I was a little surprised to see there’s been no discussion on sex during pregnancy. I know it can be a taboo topic to talk about, but we don’t know each other since this is an online forum and I’m sure some people are struggling like me.
So, I’m 18 weeks pregnant and since finding out I was and some minor scares at the beginning (and then being cleared for sex) I can honestly say we’ve done it successfully maybe 5 times. My husband and I have been married 5 years together 13 and never had an issue with sex. We’re young and in love, that’s how I got pregnant. But now, I can’t get into the headspace. I’ve lost my libido, feeling very disconnected from my pelvic floor and abdominals, keep thinking our baby is with us in these intimate moments, it just feels like a water balloon in there like everything is just larger? Then there’s his feelings of being uncomfortable, not wanting to cause me discomfort, or will barely go in.
We do other sex things but even that I just can relax so I’m the one pleasing him because I don’t want him to suffer haha
I’m not usually someone who watches porn, but I was curious to see how other pregnant woman are having sex. There’s no way I’m going to turn into a pornstar while pregnant, but I need to do something. Can’t go 9 months plus a few more for healing. Suggestions? Anyone else going through this?
Re: Can we talk sex during pregnancy??
If you are not in the mood, you are not in the mood and there is a wonderful reason why. We barely had sex while pregnant.
My husband respected how I was feeling and intimacy was not sex related: cuddling, kiss, holding hands, him feeling baby kicks, etc. Sorry, but that was "sex" for us and he didn't care.
Then by 3rd tri it was very akward and he felt weird about it.
If you want to watch porn thats up to you. You do you if its something you want to try.
For me, the increase in discharge has made my sex drive wayyyyy less. I dont know wht it is about it.
But, the first trimester we rarely had sex. And my husband wasn't concerned about that at all! I didn't look pregnant yet but I had gained some weight around my mid section obviously and I didn't feel very attractive. So that also played into it.
Getting into the 2nd trimester, I think my sex drive has increased a bit. It's a process. And you two will figure it out !! You growing a human inside you!! Focus on you , and don't be so concerned about "being a pornstar".
Everything is changing, and he has to adapt as well! Not gunna lie, the maternity lingerie is SUPER cute and me me feel good in it.
Maybe focus on you a bit more ! Ask your ob if it's safe to use toys in bed, maybe try that for yourself so it's not all about him !
Goodluck mama !
Everyone is different with varying relationship dynamics. But I think we agree that woman need a certain headspace to be "in the mood" so try to figure out what puts you in that headspace. Personally porn and toys have helped me. And if you just can't get there, don't beat yourself up. As mentioned by another, you have your whole marriage to have sex with your husband.
I have felt great and physically comfortable (so far), so sex 1-2 times a month works for us. My husband has always had a greater sex drive and no change now. I try not to compare this to anyone else. Maybe being a bit older as a FTM (39), I just generally care less about what is considered "the norm."
When we don't feel like being intimate, maybe because of stress, lack of time, or general physical "meh," we will tell each other that we are enjoying ourselves on our own. Not all sex is with each-other - sometimes you want something individual and that's fine.
About the baby 'being there,' I am assuming my kiddo gets a bunch of endorphins when I do, so orgasms must feel pretty rad. Calming, happiness-inducing. Your child wants you to be happy and healthy, and so does your partner. If you are comfortable with your body - which is not an easy thing when you have very limited control about the changes it goes through - and happy within yourself, much of the rest will resolve itself.
Finally, we both have equal sex drives (relatively high) and I will admit to having felt terribly about not having more time and drive for intimacy, but stress is the biggest libido killer. Live your lives and if the mood and opportunity strikes you, go for it. Let it happen naturally instead of trying to force it. Knowing that you absolutely don't have to have sex is incredibly freeing and takes a lot of pressure off of you.
That said, we still do sexy stuff when he's in the mood. And I've been miraculously in the mood, like, TWICE during pregnancy so far. Ha! (The second time being only a few nights ago.)
My only 2 concerns for me are:
1.) He's huge (you know what I mean), and I'm still afraid he's going to poke the baby or the placenta or something. 😂
2.) Actually, my top concern is my orgasms! I like orgasming, but I'm concerned that they're the same as contractions, and I'm afraid if my orgasms hurt the baby!?! I've orgasmed most times we do sexy things, but I'm getting more and more concerned the further into pregnancy we go.
Does anyone here know if female orgasms are safe during pregnancy??
Well, back to the topic, then. Sex is still present, but I certainly lost my pre-pregnancy libido. The husband's seems to have increased twofold. And orgasms feel great!
After I consult with my doctor, instead of Internet forums, I may just initiate sex more.
So that made sex more uncomfortable, even with using lots of lube. Maybe 10 times throughout the pregnancy.
It didn't help when not feeling sexy either. Even the times I was interested, my boyfriend didn't respond as I'd hoped.
I hope all goes well with all your pregnancies!!
I will suggest getting it while you can as the lochia afterwards and the discomfort some may feel (I did) after the baby is born you may wish you got it more while pregnant! (I wished that anyways with all the aftermath I dealt with)
Plus I couldn't lay on my back during the later months with it being harder to breathe/less lung capacity. We had sex on my side as the only position too.
We are all here pregnant because we had sex
Thinking sex is taboo is a sign of immaturity