Intro. I'm just starting out

molly1373 · February 2021

So we have really just started the path. We have tried for about a year now and no luck. Next up has been clomid (only done one round). On that note, when you all have minor questions, not ones you need a doc to answer right away, where do you go? According to WebMD I am about to die or just need more sleep lol.
I know I have not hit the points some of the others on here have, and yet it's already frustrating. If I'm honest, I am more frustrated by people around me. I lucked up in having a pretty decent doc and the nurses have all been good. I only hate our insurance doesn't cover so that's a big blow. But now add in the friends, who really feel they are helping by saying "well just don't think about it" or "just relax and don't focus on it", or my favorite "just get the two of you drunk a few times....that worked for us". To all them I say a big F U!!! (respectfully). Thats why this all feels alone hearing things like that, which are supposed to be such great pep talks. I always let out me little fake laugh and say ok. And even once or twice tried to take the advice. But how can I? Aunt flow shows that ugly self and then I convince myself this will be our time....it'll be our month. Come on hun, let's get busy. Then I convince myself that every little tiny thing is a symptom. Lets be real, it isn't...and never was.
All these things, and where to go. Don't ya dare google cus that is a dark rabbit hole that leads to any answer imaginable. Friends? Well they get an A for effort and trying (I'm not totally cold) but it makes me more frustrated. Am I the only one? I'm not one to be pessimistic but those just aren't the things I wanna hear. I also feel guilty when I hear of others getting pregnant. My closest friends it doesn't seem to bother me as much but the people that I keep in touch here and there and might grab the luncheon here and there I feel a moments frustration. Or even my sister with her "oh man, I just forgot my pill only once or twice and here we are". I feel like I sound like a bitter jerk and don't like it. Truth is I'd love for these to still be happy times and to believe that it'll happen for us. And sometimes I do. Then I try talking to someone about it and I get frustrated again. Maybe that's just it. Don't talk about it. Just type it all out one good time and jump back on that roller coater ride.
For those reading this, I am sorry I ended up getting on my soap box. I had someone tell me that I was too old to try and be a parent and it was selfish of me to want children (and was 31 when that was said to me). Not sure why it stuck with me. Normally I would say any number of things back to her and shrug it off. Then I went without children one year, and the next, and the next. Add in that the doctors have said they can't see any reason for me to have problems (except now I am getting older). But other than that both my husband and I are healthy and nothing stands out as a problem.
I don't expect some magic answer out of all this. I just thought there might be others in similar situations that might wanna chat about it all. I wish everyone luck

mbradfo2 · February 2021

31 is too old to be a new parent? Glad no one told my parents that or I wouldn't exist!

What you are describing is unexplained infertility, which is what we had going into this journey as well. Everything appears normal on testing, but it's just not happening. And this can be the most -frustrating- kind of infertility, imo because you can't just say "Oh, well, I have a clotting disorder" or "Semen analysis was bad". We started trying to grow our family when I was 28/29 and our daughter was finally born when I was 34. Most people are -shocked- when I say this timeline to them because it's just unimaginable for the average person. So ignore the silly comments about getting drunk or relaxing, and just remind yourself that what you are experiencing is completely foreign to them and you're likely -never- going to be able to get your friends to really understand what it's like. I really shut myself off from friends who didn't get it...and that was pretty much everyone I knew. It sucks, but it will get better in a few years when you do have your own little one and can step back into "normal" life....which will feel totally strange!

For the longest time, I felt no one was taking me seriously when I voiced my concerns about going -years- without a BFP despite tracking ovulation/etc. Finally, someone DID take me seriously: my mom, and convinced me to see a specialist. She even got names of good ones from her own OBGYN. You're already ahead of the curve on this since you've started some treatment! I wish I could say that it gets better from here, but it will likely get worse before it gets better.

http://www.onemoreshotfilm.com/

One More Shot is a really great look into the struggles of infertility from the perspective of one couple going through the journey. It takes you from the beginning (hope, excitement) to the middle (disappointment/grief) and finally the end. I found myself often crying while watching the movie because here was someone who GOT IT.

Sorry if I'm rambling a bit, I have a tendency to do so! I'm happy to chat if you'd like; feel free to PM me with any rants/questions/bad dreams (or good dreams). I've been on this path since 2012; I did finally have my miracle as I said before in 2018 and now we're back to this insanity trying to get a little brother or sister for her. It will change you, that's for sure, but I think sometimes for the better.

sm32 · March 2021

Hello Molly – I am new here too and just becoming vocal about my journey. The pandemic definitely doesn’t help the isolation and lonely feelings while unsuccessfully TTC. We’ve recently done all of the fertility work up and so far everything is ‘normal’. We’re in our 14th cycle with 0 pregnancies. (I also tried for 3 years with a previous partner in my mid-20s). I’m 32 and my husband and 38. I agree that friends, family, and my husband don’t understand the woman’s maternal longing and stressed feelings about the process. I hate hearing ‘relax, you’ll be a mom soon’ because let’s be serious – we don’t know if/when it may ever happen. I try to be positive and try to enjoy my daily life, but TTC and thinking about being a ‘family’ consumes me at times. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, all I can do is say – ‘I get it and I’m here for you’. It is a tough and complicated process to journey into the unknown. Hopefully we’ll get to become mothers. And if we do, I KNOW we will truly appreciate the gift and do our best to raise a wonderful child/children. And if we don’t – I hope we find peace in being childless. Wishing you all the best during this difficult time.

dutchessmom · June 2021

Hello Molly, I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I can relate to the feelings of guilt around pregnant people and of anger towards people that are just trying to help but somehow making me feel worse. Lurking in this forums for months now, made me realise that most of us feel this way so in a way it helped me realise that maybe I'm not the worst person on earth!

I wish everyone good luck!

isabelherna · June 2021

Hi OP - I'm trying to become a single mum by choice, 39yo and I've heard anything from beeing too old, to being unreasonable and naive, thankfully not by my family but from people that I used to call friends - obv not anymore!-.
People believe that can stick their noses and their unsolicited opinions on everyone's life. Ignore them, just stick with what your drs say, and people that actually support you - not the ones that try to bring you down.

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