@thescarletmom I called the clinic and they took me as a walk in luckily!! So now I am here, getting ready to do the GD test and am hoping for good results!! My sister in law is currently 40 mins away from delivering her baby!! Via planned c section. It's baby number 4 for her and her last one. I'm so excited to us to have our babies so close together
@hitcj4687 glad they got you in so you can get it done and over with, and have your results! And ah that's so exciting!! Aside from one of my siblings, there's not a chance in hell of me getting nieces or nephews close to my kids. My older siblings that wanted kids were all done years before Jas was born, and my younger siblings are not having kids any time soon. My younger sister will have to adopt to have children and her partner is still in college, and my brother's girlfriend is super ready but he isn't. My one sister is due in August but we're not close and she lives out of town. I wish our kids had more cousins their age! Keeping my fingers crossed that my best friend who just got engaged has her first closer to the early end of their timeline so that our youngest and her oldest will only be like 1-1.5 yrs apart, haha.
@thescarletmom My sister in law has a 6,4,2,and now a newborn. So their relatively close in age between reese and Kai. Other than these kiddos, no one else will ever be close in age to them. My other sister in law has a 16 and 14 year old. My sister is no where near ready to have kids, and we don't know if she ever will due to her genetic syndrome. My brother and his fiance have zero desire to have kids, and if they do, it wouldn't be for years to come. So im grateful for these cousins that are close in age!! Though the older 2 of the 4 are sooo freaking naughty 😂😂😂
@hitcj4687 yeah, Jas has an aunt on his dad's side that's only six months older than him and I'm happy that at least he gets to have that, but booooy howdy has she been a fiesty one her whole life 😂 she used to leave bite marks on him all the time when they were toddlers and Jas's dad was living with his mom!! And he was such a timid toddler, I know he was not defending himself whatsoever. She also has a lot of her dad's sarcasm in her and is veeery sarcastic, bordering on rude for being barely 7 years old. Nobody's perfect though so I try to let it go and be happy he gets to have those close family bonds!
@thescarletmom I know right?!? Maybe there's a link lol, I truly wasn't trying to be in denial, it was just 3 am and my water breaking started out completely dubious plus I'd had a multi day long labor just 18 months prior so I was like welp gearing up for that again 😂🤦🏻♀️ hopefully this time I'm literally not in denial, I feel like I know so much more of what to expect after having a normal experience for once but this one could be a total wildcard lol. We went and got a tour this afternoon, I of course absolutely adore the birth center and it was the founder herself who gave me a tour and she had been to my old birth center in Colorado so we had something in common. I really fell in love and can actually see myself birthing there which is pretty huge for me, but the drive.... It's absolutely beastly. We went at rush hour to see what it would be like at it's worst and honestly the traffic isn't bad but even going a more direct route it's every bit of a 40/50 minute drive and I already know I'm going to miserable ugh. My partner said he's comfortable planning for a birth center birth if I love it there but he still thinks I should go visit the hospitals anyways, I'm really not sure if the distance is his only hangup or if he's reliving some trauma from us essentially recreating the same situation with moving across the country and expecting a baby a few months later and maybe by pushing for the hospital it's his way of working through some fears, he says he feels fine but the hospital conversation is really out of character for him. I can't really just go visit a hospital and do a vibe check though, neither one are doing tours and even that doesn't tell me who's on what shift and who's even at the birth etc. Bleh. I wish the drive had gone better, I so want to make a decision that feels good in every regard.
@hitcj4687 that's sounds AWFUL, I would have been in tears, I hate how practices schedule everything so rigid when nobody in the office is ever on time or communicate clearly and yet act like you're insane for needing some flexibility for your schedule. Like hello I have a job and other kids 🤦🏻♀️ I'm so sorry.
My sitter got in a car accident and the place we go doesn't take kids atleast not 4. I called to let them know and the receptionist said it would be coded as a no show. She had an attitude about it, to boot. I truly loathe healthcare. I understand if someone has a tendency to miss appts, yet still frustrating. Glad you made it work. I had to remind my doc it was time for that appt next. I'm literally holding this girl's hand through this. She's 1st year. It is infuriating.
@kalesix3 I was ridiculously annoyed!! I stressed so much over that appointment! Luckily, the GD test came back that I am totally in the clear, so I am grateful for that and my thyroid levels look good. So there's that little piece of good news. I still really feel like you're going to he happiest at your birth center! Especially after touring it and feeling a connection there. I know it's easier said than done, but my advice would be to just go with that one and head in when labor starts kicking in. It's hard to predict, but I feel like it'll work itself out the way it's meant to!
@thoseboysmama hopefully your sister is okay!! What is with clinics refusing to be accommodating? That's so frustrating
@hitcj4687 she is fine thankfully. I think it's funny as it's about industry where you, depending on the practice, get jostled around to accomodate them. Understandable as labor happens whenever. I have always been understanding and truly just don't care who is checking me so long as the notes are there and we are good to go. Only 1 time has my doc delivered my baby. 1/4. The minute I have an incident keeping me from an appt and get sassed... I'm good on that. I have asked this practice 5 times now to schedule out like the better ones I've went to did immediately. They finally did it and I verified when the GD and GBS tests would be and the lady tried to put it out to 36 weeks, while looking at my chart and telling me it's done around 28-30 weeks.... um I'll be 36 weeks when you're wanting to do it. IMO I know my body and have not had it with any of them so I am sure I'm fine, but let's make sure... ya know? I hate having to walk people through what I'm paying you for. It's just frustrating. My doc this time is so young. Really hoping it's a midwife situation for me this time around. If I can avoid healthcare that's the best route for me after these past few years.
@thoseboysmama my clinic has been really good for the most part, it's my insurance that demands I go to their clinic for any lab appointments, and while I knew GD was technically a lab test, I didn't correlate it with needing to be done at the lab versus with my midwives. So I guess I should have asked, but they also should have told me. The lady I asked about coming a little late really tried to accommodate me, but I guess it just wasn't an option that day. They also booked out all of my appointments from December to June which I so appreciated! It's nice to have them all down beforehand so I don't need to worry about it later.
@hitcj4687 right? Of all the appointments to stress out about of course it's the big one you've been so worried about that they dropped the ball with. Ugh I'm sorry. Thank goodness your levels all came back great though, that's definitely a plus!
Yeah I mean I think the birth center is it too, it's just stressful not knowing if I'll make it in time. I didn't have any early labor with my son. I woke up at 3 am, my water broke immediately and then transition contractions hit, I'm fairly sure it was only a three hour labor because the stress from the car ride stalled some progress because I didn't feel safe in the car and clammed up lol. Maybe that will work in my favor this time lol but all that to say it can be hard to plan to leave in early labor but I don't know if I'll go through that stage this time either. But also like now I know so if I call them and head in immediately upon water breaking I should be fine? But also I don't know when or how my water will break this time, bleh. So many unknowns, I think my gut is telling me to just go with the birth center, I just wish it was more clear cut.
Ugh I haven't been sick in 5 years and after we moved the in laws came over sick of course and gave my son a headcold that I've caught too. Poor little guy has never been sick before and he's been miserable, and I feel absolutely awful.
@kalesix3 oh no! Parenting sick is the worst. It always makes me so sad to see my kids miserable too. Hopefully you guys kick it soon 🤞
Somebody please talk me out of buying all the little shoes for this baby. We'll buy a few pairs of like the zutano booties, but these moccasins and little sandals and things are killing me. Both of my kids' feet never fit in shoes before they were walking. Their feet were either too tiny and the shoes fell right off, or after a few weeks/months old their feet were so fat *vertically* they didn't fit ANY shoes I ever tried. Plus they really don't need shoes until they're walking anyways, and I'd rather spend my money on other frivolous things my baby doesn't need lol. But ugh!! The tiny shoes!!
@thescarletmom I mean... If the shoes are baby foot appropriate I say buy them all lol, I realized recently there's actually a huge resale value on kids shoes 👀 I have those wool and soft leather soled boots and they actually stay on, it's a miracle, I'll most definitely get some other soft soled ones because I know we're going to be outside in the PNW winter and the baby won't be walking but for dryness and warmth I'm going to invest in cute shoes!
@kalesix3 feel better quickly!! Being sick is the worse especially with a sick kiddo!! @thescarletmom I am not the one to talk you out of any purchase because I have been terrible and buying all kinds of adorable baby clothes. I have no chill 😂😂
I am slightly dreading my maternity photos. I'm starting to "blow up" and my face is really filling out and my arms ate getting quite big. I'm up 30 pounds and still have 6 weeks before my photos. It wad around this time with reese that I started to get really big and I really want our photos to be nice! But I'm worried I'll hate how I look
@ReadyForaB@peyts228 a confession, but even if my kids feet did fit in shoes (which they never did) I barely took time to put socks on them if it wasn't freezing, let alone shoes 🤦♀️ they would just sit around if I bought them.
@kalesix3 before my kids started walking, both of their feet were too fat on the tops to fit into shoes! They would be the right width and length if you put the sole of the shoe up against the bottom of their foot, and they just wouldn't fit. Too chonky! I'm glad we don't have any concerns about northern winters or anything like that where baby would have a need for shoes before walking.
@hitcj4687 I have bought way too many baby clothes already... I have a few more purchases to make this week and then have told myself I need to cool it on buying anything for baby until the summer! So hard not to buy all the little cute things since I know none of the clothes I have stored with be sizes in the right season. I totally feel you on the maternity session anxiety. I just scheduled maternity photos with our photographer for about 3-4 weeks out (we're doing them and our annual birthday photos for DS2 at the same time, his birthday is in 2 weeks) and all I could hear in my head was my mom saying I'm so tiny and have no bump, and I'm so self conscious that I won't look pregnant or will "just look fat". I spent like an hour scrolling pinkblush looking at dresses and felt increasing dread that none of them would be flattering. Since this is our last baby, so many of these "lasts" are on a pedestal in my head and I'm terrified of how disappointed I will be if I hate how I look in them.
@thescarletmom I hear you!! I haven't even decided on what to wear. I'm trying to pick something fllowy, but flattering on the bump. I'm just so worried about how I'll feel about these photos and I'm really hopeful I won't be disappointed. Here's to hoping we find the perfect outfit and have beautiful photos taken!
Being afraid to hate maternity or newborn photos is so valid and hard and it doesn't get talked about enough, I cried when I saw my maternity photos and my newborn photos, I hated the way I looked and I couldn't believe that "me" in the pictures was really me, I was fat and ugly and I really struggled, but I will say now with perspective and a healthier body image I love my photos so much and I'm so glad I got them done, I'd %100 get them taken again knowing I might initially feel a little sad because the perspective I got a few years later makes it so worth it. I think one day these pictures will be priceless to our children or grandchildren if we have any, and they won't care that we had back rolls, or our bump was too big or too small, those things won't matter anymore.
Anyways that's just my take, we are all beautiful, we don't have to be skinnier, we don't have to have a specific sized bump to be allowed to value our body. I mean just think of society in a few years if only skinny people took photos of themselves? It's okay to struggle with things because I certainly do, but my advice is take the plunge, you don't have to share them with anyone, they can sit in a folder forever if you want them to, but one day I think you'll treasure them.
@kalesix3 It makes me feel like such an ass to complain sometimes about how I look, but it's just what it is. I was in such great shape before I got pregnant and I looked incredible and I'm just really struggling with the weight I put on during pregnancy. I try so hard to remind myself this doesn't last forever and I will get myself back soon enough, but it is hard to face myself right now. I know that sounds so incredibly shallow. And silly. And while I know these things, it doesn't make it better in the meantime. And the funny thing is, I'm not even on social media so I won't even be sharing the maternity photos with the public so I don't know why I care! I was huge with reese and looking back on my maternity photos, I think I look adorable. But at the time I felt disgusting. So I totally know that's where I'll be again, but I really am struggling in the moment
@hitcj4687 no I think it's healthy to be able to say these things! You are struggling and I've certainly struggled too, weight gain is hard and that's a fact, you're not alone in that! You're not shallow or silly at all, I know exactly where you're at and I think it's super valid. I'm sorry you're struggling though, I wish it were easier all the way around. I hope you do get some photos taken and just give yourself lots of grace and love, your body is amazing and it's worth isn't tied into how many pounds the scale says 💜
@hitcj4687@kalesix3 I know I would regret not having the photos, no matter what I look like in them, but it's mentally been a challenge. I look at the ways my husband's body has changed over the last 10 years, between not being the teenagers we were when we met and now being parents of three kids. And I love it just the same, maybe even more - there's not a single time I ever look at him and think "well, I wish this was still like it used to be". And it's not out of pity or complacency, it's because I truly still think he's beautiful. My body has never gotten the same grace from me, and I worry it never will no matter how hard I try. I can feel that my body won't "bounce back" as quickly from this pregnancy as it has before and that's a biiiig anxiety point for me. And I had also just gotten into a good movement routine right before getting pregnant, and it all went immediately to shit. Just a lot of body image issues and eating disorder baggage bubbling under the surface.
So confusing… my dr said 27 weeks is third trimester but everything online has been saying 28.. I thought I had two weeks left in the 2nd trimester lol
@ReadyForaB we go barefoot or socked until standing/walking too and even then it's only those thin mocossain crib style shoes so they can feel barefoot still. I buy each baby a pair of those and then off to the hand me down tote with my fingers crossed. Haha this guy will probably need new shoes. The last 2 were very hard on their gear. If we ever have a girl, I'll get to actually buy baby clothes. I've bought very few things because of hand-me-downs. Very appreciative but baby clothes are soo fun to buy and I'm too frugal to go buy some if we already have some that work.
@francesgs some people say 27 weeks, some say 28, who knows why 🤷♀️ I think 27 is more common, but the bump probably does 28 just to err on the side of caution there. I have always counted 27 as the beginning of third tri, otherwise it's a much more uneven distribution of weeks.
Ugh I have some sort of bug or food poisoning... And I'm trying to rein in my anxiety bc I have a weirdly specific anxiety trigger about listeria, which is incredibly rare! Mostly just frustrated with my brain today. I had a horribly anxious first pregnancy, and I added so many tools to cope ahead of this pregnancy. And in general, I've been sticking to my tools! But today has been a runaway anxious train with a guest appearance by my old enemy, Dr. Google 😞
@peyts228 aw no 🥺 the anxiety spiral is the worst. You're right, listeria is extremely rare!! But of course anxiety doesn't care much about a lot of the logistics and reality stuff. I was doing pretty well managing my anxiety and triggers early on, and was on track to having a way less anxious pregnancy than with my boys, but ever since my anatomy scan I have had a harder time too. I'll be thinking of you, sending you warm hugs 🩶
@thoseboysmama I hear you on the hand me downs. I have bought very few items, most second hand, for this little one because I have totes and totes full from my son who was an August baby, so hoping the sizing matches up for the most part! Not spending unnecessary money on something that will fit for a few months. Maybe when he is a bit older he will get some new stuff haha.
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@thescarletmom I hope it gets easier for you, I know how hard it can be when little triggers always come up. I recently went through the storage totes that were in our old storage unit and we moved without sorting them and filled three trash bags with donation clothes and it was so hard because I know I'm never going to be a 000 ever again and I also don't need to be but dangit I loved those clothes and I wish I knew one day that me would be gone and I'd never see her again. My advice is still get the pictures, because like you said you deserve the same grace for your body that you have for your husband, and even more since it's you who has carried all of your babies and pregnancies, not him, you don't deserve less because of it.
@peyts I'm so sorry, I went down that spiral yesterday put of the blue, I didn't even get sick, I just felt crummy and awful and was freaking out about it. You're not alone in that. I'm sending huge virtual hugs to you, it's okay to not be okay and that anxiety is just because you love this baby so much, tomorrow will be better 💜
My dear sweet son hurled my favorite enamel plant pot off my balcony and onto the neighbors porch where it shattered, and that's the story of how I met my neighbor, with my stupid broom and crazy hair to ask her if I could deep clean and deglass her porch and to apologize a million times. I was so embarrassed and felt awful. I'm not loving this new stage my son is in where he needs to break things and throw things. 😑
@kalesix3 solidarity, commiseration, all that stuff. I'm so sorry about your pot! DS2 is a thrower in the realest way, and DS1 was not, so this stage has been frustrating to navigate. It's taken some conscious effort to remind myself its developmentally appropriate for him to throw things, and I'm not ever mad at him (thankfully I don't recall him ever breaking anything yet), but it is exasperating. It's becoming one of DH's biggest triggers too when he throws stuff - which is literally all day long some days - and I am an emotional energy leach so when he gets frustrated it stresses me out, even if I was calm before.
@thescarletmom I know the term boys will be boys is somewhat "toxic" but it's moments like these that I feel fit its. Very few people with daughters I have asked about this behavior can relate. Some can for sure, but the proportion seems a bit off. My sons are all just wild at some point in the day. One goes to the edge and they follow tilting the scale and mayhem ensues. Other times they sit like little gentlemen learning and eating. Although most times at meals it's "slaughter" time and there is no calming them as they scarf everything down. I fear for the future at times. 😅 The throwing stage does pass, but the innate need to do so when triggered is still there. We got a punching bag and speed bag. They go to it when they are upset and just need to wail. It has helped so much. Often times they know and go on their own when they feel it coming but at times I see them fuming and say go hit the bag. They love it and their skills are improving. That's what I found helped with that stage as I got more than 1 at a time in it. Which is just nerve-wracking. Although they never threw anything other than their own toys, I still don't like them disrespecting their stuff and my house.
@thescarletmom oh wow I'm so glad nothing has broken yet, my son has broken so much glass and enamelware, it's a wonder neither of us have been seriously hurt, and with my pots it's hard because while the empties are usually put out of reach, the ones with plants in them are in reach because he's gardened with me since he was a few months old, and for two years it was fine, accidents can happen but willfully destroying other people's things isn't okay and yeah it's so exasperating even though I appreciate the curiosity behind "I wonder what would happen if I threw this from high up". 🥴 It's funny because he's a really sensitive orderly kid and sometimes the chaotic impulses are just too much to steer clear of lol I recently learned in a psychology podcast that being extremely stressed and triggered by other adults stress around you is a form of codependency that isn't that well known, they said it's actually an insecurity and deep seated fear of conflict usually born from childhood wounds from having abusive or emotionally unstable parents and then add a partner being stressed at your children and it triggers your child wound making you feel the same scared and unsafe way you felt growing up and it's amplified when it's directed at your children, once I learned that I noticed it showed up constantly for me so I've gotten a mantra I stress repeat to myself while taking deep breaths whenever my partner is triggered. It's hard work but I don't have to bear the burden of the entire family's emotional turmoil, I don't have capacity for it and I can make sure my toddler is safe and loved while letting my partner stress tf out. Make it makes sense that the person with a phobia of conflict somehow managed to end up with someone with ADHD who's stressed and triggered by literally anything under the sun? Sometimes I side eye myself but at least it's good practice to become a more emotionally whole person, I hope at least 😂😂
@thoseboysmama i don't know, my oldest son never went through this, and is all around not a very physical or chaotic child, more talkative and overly snuggly. My nieces, however, were both straight up insane. I think part of the appearance of differences is also that we expect and notice more when boys do stereotypical boy things and vice versa. Like DHs grandma talks a lot about how DHs baby sister (15 years younger than him) was never "wild" like our boys are and my husband is like uh have you lost your mind and forgotten the time she climbed onto the dining room table and grabbed the chandelier? Socialization plays a huge role imo too, but we can't know exactly what that role is since we can't completely control every message a kid receives. I can raise my children all the same regardless of gender, and strangers at the grocery store will still tell my oldest he needs a haircut because boys don't have long hair. My two boys are the most opposite they could possibly be temperament wise so I always feel more grain-of-salt-y about suggestions that the biology/nature of gender has more effect than the social/nurture of it.
@kalesix3 it's especially hard because it can feel malicious and SO intentional in the moment, even though it's really a lack of impulse control, curiosity, and physical need for movement. DS2 is a "silly thrower" not an angry one, so it's not even like there's triggers to watch for. He has broken a few glass things, but not from throwing that I recall. Mainly accidental drops. Further solidarity on the highly sensitive, anxious person married to an easily triggered person with ADHD haha. I tend towards sensory overload quickly myself, but it doesn't usually manifest in frustration or anger like it does for DH. That all sounds very on point, I definitely can see being triggered by personal childhood experiences, even though I know my children are safe with my DH even when he's angry or upset.
@thescarletmom so much yes to all of that. I have 4 brothers and 5 sisters, and have nannied countless children and I can honestly say there's zero difference between genders at these younger ages, it's a personality and individual thing, girls are just as likely to destroy things as boys and I've seen it firsthand my whole life lol. I hate society and it triggers me out when people start making boy vs girl comments because they're honestly so ignorant. There's so much to deconstruct and unpack with stereotyping children and toxic gender roles/misogyny.
@thescarletmom nature and nurture play an equal part IMO. As does birth order. Just something I've noticed with the hundreds of children I've been around running a daycare as well as babysitting and nanny gigs I've had since being 13. Nurture is definitely winning these days. Not that that's necessarily a great thing. People are so easily triggered by simple opinions. Whilst speaking as if theirs are the only way to think. Opinions are that. Easily triggered by a strangers opinion is not something a stranger should be able to do to someone. Society has become so fragile. But as I said my kids threw things 1 sorta did and 1 never did. It's also a group mentality when you get a few together. They knew not to throw things that weren't theirs though. So nurture wins there. Not a black or white thing for sure.
Everyone who ever meets my family tells me of their crazy sons and so I hear it all the time how my daughters were so much calmer than sons or "i'm so glad I had all girls, my nephews were spitfire." One stopped me today even and told me she had 3 sons and she survived. Told me to get some good insurance and hoped I was having a girl. Haha We cannot go anywhere without someone stopping us. Usually very well mannered or well meaning, thankfully. There have been instances where someone interjects something, but I just know not to take words as daggers. It's a strange thing to allow a person to do to you.
I find it so odd that biology is now misogyny these days. People should be able to be who they are and accepted. That I think we can all agree on. Calling the norms of biology and anatomy misogyny is wild to me. We are quite literally all in the throws of our biological gender roles. Many have probably changed the trajectory of their lives based on this very path. I know I sure did after becoming a Mom. Society told me I wanted something else. Some women never do have children and some choose to identify differently. Which is 100% fine, but it is not naturally the way we were designed. To allude to the norms of our anatomy as misogyny is just strange. A man did not design our gendered roles. They make sense as it's how we work as mammals. We are mammals after all. You @kalesix3 are (very passive aggressively🙃) gendering anatomy by calling it misogyny a whole other thing. Children are gendered while in the womb. Gender roles are what they are based on the very path we are on. Sorry that was a triggering thing to read. I think men and women can do nearly everything the same. I also think men generally excel at some things over women naturally as do women on things over men. To deny that is absurd. There are of course exceptions to every single statistic.
I would possibly move to comment that men did actually create out gender roles… patriarchy, ya know? There are plenty of other societies in which the roles are not set up the ways they are here.
Re: March Randoms
We went and got a tour this afternoon, I of course absolutely adore the birth center and it was the founder herself who gave me a tour and she had been to my old birth center in Colorado so we had something in common. I really fell in love and can actually see myself birthing there which is pretty huge for me, but the drive.... It's absolutely beastly. We went at rush hour to see what it would be like at it's worst and honestly the traffic isn't bad but even going a more direct route it's every bit of a 40/50 minute drive and I already know I'm going to miserable
My partner said he's comfortable planning for a birth center birth if I love it there but he still thinks I should go visit the hospitals anyways, I'm really not sure if the distance is his only hangup or if he's reliving some trauma from us essentially recreating the same situation with moving across the country and expecting a baby a few months later and maybe by pushing for the hospital it's his way of working through some fears, he says he feels fine but the hospital conversation is really out of character for him.
I can't really just go visit a hospital and do a vibe check though, neither one are doing tours and even that doesn't tell me who's on what shift and who's even at the birth etc.
Bleh. I wish the drive had gone better, I so want to make a decision that feels good in every regard.
I truly loathe healthcare. I understand if someone has a tendency to miss appts, yet still frustrating. Glad you made it work. I had to remind my doc it was time for that appt next. I'm literally holding this girl's hand through this. She's 1st year. It is infuriating.
I still really feel like you're going to he happiest at your birth center! Especially after touring it and feeling a connection there. I know it's easier said than done, but my advice would be to just go with that one and head in when labor starts kicking in. It's hard to predict, but I feel like it'll work itself out the way it's meant to!
@thoseboysmama hopefully your sister is okay!! What is with clinics refusing to be accommodating? That's so frustrating
Yeah I mean I think the birth center is it too, it's just stressful not knowing if I'll make it in time. I didn't have any early labor with my son. I woke up at 3 am, my water broke immediately and then transition contractions hit, I'm fairly sure it was only a three hour labor because the stress from the car ride stalled some progress because I didn't feel safe in the car and clammed up lol. Maybe that will work in my favor this time lol but all that to say it can be hard to plan to leave in early labor but I don't know if I'll go through that stage this time either. But also like now I know so if I call them and head in immediately upon water breaking I should be fine? But also I don't know when or how my water will break this time, bleh. So many unknowns, I think my gut is telling me to just go with the birth center, I just wish it was more clear cut.
Somebody please talk me out of buying all the little shoes for this baby. We'll buy a few pairs of like the zutano booties, but these moccasins and little sandals and things are killing me. Both of my kids' feet never fit in shoes before they were walking. Their feet were either too tiny and the shoes fell right off, or after a few weeks/months old their feet were so fat *vertically* they didn't fit ANY shoes I ever tried. Plus they really don't need shoes until they're walking anyways, and I'd rather spend my money on other frivolous things my baby doesn't need lol. But ugh!! The tiny shoes!!
@thescarletmom baby shoes are soooooo stinkin cute but we never put any on my son until he was walking so I am trying to refrain.
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
Anybody in your life hinting that they want to get you a small gift?
@thescarletmom I am not the one to talk you out of any purchase because I have been terrible and buying all kinds of adorable baby clothes. I have no chill 😂😂
I am slightly dreading my maternity photos. I'm starting to "blow up" and my face is really filling out and my arms ate getting quite big. I'm up 30 pounds and still have 6 weeks before my photos. It wad around this time with reese that I started to get really big and I really want our photos to be nice! But I'm worried I'll hate how I look
@kalesix3 before my kids started walking, both of their feet were too fat on the tops to fit into shoes! They would be the right width and length if you put the sole of the shoe up against the bottom of their foot, and they just wouldn't fit. Too chonky! I'm glad we don't have any concerns about northern winters or anything like that where baby would have a need for shoes before walking.
@hitcj4687 I have bought way too many baby clothes already... I have a few more purchases to make this week and then have told myself I need to cool it on buying anything for baby until the summer! So hard not to buy all the little cute things since I know none of the clothes I have stored with be sizes in the right season.
I totally feel you on the maternity session anxiety. I just scheduled maternity photos with our photographer for about 3-4 weeks out (we're doing them and our annual birthday photos for DS2 at the same time, his birthday is in 2 weeks) and all I could hear in my head was my mom saying I'm so tiny and have no bump, and I'm so self conscious that I won't look pregnant or will "just look fat". I spent like an hour scrolling pinkblush looking at dresses and felt increasing dread that none of them would be flattering. Since this is our last baby, so many of these "lasts" are on a pedestal in my head and I'm terrified of how disappointed I will be if I hate how I look in them.
Anyways that's just my take, we are all beautiful, we don't have to be skinnier, we don't have to have a specific sized bump to be allowed to value our body. I mean just think of society in a few years if only skinny people took photos of themselves?
It's okay to struggle with things because I certainly do, but my advice is take the plunge, you don't have to share them with anyone, they can sit in a folder forever if you want them to, but one day I think you'll treasure them.
If we ever have a girl, I'll get to actually buy baby clothes. I've bought very few things because of hand-me-downs. Very appreciative but baby clothes are soo fun to buy and I'm too frugal to go buy some if we already have some that work.
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
My advice is still get the pictures, because like you said you deserve the same grace for your body that you have for your husband, and even more since it's you who has carried all of your babies and pregnancies, not him, you don't deserve less because of it.
@peyts I'm so sorry, I went down that spiral yesterday put of the blue, I didn't even get sick, I just felt crummy and awful and was freaking out about it. You're not alone in that. I'm sending huge virtual hugs to you, it's okay to not be okay and that anxiety is just because you love this baby so much, tomorrow will be better 💜
The throwing stage does pass, but the innate need to do so when triggered is still there. We got a punching bag and speed bag. They go to it when they are upset and just need to wail. It has helped so much. Often times they know and go on their own when they feel it coming but at times I see them fuming and say go hit the bag. They love it and their skills are improving. That's what I found helped with that stage as I got more than 1 at a time in it. Which is just nerve-wracking. Although they never threw anything other than their own toys, I still don't like them disrespecting their stuff and my house.
I recently learned in a psychology podcast that being extremely stressed and triggered by other adults stress around you is a form of codependency that isn't that well known, they said it's actually an insecurity and deep seated fear of conflict usually born from childhood wounds from having abusive or emotionally unstable parents and then add a partner being stressed at your children and it triggers your child wound making you feel the same scared and unsafe way you felt growing up and it's amplified when it's directed at your children, once I learned that I noticed it showed up constantly for me so I've gotten a mantra I stress repeat to myself while taking deep breaths whenever my partner is triggered. It's hard work but I don't have to bear the burden of the entire family's emotional turmoil, I don't have capacity for it and I can make sure my toddler is safe and loved while letting my partner stress tf out. Make it makes sense that the person with a phobia of conflict somehow managed to end up with someone with ADHD who's stressed and triggered by literally anything under the sun? Sometimes I side eye myself but at least it's good practice to become a more emotionally whole person, I hope at least 😂😂
@kalesix3 it's especially hard because it can feel malicious and SO intentional in the moment, even though it's really a lack of impulse control, curiosity, and physical need for movement. DS2 is a "silly thrower" not an angry one, so it's not even like there's triggers to watch for. He has broken a few glass things, but not from throwing that I recall. Mainly accidental drops. Further solidarity on the highly sensitive, anxious person married to an easily triggered person with ADHD haha. I tend towards sensory overload quickly myself, but it doesn't usually manifest in frustration or anger like it does for DH. That all sounds very on point, I definitely can see being triggered by personal childhood experiences, even though I know my children are safe with my DH even when he's angry or upset.
I hate society and it triggers me out when people start making boy vs girl comments because they're honestly so ignorant.
There's so much to deconstruct and unpack with stereotyping children and toxic gender roles/misogyny.
Everyone who ever meets my family tells me of their crazy sons and so I hear it all the time how my daughters were so much calmer than sons or "i'm so glad I had all girls, my nephews were spitfire."
One stopped me today even and told me she had 3 sons and she survived. Told me to get some good insurance and hoped I was having a girl. Haha
We cannot go anywhere without someone stopping us. Usually very well mannered or well meaning, thankfully.
There have been instances where someone interjects something, but I just know not to take words as daggers. It's a strange thing to allow a person to do to you.
I find it so odd that biology is now misogyny these days. People should be able to be who they are and accepted. That I think we can all agree on. Calling the norms of biology and anatomy misogyny is wild to me. We are quite literally all in the throws of our biological gender roles. Many have probably changed the trajectory of their lives based on this very path. I know I sure did after becoming a Mom. Society told me I wanted something else.
Some women never do have children and some choose to identify differently. Which is 100% fine, but it is not naturally the way we were designed. To allude to the norms of our anatomy as misogyny is just strange. A man did not design our gendered roles. They make sense as it's how we work as mammals. We are mammals after all. You @kalesix3 are (very passive aggressively🙃) gendering anatomy by calling it misogyny a whole other thing. Children are gendered while in the womb. Gender roles are what they are based on the very path we are on. Sorry that was a triggering thing to read.
I think men and women can do nearly everything the same. I also think men generally excel at some things over women naturally as do women on things over men. To deny that is absurd. There are of course exceptions to every single statistic.