PGAL 1/5

stashattack · January 2023

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss(es). TW for entire thread due to discussion of MC, TFMR, CP, etc.

***

Weeks/EDD?

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Any appointment updates?

Any big milestones?

Rants/Raves/Questions?

slothstatus · January 2023

Hello!

I had a missed miscarriage several months ago, baby was 9 weeks old. It was devastating.

I am currently 7 weeks pregnant. My EDD 08/25/23.

Emotionally I am nervous, afraid, anxious, hopeful. I try to have faith that we won’t lose this baby, but then any cramp I feel I question or anything that I eat I question, it’s definitely not joyful and I’m actually depressed because of the fear of not knowing. Physically I’m tired and a tiny tiny bit of nausea, definitely too lazy to workout thus my username “sloth status” lol

Sadly we don’t have insurance so I applied for government insurance a few weeks ago and have yet to get a response so I have noooo clue when I will get to see a doctor, which also is giving me anxiety.

Any prayers are appreciated.

Question: has anyone also not had a chance to see a doctor and will be unable to for a really long time? I’m guessing I’ll hopefully see someone in my second trimester 😭

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

@slothstatus I’m so sorry about your loss. We are definitely here to lend you support through your pregnancy. The anxiety and fear can be so overwhelming at times. To the point it drives you mad. I have never gone that long without seeing anyone but luckily, you really only have 1 appointment in the first trimester. They do a blood draw and a dating scan. The scan isn’t necessary though. Some places don’t even do that. Hopefully you hear back soon and you can get in quicker. You could also see if there are any free pregnancy clinics around that can see you. Some of those places have ultrasound machines and may be able to scan you so you can see that everything is ok.

ccmrc143 · January 2023

@slothstatus I’m so sorry for your loss and that you aren’t able to see a doctor right now. I definitely agree with @emeraldcity603 there should be some free pregnancy clinics near you. When I googled “free pregnancy clinic near me” a lot of options showed up and I’m not in a major city. I hope you can find somewhere to go so that you can get some leave of mind that this baby will stick.

Today I’m 8w4d and I’m feeling depressed. and constipated lol. I wonder if feeling ambivalent about the baby is a defense mechanism to protect myself from the pain of another loss.

slothstatus · January 2023

Thank you @emeraldcity603 i appreciate your support! 🫶 I will definitely look into a free or low cost pregnancy clinic I did think of that but haven’t been motivated to do so.

tumbleweed-1 · January 2023

@slothstatus is it possible that you can find something like a “community partner” to help with the gov’t insurance timeline/processing? I That’s what they are called in my state (OR) to help people apply for health insurance and other government assistance. Sometimes it can be reassuring to talk to another person and make sure the paperwork is moving along. In the meantime I agree that if you can find a free clinic of sorts that might be helpful for peace of mind.

tumbleweed-1 · January 2023

I haven’t participated in this thread yet, but I guess PGAL brain never goes away.

Weeks/EDD? 10wks/ 8/5

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Ok enough overall, my first pregnancy was a MMC that I barely had symptoms with. My next pregnancy resulted in my DS, and I also had an easy, fairly symptom free pregnancy which messed with my mind the whole time. This time I’m having more symptoms which helps me feel reassured, but still fairly mild and easily manageable.

Any appointment updates? My first appointment is next Thursday! U/S and everything I believe.

Any big milestones? Hard to say since I’ve made it all the way, but maybe 11 weeks? I had some red spotting with my son at 11 weeks last time that really freaked me out.

Rants/Raves/Questions? Not at this time

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

@tumbleweed-1 I was freaking out when I wasn’t experiencing symptoms. It was driving me insane. So I totally understand the anxiety and fear associated with that. My nausea was strong this morning and has fizzled put this afternoon/evening. Which I’m not worried about I just would prefer my symptoms to just be strong enough I’m not worried.

@ccmrc143 it probably is a protective mechanism. I felt myself completely detach from this pregnancy once I realized I had a fairly large bleed. I’m hoping more fears are subsided once I speak with the OB on Monday. I asked for literature on the specific bleed I have from my midwife and she sent that to me. So I plan to read that too.

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

Last night I was putting Christmas stuff away and I got a weird sensation in my uterus. So I stopped what I was doing and laid down. The sensation stopped. Well, this morning I’m spotting and definitely having full uterine cramps. The only time I have ever had cramps like this it ended in a loss. I’m really praying hard and hoping this doesn’t end bad. The cramps are scaring me though. I plan to just spend the day on the couch while the kids watch a ton of movies and TV.

tumbleweed-1 · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 I really hope taking it easy is all you need. I’m so sorry you’re going through the bleed and now this too.

ccmrc143 · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 I’m sorry this is happening. I really hope a day of rest helps and confirms that baby is ok.

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

I just contacted my midwife. They are going to try to get me in for an ultrasound this Monday. I just want to know if the baby is ok. I know there isn’t anything to be done. It’s just frustrating to be in this position.

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

My symptoms seem to be completely gone today. I’m preparing for the worst at this point. I’m just so numb. I don’t feel anything emotionally either way right now.

chilok · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 very sorry you are going through this. Can you go to the emergency room if you are experiencing severe cramps? They might be able to get you an ultrasound right away at the hospital. It’s cruel to have to wait so long while you are going through so much emotionally and physically.

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

@chilok There isn’t anything they can do at the ER except tell me I’m experiencing a threatened miscarriage. I have all 5 of my kids home alone right now. It would be stressful on my body to drag them all out and into the ER.

wendy838 · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 I'm so sorry you're going through this, I hope you get answers soon. Sending love

benten24 · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 I’m so sorry for the stress you’re under right now. I’m glad you’re able to get in for an US Monday, and hope that you see a healthy baby with a strong HB. Good luck, my thoughts are with you.

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

My nausea seems to be back today. I’m feeling a lot of relief. I also haven’t had any more spotting and so far today no cramping. I’m starting to feel hopeful.

gingermama29 · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 FX for good news! Glad symptoms are back and cramping has stopped.

stashattack · January 2023

*lurking* @emeraldcity603 so glad to hear. My nausea is back too and my cramping is gone. 🥰 sending all the sticky vibes your way.

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

@stashattack I’m so glad to hear you’re doing better too. This is all so stressful. First trimester is the worst part of pregnancy for me so I’m anxious to reach second trimester so I can hopefully relax and finally enjoy this pregnancy.

Edit: correct spelling

troystory17 · January 2023

I haven’t participated in this thread yet so I hope it’s ok to just jump in.

Weeks/EDD? 8w5d

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Exhausted .. I had to have a a blood transfusion last week due to anemia, and it doesn’t seem to have helped.

Any appointment updates? We just moved out of state, and I was finally able to get an appointment somewhere so I’m anxiously awaiting that on the 25th.

Any big milestones? My previous loss was at 20 weeks so I’m not in any rush to share our news maybe around 24 weeks.

Rants/Raves/Questions? Nothing right now.

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

@troystory17 Feel free to jump in anytime. I’m so sorry you have been so anemic you needed a blood transfusion. I hope that resolved for you soon.

slothstatus · January 2023

@ccmrc143 thank you I did look into it and I found a free mobile ultrasound clinic which I’m not too sure how to feel about it being mobile 😂 but I’ll give them a call Monday. I too and sorry for your previous loss and hope this pregnancy is your rainbow baby as well as for all of us here on this thread 🤍🙏🏻

@tummbleweed-1 hi! No I tried calling the covered California number to try speaking with someone to see what the hold up was in my application and there was no way to speak to anyone it was quite frustrating. There is an office nearby that I can go to in person so I might have to do that but feel too lazy to go and wait in a long line to be told to just continue waiting until the application is reviewed or they tell me something else that will make me extra frustrated lol.

@emeraldcity603 Im sorry you went through that but thankful you’re doing better. Hopefully the ultrasound is reassuring 🙏🏻🤍

slothstatus · January 2023

@troystory17 im sorry for your previous loss and the progression of it must have been devastating. I completely understand not wanting to share the news, I don’t want to share with anyone until around 27 weeks. I guess it’s a defense mechanism in case something happens I don’t want to be disappointed in others not really helping me cope. My first loss everyone knew about it and yet no body really reached out to see how I was doing. I felt so alone. If you need anyone to vent to about how you felt or how you are feeling now you can message me privately too.

ccmrc143 · January 2023

I remember my PGAL thread in my first bump group, even though I thankfully hadn’t yet experienced a loss. Another mom had a loss at 20 weeks and now she has a sweet 20 month old son. She also waited to tell people for the same reason you mentioned. I’m so sorry for your loss @troystory17 and am hopeful for you this time around.

That is awesome news about the mobile clinic @slothstatus! I understand the hesitation but I think they are common. At my old job they would have a mobile van come every 6 months to offer mammograms to the women who needed them and it was great. I hope you’re able to get seen by them soon! I also would recommend asking them for just general support — mental health, pregnancy, anything. Just this weekend I found out about a few local organizations that offer free therapy for women and support groups for moms. I didn’t know about any of this stuff and it’s available to anyone. So I hope this experience is positive and that the people in charge will connect you to everything you need.

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

I’m about to head to my ultrasound and I feel super sick. I’m so scared of what I’m going to see. DH wanted to drive me but I told him I will need to have time to recover emotionally before I see the kids if for some reason the outcome isn’t good. So I’m going alone.

slothstatus · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 I’m praying for you! Please update us.

gingermama29 · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 FX for good news!!

ccmrc143 · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 praying for a positive outcome!!!

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

The hematoma is touching roughly 10% of the gestational sac and he said that’s a small amount and that’s usually what they focus on. It’s really long and thin. So maybe it really is a small bleed and not huge like I originally thought. The HB was 154. I’m just so relieved. The stress from this has been unbelievable. Now I’m hoping I can actually relax.

slothstatus · January 2023

@emeraldcity603 that’s great! 🤍

slothstatus · January 2023

Update: I was able to go to the mobile clinic ran by lovely volunteers and they confirmed my pregnancy with a urine test in order to schedule me for an ultrasound, I have an ultrasound scheduled for Jan 30, my ten week mark. I’m grateful to have something scheduled to at least be able to see my baby. Lord willing everything is fine and I can have my rainbow baby 🤍🙏🏻

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

@slothstatus that’s great! I’m glad you were able to find something nearby. Those clinics may have lots of resources for you to. I’m sure they will tell you during your next visit. We have a few around here and they provide all kinds of baby gear and maternity stuff too. They have been known to get pump donations too. They have to be brand new for obvious reasons so if you could snag one of those that would be great. Insurance covers then usually but you never know if your insurance only offers certain ones.

alireegs32 · January 2023

Hi.

I know I’m thinking to far ahead but I’m trying to be very optimistic as I head into my US next week. I don’t want to tell anyone until I hear good news but I’m also not sure if I’ll tell them after next week (9 weeks) or wait till the 14th week mark. I’m very close with my family and it’s hard to keep stuff from them but I’m terrified to bring them bad news again. I don’t want to get a healthy baby read at 9 weeks and then have something go wrong weeks or months later. I hate putting that thought out but I feel like I need to say it and get it out and hope to not think it anymore. But I also need that positive US to give me hope.

I wanted to know when will many of you plan to tell friends and family?

lily.hazel · January 2023

@alireegs32 It’s different for everyone. For me, I always tell my immediate family and my best friend as soon as I get a BFP, and the reason is that if I miscarry again, I don’t want to be doing it alone. I want my family to be able to gather around us and help us through it. Our family is really tight-knit, and they pray for me and baby daily, and I’d rather have them on my team than have them not know. Each time we’ve miscarried before, they’ve made us food or brought groceries or care packages or watched our 5yo while I was in the hospital, and I can’t imagine trying to navigate it without their help.

If you’re not in the same place with your family, I’d recommend telling a close friend or two so that you can talk about your fears and celebrate your milestones, even if you aren’t announcing it more widely yet. PGAL is so hard, and I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious about it. 💛

alireegs32 · January 2023

@lily.hazel thank you so much. We are close and it’s hard to keep secrets from them. Even right now I want to tell them but I guess I’m going to hold off till next Tuesday! Thank you. It’s honestly been helpful just reading through this thread and knowing I’m not alone.

msjaay · January 2023

@alireegs32 It's obviously up to everyone's individual comfort level, but I generally tell immediate family and close friends after our first u/s once we hear a heartbeat. I start to tell others and work somewhere in the 2nd trimester. With my daughter I was around 15 weeks at that point.

I'm so sorry you feel so nervous. I feel like it's hard to ever feel very confident after going through a loss. I believe the rate of m/c drops to around 5-10% after you can hear a heartbeat if that helps at all

emeraldcity603 · January 2023

I told my in-laws right away. They are prayer warriors and I need those prayers for my baby. I also told my closest 4 friends because I know they will support me if I miscarry. I share everything with my best friend. I couldn’t keep it a secret from her.

As for other people, they will find out once my hematoma is healed and not making me feel high risk.

ccmrc143 · January 2023

I totally feel the same @alireegs32 My ultrasound is tomorrow and I’m seeing my parents this weekend. Most of the time I think I’ll tell them. But then I think maybe it’s still too early. At the same time, if I miscarry this late (I’m already 9w) then I will need major support that my husband alone can’t be expected to offer (he’ll need it too). In that sense I feel like even though I’m a pretty private person it’s worth letting my parents know after the ultrasound tomorrow. For non immediate family and friends I want to wait a while because I am trying to get promoted at work and fear any discrimination. I waited until 16 - 20 weeks last time to tell friends and I told work at 25 weeks (I work remote so easy to hide). last time I told my mom very early (5w) because I needed to tell her to not fly across the country to visit me during Covid (it was early on and so my whole pregnancy was pretty isolated). Anyway all that is to say there is no right time!

slothstatus · January 2023

@alireegs32 If your family will support you and love on you then that’s great and sharing with them may be beneficial in your healing journey if it were to end up in a loss, I hope it doesn’t though 🙏🏻

I had shared with my family and close friends when I was around 6 weeks with my previous pregnancy. Then at my 11 week mark I found out baby stopped growing at 9 weeks, so I had a MMC, chose to do the pill at home versus D&C. I told my family and friends and they all tried comforting me in that moment. But after that I didn’t receive much support from them, they didn’t even text me to check on me. So with that experience in mind I will just be keeping this between myself, my husband and my mother in law so that she can pray for us. If we were to lose our baby again then I’ll be signing up for therapy to get the support that I will need.

But praying we both don’t need to be in that situation! 🙏🏻🤍

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