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Mental Health Check-in September 2021

keikilovekeikilove member
in Trying to Get Pregnant

This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.

U.S: National Suicide Prevention :  1-800-273-TALK [8255]

Chat option:   https://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

Link to Canadian Resources:  https://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/

This is a safe space for discussing your mental health. Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in Rants/Raves of the Dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health.  Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports. 

This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame-free as possible!

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort. 

If you need help getting started, consider filling out the form below:

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA):

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)

How are you feeling?

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Re: Mental Health Check-in September 2021

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    optimistgardeneroptimistgardener member
    @keikilove thank you for posting this. i was thinking about you yesterday and hope that things are ok with you. sending a big hug.
    @samantha1johnson this is inappropriate here and i'm reporting your post as spam.
    History
    I am doing this on my own. Left ovary and fallopian tube removed due to cyst/necrosis just after birth. Right ovary and tube still purport to function.
    Began TTC in Aug '18 @ age 35
    5 or 6 (or 7?!) cycles using frozen donor sperm, ICI. All BFN
    Mar-Jun '19 IUIs, all BFN
    Began process of referral for RE in spring of '19, blood tests confirm low AMH (.54) but all else is good.
    May '19 HSG shows open tube, but ultrasound suggests fibroids
    MRI in June '19 confirms two large fibroids, one growing through wall of uterus
    In June '19 I move from California to Oregon, disrupting my insurance, referrals, etc. 5 months spent piecing it all back together.
    Nov. '19 attempted myomectomy (vaginal approach) failed. 2nd surgery using laparoscopic method in Jan '20 is successful.
    April '20 --> June '20, natural IUIs, all BFN.
    July? saline ultrasound and bubble test demonstrate open tube
    July '20 clomid cycle cancelled for thin lining
    Aug-Oct, 3 femara cycles, all BFN
    RE referral. While waiting to set up an appointment Nov-Jan,I continue with natural cycles and ICI, using a known donor, BFN...
    Jan '21 more bloodwork, AMH is worse (.30), FSH high albeit not catastrophic at 13.2. hysteroscopy all good. "looks cozy!" says the RE.
    Feb '21, injectables (menopur, novarel), iui, BFN (doc said the frozen donor sperm sample had the "best numbers she'd ever seen!")
    Mar '21, injectables, iui cancelled due to lack of follicles, converted to at home-insem. BFN
    May '21, first IVF round cancelled due to cyst.
    July '21 IVF: standard antagonist. 225menupur/225gonal-f/cetrotide/5000u trigger, AFC 7; 6 days of stims. 8 eggs retrieved, 7 mature, 5 fertilize, 4 made it to blast. 3 are 4AB, 1 is 4BB. PGT-A results all abnormal.
    Oct '21 somewhat improved AMH (.51) and significantly improved FSH (8.9). Maybe it's all the pills I swallow.
    Dec -21, standard antagonist. 225menupur/225gonal-f/cetrotide/5000u trigger, AFC 5; 11 days of stims. retrieval yields 5, 4M, 2 reach day-6 blast (4AB & 4BB). 1 low-level mosaic (chr. 3 deletion), 1 complex abnormal.
    Feb '22 FET (low-level mosaic): CP.
    May '22 egg retrieval, lupron flare protocol. HGH priming for 1 month before stims; md lupron 20/20u daily; menopur 225, follistim 225, 10k trigger after 8 days of stims; AFC 10; 13 retrieved; 10 mature; 8 fertilized. All frozen at 2PN for later thaw, grow, and biopsy.
    July '22 egg retrieval same protocol: 9 days of stims; AFC 8; 10 retrieved, 8 mature, 4 fertilized and frozen.
    Sept '22 ER same protocol: AFC 10; 12 retrieved, 11 mature, 11 fertilized.
    From the 3 retrievals, 7 survived to day 5-6 blastocyst, from which I have 2 normal embryos!
    Jan 20, Fully medicated FET, baby aspirin, dexamethasone, acupuncture, and as much woo as I can stand (which isn't very much). BFN.
    July 23, Natural FET + baby aspirin. BFN.
    Report Reply
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    bows22bows22 member
    samantha1johnson said:
    Nice post. I was looking for professional business proposals online and found your post which is very useful for me. Thanks for the mental health tips with us.
    It’s so weird because her post before the edit just said “nice” 
    Report Reply
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    optimistgardeneroptimistgardener member
    Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:
    no diagnosis, but feeling very down and hopeless about this process right now.

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO/IVF retrieval tomorrow

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)
    having a rough day, i guess. i have had people recommend to me that i start seeing a counselor, and honestly if i were my friend i would probably be recommending to me that i start seeing a counselor. but the process of getting that ball rolling though is really just overwhelming and dispiriting. in the several counselors i've seen in the past, i've never had an experience of "clicking" with somehow. i always wind up feeling like i'm just going through the motions to no great effect, and honestly i don't have time in my life to go through the motions like that.

    How are you feeling?:
    spoilered for cancer ref

    my ttc journey has always been tightly tied up with my mom's diagnosis with a rare cancer, metastasized (her diagnosis came right around the same time that I decided to start trying). part of my motivation to get pregnant has always been that i want to be able to bring my mom a grandchild and have them know know one another. my mom's been doing great. she was given a dire prognosis in 2018 but here she is about to greet 2022, healthy and active and strong. but it's always just a waiting game between scans, and her next scan is coming right up. her last scan was ambiguous so we're all kind of bracing ourselves for the possibility that this one will be bad news. placing this into the context of my having what looks to be a disappointing retrieval, and thinking about the likelihood that I probably only really have the energy and resources for maybe one more attempt at a retrieval after this makes me just feel like, ugh.
    History
    I am doing this on my own. Left ovary and fallopian tube removed due to cyst/necrosis just after birth. Right ovary and tube still purport to function.
    Began TTC in Aug '18 @ age 35
    5 or 6 (or 7?!) cycles using frozen donor sperm, ICI. All BFN
    Mar-Jun '19 IUIs, all BFN
    Began process of referral for RE in spring of '19, blood tests confirm low AMH (.54) but all else is good.
    May '19 HSG shows open tube, but ultrasound suggests fibroids
    MRI in June '19 confirms two large fibroids, one growing through wall of uterus
    In June '19 I move from California to Oregon, disrupting my insurance, referrals, etc. 5 months spent piecing it all back together.
    Nov. '19 attempted myomectomy (vaginal approach) failed. 2nd surgery using laparoscopic method in Jan '20 is successful.
    April '20 --> June '20, natural IUIs, all BFN.
    July? saline ultrasound and bubble test demonstrate open tube
    July '20 clomid cycle cancelled for thin lining
    Aug-Oct, 3 femara cycles, all BFN
    RE referral. While waiting to set up an appointment Nov-Jan,I continue with natural cycles and ICI, using a known donor, BFN...
    Jan '21 more bloodwork, AMH is worse (.30), FSH high albeit not catastrophic at 13.2. hysteroscopy all good. "looks cozy!" says the RE.
    Feb '21, injectables (menopur, novarel), iui, BFN (doc said the frozen donor sperm sample had the "best numbers she'd ever seen!")
    Mar '21, injectables, iui cancelled due to lack of follicles, converted to at home-insem. BFN
    May '21, first IVF round cancelled due to cyst.
    July '21 IVF: standard antagonist. 225menupur/225gonal-f/cetrotide/5000u trigger, AFC 7; 6 days of stims. 8 eggs retrieved, 7 mature, 5 fertilize, 4 made it to blast. 3 are 4AB, 1 is 4BB. PGT-A results all abnormal.
    Oct '21 somewhat improved AMH (.51) and significantly improved FSH (8.9). Maybe it's all the pills I swallow.
    Dec -21, standard antagonist. 225menupur/225gonal-f/cetrotide/5000u trigger, AFC 5; 11 days of stims. retrieval yields 5, 4M, 2 reach day-6 blast (4AB & 4BB). 1 low-level mosaic (chr. 3 deletion), 1 complex abnormal.
    Feb '22 FET (low-level mosaic): CP.
    May '22 egg retrieval, lupron flare protocol. HGH priming for 1 month before stims; md lupron 20/20u daily; menopur 225, follistim 225, 10k trigger after 8 days of stims; AFC 10; 13 retrieved; 10 mature; 8 fertilized. All frozen at 2PN for later thaw, grow, and biopsy.
    July '22 egg retrieval same protocol: 9 days of stims; AFC 8; 10 retrieved, 8 mature, 4 fertilized and frozen.
    Sept '22 ER same protocol: AFC 10; 12 retrieved, 11 mature, 11 fertilized.
    From the 3 retrievals, 7 survived to day 5-6 blastocyst, from which I have 2 normal embryos!
    Jan 20, Fully medicated FET, baby aspirin, dexamethasone, acupuncture, and as much woo as I can stand (which isn't very much). BFN.
    July 23, Natural FET + baby aspirin. BFN.
    Report Reply
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