Mental Health check in

mflowers929 · May 2022

I figured this might be a good one to start. I know some of you moms out there are likely struggling with mental health issues, either regularly or hormone induced. I certainly am.
So tell us - how are you, really?

autumn87654321 · May 2022

Thanks for making this thread. My moods are all over the place

I get so angry easily and I’m so stinking tired of course. Teaching kids all day does not help

the messes in my house abs classroom (I’m the art tracker ) certainly don’t help

i finally gave in and got an antidepressant, they haven’t kicked in, but at least this week is better than last.

For Mother’s Day I asked my husband to take our 16 month old to MIL’s for brunch so I could rest. That was great but then by the end of it I felt dumb that I just laid there and didn’t even sleep and didn’t clean anything. Then I got mad at something and it reminded me of the disaster of last Mother’s Day then I stopped around the house by myself telling and crying.

mflowers929 · May 2022

So this post was inspired by the fact that I spent 3 hours last night crying on and off after watching a video of a grandfather with his baby granddaughter. I have issues with my parents and pregnancy hormones aren't helping my feelings of loss right now. I had a great childhood but as soon as I decided I was moving out my parents were like "okay. We'll check in when it's convenient for us". And that has extended to my kids too, which is just breaking my heart.
I'm realizing I should probably see a therapist or counselor or someone to talk about this, but it's just finding the time and money.

lilswed · May 2022

I have good and bad days - big part is having ptsd from my miscarriages - been seeing a counselor and on meds- huge huge difference for being able to sort truthful fears from anxiety and bring myself back down.

doggomomma · May 2022

Thanks for posting this, truly. I could really use a word of advice. I’m having a lot of anxiety lately about the health of my baby. All of the scans have come back totally normal and everything is literally fine every appointment I go to. I’m worried though that some things aren’t “good” for pregnancy or the baby. The internet doesn’t help at all lol go figure. Some teas and Matcha specifically I get so freaked out about, even though everything says it’s fine. Any word of advice as to how to deal with this?

lilswed · May 2022

I’ve taken a hiatus from searching or limit myself to 5mins- otherwise I go down the rabbit hole and can’t come back - or I have my husband research and condense the findings to what is mentally healthy for me.

with most things if it happens once or twice in pregnancy- it’s not going to harm you or baby- it’s an ongoing habit or over indulgence that often leads to things

trust Your doctor over the internet- I asked mine for book and reliable websites to look for my questions

autumn87654321 · May 2022

I’m haven’t been as worried about the baby health as I was during my first pregnancy but my moods have been just as bad if not worse

I do think My mental health seems to be improving since starting on an antidepressant. It’s been a very low dose so it’s hard to tell, also it’s finally been good weather so o think the combination
have been good for my mood.
I’m still so tired and work too much and just want to sleep and eat and lay around, and my house is a mess and I’m not motivated to clean it and not cleaning keeps it messy which keeps me pissed off about the mess

js1213 · May 2022

I am having trouble with anger and just not wanting to be around anyone, especially my husband. I'm fantasizing about going to a hotel to just be alone. I don't know if it's just situational.

My husband really pissed me off and when I told him why I was mad he said nothing and acted like everything was fine.

Now he keeps trying to lean on me or put his arm around me or rub my shoulders and it's just pissing me off. I'm yelling at my 3yo a lot and my dog is annoying the crap out of me. 🤬

sarah6991 · May 2022

I'm so happy to see this post. I'm feeling so defeated lately. I feel like I'm always depressed in my relationship and every other aspect of my life also. I love my fiancé and my son but my fiancé is lazy and my son just never follows directions anymore he's 7. They both leave stuff all over the house and I get left to clean it up. We all have Covid right now so I understand none of us feel good but I'm still expected to make dinner and pick up the house as they lay around. I'm just so defeated and depressed and I'm on medication already and it was upped about 2 months ago. I've tried to talk to my fiancé but I just feel like he doesn't listen to how I feel or even care anymore we're having more bad days than good anymore and I love him more than anything. He is honestly an amazing man but ever since I got pregnant things have seemed to change.

sunshine2417 · May 2022

I recently brought a lot of my concerns up to my doctor—sleeping A LOT, always tired if I'm not sleeping, super cranky/irritable, pretty depressed but… want to stay in the depression, kinda? etc. She put in for bloodwork for iron and a thyroid panel and we’re gonna look at adjusting my meds. Apparently your iron and thyroid can get out of whack while pregnant too though. Definitely advocate for yourselves to your doctors. As women we sometimes believe we just have to suffer and that’s not the case!

mflowers929 · May 2022

@sunshine2417 yes! I was actually on synthroid during my last lost pregnancy because my thyroid got out of whack. I mentioned it and they put it in to check when I had all my bloodwork done. I think a lot of people don't realize just how HARD pregnancy is on the body. Like yes it's natural, but also you're more susceptible to everything that you would normally be, plus some things you wouldn't normally be.

autumn87654321 · May 2022

@Js1213 I know the feeling. I get so frustrated sometimes. I just stop around the house swearing about things that are in my way. (My husband has adhd and I’m not a good housekeeper so it’s pretty cluttered )

Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get a hotel for a night. Just to relax and rest. Maybe you can work out a time with him for him to watch the 3 yo over night?

It sounds like your husband was hoping that your anger about the issue would fade in its own and was trying to show you love in the meantime. Might be his way of staying sorry. Super annoying if you need to talk about the issue but I guess better than a blow out fight ?

Also dogs can be so annoying during pregnancy /mothering. I think I used to like my dogs but they’ve just been driving me crazy since the end of my last pregnancy.

@sarah6991 I’m sorry you’re having that trouble with your husband. I feel the same about mine a lot. His adhd is really hard on me and on the state of the house. Do you think your husband or son might have some adhd? If so this website can be really helpful https://www.additudemag.com/

fantasyflyte · May 2022

Bad anxiety day today. Usually happens when I accidentally stumble across a not-good pregnancy thing that happened to someone else online and my mind spirals from there. Trying to reassure myself that there's a 99.9% chance everything is fine with my little girl but I don't have another appointment until my anatomy scan in just over 3 weeks and it's the longest stretch I'll have gone without seeing her (yay fertility treatments meaning more frequent early ultrasounds?). Trying to tell myself that I only saw her for 30 seconds on the ultrasound last week, so it's completely fine that she wasn't jumping around at the NT ultrasound 2 weeks prior and that she probably doesn't even have the room to jump around like that at this point, and that she was waving her arm, and that the OB wasn't concerned about anything. But it was just a quick peek ultrasound since the OB didn't think she'd be able to hear the heartbeat on doppler yet due to my weight, and we didn't do any measurements on this ultrasound just a quick peek in there. Bah brains are dumb.

mflowers929 · May 2022

I totally get that. I was getting ready to go today and my brother randomly decided to pull me into a quick "therapy" session with his friend - TW
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Whose wife just lost their 3rd child at 4 months pregnant.
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I was like "dude, I'm happy to help, but really?" Now my brain is spiraling because even though I've felt fine I haven't felt baby move recently, which is totally normal because of the anterior placenta. Just trying to reassure myself that today I'm still pregnant

beach2mtns2desert · May 2022

@fantasyflyte I have been feeling very similarly. I had an ultra sound on May 1 and baby was all over the place wiggling around and doing flips. Then on Wednesday I had an appointment and doc couldn’t find the heartbeat on the Doppler so she did an ultra sound the next day. This was a very quick ultra sound and we saw baby immediately and doc said she has a good heartbeat and all was good. However she wasn’t moving around at all. I’m wondering if she was sleeping. It was just so weird the differences in her movements. The doc was not worried and I was not at first but then as time passes I second guess myself and wonder if something is wrong. And now anytime I have the slightest cramp, body ache or anything I worry she is not okay. I feel like I am over reacting and everything is fine but it still gives me anxiety. This overthinking issue of mine is causing me unnecessary worry. Or as you said “brains are dumb” lol 😆

fantasyflyte · May 2022

@beach2mtns2desert ...thank you for your post because her sleeping literally never occurred to me until now even though I've seen other people mention needing to jostle things or drink water because their baby was asleep during an ultrasound. So if it helps you, you helped me lol!

becca1234567 · May 2022

I'm having a ton of anxiety and a hard time sleeping. I feel like the pregnancy is flying by and I have so much to do to prepare - buy all the things that a new human needs, figure out how I am going to be out of work for 4 months, find day care in a crazy market with wait lists for the wait list, etc. And work is not great to boot. So anxious, so tired.

I'm also so blessed to be pregnant (it took AGES) so I refuse to complain outside of this one post. That strategy probably won't work long term haha.

fantasyflyte · May 2022

My OB gave me the go ahead to talk to my neurologist about upping my med, which should help both my migraines and my mental health (it's an antidepressant that also works to prevent migraines). I'm very relieved because the depression has been ticking up a bit, but the anxiety has been skyrocketing recently.

mflowers929 · May 2022

@rebeccahoo12345 as a loss mom I definitely felt that when I was FINALLY pregnant with my son. I really didn't want to complain about anything. But then I got so sick at the end, and I realized that it's okay to be grateful and also really dislike things at the moment.

mflowers929 · July 2022

I'm feeling so exhausted - physically, mentally, emotionally - with being pregnant and keeping up with two other young kids. We are against most daycare (it's complicated and tied in with our reasons for homeschooling), but I've considered seeing if there's someone who can take them like one afternoon a week so I can get a break.

lilswed · July 2022

@mflowers929 get that - been sending my DD on play dates every other week to just have a minute to rest. Figure good time to build those relationships as I know I’ll need more once babe comes.

summ23 · July 2022

I love this thread. I’ve dealt with anxiety/depression since I was sixteen. I take medication for it but some days I just feel like the only thing to do is lay in bed and cry. I have the best husband in the world and I feel so bad bc I think I take it on him. Also, I had a miscarriage back in September so that doesn’t help. Also also, I don’t like being pregnant. Im having such a hard time with my body changing and all of the symptoms. Ughhh. That’s how I feel. Always. Just ughhhh.

baby-h2022 · July 2022

Today I cried the whole way home from the grocery store. No reason at just cried. Don’t really know what was going on but that was a first.

ravenhairedgirl83 · July 2022

I have been facing some body image issues. At 39 (first pregnancy, first baby), I thought I would be "past" this phase but I am struggling a bit, to be honest. I haven't gotten to the point where I love the bump or find it particularly 'cute' on me. On others, absolutely. Physically, I have felt very well the entire 21 weeks so far. I keep reminding myself that I am so fortunate and blessed. The mental part of pregnancy (i.e. the body I have known my whole life is starting to feel and look different) is much harder to grasp and harder to talk about. I tend to be very private about it and hope that discussions like this are in a safe and judgment-free zone. Thanks for listening.

baby-h2022 · July 2022

@ravenhairedgirl83 absolutely it’s safe. I feel the safe way. I look in the mirror and I don’t see cute baby bump like my three coworkers. I keep telling myself don’t get stuck in that thought process everyone’s body is different and that is okay.

chuckle_sandwich · July 2022

@ravenhairedgirl83 I feel you. I’m 37 and even though this is my third I still have the same issue. I struggle with not loving my bump and the way it looks. I also struggle with the weight gain. I know I’m on track but I just feel uncomfortable in my body.

mflowers929 · July 2022

@ravenhairedgirl83 similar to @chuckle_sandwich, even though this is my 3rd I still feel uncomfortable and struggle with embracing the bump, especially at this stage. Pregnancy and even newborn/4th trimester is just not my jam at all, but I've just learned to tell myself that it's okay to not like parts of it, that being absolutely happy, or even just accepting of all of it, that's unrealistic for a lot of women. I honestly wish that it was talked about more and more openly

baby-h2022 · July 2022

i am glad we can talk about it here. My husband is very supportive and loving my body. This is his first pregnancy to experience and he is excited. But he doesn’t understand what I see. He tries but doesn’t understand my perspective.

beach2mtns2desert · July 2022

I agree and have also been feeling this way. I just feel and think I look fat. My baby bump is not cute or really defined. This is my first pregnancy and I am 34. I’ve struggled with body image issues most of my life and this is not helping. I wonder if my perspective will change as my bump grows or if my view of myself will only get worse. I guess time will tell. I am so thankful for my baby girl but do wish I was able to embrace my appearance instead of feeling disappointed when I look in the mirror.

ravenhairedgirl83 · July 2022

@beach2mtns2desert I just want you to know your comment doesn't fall on deaf ears. You're not alone. Especially with your first, it's a HUGE adjustment to see your new body and embrace the "new" normal. When you look in the mirror or put pants on (for example), it feels like you're in someone else's body. I'm there too. Like you, I am thankful for a healthy babe but that doesn't mean we aren't entitled to feel mentally/psychologically uncomfortable along the way. Take care and please know we are in this together.

chuckle_sandwich · July 2022

Although it’s tough right now when we are in that weird stage of feeling fat or uncomfortable with our bodies, I can say that taking some professional maternity pictures later on does help. It helps you see yourself from a different perspective and embrace the life in your belly. I took my own with my other two and will do some with this one too.

sunshine2417 · July 2022

Changing bodies are hard. I’ve always had a poor body image, and my mom has always been very critical of my appearance. In my first pregnancy she would request pictures of me almost daily and it made me feel SO uncomfortable, like she was judging me. I gained 80 pounds with my first, and 40 pounds with my second. I haven’t gained weight scale-wise this pregnancy so far, but my stomach is definitely muuuch more distended. And the hard part too is when I tell people I’m pregnant, it’s not like I have this cute bump to make it obvious. I just look… fatter. And they’re surprised.

Looking back at pregnancy photos with my kids though, I’m so happy I have those photos in hindsight. Take some pictures for you and save them for yourself in your own album. You can always delete them later, but years and years later, sometimes it can give you a different perspective on your body. I can see how beautiful it was to be carrying my other kids, and yet still struggle with this pregnancy. It’s a frustrating part of our culture. I’ve been at the gym numerous times this week and heard men order “body builder shakes” and I’ve found it so bizarre because I’ve never in my entire life desired to “build” any part of my body bigger.

beach2mtns2desert · July 2022

Thanks everyone! So thankful for this supportive community!!

mflowers929 · July 2022

@chuckle_sandwich I agree with the pictures. I took pro pictures with my first and even though I wasn't super happy with how I looked I still love them because it's so amazing to see how my body grew to accommodate my baby. We didn't get to do any with my 2nd because pandemic, but we're getting family/maternity pictures this time around and I'm honestly pretty excited

autumn87654321 · July 2022

I’m just a mess today. And this past week. I just feel like I’m hanging on by a thread. Today I was we just crying for whatever reason. State of the house/mess and lack of ability to do it all my self. And I was just crying and had my 1.5 year old with me cause he’s always with me and I just felt soo bad and couldn’t stop crying. And I can’t say my husband has been very supportive.it’s like can’t handle me being upset or crying or needing help from him. I asked him to do one simple thing to clean up and then I started crying and explaining how I’m not doing well and then it just turned into me crying and him yelling. Ughhhhh. He’s a good person and loving and supportive bht he’s just a dumbass when it comes to any emotions. My son has been asleep for an hour and I still haven’t done the dishes so I can make this coffee cake or muffins that I need to make so my son can eat baked egg a few times a week to help with his egg allergy.

melissacollins28 · July 2022

I really appreciate you starting this thread. It is so helpful to see that we are not alone.

I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder since I was 16 and about a year ago had a huge blowup that had me taking a leave of absence from work. My husband and I both decided at this time that we were content with not having biological children and putting more stress on me/my body - not knowing how I would respond.

We found out about our surprise pregnancy in March and initially were so shocked and I really struggled to process it. As my morning sickness got better, I started to get excited about this new adventure and really began to daydream about when baby arrives.

When we hit the 20 week mark though my mental health took a major downturn. My anxiety is at an all time high and the medications I usually use are unsafe for the baby, so I’m trying to navigate it the best I can. I am so scared of labor and birth. I can’t even begin to describe how even mentioning it just sends me into a spiral. I’m worried my anxiety is bad for the baby. I’m worried that I’m not being a good mother. I’m worried he will get my anxiety. I’m worried either he or I will die. It’s a lot and it’s preventing me from enjoying the baby things like preparing the nursery.

Im really struggling and I’m trying hard to find the joy again. I don’t want to go through this in fear. I’ve brought it up to my therapist and OB, but I know it’s not an easy fix.

ravenhairedgirl83 · July 2022

@melissacollins28 I'm glad we all have each other and experiences can be shared here without fear or judgment. I have found that talking about your issues or fears out loud (well, on a computer) is much healthier than internalizing and bottling them up.

This is by far the best experience I have had with The Bump to date and this thread is finally where I found my "niche." Between feeling physically very well throughout these 21 weeks, not finding out gender, and this is my first (and likely only baby) a lot of boards I don't connect with, but struggling more with some of the body image issues (and feeling guilt from being "vain" and even thinking about looks) and feeling like a stranger in my own skin when I look in the mirror. Kind of the not-so-popular stuff to talk about.

chuckle_sandwich · July 2022

I hit the 200 mark on the scale this morning and got super depressed. I struggled so hard to lose weight after my son was born 5 years ago and have really been trying to stay healthy and keep from gaining too much this time since I was still carrying extra weight. In my mind I know it’s not a bad thing to gain weight with pregnancy, but seeing that number just really put me in a sad spiral this morning.

lilswed · July 2022

@melissacollins28
Thanks for your authenticity. I’ve been struggling with anxiety too. You are not alone in your fears, this is my second and I still have those fears. I felt the same thing with my firstborn- scared to pass on the anxiety- but my husband keeps pointing out that because I’ve gone/going through the therapy I know how to talk about it with my daughter- she is so mentally strong and already has the tools it took me 20 plus years to learn. Your kiddo will stand on your shoulders, and you will be an awesome parent because you will be so sensitive to your kiddo and their mental health. My mantra is - don’t let fear steal my joy

on a medication note- have you tried sertraline - it’s an anxiety med that is pregnancy safe.

melissacollins28 · July 2022

@lilswed Thank you for sharing that! I keep telling my husband it feels so isolating and it’s hard because most people don’t talk about this sort of things when they share about their pregnancies. It’s so helpful just to know people get it! Im sorry that you’re struggling too - hopefully we can all help to remind each other of the good stuff!

I’m actually currently taking sertraline. I feel like it definitely helps, but it doesn’t seem to be as effective as what I was on before. Although, my anxiety has bumped up so it could just be that.

Im so hopeful that this will be a positive for our child like you said. My parents never understood and would tell me I just need to stop worrying and stuff like that. So I didn’t develop any coping skills until I started seeking therapy and other solutions. I’ve built so many skills to pass on, but can also be more empathetic.

ashnicell · July 2022

I am a wreck today. As some of you know from prior posts, I have had a kidney stone since May that has been awful to deal with. It's 8mm and would not pass. I went in for surgery yesterday and the urologist couldn't safely remove it. It's too high up in my ureter and there was a risk the scope would tear my ureter and/or the lithotripsy to break it up would cause preterm labor. So, he placed a stent to allow urine to bypass the stone until I deliver. The stent is horribly uncomfortable. I can feel the entire thing when I move around and the bottom is looped into my bladder, causing a strong feeling of having to pee really badly that does not ever go away. I know it may get better, but I'm worried I'll be miserable for the next 4 months.

I feel like I should be grateful that the doctor made the safer choice for the baby, but right now I'm just devastated. I just want to be able to enjoy life again. I've lost my best anxiety outlet in working out because it's just too painful. I feel like a burden because DH is always having to take care of me. I feel like I'm letting down DS because I never feel up to going anywhere like the park or pool.

I'm not in a good headspace right now and I feel like my body is betraying me.

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