IF Testing & Treatment w/o 12/20

optimistgardener · December 2021

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have started infertility testing and/or treatments. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on infertility. TTC can be a long journey naturally, then add in the difficulties associated with infertility, and it becomes a whole new ball game. The road to infertility can be lonely, frustrating, and complicated, so let's make this a place where we can vent, ask questions, and support one another. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this as an ongoing conversation.

Diagnosis (if you've been):

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA):

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?):

How are things going?:

Any questions?:

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday drink (can be alc/non-alc)?

gingermama29 · December 2021

Diagnosis (if you've been): PCOS

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): TWW

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Letrozole, metformin, myo-inositol, estrace, PNV, and TI

How are things going? I’m officially in the TWW. I’m hoping with Christmas falling in the middle of it, that next two weeks will fly by. *TW* MC:

I am hyper aware that I found out I was pregnant about year ago today which ended in my first loss. I’m mostly okay about it but I’m a little extra nervous for the end of this TWW. I feel like a BFN will be an extra hard gut punch which is putting unnecessary pressure on me mentally. Ughh. But hopefully all the extra meds and supplements will make this cycle successful. 🤞🏻🤞🏻

Any questions?: nope

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday drink (can be alc/non-alc)? Ooooh salted caramel hot chocolate 😍

walkawaynee · December 2021

@gingermama29 I am sorry for your loss and that the timing is causing you extra nerves this cycle. I hope that the holidays help to distract you!

Diagnosis (if you've been): AMA , DOR, low morph, procrastination and poor decision making

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): just....waiting

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): on bcp pending PGA test results.

How are things going?: the waiting game sucks.

Any questions?: natm

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday drink (can be alc/non-alc)? It's not technically a holiday drink but I only drink it around the holidays so I am counting it. Cherry 7up! On the rocks with a couple cherries and at times a little splash of vodka or Southern Comfort.

optimistgardener · December 2021

@walkawaynee oh man i'm so sorry they've got you waiting still. i hope you hear word soon!

@gingermama29 🤞 for you!

Both your holiday drinks sound lovely. I'm saving my weekly update till tomorrow as I have a genetics counseling session with Cooper in the morning that will hopefully offer me a little more clarity on my mosaic embryo (and maybe help me to stop obsessively combing the internet for info about mosaics).

hanshotfirst77 · December 2021

@gingermama29 I’m sorry, those loss anniversaries are so tough. Hugs ❤️

@walkawaynee fx your results come soon!

Diagnosis (if you've been): PCOS, Unexplained secondary IF, Unexplained RPL

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): FET prep next month!

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): officially got AF over the weekend so countdown to next cycle is on!

How are things going?: Pretty good. Spoke with my nurse about meds and protocol and just impatiently waiting for my next cycle to get this show on the road.

Work is still a huge mess however. I have worked so much OT last two weekends and normal work week crap. I’m so burnt out. And not off until Friday.

Any questions?:

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday drink (can be alc/non-alc)? Hot apple cider is probably the only holiday esque drink. But I’m not a real drinker and don’t like most holiday non alc stuff. But I’m a year round coffee holic so just give me some plain ole black coffee.

kiki047 · December 2021

@gingermama29 sorry about the tough anniversary, they're always looming and it's an added complexity to this whole process that is so often overlooked. Sending you extra love as you navigate everything around this time of year.
@walkawaynee the waiting game really, really sucks. As if we haven't spent enough time waiting already...
@optimistgardener hope your session went well this morning! Looking forward to hearing what the genetic counsellor has to say.
@hanshotfirst77 is it weird that I'm jealous of your AF? lol so exciting, let the countdown begin!! How is your cousin doing btw?

Diagnosis (if you've been): PCOS, RPL/RIF, MFI

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): .... do I have to say it?

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Well, my endometrial biopsy is supposed to be this morning, then I'm hoping he'll put me on BCP through the holidays so we can move on to FET in January.

How are things going?: HA. So I took the provera, and finished my last pill on Tuesday Dec 14th (a week ago today)... and the most I had was a bit of brown spotting that was really only evident when I wiped but not every time and only for about 24hrs. I don't know what the eff is going on but I'm losing my goddamn mind. The clinic closes for the holidays after tomorrow so I really don't know what to do.

Any questions?: I'm nervous that my body is all kinds of messed up and it's going to ruin my chances for a successful FET in January, but putting it off is also stressing me out, which is probably feeding into this frustrating cycle. I guess this isn't really a question but at what point does it matter if I'm overly micromanaging my hormones vs. trying to get back on track "naturally"? My body doesn't function naturally, which is why all 4 of my transfers have been extremely medicated and regimented. I hate this. I feel like I'm being held hostage by my broken, out of control body.

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday drink (can be alc/non-alc)? Hot chocolate (with Baileys if I'm feeling extra festive - I love the pumpkin spice one).

(Edited to fix formatting)

hanshotfirst77 · December 2021

@kiki047 I think you have every right to be frustrated. Like come on AF just show up already. Do you think they will have you do another course of Provera? Or just go on BC?
I hope whatever it is it happens soon you’ve been waiting so long.

Thanks for asking about my cousin.

She is doing as well as can be expected. The holidays are really tough. She has been avoiding family gatherings and has been on leave from work. Her husband and her have been going on trips which I think helps distract them a bit. I feel awful for them and wish there was something I could do to help. But I know there isn’t. 😢

acleverusername · December 2021

@gingermama29 loss anniversaries, especially during the holiday season, are especially hard. Take good care of yourself during this time! How is metformin treating you now?

@walkawaynee do you know how long your PGT results will take? Have your decided to do another retrieval? Or is that decision pending PGT results?

@optimistgardener eager to hear what you learn from your consult today!

@hanshotfirst77 woot! FET! FET! FET!

@kiki047 girl I can’t believe your body decided to eff with you like that! I hope the biopsy went well; do you know how long it’ll take to get the results back? And also… what are you testing testing for specifically?

A few tags from last week:

@keikilove I hope your little embaby is getting all snuggly in your ute! Keeping everything crossed for you!

@fantasyflyte I hope that you’re on track to do your IUI this year!

@bows22 I’m sorry that it’s another BFN for you. 😕😕😕

AFM,

Diagnosis (if you've been): officially, Unexplained. Unofficially, it’s Hashimoto’s, AMA, confused sperm.

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): natural cycle + completing my Pregmune testing + detoxing / losing weight / preparing for an April FET.

How are things going?: oh boy, well last week was a total shit show since I was working all week while also hosting my BIL and SIL so I didn’t have any time to post here other than the biopsy update; but I def mega lurked.

I do think my clinic totally botched up my last retrieval cycle; we totally could have had one more had they not been so cocky about when I should get my LH surge. After I got my own blood test, I sent them an email asking when they though I ovulated and they came back with Dec 6 or 7. And then I fired back with:

I just want to point out that this is contrary to what [nurse] had said my earliest possible LH surge could be (Dec 8). So, I'd like to make sure it's documented somewhere in my file that my body does whatever it wants, whenever it wants, irrespective of what it "should" do.

Luckily they did reply with “already made note” but I’m still pissed, and definitely feeling more and more confident about my decision to go with TEW for the transfer.

Before we do that though, we’ve got 2 natural cycles ahead of us so will see what happens there. I’m gonna try some Chinese medicine still because turns out that my BIL and SIL have also been trying for almost as long as we have, and they haven’t been successful either. She’s Chinese and went looking for some herbs in SF Chinatown. MH picked up some deer antler and ginseng. Getting that text message was pretty funny… see spoiler.

Otherwise, I have been pretty liberal with my wine drinking knowing that when we get back from holidays, it’s back on a strict elimination diet for both MH and I. I want to lose 15 lbs before my transfer.

Any questions?: Nah

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday drink (can be alc/non-alc)? Baileys! (Thanks for the reminder @kiki047)

kiki047 · December 2021

WOOF, I'm back from my biopsy, and that was one of my worst experiences on this IF journey to date. I'm pretty used to having a lot of stuff in/around my hoo-ha but lord have mercy that was a.w.f.u.l. Took him 3 tries to get a sample big enough to test, and even though I took two extra strength tylenol beforehand I felt every scrape, stab and snip of him digging around in there and was scream sobbing by the end. If I have to do that again I'm asking to be sedated. We gather that the provera didn't work because my lining is already too thin, which is why it was harder to get a good sample.

I'm now on BCP for 3 weeks to try to regulate things leading up to FET so I'll throw myself into lining-building mode. Am also trying to kick my (flabby) butt into gear. We got a Peloton 2.5 weeks ago and have been having some fun with that. Not losing any weight but I feel great. Doing a mix of cycling and lots of stretching classes, and a friend has convinced me to do the Crush your Core 4 week bootcamp with her which is killer but also so good for me.

@hanshotfirst77 I'm glad it sounds like your cousin is taking the time to herself to grieve. If it were me, we'd want to travel and be anywhere but home and the places that remind us of sad things. Sending your family lots of love through all of this.
@acleverusername he said because of the holiday closures it'll take longer than usual so don't expect to get results until the first week of January. He was a little dodgy with details but as far as I know it was his version of the Emma/Alice tests, so testing the microbiome as well as testing for any bacterial infections. He figures even if I come in early Jan, we should still have time for a round of antibiotics to clear up anything prior to transfer.

walkawaynee · December 2021

@kiki047 I feel so bad for you! The uncooperative cycle, the painful biopsy, all of it! Hoping thr biopsy gives you answers and that your body gets on board with the program!

@hanshotfirst77 will you doing FET in January?

@acleverusername I showed DH your text convo and he asked if he needed to go get deer antlers too lol. We are still deciding on what the next step is, pending results and pending emotions at the time. The nurses pressured me to make a choice last week but when I pushed back it turns out I really have until around the end of the month to decide and insurance will cover another retrevial without forcing a transfer first.

optimistgardener · December 2021

@hanshotfirst77 i too am a year-round coffee-holic so i'll drink to that. i'm so excited that you're on the FET train! I think we'll probably be at least partially overlapping in our calendars. i'm glad for the company.

@acleverusername i hope you have luck experimenting with chinese medicine! and ugh about the botched last cycle. it feels like just another thing to pile on the list of examples for how we know our bodies in many cases better than the "standard regimen" the clinics want to squeeze us into.

@kiki047 omg your biopsy story sounds horrible. anyway, just general hugs all around. i'm so sorry your body still isn't cooperating and that your calendar is still up in the air.

@walkawaynee i'm glad to hear that you've got a little more flexibility in your decision-making process than the clinic initially let on. still have my fingers crossed for good news on your embryo.

Diagnosis (if you've been): old lady with only 1 old-lady ovary still creakily ticking over every month

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): gearing up for FET

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): as above

How are things going?: Good! I'm still moving forward with the mosaic transfer after the conversation with the genetics counselor at Cooper today, and feel pretty good about it. The counselor confirmed what I already knew, which was that mine is a low-level mosaic (less than 40% aneuploid cells in the trophectoderm) showing irregularities in chromosome 3. I also got a little bit of new information about the embryo. as far as i can make sense of it, there is a distinction between "whole chromosome" mosaics, in which the affected aneuploid cells show a complete chromosomal deletion or addition, versus "segmental" mosaics, which show only a partial addition or deletion of the chromosome. Mine is a segmental deletion/monosomy. The counselor confirmed that this is, insofar as the data exists, kind of an ideal mosaic for transfer in that single-chromosome segmental mosaics appear to be more likely to "self-correct" than either whole-chromosome mosaics or mosaics demonstrating abnormality in more than one chromosome, and have good implantation rates compared with other mosaics. And, in the event that the main part of the embryo (rather than just parts of the trophectoderm) proves to be aneuploid, chromosome 3 monosomies are basically never viable.

If this were to prove the case, i would almost certainly experience either no implantation at all or a very swift CP. So the risk is very low for a late miscarriage or viable but abnormal pregnancy.

Any questions?: not at the present!

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday drink (can be alc/non-alc)? I have a fondness for winter beers, as long as they're not too sweet. something just a little richer than my usual pale ale. which, btw, i plan on indulging in a couple of this holiday season while I'm not in follicle-growing mode. my family also have friends who make like, legit aged eggnog with eggs from their flock. normally creamy eggy alcohols are not my jam, but i make an exception for this delight.

(Lots of editing because I can't help myself.)

hanshotfirst77 · December 2021

@acleverusername I hope all those things help and you guys get lucky trying on your own. Anecdotally I know a bunch of people who suffered IF and then had luck right before transfers. Fx that’s you too! But if not April isn’t that far away.

@walkawaynee yes the plan is to do a FET in January. My nurse gave me a loose schedule depending on when AF shows up again and looks like transfer would probably happen sometime in early Feb.

@optimistgardener yay for coffee! Lol. And that mosaic sounds like the best kind you could have. I’m excited we have a few of us transferring around the same time!

@kiki047 ugh that biopsy sounds painful that really sucks. But I’m glad it’s over and hopefully it will at least help and may you never have to do that again.

kiki047 · December 2021

@acleverusername I was all out of sorts yesterday when I was doing my tags so I am now realizing I never finished my thought and didn't respond to your check-in whatsoever. I'm sorry, that was rude of me! I had a good chuckle at YH's text convo about the deer antlers, lol. But I'm still sitting here stewing over your clinic possibly botching your retrieval, wtf. I'm glad you're moving past that, and you can focus on overall wellness and getting your body as baby-ready as you possibly can before you move on to FETs with the glorious Dr Aimee. I'm so happy you're actually getting to work with her, and I hope that experience is as rewarding as everything else has been with her. Especially since it will hopefully result in you getting KTFU!
@walkawaynee thank you, friend, I really hope my body gets with the program too. Enough is enough. Now that you know you're not being forced to transfer before insurance will cover another ER, do you have any thoughts on how you want to proceed? FWIW, if you think you only want 1 child and you have no reason to believe you'll have any underlying issues with the FET, sometimes all it takes is 1. I hope that is the case for you and this could be a non-issue.
@optimistgardener sounds like your consultation was a productive one, and I'm glad that is giving you some added peace of mind going into this FET. I'm so excited for you!

I'm feeling a little better today after yesterday's ordeal. Still mildly crampy and uncomfortable but not bleeding anymore at least. Ironically, the spotting following the biopsy massacre was the most I've had in the last 8 weeks. Stupid uterus. I had a glass of wine last night for the first time in a while, maybe that'll be a peace offering to my cantankerous body. That said, I also proceeded to (accidentally) lock the cat in the cellar all night so she's not very happy with me. I swear the two were unrelated, and the cat is just sneaky so she rightly deserved to get locked in, just maybe not for 8 hours lol. It's pretty cold in there, oops.

walkawaynee · December 2021

@kiki047 every cat I have ever owned would have made it VERY known they were locked anywhere. Including outside of an occupied bathroom. I am still on the fence about how to proceed probably just gonna make a panic decision when the time comes 🙃

@hanshotfirst77 and @optimistgardener sounds we might be on a similar transfer timeline (if I make a decision)

optimistgardener · December 2021

@walkawaynee it's been almost 3 weeks now since your retrieval, right? ugh. i hope you get word soon and the holiday calendar doesn't throw everything for a loop. it would be great if we were on the same calendar!

@kiki047 my ambivalent feelings about cats may be coming through here, but it sounds like your cat had it coming! you can make it up to her with some extra treats today. also i am in favor of your having a glass of wine or two.

I'm having low-key anxiety about the weather/getting home in time to start my lupron on schedule. i'm visiting my mom but the forecasts say we're going to be getting a big dose of snow in the state starting on christmas and for several days after. my lupron is back home at the far end of the state. i prefer not to have to drive through a winter storm!

acleverusername · December 2021

@walkawaynee hold off on that deer antler until I give it a go! Lol. Apparently it's quite expensive. At least that's what Google tells me; MH hasn't told me how much he spent. Good for you for standing your ground with the nurse! I hate so much that we have to spend so much energy advocating.

@optimistgardener happy to hear that the genetic counseling appointment was fruitful! Hopefully the transfer is a success! I can't believe your journey pivoted so suddenly but I am so happy for you!

@hanshotfirst77 I will take all the colloquial evidence I can get!

@kiki047 holy hell girl, I am cringing reading your biopsy story. Good lord! I can't believe you had to suffer through that experience. I hope that you NEVER have to go through that again. Are you taking time off during the holidays? Hopefully the time between now and biopsy results will fly by! Also, I read "KTFU" and then tried very hard to figure out if you're referencing some radio station. Lol. Then I clued in. English is hard. Today I reached out to a weigh loss doctor Doc Aimee recommended because I'm gonna need all the help I can get. MH and I did our "family photo" today so that we can send out "post-holiday card" (get it?) and I HATE how much weight I've gained. I feel gross. I only have myself to blame though, and I'm trying to give myself grace for this next 11 days of vacation.

@optimistgardener finger crossed that you get luck with the weather! Do you have a transfer calendar yet?

keikilove · December 2021

Merry Christmas Week, everyone, and all the other winter holidays that we may be collectively celebrating this month!🎄 🕎 ✨🌙

@acleverusername Wonderful news that YH’s biopsy came back benign! I’m completely out of the loop as to what happened, but am so happy for you both that you have this positive result. That had to be a very stressful waiting period! And YAY for TEW doing your April transfer! (I’m also totally out of the loop on this development, but can guess from your update with your current clinic how this came about.) So excited for you that you will have 100% peace of mind as you move forward with Dr. Aimee.

@kiki047 Oh my goodness, friend, that entire experience sounds horrific! Just your description of waiting for AF was anxiety-inducing. But, it sounds good that the biopsy helped give an explanation for why everything’s been so delayed. If you’re ever waiting endlessly again, the girls in my IVF clinic group swear by celery tea for inducing a period. I’d never heard of it before but apparently it’s a real thing. Parsley tea too, which I’d also never heard of before. (But maybe this is all moot if the issue was that your lining never got thick enough to start with.) For thickening the lining they swear by raspberries (new to me), plus the standard pomegranate juice and Brazil nuts to thicken the lining. If you’re on BCP for the next several weeks, will you be expected to have a bleed before the FET? And forgive me that I’ve forgotten all the details since we’ve been here for so long, but have you ever tried Vitex to normalize your cycle? Anyway, FX that everything lines up well and that your body gets it together for a January FET!🤞🏽

@gingermama29 Hope this TWW is going well for you time-wise. I’m sorry for the loss anniversary. It’s always hard to face those significant dates. Prayers that this time there’s a positive signifance associated with the season.💕

@walkawaynee Ugh, sorry that you’re still waiting for results. Hopefully you get some good news soon! Just curious: why can you have Cherry 7-Up only at the holidays?

@hanshotfirst77 Hooray for being one step closer to your FET! So sorry to hear about work, though. Wishing you the best over the next 2 days till you can get to some down time. Hang in there!

@optimistgardener Woohoo, that sounds like a very encouraging consult! So glad to hear that you got that little bit of extra info too about the type of deletions and potential outcomes. Hoping like h*** for you that the little one will self-correct and give you your THB when that time comes. And good luck with getting your lupron! That does sound like a drag…

Edited for spacing. It’s always the spacing…

optimistgardener · December 2021

reading @acleverusername's comment about weight gain made me think of this but really it's aimed at all of us here in IF. basically i just want to advocate for a sec on behalf of our long-suffering bodies that so often seem like our enemies. I mean, I get it. My body has been my stumbling block on the road to pregnancy. years of BFNs, fibroid tumors, countless failed IUIs, 2 crappy IVF retrieval cycles (even though i've chosen to be jazzed about my low-level mosaic, i think i'm on safe ground here in saying that 2 cycles with a combined result of 3 complex abnormals, 2 abnormals, and 1 mosaic is not good results), etc. For all of us on here, struggles with AF going missing or turning up uninvited, weight gain, bad eggs, losing hair, cramps, uteruses that eat embryos for snacks, bloating, endometriosis, cysts, all of these things are all too familiar and sh**ty.

But still... not to sound too woo-woo but our bodies are also amazing. We have been subjecting ourselves to all kinds of medications (and most especially us IVF patients), and through it our bodies put up with a lot, often with far less complaint than they might. the body's capacity to rebound after surgeries and other treatment, and to carry on in a quasi-normal fashion even when being blasted with nuclear quantities of hormones, is amazing. Our bodies are strong, they carry us through our days, they give us pleasure. We might gain a few pounds or lose a few pounds. We may (as I did after my fibroids surgery) have to give up on ever recovering a former waistline measurement. but our bodies remain our forever buddies and allies even if they disappoint us in certain things. They will, I fervently hope, one day carry our pregnancies, the whole idea of which is nothing short of a miracle. But even if they don't, they deserve our care and respect.

*steps off soapbox*

to answer your question, Clever, I did get a calendar. I went on BCPs a couple of days ago and will start lupron in the latter half of next week (assuming the snowstorm doesn't stop me). Estradiol valerate begins halfway through January, and then PIO right around the end of the month. Transfer date ostensibly Feb 4, if things go well! I'm nervous about the lupron side effects!

acleverusername · December 2021

@optimistgardener

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/ex/vt83zs4h96my.gif

(That was beautiful! Thank you for the reminder that my body is a hero).

@keikilove TL;DR... remember when MH got genetic cancer screening done back in May? Well we've been slowly going down the process of figuring out what his SDHA mutation meant, and that lead us to an endocrinology clinic for baseline tests + monitoring every 3 years (full-body MRI, head & neck MRI, and some blood work). Totally didn't think anything of it. Well, the head and neck MRI revealed a thyroid nodule (nothing to do with the SDHA mutation; totally incidental), which meant a referral for an ultrasound and the ultrasound report, which we received the day before Thanksgiving, was VERY alarming. Like... it had ALL CAPS in it and the words like "HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS". Anyway cue biopsy which turned out all normal. As for Dr Aimee, while I love the doctor who did my retrievals seeing as how he helped us make some beautiful embryos, the clinic won't do a medicated transfer to start with; they insist on modified natural cycle as the first option. They're also anti-ERA, anti-ReceptivaDx or EMMA/ALICE and, since we are going forward with only the 5 embryos (leaving all the retrievals in 2021), I don't have any embryos to waste. So, Doc Aimee it is. It also feels really great to be able to finish the journey with her, given that she absolutely renewed my hope in REs after that clinic botched up stuff.

keikilove · December 2021

Diagnosis (if you've been): RPL/RIF, gene mutations, immune issues, AMA.

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): TWW

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Did a modified natural FET last week.

How are things going?: Just ok. Trying to keep a positive outlook but life is hard. More in spoiler but feel free to skip. **TW for mention of PG, loss, suicide**

So last week I swore to myself that I’d get all caught up here on TB and get active again. But, you guys, the intense stuff just hasn’t let up at all. I have a very good friend who has been going through some tough stuff that we’ve been in frequent touch about. We’ve known each other for over a decade. We got married one week apart, celebrated each other at both of our weddings, and got pregnant right around the same time of our weddings. Perfection!

Well, we both had losses, obviously. She hasn’t been able to conceive in the years since then, but did get to the bottom of some of her health issues this past year. Turns out she had a disease that I’d had several years earlier, which wreaks havoc on the immune system. So I’d been coaching her through her treatment for that over the last 9 months or so. Then, when she was finally better this fall, they did their first round of IVF. She’s only mid-30s and looks like she’s mid-20s. Beautiful, fit, petite, eats very healthy, no bad habits. Despite all this going for her, she only got 6 eggs, all of which fertilized and 4 made it to blast. All abnormal.😢 Devastating. Then she got her booster vaccine and warned me that it made her very ill and she hasn’t been able to recover since getting it in early November. She thought it was maybe due to the autoimmune disease history we both have and warned me about reconsidering the timing of getting my booster. All this backstory to say this: You guys, she just texted me over the weekend saying her ongoing chest colds and inability to heal from the booster are actually due to suspected lung cancer. Instead of prepping for her next round of IVF she’s been getting biopsies and CT scans and bloodwork to determine what kind of cancer it is. WTF?! How is life so unfair?! She’s one of the kindest sweetest people I know on this earth. I’ve been absolutely sick about it. And for her, poor thing, now she has to worry about trying to retrieve some healthy eggs quickly before undergoing cancer treatment. I just can’t believe it…
After that news, the very same day, another very good friend of mine called me long distance. I knew that it was late where she lives and that it couldn’t be good news. Sure enough, her young teen daughter had tried to commit suicide. She was calling me from the hospital room where her daughter was intubated and having seizures. Today is the 4th or 5th day and her daughter is still unresponsive. This is a little girl who I visited in the hospital the first day she was born. I coached her mom through labor on the phone and told her when it was time to go to the hospital for labor & delivery. We’ve all watched her daughter grow into this gorgeous accomplished young girl. I just cannot believe what their family is suffering through right now. And all of this right before Christmas too. It’s just so heavy. And I’m very sorry if this post is triggering. Now that I’ve written it I’m wondering if it is better suited to the Mental Health thread? I can move it there if it seems more appropriate.

Any questions?: Has anyone heard of a natural modified FET done this way? My RE had me start progesterone before I’d for sure ovulated. I thought the whole point of a natural cycle was to let the body naturally support implantation of the embryo? I love my doctor but I’ve been doubting her approach since before we did the FET. I was so stressed before doing this transfer due to her timing of it; I had planned for this natural FET to feel like the easiest most natural thing ever. It was totally the opposite. Would love to hear if anyone has ever heard of starting progesterone before confirming ovulation with a natural FET (which I’m now calling a natural modified FET). Thanks.

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday drink (can be alc/non-alc)? Love apple cider, spiced cider/wassail, hot cocoa. And bubbly for NYE, of course🥂

Edited for freaking huge spacing.

optimistgardener · December 2021

@keikilove aww crap. all of that is awful. this is going to sound weird, but i'm so glad that you're able to be present (from afar) for your friends, even if it's under the worst of possible circumstances. i'll be keeping your friends in my thoughts.

kiki047 · December 2021

@walkawaynee she's usually pretty obvious when she wants in/out of a room but unfortunately the cellar is behind a second closed door, in the basement, so we didn't hear her two floors up. This cat is mostly a mute so she doesn't scream at me like her sister. I should have known it was weird when she didn't come to bed though. Maybe that's where the wine came into play lol. She's made it very clear since then that she's mad at me.
@optimistgardener oh you're definitely right about her deserving it. I had already chased her out of there once so I just didn't notice that she apparently did a u-turn and snuck back in. I wouldn't have felt so bad if it wasn't so cold in there. But animals are amazing, lots of cats are able to live/play outdoors and are totally fine. She seems no worse for wear other than being extra crabby lol.
@acleverusername thank you, I also hope I never have to do that again. So brutal. I didn't take any extra days off, just what we get for stat holidays. Half day on the 24th and 31st, and then Monday/Tuesday off next week, and Monday the following week. Could be worse, I'm not mad about 4 and 3 day weekends back to back. I'm also supposed to get my booster next Wednesday so I may end up with an extra day off if I feel crummy afterwards. As for the weight gain, I'm right there with you girlfriend. I know I didn't exactly help my case by eating my feelings through the pandemic but I think 3 transfers, 2 MCs, 2 ERs, and a whole lot of hormones will do that to a person. As @optimistgardener so wisely pointed out, though we may not always treat them as such, our bodies are our temples and I can look past my disgruntled feelings of contempt towards my uncooperative uterus to acknowledge that. So far 3 weeks of very regular workouts on our Peloton has only made me gain 3lbs but I'm also apt to do that on BCP so I'm fighting a losing battle here. I just feel good about moving my body and hopefully being in better physical shape to carry and grow a baby next year. At whatever weight that happens to be.
@keikilove my goodness friend, you carry so much heavy stuff on your plate, even on top of everything you've been through with your own family (and the process of growing said family). I'm so sorry your tribe is hurting and having to face all of that. My heart goes out to them, and to you, as I can imagine the hardest days have yet to come.

I hope you have some time over the holidays to be with your loved ones and to let them love on you enough so that you'll have enough to give back to all the people you support.
ETA: to answer your question, I was on Vitex almost 4 years ago to help normalize my cycles when I first got my PCOS dx, but they've been pretty regular since then. I think the IVF just threw everything off. After my first cycle in Nov 2019 it took about 3-4 months for my cycles to go back to normal, but I had the opposite problem back then, I was spotting/bleeding every 2-3 weeks. I've never heard of celery or parsley tea, and I hate both of those foods lol, but when I was on l-arginine and a chinese herbal supplement that my naturopath prescribed, those both worked to thicken my lining so I'm going to give that a try for a while along with the pomegranate juice. I'll add raspberries too, thank you!

optimistgardener · December 2021

@kiki047 and @keikilove i'm sure it's the same principle but i drank raspberry leaf tea for a while during my FP when i was still doing IUIs. I have no idea whether it helped my lining (thanks, clinic that never monitored me) but i will say it seemed to make my menstrual cramps disappear.

kiki047 · December 2021

@optimistgardener that I do have. I forget why I never drank it after I bought it, now I need to go back and see if I can figure it out but I think in this case it could actually help.

walkawaynee · December 2021

@keikilove You are such a strong person and a good friends, I am so sorry for all the things you are dealing with! I *can* drink Cherry 7up any time but for some reason I only buy it at Christmas.

@optimistgardener it's just a couple days shy of 3 weeks since my retrieval. I had nightmares last night about people who had ERs after me getting results before me and my phone not working when the lab tried to call. Since the office is closed until Monday I am guessing I will find out next week, gonna *try* to put it out of my mind for the holiday. I hope the weather cooperates for you!

fantasyflyte · December 2021

(Tags to come when I get home to a computer!)

Diagnosis (if you've been): PCOS, MFI

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): maybe IUI

How are things going?: Not sure yet. We're going to really flirt with the timing on this. I need to ovulate by NYE in order to do the IUI this cycle because my insurance changes Jan. 1 and we wouldn't be able to get a prior authorization in time for a Jan. 2 or whatever IUI because insurance suuuuuuuucks.
Anyway, had my monitoring ultrasound this morning, 2 lead follicles on the right measuring 12.4mm and 12.1 or 12.2. Bloodwork was also drawn, and the nurse will be calling me later today to discuss where we go this cycle.

Any questions?: not really right now

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday drink (can be alc/non-alc)? I'm not really a drink person, I don't like alcohol and I pretty much only ever drink water and diet soda. Maybe hot chocolate once or twice a year.

optimistgardener · December 2021

@walkawaynee in my first IVF cycle i wound up waiting almost 4 weeks, i think (and there weren't even any major holidays in the way). I got to the point where i actually called my clinic a couple of times because i was worried they'd forgotten about me, and the clinic in turn got worried that the genetics company had somehow failed to report my data. but it did eventually turn up. i really hope you get word soon!

@fantasyflyte i'm sorry that your O day is flirting so closely with the NY! so freaking annoying. that's great though that you have two follicles of equal size! GROW little buddies GROW.

fantasyflyte · December 2021

@gingermama29 fingers crossed super hard for you both that this TWW goes by quickly, and ends happily.

@walkawaynee I hope your results come soon and are good.

@hanshotfirst77 wooo countdown! Sorry work's a mess.

@kiki047 I'm sorry your biopsy was so awful! I hope your body starts being kinder to you soon.

@acleverusername what the heck! You'd think a place that specializes in fertility would understand that not everyone's body does what it "should" do. I'm sorry they sucked.

@optimistgardener that sounds promising! I'm glad the conversation went well and you're on track, it definitely sounds like it makes sense to move forward with the transfer!

@keikilove oof, that's a lot, I'm so sorry for everyone in your circle, hugs to all of you. That's a lot anytime, but especially at the holidays. I have no insight on the transfer stuff, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed it works!

fantasyflyte · December 2021

@optimistgardener here's hoping! I just got off the phone with the nurse. We're still going to shoot for IUI, she said to start my OPK this afternoon, and that if I don't get a peak reading by Tuesday night, to leave a message on her voicemail and we'll have me come in for another ultrasound/bloodwork Wednesday. She said it's definitely flirting close with that deadline, but that it's still a full week out, and made it sound like most of the time they'd expect me to O in the next week, so fingers crossed hard!

kiki047 · December 2021

@fantasyflyte follicles tend to grow at a rate of 1-2mm a day, and I think most clinics will trigger once one or both leads are over 18mm so you *should* be ok. FX you can squeak it in next week!

acleverusername · December 2021

@keikilove girl, you are just an amazing woman. It's truly impressive that you continue to be there for your friends (I like how Kiki called them your tribe), when you are moving your own personal mountains. I wish there was something more that I can say or do. In times like this I'm reminded by the popular Persian adage: "this too shall pass." Be strong, my friend. Remember to practice self-care, both to support that implantation, and since you'll need those personal strength reserves to support your friends. 🙏🏻

@fantasyflyte those follicle sizes are pretty good! I think there's definitely a chance that you'll O before NYE. But then again, we all know that our bodies like to throw a wrench into plans when you most want things to go according to plan. I'll keep hoping for you!

gingermama29 · December 2021

Finally getting around to tags after a crazy week of scraping my students off the walls and ceilings! Nothing like week before winter break craziness!

@walkawaynee I hope you hear soon! I don’t know if I could be as patient as you’re being with the retrieval having been nearly 3 weeks ago! Also that drink sounds delicious!

@hanshotfirst77 I’m sorry work has been so stressful. The burn out struggle is so real right now. So excited you’re prepping for FET next month!!

@kiki047 thank you friend 💕. I’m sorry your biopsy was such an awful and painful experience. Keep rocking with that peloton! It’s amazing how much more willing we are to work out when we enjoy what we’re doing!

@acleverusername thanks for asking. It is going SO much better! Aside from today (dammit Tim Hortons coffee!), I haven’t had ANY GI side effects in over a week and a half! So happy that my body is finally used to it! Cracking up at your deer antler text. I’m sorry about the botched last cycle but I hope the Chinese medicine helps!

@optimistgardener I’m excited that you’re moving forward with the transfer! Sending you all the positive vibes and good luck! Do you have a transfer date yet?

@keikilove Sending so many hugs. I feel like you just can’t catch a break lately, and definitely deserve one. I’m so sorry for your friends too. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for them.

@fantasyflyte FX timing works out! Come on follies, GROW!!

keikilove · December 2021

Merry Christmas Eve, friends! I hope that you all are feeling happy and festive and getting to take some downtime.💕
Thank you all so much for your kind supportive words. It means a lot. I slept a lot yesterday & today to try to do the ‘self-care’ mentioned by you @acleverusername and @kiki047. I did get some potentially good news from my friend with the teenage daughter in hospital:

Although her daughter has developed pneumonia while in the hospital, the antibiotics they put her on seem to be working. They were able to extubate her yesterday and she is breathing on her own. So that seems like a definite step in the right direction.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

@acleverusername I think I missed a few posts as I was posting my update earlier this week. I want to wish you luck and fortitude as you commit to your detoxing and weight loss! It’s not easy to wind up feeling the way we sometimes do in our own bodies during this infertility crap. But I know we are also not supposed to go too hardcore with the weight loss either while TTC. Since you’ve got till April for the transfer it seems you have a nice amount of time to take a healthy moderate approach. Good luck! Re: your clinic: I’ve definitely heard of doctors being against ERA & ReceptivaDX due to the mixed results and false positives. But why would they be against the EMMA/ALICE tests? That seems strange. And on a different note: I hadn’t realized that YH’s genetic testing results stuff had dragged on like this! I think I tapped out for a TB break right around Thanksgiving so I missed the scary ALL CAPS report. Horrible! So so glad that you both can now rest easy on that front, and only worry about the efficacy of deer antler👍🏽😄.

@optimistgardener Thank you so much for keeping my friends in your thoughts.♥️And thank you for the beautiful reminders about how amazing our bodies are.💗💗💗 You captured many of the highs and lows of this emotional rollercoaster very well. Personally, I’ve never subscribed to the mindset of “my body is broken”, but rather that there is some scientific reason that the necessary processes aren’t happening in the correct order. Lately it’s become harder and harder to not focus on where my body is actually failing me. Yet I’ve realized that my body is really great at continuing to have regular cycles and still produce eggs despite my ever-advancing age😬—it’s just not been great lately at that other part that’s required to get my THB. Your post reminds me to be a bit more appreciative of what is working, so thank you.💕💕 Were you able to retrieve your Lupron before the snow arrives?

@kiki047 Congrats on the Peloton workouts! Also Glad to hear that you will be taking some time off here and there throughout the holidays as well. Your body can probably use it after the recent biopsy ordeal! Thanks for the reminder about when you used Vitex—it’s so interesting (and frustrating, I suppose) the way different things are different issues during this whole TTC process. You may already be aware that Vitamin E also helps thicken the lining by increasing blood flow, along with vaginal Viagra, or a Neupogen wash in the uterus a few days before transfer. Ahhh, the things we try in this journey…. Oh! And you and @optimistgardener both mentioned red raspberry leaf tea: it’s traditionally used to tone and strengthen the uterine muscles in 3rd trimester to prepare for labor. It can also be used to ease cramps and prepare a healthy lining before implantation, but it’s not recommended during the TWW as it can cause the muscles to be strong/cramp & kick out embryos. Maybe that’s a reason you stopped using it?

@fantasyflyte FX that you get to do this IUI right before the New Year! I agree with others: the way the follicles grow at this stage, you should definitely have some that are at least 18mm within the week, and this be ready to trigger for the IUI before the year comes to a close. Hope that things continue to go smoothly and keep you on track for that!

Edited for you-know-what🙄

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