Family TOO eager to plan visits with my unborn child.

Re: Family TOO eager to plan visits with my unborn child.

• homesteadmum member

  April 2023

  Okay. I’m sorry… that sounds hard. I’m a mom of three, soon to be four, and one thing I had to learn early on is how to say no! An experienced mom told me when I had my first one week old is that I have to be able to say no when it’s not what I want. You need to learn to choose guilt over resentment. It’s far better to feel a bit guilty and tell your SIL nicely that you don’t want visitors for at least 18 hours or 3 days or whatever you want. Rather than do what she wants and resent her. Also do what you want, but I wouldn’t allow that much family around my new baby all at the same time. For my sake as much as anyone’s. I also think since this is your husbands family that he can tell them your boundaries or when they can come and all that. Also with your first baby and learning to nurse and all that I would recommend that anyone visiting who you’re not totally comfortable with would come for one to two hours max. When you become a parent, I think your biggest job becomes to keep your child safe and part of that is keeping your own mental health safe so that you can take care of your child properly. Unfortunately extended family sometimes goes crazy and doesn’t know that they’re not actually entitled to the baby even though it is very exciting and they’re just happy for you… it’s easy for them to overstep and have expectations that they shouldn’t. I’ve been in your boat. Good luck and be strong mama!

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• mamabearcare Just Joined

  June 2023

  It's understandable to feel overwhelmed and stressed with the thought of visitors coming to see your baby once it is born. Here are some tips that helped me through this tender time:
  Set boundaries ❤️: It's important to set boundaries with your sister-in-law and husband's extended family. Let them know that while you appreciate their interest in visiting your baby, you need some time to adjust to the new addition to your family. Set a timeframe for when you will be ready for visitors.
  Communicate your needs 🗣: Communicate your needs to your sister-in-law and husband's extended family. Let them know if there are specific times or days that work better for you, or if there are certain things that you would like them to do or not do during their visit.
  Be honest: Be honest with your sister-in-law and husband's extended family about how you are feeling. Let them know if you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, and ask for their support and understanding.
  Plan ahead: Plan ahead for your visitors. Make sure that you have a comfortable space for them to stay and that you have everything you need to take care of your baby.
  
  Seek help 🆘️: Don't be afraid to ask for help from family or friends. Having someone to help you with the baby or with household tasks can make a big difference in how you feel.
  
  Remember, it's important to prioritize your own needs and the needs of your baby 🤱❤️during this time. Don't feel guilty for setting boundaries and taking the time you need to adjust to your new role as a parent. Hope it helps 🫶

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• knottiebf44256394af10df member

  September 2023

  This is a late post and I’m going against the grain here but would you feel the same way if it was your family and not your husbands? I think sometimes we forget that our husbands are allowed to have the support of their parents/siblings/community as well. It’s an exciting time for them!

  
  

  Find a healthy balance, absolutely set your boundaries, and decide with your husband what the two of you are comfortable with. I will add that L&D is all about YOU since you’re the one in a completely vulnerable position, no one should be there that you don’t want there. 
  

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