mine was not thrilled about it, but he did it. And I made him an appointment and said 'This is the day!' He feels a little creepy going to the office knowing what he's planning to do, but decided given how invasive the things I have to do are, it's the least he can do.

It was much less stressful for us for him to just go to the clinic and do it, mostly because we live just far enough away from the RE that we'd worry about getting the sample there in time.

mrs.goget · January 2009

DH did the sme thing he planned to, knew he had to, but never went, this went on for 5 months.....so...I took the controlling wife route and scheduled it for him. He went and I even went with him to the appt to cheer him on :-)

He just needed a nudge. The next appt for the urologist he did himself, I think it was the initial what the heck am I doing thing.

lampkins · January 2009

I would definitely offer him some "assistance". That made it much easier for my DH. He also insisted that he be allowed to "perform" in the privacy of his own home. I think that made it easier for him. I took the sample in for him as he had mentioned that he would be a little embarrassed handing that to a female nurse. He joked to me that with my lead foot, I would get stopped by police and have to explain what was in the bag. Wink

Good luck.

ghjunkie · January 2009

YES!...it took him 2 years to concede....didn't want to be judged.....then felt like superman - men are such ASS*S...

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