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Can we talk sex during pregnancy??

starsaligned13starsaligned13 member
in 2nd Trimester
I was a little surprised to see there’s been no discussion on sex during pregnancy. I know it can be a taboo topic to talk about, but we don’t know each other since this is an online forum and I’m sure some people are struggling like me. 

So, I’m 18 weeks pregnant and since finding out I was and some minor scares at the beginning (and then being cleared for sex) I can honestly say we’ve done it successfully maybe 5 times. My husband and I have been married 5 years together 13 and never had an issue with sex. We’re young and in love, that’s how I got pregnant. But now, I can’t get into the headspace. I’ve lost my libido, feeling very disconnected from my pelvic floor and abdominals, keep thinking our baby is with us in these intimate moments, it just feels like a water balloon in there like everything is just larger? Then there’s his feelings of being uncomfortable, not wanting to cause me discomfort, or will barely go in. 

We do other sex things but even that I just can relax so I’m the one pleasing him because I don’t want him to suffer haha

I’m not usually someone who watches porn, but I was curious to see how other pregnant woman are having sex. There’s no way I’m going to turn into a pornstar while pregnant, but I need to do something. Can’t go 9 months plus a few more for healing. Suggestions? Anyone else going through this?
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Re: Can we talk sex during pregnancy??

  • harpseal135harpseal135 member
    Um, honestly you are growing a baby so obviously your body is way different than prepregnancy.  

    If you are not in the mood, you are not in the mood and there is a wonderful reason why.  We barely had sex while pregnant. 

    My husband respected how I was feeling and intimacy was not sex related: cuddling, kiss, holding hands, him feeling baby kicks, etc.  Sorry, but that was "sex" for us and he didn't care. 

    Then by 3rd tri it was very akward and he felt weird about it.  

    If you want to watch porn thats up to you. You do you if its something you want to try. 
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  • chelseakmchelseakm member
    It took me some time to be comfortable with my completely different body now. But we just adapted to it. 

    For me, the increase in discharge has made my sex drive wayyyyy less. I dont know wht it is about it. 

    But, the first trimester we rarely had sex. And my husband wasn't concerned about that at all! I didn't look pregnant yet but I had gained some weight around my mid section obviously and I didn't feel very attractive. So that also played into it.

    Getting into the 2nd trimester, I think my sex drive has increased a bit. It's a process. And you two will figure it out !! You growing a human inside you!! Focus on you , and don't be so concerned about "being a pornstar". 
    Everything is changing, and he has to adapt as well! Not gunna lie, the maternity lingerie is SUPER cute and me me feel good in it.

    Maybe focus on you a bit more ! Ask your ob if it's safe to use toys in bed, maybe try that for yourself so it's not all about him !

    Goodluck mama !
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  • rachelredheadrachelredhead member
    Eh, pregnancy is just a weird time. With my first pregnancy I was more anxious but also less sick so we had more frequent sex. With this pregnancy I’ve just been way more uncomfortable and that has definitely lowered my libido. Pregnancy feels long, but in the grand scheme of a marriage it’s not. It’s a season when your priority is growing a human and then recovering from growing a human. During that season, intimacy just looks and feels different. So I’d say think about reframing sex a bit. You said you’ve had sex successfully a few times. It doesn’t need to be a “success” in order for you to feel close. Just shoot for closeness and intimacy, and then any kind of physical connection will be a success. 
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  • swizzlemalarkeyswizzlemalarkey member
    My H and I only tried like 2 or 3 times the whole pregnancy. I had a lot of vaginal pain so it just wasn’t working for me. Since having my son 1.5 years ago, we haven’t had any sort of sex or even other things. Like zero intimacy 🤷🏻‍♀️ (My son sleeps in the bed with us). I had a bad tear and complications so it took I think 9 or 10 months to feel healed. But it just never happened because of our schedules. And now my husband is away for work. So. I can’t really help I’m sorry! But after delivering my son the pain went away so I’m excited to try again. 
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  • knottie07743f319179a752knottie07743f319179a752 member
    I value sex in my relationship and it sounds like you do, too. Me and my husband didn’t do it too much in the first trimester because I felt so sick, but we’ve been doing it a lot more in the second trimester. I think the increased blood flow in my body has made my body extra sensitive in a good way. I have always watched porn and have continued to in pregnancy, no shame. It’s a very useful tool to help relieve tension. Toys are also helpful and fun. Give it all a try, explore!
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  • knottie7391610aece204c0knottie7391610aece204c0 Just Joined
    Sex during pregnancy has been quite different for us as well. I'd say it is the opposite for us though. My husband reaches orgasm very quickly now. Which can leave me feeling unsatisfied. Because of this I try to mentally get really turned on before we start so I can reach orgasm as well. I'm glad he's satisfied and isn't feeling weird about sex. He says everything feels tighter and wetter. He definitely appreciates the larger breasts too. Though afterwards, it can feel odd because the baby shifts around. But so far, we are having sex multiple times a week at 22 weeks pregnant.

    Everyone is different with varying relationship dynamics. But I think we agree that woman need a certain headspace to be "in the mood" so try to figure out what puts you in that headspace. Personally porn and toys have helped me. And if you just can't get there, don't beat yourself up. As mentioned by another, you have your whole marriage to have sex with your husband.
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  • knottie1b92643213cf8e68knottie1b92643213cf8e68 member
    I dress in something sexy.Take my time to enjoy foreplay.Sometime we watch porn.Play watch it now do it.I cum like a fountain.You have a new body so you Have to find your new comfort.best wishes
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  • ferret22ferret22 member
    This is such an individual topic, I think it's hard for people to talk about. My sex drive has always been higher than my partner but I couldn't manage having sex during some of the infertility treatments and then my first trimester due to nausea and pain. Now that I'm in the second trimester I'm trying for at least once a week but it's still tough to set the mood. I'm into it but my spouse is having trouble adjusting his "moves" to my changing body. Last time we had sex was more awkward than sexy. He still finds me attractive but we haven't figured out how to do it in a way that works for both of us yet. My baby bump is huge already so it's like trying to hold each other with a watermelon in between us. 😂
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  • ravenhairedgirl83ravenhairedgirl83 member
    edited May 2022
    Please try not to compare. Whatever makes you both feel mentally and physically comfortable is the right amount of sex. 

    I have felt great and physically comfortable (so far), so sex 1-2 times a month works for us. My husband has always had a greater sex drive and no change now. I try not to compare this to anyone else. Maybe being a bit older as a FTM (39), I just generally care less about what is considered "the norm." 
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  • pangolindromepangolindrome member
    edited June 2022
    I'm going to echo that everyone is different, but here is what we do.
    When we don't feel like being intimate, maybe because of stress, lack of time, or general physical "meh," we will tell each other that we are enjoying ourselves on our own. Not all sex is with each-other - sometimes you want something individual and that's fine.

    About the baby 'being there,' I am assuming my kiddo gets a bunch of endorphins when I do, so orgasms must feel pretty rad. Calming, happiness-inducing. Your child wants you to be happy and healthy, and so does your partner. If you are comfortable with your body - which is not an easy thing when you have very limited control about the changes it goes through - and happy within yourself, much of the rest will resolve itself. 

    Finally, we both have equal sex drives (relatively high) and I will admit to having felt terribly about not having more time and drive for intimacy, but stress is the biggest libido killer. Live your lives and if the mood and opportunity strikes you, go for it. Let it happen naturally instead of trying to force it. Knowing that you absolutely don't have to have sex is incredibly freeing and takes a lot of pressure off of you.
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  • naultk21naultk21 member
    I hear you there! I've been having major issues with it from the start too. As in, my libido is completely gone. I just can't seem to ever get in the mood. Before, my husband always teased me for being "ready to go" 24/7, and it was true. Now, the thought of it makes me cringe because I'm not into it and it's a hassle, if anything. But I, too, don't want my husband to suffer because I love him and I don't want our intimacy to suffer either, and of course, his sex drive is higher than ever right now so I'm sure you can imagine his pain hahaha. I just hope it comes back soon for both our sakes! The movies lie when they say that women are always extra horny during pregnancy hahaha
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  • katsumiikatsumii Just Joined
    I swear, my hubby is even hornier than he was pre-pregnancy! LOL! And I'm the opposite. 🙄 My libido dropped like flies.

    That said, we still do sexy stuff when he's in the mood. And I've been miraculously in the mood, like, TWICE during pregnancy so far. Ha! (The second time being only a few nights ago.)

    My only 2 concerns for me are:

    1.) He's huge (you know what I mean), and I'm still afraid he's going to poke the baby or the placenta or something. 😂

    2.) Actually, my top concern is my orgasms! I like orgasming, but I'm concerned that they're the same as contractions, and I'm afraid if my orgasms hurt the baby!?! I've orgasmed most times we do sexy things, but I'm getting more and more concerned the further into pregnancy we go.

    Does anyone here know if female orgasms are safe during pregnancy??
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  • coldlife2coldlife2 member
    edited June 2022
    @katsumii, unless your provider specifically says “no orgasms,” you’re fine, and they will not hurt the baby. You can Google it or ask your providers. That’s not a thing except in some high risk cases. You will know if that’s the case, because they will tell you. 
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  • katsumiikatsumii Just Joined
    Awesome! The problem arises from Googling, actually! Lots of mixed cases online, and my concern stems from reading an Internet article advising against orgasms in late stage pregnancy. 😂

    Well, back to the topic, then. Sex is still present, but I certainly lost my pre-pregnancy libido. The husband's seems to have increased twofold. And orgasms feel great!

    After I consult with my doctor, instead of Internet forums, I may just initiate sex more.
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  • kat_vegan87kat_vegan87 member
    I truly miss really just amazing sex. My fiancé and I were separated because he got stuck out of the country during COVID and couldn’t come back. He finally came back and I got pregnant the same night! Fast forward 6 months and I still just cannot get into sex. I get wet easily for the most part and we use lube if need be, but I usually have to stop soon after we are actually having sec because I can feel the actual friction in my vagina! Not something you want during sex… it also doesn’t help that we can only do it one way (me laying on my side) since I can’t breath my back and other positions just aren’t comfortable for me at this point in my pregnancy. I don’t remember having these issues with our first! Anyone else have this issue? 
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  • nicademus20nicademus20 member
    My boyfriend and I rarely had sex while pregnant. Unlike many women, I was dry as a desert whilst pregnant. All I saw online was women having an increase of discharge, total opposite with me. 
    So that made sex more uncomfortable, even with using lots of lube. Maybe 10 times throughout the pregnancy. 
    It didn't help when not feeling sexy either. Even the times I was interested, my boyfriend didn't respond as I'd hoped. 

    I hope all goes well with all your pregnancies!! :)
    I will suggest getting it while you can as the lochia afterwards and the discomfort some may feel (I did) after the baby is born you may wish you got it more while pregnant! (I wished that anyways with all the aftermath I dealt with)


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  • nicademus20nicademus20 member
    @kat_vegan87, that sounds like what happened with me--and that weird feeling of the friction during sex even with the lube. I thought it would be what would be enjoyable until it happens-it is an odd feeling. 
    Plus I couldn't lay on my back during the later months with it being harder to breathe/less lung capacity. We had sex on my side as the only position too. 

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  • coldlife2coldlife2 member
    katsumii said:
    Awesome! The problem arises from Googling, actually! Lots of mixed cases online, and my concern stems from reading an Internet article advising against orgasms in late stage pregnancy. 😂

    Well, back to the topic, then. Sex is still present, but I certainly lost my pre-pregnancy libido. The husband's seems to have increased twofold. And orgasms feel great!

    After I consult with my doctor, instead of Internet forums, I may just initiate sex more.
    What sort of click bait rabbit hole are you reading?!? I’m sort of joking, but this is not a thing. I just googled “orgasm during pregnancy,” clicked on the first four results, and none of them said that. The Mayo Clinic doesn’t say that. The ACOG doesn’t say that. This is not a thing. Sex does not induce labor unless you’re high risk in specific ways (not all high risk women have to forgo sex) or are already full term and thisclose to going into labor anyway. 
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  • libra_lillylibra_lilly member
    I see way too much judgement for a support group...
    Anyway, i would like to share something that worked for me... My desire for it has been up and down but we purchased a vibrator.... And i have been feeling that friction discomfort since first trimester so we didn't have much sex then ... One day, i tried the vibrator while DH was doing his thing, ofcourse we used lube as well.. and i found the vibrator to be a good...pleasant distraction from that pain/discomfort.. putting this out there for anyone who could benefit from another suggestion.. i now enjoy the vibrator and DH gets to do his thing as well. Given its not regularly, but whenever we do get to it, it's more enjoyable for me now.
    Please don't come at me judgy moms 🙏
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  • swizzlemalarkeyswizzlemalarkey member
    @libra_lilly this forum is not *just* for support. While everyone is generally very supportive, most members here value evidence-based facts and science. We aren’t going to blow unicorn farts & glitter towards anyone if that’s what you’re looking for. It’s irritating when people try to share & spread false information without also sharing the research. 
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  • libra_lillylibra_lilly member
    @greyl Lol i doubt you are a doctor or nurse and google research doesn't really count as facts. I personally ask for advice based on personal experiences and that's exactly what i have shared.. it didn't benefit you, so move on, rather than stand there and pass judgement. Lol. And yes, since this isn't an app for doctors, it is for support, you are here for wrong reasons if you're only looking for medical advice, consult your doctor's for that, not this app. Keep it moving.
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  • swizzlemalarkeyswizzlemalarkey member
    @libra_lilly I literally never said we should be sharing medical advice. & what I was saying, was that the person above said she was getting her info from google which isn’t recommended unless it’s coming from valid & reputable sources. So it’s obvious you have no idea what I actually meant by my post and your assumptions and tone are rude so I’m done interacting with you. Also no one was passing judgement so you need to take a chill pill. 


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  • coldlife2coldlife2 member
    libra_lilly said:
    @greyl Lol i doubt you are a doctor or nurse and google research doesn't really count as facts. I personally ask for advice based on personal experiences and that's exactly what i have shared.. it didn't benefit you, so move on, rather than stand there and pass judgement. Lol. And yes, since this isn't an app for doctors, it is for support, you are here for wrong reasons if you're only looking for medical advice, consult your doctor's for that, not this app. Keep it moving.
    The ACOG and the Mayo Clinic are “Google research”? Ok. 

    I’m definitely a proponent of holistic medicine and non doctoral/medicinal treatments, and I do find it interesting to hear personal anecdotes. But I don’t make medical decisions based on a handful of internet strangers’ opinions, especially when it’s in no way based in fact. 
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  • bcanderson3bcanderson3 member
    How is talking about sex taboo

    We are all here pregnant because we had sex 

    Thinking sex is taboo is a sign of immaturity 
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  • coldlife2coldlife2 member
    bcanderson3 said:
    How is talking about sex taboo

    We are all here pregnant because we had sex 

    Thinking sex is taboo is a sign of immaturity 
    No one said it was except the OP. There are tons of threads on here about sex during pregnancy if you just use the search function or look back a few pages. Newbies just come on here, look at the first handful of threads on the page, and say “why aren’t we talking about this?” 
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