I don't think it's cruel to do a sex reveal party but as PPs have said, you might want to fill her in on it and let her know you understand if she can't make it. You being happy will not diminish her future happiness. People being happy for you now doesn't mean they won't be happy for her when the time comes. While I'm firmly in the camp of despising these parties, if it's what you really want just be as tactful as possible with her because I would have already flipped my shit with her.
I had 2 losses in less than a 7 month period. We tried unsuccessfully for 2 years. I was devastated, but at the same time I also had to deal with 4 friends that got knocked up, 2 of them by accident without even trying! One of them twice in less than a year, yep she got knocked up before she even got her cycle back and now has 2 kids less than 11 months apart. I was like FML, what is wrong with me? Don't I deserve some happiness? BUT I never once begrudged them their happiness. Sure, I bawled my eyes out as soon as we left their hospital rooms, but by God there was no way I was going to let them see that. I would not take away their happiness and replace it with my despair. I have been to every shower, every 1st birthday party, I comment on their Facebook photos of their kids. Now, I have 4 friends that could not be happier for me and are with me every step of the way, offering advice, their maternity books, and their experience to help me through this. If I do anything for a sex reveal, maybe a small dinner at our house with the in laws while skyping with my parents. But I actually think it insensitive of your SIL to expect you to alter your plans, especially for something that is neither unique nor original, Sex Reveal parties/photo sessions/videos/Facebook announcement is fairly common these days. To be sensitive to her struggles, you might consider talking talking to her before hand and giving her your blessing to bow out graciously from attending the event.
BFP 6/16/13 ~ EDD 2/22/14 ~ CP 6/20/13 @ 4W3D
BFP 1/1/14 ~ EDD 9/6/14 ~ CP 1/4/14 @ 4W2D
BFP 6/24/15 ~ EDD 3/6/16 ~ Here's hoping 3rd time is a charm!
I totally understand what you are going through. My older sister is struggling with IF and going through IVF. I know that she is trying to be supportive, and I'm trying to be sensitive, but I feel like my entire pregnancy has been plagued with guilt. I stressed over how to tell her in the most sensitive way possible, I avoid bringing it up on the phone, and have tried really hard to curtail anything exciting related to baby.
I absolutely think you should have the gender reveal party. I think that since you're wanting to have one, you would regret skipping it. Even though it might be hard for your SIL, she does have the option of not attending. It's a bit selfish, in my opinion, for her to be reserving names, requesting to have the first gender reveal party, etc. when she isn't pregnant.
There are so many uncomfortable and unpleasant parts of being pregnant, I think we deserve to celebrate the fun parts!
P.S. I'm so over this debate over whether or not gender reveal parties are ridiculous. I have never personally been to one, but all of them that I've heard of have been small affairs of close friends and family getting together to be excited about the baby. The host usually provides snacks, drinks, or even a full meal and the gender reveal is just one part of the evening. If I was invited to one, I would not feel obligated to bring a gift. At the most, I might consider bringing a party item like a dish to pass or a beverage.
@Jessie42613@PrimRoseMama
Thank you. First, this thread isn't about that, so I apologize to the originator for pirating this conversation.
As a first time mom, I'm sure we don't have the same experiences, life history and thought processes. I'm also sure we don't see "brutal honesty" the same, you don't know me, but thank you for telling me.
We aren't friends, nobody has earned the right to talk to me like I'm an idiot or that there's something wrong with me because I don't want life advice from Internet strangers, and I won't allow myself to be talked to that way without speaking up for myself. Internet anonymity isn't a badge to be a jerk. We are all real people on the other end. Maybe I am a 15 year old girl who doesn't know how a bank account works, you have no idea.
I'm also sure that it was completely necessary to inform me that my own feelings are not valid because they aren't the same as yours and therefore I need to "harden up" I should just accept what people say, because hey, it could be worse.
I mean, it's the Internet...that's just how it works, if you don't like it you just have to accept it because you asked the question.
I'm choosing to not ask questions on here, how does this impact you in any way? I don't see how not being comfortable in this forum to ask personal questions is an over reaction. I am simply not comfortable with it due to the responses I have read previously on this thread and others. None of what I said was an attack on either of you ladies, I don't know you.
I don't want or need your opinion/thoughts, so I just won't ask you.
This girl wants to throw a party and has been basically told she's a terrible person by some. I think that's ridiculous...and the way some people talk on here is extremely disrespectful, and I also think that's ridiculous. So my over reaction is to not invite what I see as ridiculousness into my personal and sensitive life topics.
I'm too soft, too soft to let other people tell me if I'm a good or bad person over something like a gender reveal party. Good lord, I can't imagine if I wanted to discuss something as big as breastfeeding, sexual issues or co-sleeping.
Who needs that? Who has time for that?
Well, bless your heart...
I feel it was perfectly respectful to you & this response is-- well, not at all respectful or a positive contribution to the community at all.
I was simply curious as to your point of view. It doesn't mean anything to me if you choose to get your support elsewhere. I'm not sure your negative attitude towards a polite question is necessary or productive. I disagreed with you about anything being "scary". That doesn't make me a jerk. It means I disagreed.
I think you have a lot of social development to do, dear. I see a lot of immaturity & insecurity in your response. Again, you don't know me-- but I can very easily judge the quality of your character by your little tantrum here. Let's just say it's-- wanting....
It's alright though, I've made a resolution to never commit to a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
#byefelicia
I agree with @hammy_711.I've been the woman struggling with infertility for years. I got invited to a lot of these and baby showers as well. It got to a point where I couldn't stand to go. I would send my congrats and then make up an excuse not to go.
But now I'm the one who is pregnant and my SIL can't conceive. I happened to get pregnant (it was a complete surprise!) when they got approved to do foster care (to adopt), and I felt like I was stealing their thunder. I spoke with her about it, and she said she didn't feel that way. That they were happy to have a niece/nephew.
Have your party! I lost a child in my second trimester to a MC, and both my cousin and best friend were pregnant at the time. I had to "man up" and watch their milestones, attend baby showers, and be at the hospital to welcome new babies... One within weeks of my would-be delivery date. I had to be an adult and understand and their happiness was NOT robbing my happiness, I could still have joy and a child in the future. The fact that they had their babies, was not somehow responsible for the loss of mine. Any time I was feeling emotionally weak, I bowed out.
These are YOUR memories, YOUR milestones. She may never feel at peace with her own journey, sadly, and what then? We're getting off-topic debating whether gender reveals are a "worthy" enough party to warrant having (where I live, in Miami, they're incredibly common... One more reason to celebrate! Why not?)
In my opinion, this could have just as easily come up with the colors you chose for your nursery, and like previous commenters have said, you can't cater to her sadness. She needs to realize that YOUR joy is not CAUSING her pain. From your initial post, it sounds like you do not EVER intend to hurt her, only to enjoy every last second of your pregnancy to the fullest. And if relishing in the gender reveal is a part of that, you can take extra steps to be sure she is shielded from the details so she doesn't need to feel any additional sting.
You’re obviously not so self involved if you care enough to have it weigh this heavy on your shoulders. Have an honest conversation with your SIL I’m sure she will be able to tell that you genuinely care about her feelings. Maybe let her know that when it’s her time you’ll make sure hers is special as well. Who cares if people find these parties unnecessary or tacky it’s your special time do you life is short.
Finding out the gender of your baby is exciting and wanting to share that with people who love you is special. It’s way more than how your baby will pee in the future. good people, good food, good music playing mixed with exciting news…why not.
Re: Cruel to SIL to do gender reveal party?
Yawnfest
These are YOUR memories, YOUR milestones. She may never feel at peace with her own journey, sadly, and what then? We're getting off-topic debating whether gender reveals are a "worthy" enough party to warrant having (where I live, in Miami, they're incredibly common... One more reason to celebrate! Why not?)
In my opinion, this could have just as easily come up with the colors you chose for your nursery, and like previous commenters have said, you can't cater to her sadness. She needs to realize that YOUR joy is not CAUSING her pain. From your initial post, it sounds like you do not EVER intend to hurt her, only to enjoy every last second of your pregnancy to the fullest. And if relishing in the gender reveal is a part of that, you can take extra steps to be sure she is shielded from the details so she doesn't need to feel any additional sting.
God for @Missingchampagne 's opinion.
ZOMBIE POST!
You do realize that the OP's child is almost 7 now, right? So, im certain that they have known the sex of the kid, for a while now, right?