The Great Big Giant Question Thread

caffeinatedandtired · May 22

@Melissa112009 I don't have any great advice, first pregnancy here, but very much in same boat as you with very few symptoms and right around the same EDD. Every day is anxiety because it doesn't "feel" like anything is going on. I just try to affirm to myself that everything is normal until my OB tells me otherwise or any concerning symptoms pop up - it's the best we can do!

Melissa112009 · May 22

@caffeinatedandtired thanks for making me not feel alone!! 🩷

aisleofviewtwo · May 22

@Melissa112009 I agree with @caffeinatedandtired—as hard as it is we just have to assume things are good until told otherwise. I also try to remind myself that worrying won't change anything (other than a negative effect on my mental health).

FWIW I have seen a number of people either book a private ultrasound or buy a doppler so they can hear the heartbeat at home between OB appointments. BUT it seems as often as not these scans that were meant to be reassuring just make things worse because non-professionals can struggle to find a heartbeat even when everything is totally fine! So proceed with caution there

thatbaintforbetty · May 23

@Melissa112009 agree with what’s been already
said.

I did buy a Doppler with my first however. I was high risk and had an anterior placenta, so I didn’t feel anything till 20+ weeks. It did help with my anxiety, I used it a lot less with my second and would be using it now if I knew where it was. I think it’s most effective after 12(?) weeks though which may not be much help since the risk drops then anyways.

My doc prescribed Benadryl for anxiety at the end of my second pregnancy, it’s safe (or safer) than a lot of anxiety meds and she was hesitant to start them at that point if something less harsh would work.

I have a ton of anxiety this time, since I’m AMA in addition to being high risk. Honestly I think I’m too tired and busy though to really sit with it and freak out.

iwantcookies · May 27

Any sour candy (hard candy or soft/chewy) recommendations that are free on additive food dyes? I’ve caved once and got sour skittles but they make me sick after a while. Any recs are appreciated.

bridgiebee82 · May 27

I do not like sour candy at all. But I have found Preggie Pop Drops (hard candy) to be really helpful with my nausea. My sister got them for me on Amazon.

bridgiebee82 · May 28

Sooooo how accurate are these NIPT tests, especially when it comes to gender? I didn't ask my OB to do one; they just did it anyway. All I care about is the gender from that test. I'm actually a little annoyed they did it without asking me for approval first. Last time, I didn't have it done.

iwantcookies · May 28

@bridgiebee82 from what I read it depends how much fetal blood they identify? But typically 99%. If I find the article I read about it I will let you know! I have heard stories of it being wrong but I don’t know if it was because of lab error or the amount of fetal blood in the moms system etc

bearsbeets · May 29

Okay so I’m 10 weeks today with my first pregnancy and I’m puking way less and it’s freaking me out! For some background, I took a test before my missed period and got a faint positive. I was having symptoms already at that point. By 6 weeks, I was puking from a sip of any drink including water or gingerale and puking from any bite of food including a saltine. Nothing stayed down. Fast forward about 2-3 weeks and I was down 25lbs, couldn’t even walk to the bathroom myself because the dizziness and vertigo were too intense (and I was passing out occasionally). I had tried different prescription nausea meds that I was unable to keep down. It was at this point I was admitted to the hospital. I spent a few days there. Turns out they suspected a bowl obstruction was enhancing these symptoms due to the fact I hadn’t pooped in 3 weeks. They got that cleared out and the nausea was still very intense but slightly more manageable. They diagnosed me with HG there as well and when I was able to keep down jello, popsicles, and things similar they discharged me. I continued to try and eat light foods but was still puking a good amount. Within the last week I’ve been able to eat more “normal foods” and still have nausea but rarely puke. I still have lots of symptoms including a frequent headache, sore boobs, cramping, always tired etc. I haven’t spotted at all during the pregnancy. But what’s concerning is why was I puking like 20 times a day until recently hardly at all? I was told it might get better in second trimester but I’m not there yet.. I’m worried something is wrong. Has anyone else experienced this??

iwantcookies · May 29

@bearsbeets I wasnt nearly as bad as what you described but I was easily getting sick up to 4 times a day once starting at 5 weeks. Once I hit 10.5 weeks it started to get a lot better and now at 12.5 it’s even less! I was internally freaking out for a while just with the drastic shift but today we just did the ultrasound that goes along with NIPT testing and all is well. There’s a few articles out there that explain in more detail but from what I’ve read there’s a good percentage of women who are nearing the end of the 1st trimester and symptoms start to change/morning sickness clears up.

californiacherry · May 31

@bearsbeets I have hg too. I also lost 20lbs in a couple weeks and now on 2x weekly hydration IVs. It’s miserable, and I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better! Feel free to DM me (is that a thing on here??) or also check out the HER Foundation - Hyperemesis.org - if you want to learn more! On Reddit as well there’s tonssss of great convos and made me feel less alone hearing others’ experiences. 🫶🏻

bearsbeets · May 31

Update: I finally had my first OB appointment and baby was moving all around and everything was looking great! I also guess I shouldn’t have complained about feeling better because now the nausea is back full swing. Staying hopeful for a less intense second trimester lol.

aisleofviewtwo · May 31

@bearsbeets Wahoo!! 🙌 About baby I mean, not about the nausea, hopefully that’s obvious haha

aisleofviewtwo · June 4

We’re touring two daycares next week. I’ve done all the due diligence of checking for state licensing, reports and investigations from the past 3 years, etc. On paper they seem pretty similar—both offer 5-day/week care, follow safe sleep practices in the infant room, low ratio, etc.

Other than cost, availability, and location, what should we be looking for to make decide between the two? What questions should we be sure to ask while on the tour?

bridgiebee82 · June 4

My son isn't in daycare, but I'm in a few mom groups on FB. I see a lot of moms asking about screentime policies, as well as how long they use containers for the kids (like seats or jumpers), as these are not great for development.

iwantcookies · June 15

I it worth having more than one store baby registry?!? I’m having doubts and also just think it’s so much work to do more than one but wanted to hear what everyone’s thoughts were on doing multi-store registries and why it worked for them!

virginiaham · June 15

@iwantcookies check out Babylist! It worked perfectly to have the option of putting *edit* items from multiple different stores—like literally ANY store—and you can organize and share it just like any other registry.

thatbaintforbetty · June 16

@iwantcookies I think it’s one of those you have to know your target audience. Are you having an in person shower with many local peeps? Then one local store might be enough. Are a lot of family/friends out of town and going to have a gift shipped? Amazon allows you to add from anywhere and is great for that sort of scenario. A mixed bag of guests, maybe both options.

It’s worth to note that many places do completion coupons, with a decent discount for anything not purchased by a specific date. So it might be worth it to do say target and Amazon and get both the discounts at the end. You don’t have to make them public. I know Amazon also did allow you to break up a big gift among many or to donate to a diaper fund, which can be good for some.

Also might depend on what store has the items you want.

ETA: I literally worked at Babies R Us back in the day and did registries for people (and for fun). It’s all about what works for you.

bearsbeets · June 17

Hey all, I had the NIPT done and found out I’m having a girl! My boyfriend and I picked out a name not long after and decided we want to wait to tell anyone until she’s born.

We’ve been pretty open with everyone throughout everything. Pregnancy announcement, first ultrasound pic, gender announcement etc. all happened really early. So this was the one thing we wanted for us.

I feel like I’m getting some judgment and pushiness from family. Is it completely unreasonable to want this one thing to ourselves until she’s born? Thoughts??

thatbaintforbetty · June 18

@bearsbeets No, it is not unreasonable. But also unfortunately this isn’t surprising.

You might have just really supportive and excited family members who want to be helpful/involved.

You might also have some family members who do not understand boundaries and will keep pushing if you aren’t firm. (If you do have these type, l&d nurses are awesome and usually more than willing to play bouncer when you are in labor)

I can’t really say which from your post. But boundaries are a good thing if you need/want them. It’s your child and you (and your bf) are the only ones who are actually entitled to decisions/information. You will sadly get a lot of unwanted advice or opinions from just about everyone and their aunts cousins sisters ex evil twin. And most it will conflict with whatever someone else told you, lol.

Good news is that I found that once I had a kid I became a lot better at dealing with it all and letting it roll off, or being firm when necessary. And also a lot more willing to strip down in front of medical staff…🧐🤷‍♀️🤣

knottie2a8270c6b183ee1c · June 18

I'm 15 weeks pregnant and this is my 5th pregnancy. This one has been so different from the others. I'm not good in unfamiliar territory. I have never had spotting in any of my other pregnancies. I did yard work the other day, I'm always physically active. But after that, in the evening I discovered some light spotting. I already talked to my doctor's nurse and she said it was normal even this early into the 2nd trimester...and to just monitor, rest and hydrate. It's still so nerve wrecking and stressful because I have never experienced this with any other pregnancy. Anyone else experience this?

thatbaintforbetty · June 18

@knottie2a8270c6b183ee1c I ended up in the hospital with heavy bleeding at about 13 weeks with my second, she’s now a perfectly healthy 6 year old. I also ended up in the ER with heavy bleeding a couple weeks ago with this pregnancy, and have continued to spot off and on since then. Baby is growing, and healthy and I have had several ultrasounds and pelvic exams to confirm everything is fine. Every time I’ve gone in for it they tell me that sometimes it happens and it’s not always a sign that things aren’t going well, sometimes it’s just a sign of growing/stretching/uterine crankiness.

knottie8052070cfe107ad7 · June 20

Hey yall,
so I’m 14w1d, this is my first pregnancy. The vomiting and nausea is pretty bad but that’s fine.

I am currently getting so hairy I’m a yeti, how many of you are rocking a hairy body (including belly) if not are you shaving?

I’ve always had sensitive hips, but now my hips are popping, clicking and trying to give out if I do to much, (I am going to PT as soon as they can take me) but who also has sensitive hips?

Thanks!

iwantcookies · July 13

How are yall handling visitors? Especially with having a newborn right around the holidays? Right now I’m trying to keep the circle small of who visits right away (at least until after the new year) but my husband was wondering what makes it important to keep them away. We live across the country from family so anyone who visits even to help would have to travel by plane to get to us. Given its high flu, cold and RSV season I’m thinking we limit who we allow over in the first month. Is that reasonable? Is there something else I should be thinking about?

thatbaintforbetty · July 13

@iwantcookies yes, cold/flu/rsv is a big factor but there is also others. Are you going to be breastfeeding? Are the people coming to visit people you want to be trying to figure that out around? Yes you can go into another room or such but honestly you aren’t going to want to every time, you will probably be breastfeeding at least once while trying to balance eating with one hand because they are always hungry but you need to eat too. If you have difficulties and it takes time to get into the swing of it are you going to feel guilty for leaving guests sitting around on their own while you tend to the baby? Some people might be fine but some might not. The first couple of week are rough, the hormones rebalance and it’s full of crying, you and the baby; night sweats, postpartum bleeding and cramps, sweating, hair loss and feeling all over the place. Nothing fits, while your uterus is still coming back down to size and you boobs are fluctuating. It’s rough. More than you can imagine and there is a reason the refer to it as the 4th trimester. You also should be focusing on figuring out your new normal(ish).

I’m not saying isolate completely but I absolutely would not want people around for extended periods of time right away. Most people are only interested in holding the baby, forgetting that the first couple of weeks are a very important bonding time.

rebecksah · July 14

@iwantcookies thatbaintforbetty covered a lot of it but for me too, that newborn bubble is so precious and your baby really will only want you/your partner. And visitors don't really always understand that and they sometimes get upset when you try to explain the baby just wants mom/dad right now. People get offended when a newborn cries 😂 I also just hesitate because you are their immune system right now. So it's just hard to navigate. My oldest was in October so he had a few vaccines by Christmas that year, and this current baby might not because of holidays and that. Just remember it's okay to tell people no to holding your baby and if you feel uncomfortable with visitors, just say no. There will be plenty of holidays in the future.

iwantcookies · July 15

@thatbaintforbetty @rebecksah I’m hoping to breastfeed and thank you so much for your insight. I have my parents flying in and staying in house with us the first week but I’ve set up boundaries with them (I.e vaccinations mask up in public settings while traveling) and they already stated they’re here to help not visit. Whether that means making meals for us. Watching the baby so I can nap or even get help from my mom with basic things. Take me to apts etc. I’m more concerned about with my in-laws we are on ‘good terms’ but after knowing them for over a decade I’m still not comfortable with them. The last time they visited and stayed with us they flew in to help us move into our new home. But it was mainly them just standing there making comments and trying to pull me into political and financial discussions while I was trying to move and put together our sofa. So I’m not expecting any help from them whatsoever when baby comes. I feel bad saying they can’t come until we’re 2 months in but I just can’t fathom the stress I would get (especially since the last few interactions I had I needed a heavy drink 😅)

it’s just hard because all our closest people would have to fly in and obviously there are things they can do here in my state but the sole reason would be to see us.

aisleofviewtwo · July 15

@iwantcookies Visitors feel like a real pick your battles situation to me. This is my first but my parents' sixth grandchild, so I'm fortunate my siblings have trained them well on when to visit, precautions to take, how to be helpful, etc. On the other side, though, this is the first grandchild for my in-laws so I'm kind of bracing for a lot of having to explain how we want to do things and hearing "well I did XYZ with husband and he turned out just fine"

BUT I'm also trying not to alienate them by placing a lot of restrictions on when and how they can see baby. Realistically, there are two mountain ranges between us and them so they're just not gonna be able to be around as much as they would probably like.

With a Christmas Eve due date (and an oath from my OB that she won't let me go past the due date because IVF baby) I'm planning to insist that family on both sides celebrate Christmas on their own rather than trying to bring the holiday to us—because [1] I know I'll end up anxious about needing to be a proper host when I'm supposed to be relaxing and preparing for childbirth and [2] I don't really want people staring at me waiting for me to go into labor—but then as long as they're up to date on TDAP and other vaccinations and make a commitment to N95s on flights and in other public areas, they're welcome to come meet baby anytime after the holidays.

We also have all out-of-towners. Flights are so expensive that week between Christmas and New Year's I'm hoping that will buy us a little time even if we do miraculously make it to the due date. Also nice that our only guest bedroom is becoming the nursery so we get a little forced separation simply because we won't have space to have anybody actually staying in our home. But kind of just hedging our bets and we'll see where we end up.

I do think a lot of the trick is setting expectations for yourself so as not to be disappointed by how people behave and, for better or for worse, it seems you've got a pretty clear sense of who your in-laws are and how their visits are likely to go!

thatbaintforbetty · July 15

@iwantcookies thats so great of your parents! But I wouldn’t want people like your in laws visiting right after either. And it’s absolutely okay to have boundaries and prioritize your and baby’s care and wellbeing. It’s one of those things to get comfortable with because advocating for what’s right for you, your child and your immediate family will be something that you might have to really stick and push some people on at some point.

@aisleofviewtwo my due date is 12/26 but we know I’m not going past 12/19. My aunt called my mom and tried to invite us all for Christmas. My mom thankfully shut her down with a no, not happening. No way will I want to travel(even if it’s only a couple hours drive) with a newborn. My mom immediately called my dad to tell him what she said in case she tried to call him and get him to agree and he was like “no she’s crazy.”

My aunt has a kid, had a c-section and didn’t get out of bed for weeks afterwards so nobody can figure out why on earth she’d want me to travel a week out at the least afterwards. (I am not planning a c-section but acknowledge the possibility, but even without one no I don’t want to do that) My parents have already offered to help wrap presents, cook meals, help out with the girls or whatever else we might need for like the whole month of December. Which I’m ridiculously thankful for. I’m also super lucky that my parents are 15 min away from us. We also have no room for guests, we actually have no room for the baby but we are in a lease till March so 🤷‍♀️, lol. My MIL lives about 15 mins away too but we have a very strained complicated relationship with her currently so she’ll visit but minimally.

bridgiebee82 · August 10

I am 23 weeks as of yesterday, and "morning" sickness is back with a vengeance since Friday. Does anyone have any experience or tips? Same as 1st trimester? This is no fun! 😭

aisleofviewtwo · August 11

@bridgiebee82 I just passed 20 weeks and have def noticed a bit more queasiness the last week or two. I’m a first-timer with no idea why this might be happening and nothing to offer but solidarity, but you’re not alone!

iwantcookies · August 11

@bridgiebee82 @aisleofviewtwo
same I’m about 23w now I can’t tell if I am coming down with something since I generally feel like shit overall or what but my stomach has not loved me the past few days. I also just have general discomfort and threw up this AM. Maybe it’s a hormonal shift which is why you’re getting sick?!?

Honestly I would just keep trying to fuel yourself whether it’s soups or
electrolytes something to keep your body fuel, even if it isn’t healthy! (I’ve been snacking on McDonald’s today). I am sorry I have no tips but right there with you two!

thatbaintforbetty · August 11

@bridgiebee82 @aisleofviewtwo @iwantcookies

Sadly the whole “morning sickness is just in first tri” is unfortunately a horrible myth. It can come and go or never go. It can be fairly common for it to come back in third tri too, partially because of the lack of stomach space allowing easy digestion, and heartburn. The hormones don't rise/change perfectly slow/steady, it’s part of the reason that I have to keep upping my insulin periodically, it has to keep up with the increases/changes from the hormones/placenta. I can spend a couple weeks basically plateaued and then all of a sudden with no diet changes need an increase.

A lot of the first tri tricks should still apply but if it’s too bad, or drastically changes bring it up with your doc. I had to start sleeping a lot more vertically towards the end of my previous pregnancies due to heartburn/nausea.

iwantcookies · August 11

Ok follow up question… breast pumps… is it worth doing an ‘upgrade’ from the free ones insurance offers? My insurance has me going through Aeroflot which I hear is priced then other sites (although still searching for the other sites). Is it worth doing an upgraded cost?

thatbaintforbetty · August 12

@iwantcookies Honestly maybe. But really it will depend on what your goals/situation is. Most insurances will cover a decent electric pump which is usually sufficient for most. Usually not the super cool hands free or anything but definitely enough for occasional or even moderate use. I know several people who exclusively pumped with the pump from their insurance too.

Are you planning to breastfeed mostly? Or attempt to? Maybe wait and see if you need one or if an occasional manual one will be enough. Going back to work and plan to pump regularly? Then look at what options insurance offer if they will
cover a partial reimbursement on one you are liking.

I do not produce hardly any milk. I ended up back in the hospital with vertigo a week or so after my oldest was born. The meds they gave me were a no go for breastfeeding but since I could literally not sit up without throwing up constantly I didn’t have much choice. I tried to pump and dump while on the meds but not very successfully. She was super tiny when born and we were told to supplement pretty early on when it was clear my milk was taking forever to come in anyways.

With my second I tried everything. I went to lactation consultants, tried the supplements, did different pumping exercises to try and get my supply up. Nothing worked, and I made it about six weeks and gave whatever I had in me while mostly formula feeding before quitting when I went back to work. I had a hospital grade pump with her and it seemed to work great but I just didn’t have anything in me to get out.

Fed is best. Full stop. However it happens. My mom had 4 kids and was practically a dairy cow. I’m a freaking DD in my smallest times, I had no reason to believe I would have the issues I did but sometimes it just doesn’t work. And that’s okay. You might find that you produce plenty, maybe you have an oversupply, maybe you are like me and it just doesn’t work out. Having an open mind is the best thing for you and your baby.

bridgiebee82 · August 12

@iwantcookies I was an oversupplier the first time around for about the first 2 months because I was expecting twins. My body was prepping for 2, but I only ended up coming home with one baby. I was fine with the spectra s2 through my insurance. I plan to try and use it again this time around as my new insurance only allows for a rental this time. I also got the willow 3.0 for hands free/wall free pumping when I had to go to events. The only issue I had with the willow was that the bags were weird circles (and pricey) and as an oversupplier, I'd have to take them off as they'd fill up quickly.

nikisaaan · August 13

same here, 21.5 weeks and there’s been an uptick in nvp, this is my first and i’m 37. never thought i’d be one of those who are sick throughout the entire pregnancy but it’s looking that way 😫

bridgiebee82 · August 18

So I have a (kind of dumb) pregnancy question. I know left-side sleeping is recommended, but after about 30 minutes, my left leg kind of goes numb because of my herniated discs at L4, L5 and S1. Is sleeping on my right side ok? I'm thinking it is because not being able to feel my leg is a problem, right? This numbness happens whether or not I'm pregnant, it's just amplified because I *have* to sleep on my side, not my back.

aisleofviewtwo · August 18

@bridgiebee82 My impression has been that while left-side sleeping is optimal for blood flow, right-side sleeping is totally fine and a close second. Stomach sleeping is also fine (you won’t harm baby), just becomes unmanageable at some point in pregnancy. AFAIK only real no-no is extended periods of time lying on your back since it can restrict blood flow to the kidneys and uterus. I, too, would assume that in your case right-side sleeping is preferable!

Also I know this is from another thread, but if your OB is supportive of going for a VBAC and you’re interested, I’d say do it! When there are risks either way the most important thing I’d say is to have a doctor who is aware of and alert to the situation, and it sounds to me like you’ve got that in spades.

thatbaintforbetty · August 18

@bridgiebee82 I asked this question of my doc with my last kiddo because I am practically a rotisserie chicken in my sleep. I often wake up because of shoulder pain and my hand/arm going numb and need to turn over to the other side. Rinse and repeat every couple of hours. I usually roll with my body pillow to keep me semi comfortable. As long as you are on your side you are good. The uterus/baby puts pressure on the nerves/main veins and can decrease blood flow which is bad.

Also…fun fact, the baby can also just press on those veins/nerves during the day and make you pass out/light headed for no apparent reason.

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