Can I monday b*tch on Wednesday? Because the university I work for just told me that the COVID relief that I am getting this year may *replace* future parental leave. Basically they have a policy that pre-tenure faculty get a tenure clock extension when they have a kid, but they limit that to two extensions. They offered us a tenure extension also for COVID-related research disruptions. At the time, they said it didn't count against the two-extension limit, but now they are saying that in the future, if I have a kid, I may already have hit the limit, and thus would not get the extension.
So they are basically just giving COVID help to pre-tenure faculty who are not going to have a kid in the next 5 years. And of course I am the only woman, so these are mostly men getting extensions for their wives giving birth anyway. I am *livid*.
@bumblebee0210 Ugh. That sucks, I'm sorry. Also, what if you had already HAD your 2 extensions? Then could you take the COVID extension? So, it's ok if you had your kids already and now need a 3rd extension for COVID, but not if it's in the opposite order? BS!
*TW All the Loss* #BitterHagPartyOf1
October 2015 - 1st MC. 7-8 weeks along. Suspected molar PG, but luckily just a MMC.
June 2016 - 2nd MC: 4-5 weeks CP
September 2016 - 3rd MC: 4-5 weeks CP
RE 1: ALL the testing - 'unexplained' "Yinz can do IVF or try on your own"
Feb 2017 - 4th MC: 6 weeks
RE 2: More tests. Still 'unexplained.' Called fat for an entire hour-long appointment, cried a lot
Yes, basically. There is one guy in my department who is in that boat and I think he got the extension. I was like "Ok so your policy is: we will give you COVID relief if you promise not to have a kid in the next 5 years?" That is problematic.
@bumblebee0210 Uuuuugghhh!! You have every right to be livid. These kinds of policies make my blood boil. 😡 That last part you said about it being all men (besides you) who will get the extensions for their wives giving birth: Are you able to present that fact to someone with authority to do something about the current policy?
@bumblebee0210 gosh; that really blows!!! It sounds like it’s still tentative? Is there any way you can influence that decision? Are you unionized?
TTC History TTC#2
Me: 41; MH: 40 | Met 02/2009 | Started Dating 08/2017 | Married 02/02/2020 Mar 2024 | consult to get established with a new reproductive immunologist (Alan Beer Center) Apr/May 2024 | required testing & waiting for a protocol May 2024 | protocol given / decided to go back to my old reproductive immunologist, Dr. Jubiz Jun / Jul 2024 | more testing, incl. SIS, ultrasound, and endometrial biopsy Jul 2024 | Dx chronic endometritis; 14 days of 100mg of doxy given Sep 2024 | Repeat endometrial biopsy; still + for chronic endometritis. 2 more antibiotics + an antiviral Oct 2024 | Hysteroscopy turned polypectomy; endometriosis consult w/ specialist who confirmed high likelihood of endo based on symptoms and ultrasound; lots of blood tests ordered Mar 2025 | Endo excision surgery. Stage 3 endo found! Recoveing Apr 2025 | Planning transfer w/ RE & green light protocol w/ RI; target transfer July or August 2025 May 2025 | Surprise BFP! EDD 1/11/2026
TTC #1
Me: 36, MH: 34 | Met 02/2009 | Started Dating 08/2017 | Married 02/02/2020 TTC #1 02/2020 - 07/2022 2009 | Dx PCOS; likely a misdiagnosis 07/14/20 | Dx Hashimoto's Thyroditis 07/21/20 | 1st RE appointment 07/2120 - 08/20/20 | so much testing; no signs of PCOS 08/20/20 | Dx Unexplained; AMA 09/08/20 | IUI #1 Clomid + Trigger + Prometrium | BFN 09/30/20 | Urology consult; more testing required 10/2020 | Clomid + OPK + TI + Prometrium | BFN 10/26/2020 | Starting 2nd IUI cycle, with Letrazole and with a new RE / different clinic 11/03/2020 | New Dx "poor egg quality"; IUI cancelled in favor of Trigger + TI + Prometrium | BFN 11/26/2020 | Combo IUI (Clomid + Menopur) + Trigger + Prometrium | BFN 12/20/2020 | Combo IUI (Clomid + Gonal-F) + Trigger | IUI Cancelled due to thin lining; TI only | BFN 01/14/2021 | Combo IUI (Letrazole + Menopur) + Trigger | BFN 02/06/2021 | Switched to a new RE (TEW) ; trying naturally until we complete additional testing 03/14/2021 | Hybrid Double IUI, with Zymot (Letrazole, Gonal-F) + Trigger + Endometrin | Ovulated 4 mature eggs but still a BFN ☹️ 04/07/2021 | Natural cycle while we regroup | BFN 04/09/2021 | Employer announces fertility benefits starting 05/01/2021! | Search for a new doctor who accepts insurance 05/10/2021 | New RE consult & plan for IVF 05/13/2021 | Mid-luteal IVF cycle #1 interrupted; had to get cancer genetic screening done to make sure I didn't have the same SDHA gene mutation as MH. 06/10/2021 | Aygestin priming IVF cycle #1; opted to Cx after 9 days of stims since only 5-6/12 follicles responded 07/26/2021 | Attempt #2 at IVF cycle #1 (mid-luteal start): 8 retrieved, 8 MII, 6 fert (1 PN3), 3 Day 5 & 6 blasts: 3AA, 3AA, 6AB; 3 euploid 08/09/2021 | Rest cycle / unmedicated TTC | Shockingly, a BFP! EDD: 5/25/202 | CP at 4w4d 09/23/2021 | IVF cycle #2 (mid-luteal start): 14 retrieved, 13 MII, 11 fert, 5 Day 5 & 6 blasts: 2 x 3AA, 2 x 3AB, 3BB; 2 euploid 11/12/2021 | IVF cycle #3 (mid-luteal start): cancelled due to ovaries being on vacation 12/20/2021 | Rest cycle / unmedicated TTC + Pregmune Immunology Testing; BFN 01/22/2022 | Rest cycle / unmedicated TTC + understanding uncovered immunological issues; BFN 02/18/2022 | Mock transfer cycle! ERA, ReceptivaDx, EMMA/ALICE; start Prednisone to address NK activity 03/16/2022 | Final, "Hail Mary" super-ovulation + TI cycle before FET; BFP! EDD: 12/21/2022 | MMC 05/08/2022 05/20/2022 | D&C; recovering... 06/21/2022 | Trying naturally until October 2022 07/21/2022 | BFP! EDD 04/02/2023; 👦🏼 born on 4/5/2023
@bumblebee0210 um, no. That is total bullshit. I’m sorry your employer sucks right now. I am in a similar only female position and I constantly am choosing my battles. Yours is a battle I would fight for sure. I’m so pissed for you.
This is actually the thing that is so annoying about academia (at least at my University)-- everything is like "tentative" and "negotiable". I work much better when there are clear rules and policies, and when you are junior faculty you *really* have to pick your battles because all of the senior faculty are going to vote on your tenure case. Luckily, it appears that this is more of a dean being crappy, and my senior colleagues are really on my side (it was actually a male senior colleague who warned me they might try this loophole, and told me I should complain now and he would fight it if they pushed back).
@bumblebee0210 from an HR standpoint that's kind of a red flag, it's one thing to say tie PTO to tenure and give more for more years, but when you're talking about applying policies they need to be equitable among staff. i also totally understand the position you're in about not wanting to make a stink, but it might be worth a convo with your HR person in the "help me understand..." frameset.
Re: Monday B*tchfest 3.29
So they are basically just giving COVID help to pre-tenure faculty who are not going to have a kid in the next 5 years. And of course I am the only woman, so these are mostly men getting extensions for their wives giving birth anyway. I am *livid*.
BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
Baby girl born 6/19/19
TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
IVF with PGT:
Standard Antagonist:
ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
Duostim (Standard Antagonist):
ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
ER #6 10/9/2021 9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
FET #1 11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
Baby boy born 7/19/22
TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
FET #3 planned Jan 2024
October 2015 - 1st MC. 7-8 weeks along. Suspected molar PG, but luckily just a MMC.
June 2016 - 2nd MC: 4-5 weeks CP
September 2016 - 3rd MC: 4-5 weeks CP
RE 1: ALL the testing - 'unexplained' "Yinz can do IVF or try on your own"
Feb 2017 - 4th MC: 6 weeks
RE 2: More tests. Still 'unexplained.' Called fat for an entire hour-long appointment, cried a lot
Feb 2019 - 5th MC: 6-7 weeks
IUD - March 2019-March 2023
RE 3: Repeat all the tests. Hoping to try IVF.
BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
Baby girl born 6/19/19
TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
IVF with PGT:
Standard Antagonist:
ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
Duostim (Standard Antagonist):
ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
ER #6 10/9/2021 9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
FET #1 11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
Baby boy born 7/19/22
TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
FET #3 planned Jan 2024
BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
Baby girl born 6/19/19
TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
IVF with PGT:
Standard Antagonist:
ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
Duostim (Standard Antagonist):
ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
ER #6 10/9/2021 9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
FET #1 11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
Baby boy born 7/19/22
TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
FET #3 planned Jan 2024
TTC History
TTC#2
Mar 2024 | consult to get established with a new reproductive immunologist (Alan Beer Center)
Apr/May 2024 | required testing & waiting for a protocol
May 2024 | protocol given / decided to go back to my old reproductive immunologist, Dr. Jubiz
Jun / Jul 2024 | more testing, incl. SIS, ultrasound, and endometrial biopsy
Jul 2024 | Dx chronic endometritis; 14 days of 100mg of doxy given
Sep 2024 | Repeat endometrial biopsy; still + for chronic endometritis. 2 more antibiotics + an antiviral
Oct 2024 | Hysteroscopy turned polypectomy; endometriosis consult w/ specialist who confirmed high likelihood of endo based on symptoms and ultrasound; lots of blood tests ordered
Mar 2025 | Endo excision surgery. Stage 3 endo found! Recoveing
Apr 2025 | Planning transfer w/ RE & green light protocol w/ RI; target transfer July or August 2025
May 2025 | Surprise BFP! EDD 1/11/2026
TTC #1
TTC #1 02/2020 - 07/2022
2009 | Dx PCOS; likely a misdiagnosis
07/14/20 | Dx Hashimoto's Thyroditis
07/21/20 | 1st RE appointment
07/2120 - 08/20/20 | so much testing; no signs of PCOS
08/20/20 | Dx Unexplained; AMA
09/08/20 | IUI #1 Clomid + Trigger + Prometrium | BFN
09/30/20 | Urology consult; more testing required
10/2020 | Clomid + OPK + TI + Prometrium | BFN
10/26/2020 | Starting 2nd IUI cycle, with Letrazole and with a new RE / different clinic
11/03/2020 | New Dx "poor egg quality"; IUI cancelled in favor of Trigger + TI + Prometrium | BFN
11/26/2020 | Combo IUI (Clomid + Menopur) + Trigger + Prometrium | BFN
12/20/2020 | Combo IUI (Clomid + Gonal-F) + Trigger | IUI Cancelled due to thin lining; TI only | BFN
01/14/2021 | Combo IUI (Letrazole + Menopur) + Trigger | BFN
02/06/2021 | Switched to a new RE (TEW) ; trying naturally until we complete additional testing
03/14/2021 | Hybrid Double IUI, with Zymot (Letrazole, Gonal-F) + Trigger + Endometrin | Ovulated 4 mature eggs but still a BFN ☹️
04/07/2021 | Natural cycle while we regroup | BFN
04/09/2021 | Employer announces fertility benefits starting 05/01/2021! | Search for a new doctor who accepts insurance
05/10/2021 | New RE consult & plan for IVF
05/13/2021 | Mid-luteal IVF cycle #1 interrupted; had to get cancer genetic screening done to make sure I didn't have the same SDHA gene mutation as MH.
06/10/2021 | Aygestin priming IVF cycle #1; opted to Cx after 9 days of stims since only 5-6/12 follicles responded
07/26/2021 | Attempt #2 at IVF cycle #1 (mid-luteal start): 8 retrieved, 8 MII, 6 fert (1 PN3), 3 Day 5 & 6 blasts: 3AA, 3AA, 6AB; 3 euploid
08/09/2021 | Rest cycle / unmedicated TTC | Shockingly, a BFP! EDD: 5/25/202 | CP at 4w4d
09/23/2021 | IVF cycle #2 (mid-luteal start): 14 retrieved, 13 MII, 11 fert, 5 Day 5 & 6 blasts: 2 x 3AA, 2 x 3AB, 3BB; 2 euploid
11/12/2021 | IVF cycle #3 (mid-luteal start): cancelled due to ovaries being on vacation
12/20/2021 | Rest cycle / unmedicated TTC + Pregmune Immunology Testing; BFN
01/22/2022 | Rest cycle / unmedicated TTC + understanding uncovered immunological issues; BFN
02/18/2022 | Mock transfer cycle! ERA, ReceptivaDx, EMMA/ALICE; start Prednisone to address NK activity
03/16/2022 | Final, "Hail Mary" super-ovulation + TI cycle before FET; BFP! EDD: 12/21/2022 | MMC 05/08/2022
05/20/2022 | D&C; recovering...
06/21/2022 | Trying naturally until October 2022
07/21/2022 | BFP! EDD 04/02/2023; 👦🏼 born on 4/5/2023
in a similar only female position and I constantly am choosing my battles. Yours is a battle I would fight for sure. I’m so pissed for you.
BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
Baby girl born 6/19/19
TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
IVF with PGT:
Standard Antagonist:
ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
Duostim (Standard Antagonist):
ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
ER #6 10/9/2021 9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
FET #1 11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
Baby boy born 7/19/22
TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
FET #3 planned Jan 2024