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Husband is reluctant to try again after MC

itssab413itssab413 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I experienced my first (I pray only) miscarriage recently and we've been discussing where to go from here. I want to start trying again right away. I can't imagine healing from this without it. I know I want another baby. We always discussed having a big family. 

My husband is reluctant to try again. It's like a train to the chest for me. I can't imagine not trying again. I need to. He's had a previous loss from a different relationship years ago. He thinks there's something wrong with him and he's terrified of having a third one. 

I don't know what to do. I've tried reassuring him and holding space for those feelings, but I cannot give up. I can't. 
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Re: Husband is reluctant to try again after MC

  • dpjenniferdpjennifer member
    itssab413  Maybe just give it a few cycles.  Bench yourself for 3 cycles and re-evaluate.  Hopefully by then you'll be able to discuss it more and there will have been a bit of healing from it and you can work towards getting on teh same page.  I understand your desperation, but a new PG and baby will not replace the sadness from losing this one.  I am sorry for your loss.

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.

    FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)

    Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.

    FET #2: September 2024 (failed)

    FET #3: December 2024 (failed)

    #BitterHagPartyOf1

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  • knottie43fbd7dab162dc2cknottie43fbd7dab162dc2c member
    Dr Reassured Me that medically having one miscarriage is no different than having none, risk wise, if you have a second… they said it could be a thing & needs looked into, but one is the same as none and we shouldn’t be hesitant to try again because of this. If we have another, then maybe. I hope that helps and I hope he comes around. Men don’t “go through it” but they do emotionally and sometimes we forget they are humans too. After a few cycles he might feel better about it to. 
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  • maggiemadeitmaggiemadeit member
    I’m so sorry you are going through this. Not being on the same page about something this important is really hard. We tried again right away after our first miscarriage (6weeks) but Our marriage suffered so badly after our second miscarriage (12 weeks MMC). I couldn’t see a way to move forward without trying again and my husband refused to even discuss it for 6 months after the loss. It turns out that he fundamentally did not understand what had happened, so he didn’t understand why I was depressed, and I couldn’t see his point of view because he refused to discuss it. 

    All this to say that people grieve a loss like this in different ways. It happened to you, inside your body, and your experience of it is different than his. I hope that with some time and patience and communication that you two can move forward together. Sending you lots of love and support as you move through this difficult time. 
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  • polishkat19polishkat19 member
    for what it’s worth, I had three miscarriages over the span of about a year and a half. We then went on to have a successful pregnancy on our fourth try and we have an incredibly healthy and perfect nine month old boy now! If children is what you both have always intended, it’s entirely okay for you to follow that drive and try again. You never know what will happen. I think it was Wayne Gretzky the hockey player who said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. So what’s the risk in trying again and seeing what might pan out? There’s no way to see into the future, and it’s a very personal choice for you, but I’d encourage you to do what feels right for you. Maybe if you share my story with your husband he’ll see that having a baby after a few unsuccessful attempts can still be possible. No matter what happens you are strong and so worthy! Don’t forget that. I wish you all the very, very best. 
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