Ask a STM+ (March)

becca1234567 · April 2022

Ok so this is so basic and almost embarrassing… don’t judge me…. but I’m so confused by how car seats and strollers do and do not work together! Like should I have a car seat that pops into a stroller or maybe has the legs that fold out of it? Or a stroller that folds up nicely? What if I walk a ton of places and need a stroller that can navigate rough terrains but also need one that goes in the car nicely. Are those the same stroller or different ones?? I’m so confused!

mflowers929 · April 2022

@rebeccahoo12345 there are some travel "systems" that come with both the car seat and the stroller. If you're choosing a car seat without an attendant stroller there are conversion kids for I believe most car seats on the market that you can search for.
If you're going over rough terrain often I would definitely suggest a jogger over a 4 wheeled stroller. They have 3 wheels that are more similar to bicycle wheels and so are much easier to get over that sort of terrain. They're not tiny but they do fold up nicely

michellelynn6 · April 2022

rebeccahoo12345 said:

Ok so this is so basic and almost embarrassing… don’t judge me…. but I’m so confused by how car seats and strollers do and do not work together! Like should I have a car seat that pops into a stroller or maybe has the legs that fold out of it? Or a stroller that folds up nicely? What if I walk a ton of places and need a stroller that can navigate rough terrains but also need one that goes in the car nicely. Are those the same stroller or different ones?? I’m so confused!

I live in a rural area and for my first, I bought a travel system (comes with the infant car seat, the infant car seat base, and a stroller that the infant seat attaches to but baby can sit in like a regular stroller when they're older). I found a jogging stroller for cheap on Facebook Marketplace for my first as well. I had actually sold both strollers a few years ago (we were moving and I wasn't sure if we were going to have another) so I'm in the market for a new travel system now (because the infant seat has expired now haha). If you have children's consignment shops near you, definitely look there for jogging strollers outside of a travel system--you'll save money and can resell them for pretty good!

Gingermom15 · April 2022

Has anyone collected colostrum while pregnant for use later? I am not breastfeeding, but will be latching for the first day or two for colostrum and would like to offer it later as well.

Do you hand express or use a pump?

sejica · April 2022

@Gingermom15 , I've gotten the best results immediately after delivery using my hand pump, or, a double pump while massaging as if I was trying to hand express. However, pumping or hand expressing can induce labor unless you've been continuously bf'ing/pumping throughout pregnancy, so it's not recommended before 39 weeks. I bring my Medela hand pump with me to delivery to help my milk come in.

michellelynn6 · April 2022

Gingermom15 said:

Has anyone collected colostrum while pregnant for use later? I am not breastfeeding, but will be latching for the first day or two for colostrum and would like to offer it later as well.

Do you hand express or use a pump?

Funny enough, I was just researching this exact thing. I did not produce any colostrum with my son (first pregnancy and I was induced--I never had a good supply) and he really struggled with jaundice/low blood sugars his first 2 weeks of life. I have been incredibly tempted to collect colostrum, but I'm planning to ask my doctor about it. I'm not sure how close I'll get to 40 weeks this time, so anything I can do to help this little one this time around, I will do.

Gingermom15 · April 2022

@sejica my office recommended waiting until 37 weeks with my first two and then only expressing a few minutes per day that week, then 2-3 times per day for a few minutes per session at 38 weeks. I didn’t at all either time, though.

Pumping helped my milk come in with my son, but breastfeeding for me is pretty awful experience and major contributing factor to PPD, I won’t be pumping after birth. It’s been 6 years since I’ve expressed colostrum, it was with a pump and tricky because it’s so thick. I wasn’t sure if hand expressing is easier? I plan to start at 38 weeks with the ok from my OB, as my RCS will be 39 weeks or earlier

goldenmom00 · April 2022

@ftmhem I am a FTM with twins, so I am feeling ALL the nausea. I had to go into the office last week and am once again here today at the office, and so far snacking all day has been helping. Today I feel worse then I did last week, but having the ability to snack on food has been helpful. I plan to tell my boss today just to plan for future weeks I can make it in and need to work from home!

mflowers929 · April 2022

@Gingermom15 I haven't but I'm contemplating it. Both of my kid had issues with gaining weight and borderline jaundice, which left us with a longer hospital stay. I'm not sure if extra colostrum would help with either of those issues

Gingermom15 · April 2022

@mflowers929 I’ve heard a lot of mothers will do it for that reason!

coldlife2 · April 2022

I don’t like standard rockers because it’s hard to keep their heads off the arms. I prefer a padded chair, whether it rocks or not.

database6 · April 2022

I like padded chairs too and would choose a recliner for baby number three.

little_umlaut · April 2022

Hey all! I’m trying to decide which hospital I want to give birth at. We have a good one that is less than 5 mins from our house, but the hospital I would really like to deliver at is 20-25 mins away without traffic. Both hospitals are around 45-60 mins from my work with clear roads. I’m worried about going into labor during rush hour.

How long were you in labor with your first before you gave birth? How close to home/work was the hospital? Any issues making it to this hospital in time?

ponyoisfun · April 2022

@little_umlaut Typically, first labors take longer and there are usually lots of warning signs that things are getting closer. I would suggest the closer one personally because it is just very uncomfortable to labor in the car, but if you have a good plan for that or plan on getting to the hospital very early anyways you could always go to the one farther away. Overall, though you should go to the hospital that you are most comfortable with because that will make all of the difference.

Personally, my labors were 9 and 4 hours respectively, but was actually in hard labor for maybe 1 hour of each. This time I am actually worried about making it the birth center because honestly I just get so out of it and don't realize how far along I am. Last time the only reason we went is because I felt like I was going to vomit and a vaguely remembered listening to a podcast that said when you feel sick that means transition is happening. Sure enough I arrived just in time. We live maybe 10 minutes away and it is an easy drive.

Side note, there was someone (FTM) in one of our birth classes whose baby was breech, but it was still too early to do a cesarean or ECV. Suddenly, she went into labor, the baby flipped and he literally came out on the ground in the parking lot of the birth center. It was barely the time when she was able to technically deliver at a FSBC. Sometimes birth is completely surprising.

krknmama · April 2022

@little_umlaut My first was born 22 hours after my water broke. I was about 20 minutes away from the hospital and made it easily before my contractions got too intense. My second we had moved but I delivered at the same hospital. Now about 30 minutes away with two hospitals closer. Much shorter labor but still plenty of time to have active labor at the hospital. For this one, I am planning to go to a closer one, but still not the closest. Everyone’s births are different but I don’t think 25 minutes is outrageously far. Like @ponyoisfun there are usually lots of signs. Pay attention to your body, time your contractions, be in lots on conversations with your doctor about when it is time to go in.

clee5711 · April 2022

I am team closest hospital. With my first my water broke on my own at 7am I was 36w6d. We got to the hospital pretty quick bc I didn’t want to stay home leaking everywhere even though I wasn’t having contractions. They started me on Pitocin and I had him at 2:39pm. Pretty quick for a first but plenty of time to get to the hospital. With My 2nd I woke up at 7am in full blown labor. Contractions like every 4ish minutes apart had him at 940 and with my third I barely made it to a labor and delivery room. I am legit terrified of having a home/car/parking lot birth this time around

chuckle_sandwich · April 2022

@little_umlaut My first was a super long labor, almost 30 hours from when contractions first started to when baby was born. Second was about 9 hours. We are about an hour away from the nearest hospital.

ashnicell · April 2022

@little_umlaut My first was induced at 40w6d followed by 13 hours of labor and then an emergency c-section. This time we're planning on going to the same hospital. It's not the nearest one to us, nor was it last time. But I am pro pick the hospital you're most comfortable at. 25 minutes isn't far. There are usually plenty of warning signs and you'll have plenty of time to get there.

mflowers929 · April 2022

I'm no help in the labor timing department since I had scheduled c sections both times (and also didn't realize I was in labor with my daughter until they told me in the prep room getting ready for my c section) but I know that there are parts of my province where you're legitimately an hour and a half from the nearest hospital. I think, given that, 25 minutes shouldn't be a terrible drive

sunshine2417 · April 2022

@little_umlaut my opinion is prepare for both, but aim for the one you’re most comfortable with. For DS I lived in TN and there was a hospital 3 minutes from our house, and it was okay (didn’t have a good NICU), but Vanderbilt was 45 minutes away (with a highly regarded NICU) and I wanted to deliver there. We made it to Vanderbilt very easily and knew when to go. I made sure to know the ropes at the local hospital just in case. Now we’re in MN and with DD there were about 3 hospitals within 15-20 minutes, but I had my heart set in one 35 minutes away (could be up to an hour+ with traffic though). From the time labor started (with my water breaking) to delivery was 2.5 hours, but I made it to the hospital I wanted with plenty of time! SO happy I made it there. Not sure what we will do for this one since I now have history of precipitous labor (aka very very quick) but I’m still hoping to deliver at the one further away.

goldenmom00 · April 2022

Trigger warning:

A little over an hour ago I stood up from the couch and felt a rush, went to the bathroom and saw blood. Called my doctors office, which is closed, so was transferred to the after hours to which a physician called me back to discuss my concerns. Not only was she cold in talking to, she didn’t give me much reassurance besides waiting until Monday to call my doctors office.I’m a FTM pregnant with twins.

My question is for those that have had a successful pregnancy - did you ever experience this? What was your outcome? I’m needing someone to talk me off the ledge because my mind is racing. We were suppose to tell our families tomorrow during Easter and now I don’t know what to do.

sejica · April 2022

@ameyer00 i had this happen with my 3rd baby (singleton) at 7w5d. I was convinced I was miscarrying, but it was just a subchorionic hematoma that had burst. I ended up with 3 sch, which all dissipated, and went on to have a normal pregnancy. If you're filling a pad an hour, or passing big clots, or spike a fever, or are having major cramping, get to an ER ASAP. If you just want reassurance, which is reasonable, go to an ER, get an ultrasound, check on your babies.

sunshine2417 · April 2022

@ameyer00 I 100% agree with @sejica. I had a SCH around 11/12 weeks, and it bled a lot initially for maybe an hour or two and then was done for a while. It occasionally refilled and drained, but I went to the ER immediately, had it diagnosed, and checked on baby. She’s currently a healthy and happy 2.5 year old and there were no complications. If you want clear answers, go to the ER. They can tell you how many HBs, if they see an SCH, if your cervix is open or closed, etc.

sunshine2417 · April 2022

@ameyer00 checking on on you ❤️ you’ve been on my heart all weekend. How are you, today?

goldenmom00 · April 2022

@sunshine2417 Awh thank you for thinking of me! Just had my doctors appointment and they are looking good ❤️ Tech confirmed it was a SCH, but all should be gone now. We are on a high now for sure!

becca1234567 · April 2022

Hi again! I had a question for people with children about the type of help they received...

My parents are not local and already want me to tell them 1) what dates they should come when the baby is born, 2) where they will stay, 3) what help they will provide. I'm really lucky to have their support. Without getting into it, despite how well-meaning my parents are, I do not think they will be helpful and I certainly don't think they will be a calming presence. And I worry my husband and I will be cranky and unable to meet their expectations of being entertained. But hey, I could be wrong - that's why I am here!

I should add that I live in a small city condo and my husband and I are both independent, oldest child types. My husbands parents are local but will not be able to provide any support the early days.

So the question... is the risk of being cramped worth having people around to do ... something? And what type of support did you find helpful in the first two weeks? Or is it better to set boundaries - pay for them to stay in a hotel and make it more of a meet and greet with the baby?

p.s. I'm not usually this much of a planner but my parents are already worried about sorting out the details

mflowers929 · April 2022

@rebeccahoo12345 my husband and I are also both oldest children and I find that definitely plays into the helping. Because while I say I'd like help, I'd really rather just do it myself. When we had our son (firstborn) my in laws came down and stayed at our house while we were in the hospital. They cleaned our apartment, which was nice, but by a few hours after we came home I was ready for them to leave. My mom came a few weeks later (my folks lived far away and now travel full time) and stayed for a month and she helped a bit with getting some things organized, but I don't know that I would have wanted much more help except maybe a meal every now and again?
Honestly, the absolute best help and support I got was my husband having taken the first 3 weeks off. He was able to be home and I'm much more capable of asking him for help. He actually took 3 months for my daughter, and will be taking 6 months for this baby, and it's amazing to have your partner there, especially if you work well together in stressful situations like we do (we were together for 12 years before we had our son so loooots of practice)

ponyoisfun · April 2022

@rebeccahoo12345 This is based on my experience with two kids. I'm really not trying to be a downer, but my family is super challenging. My parents are actually quite capable people, but generationally still think the mom should just be able to do it all. Overall, be realistic with what your parents are like and really able to do.

1). I would definitely wait until 3-4 weeks pp for visitors that are planning on staying for a length of time. It can be so overwhelming at first and to have additional people around that are there for extended periods of time can be super draining. Once you get a handle on the baby's schedule it is much easier to know what an "easy" time will be.

2)If they are able to stay in a hotel that would be ideal as in my experience I only felt like I could handle someone around for an hour at a time. It was very helpful though if someone could stay with me while dh went to the store or got gas etc. I actually did not have my own parents do this as they were not reliable enough and wound up asking an aunt.

3) I know everyone will say this, but be super specific and up front about the kind of help you want. If they do not seem enthused about your ideas then I would strongly suggest that they visit later. IMO, having someone who is willing to bring dinner, hold the baby while you eat, and clean up is amazing. I never experienced this. We both came from parents who were not willing to help this much. They all (7 including steps) actually refused to even participate in our meal trains because they thought it was "weird" to ask for help. I guess I would just be aware of your parents' generational norms because they might not actually understand that it is normal now to help new moms.

@mflowers929. Dh is a SAHD and so will be off the whole time. I honestly do not know how anyone else does it!

mflowers929 · April 2022

@ponyoisfun it makes such a difference! I have to take my maternity leave (15 weeks) but we can share up the parental portion (35 weeks) in whatever way we want. Since I work part time from home on the computer and make my own hours we figured it would be easier for me to just take my maternity and go back to work and for him to take pretty much the rest of the time. He's going to be "in charge" of the toddlers so I can just focus on the baby for the first little while

sunshine2417 · May 2022

@rebeccahoo12345 definitely think about what support looks like for you. It’s SO different for everybody!

My personal experience: I’ve had immense anxiety about my parents being with us for both kiddos, and they proved to be immensely helpful… I was also excited when they left, though.

When you’re stressed, do you seek comfort from your parents? Would they help with cooking, cleaning, diaper changes, let you and your partner have some alone time to focus on your healing? Etc.

I’ve had friends have parents come immediately, or wait three weeks. Some have all guests stay in hotels, some want mommy there for middle of the night feedings, questions, and round the clock cooking and cleaning. Also, think about what role your husband vs mom would play in things. I’ve known some husbands to feel threatened by the over protective mother swooping in, and others love feeling taken care of during a hard transition so they can focus on their wife.

erey339 · May 2022

This advice is so helpful! Both my parents and my in laws are far away so we are starting to think about visitors as well. My mom is super supportive so I want her to come right away and stay with us. Our apartment is small but thinking or getting a pull out couch in the nursery for my mom to help at night time.

autumn87654321 · May 2022

The best help I had was someone to cook and clean while I nursed and cuddled the baby. And someone bring me glasses of water. Not just waiting to hold the baby. I basically felt like he was still part of me and I only really wanted help holding him so i cold take a bath/shower, otherwise I liked holding him and napping with him.

I was pretty sore down there and I soon learned that too much work in my feet was not great for my healing so if someone could make healthy food and clean up a bit that was the best. My mom was a great visitor because she never actually asked to hold the baby but was happy to do it whenever I asked. My MIL is great and a great help now but right away it felt like she came by to hold him, but didn’t offer to cook or clean so I just asked her to come for short times so I could shower.

My mom lives far away so we had a postpartum doula come before my mom could which was great. Her job is to help in any way I wanted, so she prepped food for me, boiled bottles and what not, helped me with organizing, cleaning and cloth diaper stuff, got pads at the grocery store, and brought me lots of ice water.

becca1234567 · May 2022

This is such a wonderful and helpful dialogue, I really appreciate it! I'm not sure what we will do but hearing your experiences is invaluable - lots to think about. Thank you!

ponyoisfun · May 2022

@rebeccahoo12345. I really appreciate that you brought it up! I like hearing different experiences and perhaps there is a way to nudge my family to be more helpful instead of just wanting to visit and be entertained.

I totally forgot about a postpartum doula! That may be the way we decide to go this time around.

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