Sharing The News

alataweasley · September 2021

Hey everyone,
I know it’s still too early for most of us but I was wondering when most of you plan on sharing the news! This is my first pregnancy so I’m so excited to share. Hubby and I both told our closest friends (1 each) on the day we found out, mostly because they were the friends that knew we were TTC for over 20 months. But now we don’t know when to share the news with everyone else.
When are you planning on sharing with parents, grandparents, siblings, other close friends, extended family, employers, etc?
I appreciate any input!

abmom21 · September 2021

This is our 3rd pregnancy, and I kind of want to keep it a secret for as long as possible 😅 I have a soon to be 3 year old and 1 year old, and I know the judgement from my family is going to be insane because they've already made so many comments about how we "better be done having kids." DH side of the family has assumed we're done because everyone else stopped at 2 kids.
On the other hand though, I'm super excited and want to just tell everyone now 😂 Not sure what we'll end up doing, but we waited until 14 weeks with our 1st and 10 weeks with our 2nd.

Bababatty · September 2021

@abmom21 I'm sorry you have to gear up for your family being so judgey and that they feel like they get to dictate how many kids you have. Rude!

AFM My family already knew we were doing a FET--it would have been hard to hide because we traveled to visit the day after my embryo transfer and I couldn't do anything I would normally do (e.g., drink, swim) plus nightly progesterone shots. After my beta we told my MIL as well. And a handful of friends that we're close with or who have also dealt with IF.

Outside of immediate family, we waited until 13-14 weeks when I was pregnant with DD. The timing fell at Christmas so we used our holiday cards as the announcement. We'll probably do that for everyone else again this year but everyone will be getting holiday cards in November instead. ;-)

And846 · September 2021

With DD we had a couple of friends accidentally find out when the waiter listed my drink as “virgin” when we went out to dinner. That was at 6 weeks. We told immediate family at Christmas at 9 weeks because it would have been very obvious since i wasn’t drinking wine.

After that we waiting until 14 weeks to tell people. I could have waited longer since i didn’t pop until 19 weeks though.

This time…same couple of friends since we just did a group dinner last night. I looped her in and told her i would be ordering a faux drink at bar then joining table and not pressure me to buy a bottle of red 🤣

i think this time I’ll show early…we’ll see. I’m thinking seeing if i can hold off to 20 weeks to do a social media post

itsagalsworls1024 · September 2021

We’ve told family and very few close friends who knew we were TTC , I had to tell my kids they kept trying to jump on me and didn’t understand why mom needed a nap after work. So they know but we told them it’s still a secret. We are going to announce after 12 weeks for the world.

rainbowchaos · September 2021

Because of the loss we suffered in March, we've decided to keep it to ourselves until Thanksgiving, if possible.

mrsrotti · September 2021

I’ve told a couple of close friends and my favorite Aunt who I’m very close with. But other than that we’ll wait until 12 weeks.

annashaf · September 2021

We weren’t going to tell anyone but I’m excited and TERRIBLE with secrets. So I told my parents this weekend. We had all been camping and I hurt my back. They kept trying to give me back meds and didn’t understand why I kept turning them down. Also, as it’s our third, I thought I may need to call on them a little for support every now and then. We’ll tell my husband’s family when they come to visit for (Canadian) Thanksgiving in mid October. My brother is extremely judgy, so will hold off telling him for as long as possible. Social media will likely wait until near Christmas.

b_1029 · September 2021

I told my best friend and my BMB, as well as my close friends from the Bump. I want to shout it from the rooftops but we’re going to try to keep it more quiet this time just because it’s kind of fun having a secret 😆 With DD, we told our parents the day the RE confirmed the pregnancy and the rest of the family around 10 weeks, and close friends probably before that. Totally different situation since everyone knew we were going through fertility treatments. My parents are coming to visit the weekend of 10/17 and we’re thinking of telling our parents then, assuming all goes well at the appointment on the 11th. As far as social media, I honestly don’t know. I have several friends in the thick of IF and I know how much it sucks to see especially when it’s baby #2. Might just keep it a secret till the very end 🤷🏼‍♀️

hotmessmama53 · September 2021

@abmom21 that's exactly how I feel about telling people about our 4th baby. When we announced our 3rd to my mother in law she said, "you know they make birth control, right?" That was hurtful because we had just experienced a loss and were so excited to be expecting again.

So we'll probably keep quiet as long as possible lol.

But with our first & second we announced before 12 to family and after 12 weeks on social media and to not so close family and friends.

rikiteacup · September 2021

I will wait after the 12 week appointment to tell family. This will be soon enough.
As for social media, I don't know. Probably in the spring.

And846 · September 2021

It’s so wild that the first time with DD we did a super cute letter board and announced on social media at 15 weeks and this time i kind of want to wait til the home stretch

b_1029 · September 2021

@And846 I’m kind of the same way. We posted a cute announcement around 14 or 15 weeks as well, but I kinda want to keep this one more secret from social media. Not that there was really anything to post on social media during the first pregnancy since we couldn’t do anything because of covid.

jandawg · September 2021

There were definitely some people who didn't even know I'd had a baby because I didn't see them while I was pregnant with our first and didn't post anything on social media after.

DH and I will end up telling his family this week about this pregnancy because we are going on holiday with them and it will be very obvious if I'm not drinking/eating all the special things they've got planned. I would rather tell them on our own terms in a few weeks, but c'est la vie I guess 🤷‍♀️.

(Edited: for clarity)

b_1029 · September 2021

It’s getting so hard to not tell my ILs because of course in the week since we’ve found out, we’ve had several events with them. I wouldn’t say they’re big drinkers like they drink a lot at a time, but there’s always booze and I’m terrible at making up excuses. DH keeps saying we can commit to not drinking till he runs a half marathon in October, but he keeps breaking it so I have to make up excuses again 😐

hkom · September 2021

I've already told my mom because she knew we were trying and I tell her pretty much everything. I work for/with my dad so I will tell him whenever it calls for it. If I am struggling and can't hide it I'll let him know. Otherwise I will probably wait until after our first appointment on October 7. No idea when H will tell his parents. We aren't seeing them until at least mid-October so I doubt it will be before then.

Otherwise, we don't do announcements. Once we get into second tri, we'll tell siblings in a casual way (Hey, we're having another baby. Simple as that), parents will be free to tell whoever they wish. In the past I've sent a mass email to extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) and probably will again. I never post to social media about it until after the baby is born.

mrsmac-ustouk · September 2021

My husband & I will tell our parents & siblings very soon - my side this Sunday, & his in two weeks.

I’m only 5 & 1/2 weeks so far

& won’t have any doctor appointments before we tell them...so I’m nervous about if something may happen or not. It’s our first pregnancy & I just really want this to be a happy memory that doesn’t turn into a sad one, you know?

That said, now is definitely the time we need to tell them. We live in the UK & haven’t seen most of our family (all in the US) for a year (thanks Covid & international travel distance) & the next time we’d *hopefully* see them is XMas - if travel restrictions allow. And we’re visiting home for weddings & birthday celebrations so alcohol will be passed around the entire time we’re there & they’d absolutely notice if I didn’t have any the whole time we’re together (a week+ w/ each family). Plus our parents know we’ve been trying to get pregnant for close to a year. And at the end of the day if anything negative happened then we’d want our parents & siblings to know, they’re very supportive.

We’ve got a little box with booties in it & a card that says “Your Going to Be Grandparents!” That we’ll hand to our moms as the way we tell them.

i know they’ll be so happy.... I’m just a bundle of nerves & hope I’m not being crazy to tell them now! Haha so here’s to prayers for this being a happy memory we look back on, with a healthy baby in our arms.

acleverusername · September 2021

This is something we're struggling with. On the one hand, we're excited to tell everyone ASAP (MH especially). On the other hand, after trying for so long, and going through fertility treatments (there's a certain degree of certainty that comes with that), then unexpectedly getting KUed on our "off" cycles, we are cognizant that we suddenly have the same risks as everyone else, and at 38, that means 30% chance of MC in the first tri.

The other "sticky" part is that I've been very open with our struggles and treatments, and my dearest friends are deeply aware of our timeline. And the last they knew was that I was waiting for my period, so that we can start our next egg retrieval. So, I'm sure I'll soon start getting questions about "how's it going? Is everything still on track?" (I've got a semi-decent response to that... I'm in the process of transferring previously frozen eggs from Canada > US, so that's taking time, so I'm just going to tell ppl the process was delayed, as was our cycle.)

I am part of an infertility therapy group which I joined in Nov 2020, and I'm now the 4/5 person to fall pregnant. So, I'll be telling them first.. at our next meeting.

After that, I think the first person we'll tell in person is my sister who is coming to visit on Oct 21. Knock on wood... I _should_ be 9 weeks along by then and I've just scheduled my 1st OB appointment for Oct 18. And then the next person would be my FIL as it's his bday on the 25th. He recently met his step-grandchild, so he's been getting some practice. It would be a nice surprise for him. I may have had my NIPT by then.

But I absolutely will not post on Facebook until after the baby is born. Having experience infertility, and having seen so many pregnancy announcements from friends my age, I have an extra appreciation for how gut-wrenching those announcements can be. I know some friends who are struggling, but I certainly don't know everyone on my FB who are having issues.

wiscobabies · September 2021

I’m 5w today and ended up telling my mom today when she was hanging out with the kids. She knew we were doing another IUI last month, and point blank asked me if “it took.” 😂 haha. I don’t necessarily mind that she knows, but I was planning on waiting a few weeks. I’m itching to tell my ILs. They know we’ve been struggling for the last year and I know they’ll be so excited

skat0323 · September 2021

Such a struggle, cuz it's the happiest time and you wanna share!

My parents were visiting from California when we got our positive test but I wanted to wait for confirmation from the ultrasound I just had. Now, my mom knows! (Since I need another woman close by to help me figure out what's normal haha!)

My sister was here and guessed it but I didn't confirm it to her. She can't keep her mouth shut when she drinks (nor can my dad; extroverts to the extreme!) so I'll tell our extended nuclear family late October when I'm entering second tri!

I appreciate the comments about social media or not. I share lots on my insta but the hubby doesn't. FB still thinks I'm single. So we'll play that by ear. I do like posting when your baby arrives! Cute idea.

pajamstagrams · September 2021

My goal is to wait as long as possible to tell extended family. As in, they might realize at Thanksgiving when they show up and I'm 16+ weeks, they'll figure it out 😂

But seriously, I absolutely loathe the attention you get while pregnant, so I'm not in a hurry. SO many comments on physical appearance, blegh, just hate it all. 😖 So I have no issues holding off until it's super obvious. Unfortunately my food aversions and the lack of wine with dinner multiple weeks in a row will tip off immediate family quick since we see them quite often, so they will probably know after our first appointment, but I'm ok with that. Basically, if I didn't tell you about my *tw* loss, you aren't going to find out anytime soon. I am excited to tell my bffs though since some of them are pregnant too, but I still want to wait until my appointment to know everything is ok.

b_1029 · September 2021

@pajamstagrams ugh yes on all the appearance comments. I already struggle with body image and I just hate that people notice at all. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my pregnant belly, but hate that people just felt the need to comment on it. My mom also still comments on my weight every time she sees me. Can we just move on.

pajamstagrams · September 2021

@b_1029 right?? Sometimes they are more "positive" comments like "you're glowing" (nope, actually sweating) or "you have the perfect bump" (nope, might actually be a bloat/poop belly), but then other times it's the "I saw you walking funny, but then I got closer and realized why" or the "I couldn't tell if you were gaining weight or pregnant" or "I could tell you are having a girl because you are carrying your weight in the hips" (wtf? that's just my normal body type 🙄) type comments.

(And yes, true story on every one of those comments).

brookejay06 · September 2021

@pajamstagrams hahaha I can’t believe people said those things to you!! Someone told my friend that her 8mo pregnant belly looked like a tumor. WHY Would you say that??!!

Bababatty · September 2021

@brookejay06 WTF. Why would anyone think that was a kind thing to say?

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