Trying to Get Pregnant

Monday B*tchfest 3.29


Need to vent? Let it out here. 

Re: Monday B*tchfest 3.29

  • Can I monday b*tch on Wednesday? Because the university I work for just told me that the COVID relief that I am getting this year may *replace* future parental leave. Basically they have a policy that pre-tenure faculty get a tenure clock extension when they have a kid, but they limit that to two extensions. They offered us a tenure extension also for COVID-related research disruptions. At the time, they said it didn't count against the two-extension limit, but now they are saying that in the future, if I have a kid, I may already have hit the limit, and thus would not get the extension. 

    So they are basically just giving COVID help to pre-tenure faculty who are not going to have a kid in the next 5 years. And of course I am the only woman, so these are mostly men getting extensions for their wives giving birth anyway. I am *livid*. 
    TTC History
    TTC #1 Sep 2017-Sep 2018 
    BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
    BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
    BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
    Baby girl born 6/19/19

    TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
    BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
    BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
    RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
    IVF with PGT:
    Standard Antagonist:
    ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
    ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
    ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
    Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
    ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
    Duostim  (Standard Antagonist):
    ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
    ER #6 10/9/2021  9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
    FET #1  11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
    Baby boy born 7/19/22

    TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
    IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
    ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
    ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
    FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
    FET #3 planned Jan 2024



  • @bumblebee0210 Ugh.  That sucks, I'm sorry.  Also, what if you had already HAD your 2 extensions?  Then could you take the COVID extension?  So, it's ok if you had your kids already and now need a 3rd extension for COVID, but not if it's in the opposite order?  BS!
    *TW All the Loss* #BitterHagPartyOf1

    October 2015 - 1st MC.  7-8 weeks along. Suspected molar PG, but luckily just a MMC.

    June 2016 - 2nd MC: 4-5 weeks CP

    September 2016 - 3rd MC: 4-5 weeks CP

    RE 1: ALL the testing - 'unexplained'  "Yinz can do IVF or try on your own"

    Feb 2017 - 4th MC: 6 weeks

    RE 2: More tests. Still 'unexplained.'  Called fat for an entire hour-long appointment, cried a lot

    Feb 2019 - 5th MC: 6-7 weeks

    IUD - March 2019-March 2023

    RE 3:  Repeat all the tests. Hoping to try IVF.

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  • Yes, basically. There is one guy in my department who is in that boat and I think he got the extension. I was like "Ok so your policy is: we will give you COVID relief if you promise not to have a kid in the next 5 years?" That is problematic. 
    TTC History
    TTC #1 Sep 2017-Sep 2018 
    BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
    BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
    BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
    Baby girl born 6/19/19

    TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
    BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
    BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
    RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
    IVF with PGT:
    Standard Antagonist:
    ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
    ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
    ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
    Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
    ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
    Duostim  (Standard Antagonist):
    ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
    ER #6 10/9/2021  9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
    FET #1  11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
    Baby boy born 7/19/22

    TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
    IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
    ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
    ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
    FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
    FET #3 planned Jan 2024



  • @bumblebee0210 I am constantly astounded by how family-hostile companies can be. I'm sorry they're putting you in this position, it's awful.
  • @bumblebee0210 Uuuuugghhh!! You have every right to be livid. These kinds of policies make my blood boil. 😡 That last part you said about it being all men (besides you) who will get the extensions for their wives giving birth:  Are you able to present that fact to someone with authority to do something about the current policy? 
  • @bumblebee0210 gosh; that really blows!!! It sounds like it’s still tentative? Is there any way you can influence that decision? Are you unionized? 
    MY CHART
    TTC History
    TTC#2
    Me: 40.5; MH: 39 | Met 02/2009 | Started Dating 08/2017 | Married 02/02/2020
    TTC #2 ... preparing as of March 2024


    TTC #1
    Me: 36, MH: 34 | Met 02/2009 | Started Dating 08/2017 | Married 02/02/2020
    TTC #1 02/2020 - 07/2022
    2009 | Dx PCOS; likely a misdiagnosis
    07/14/20 | Dx Hashimoto's Thyroditis
    07/21/20 | 1st RE appointment
    07/2120 - 08/20/20 | so much testing; no signs of PCOS
    08/20/20 | Dx Unexplained; AMA
    09/08/20 | IUI #1 Clomid + Trigger + Prometrium | BFN
    09/30/20 | Urology consult; more testing required
    10/2020 | Clomid + OPK + TI + Prometrium | BFN
    10/26/2020 | Starting 2nd IUI cycle, with Letrazole and with a new RE / different clinic
    11/03/2020 | New Dx "poor egg quality"; IUI cancelled in favor of Trigger + TI + Prometrium | BFN
    11/26/2020 | Combo IUI (Clomid + Menopur) + Trigger + Prometrium | BFN
    12/20/2020 | Combo IUI (Clomid + Gonal-F) + Trigger | IUI Cancelled due to thin lining; TI only | BFN
    01/14/2021 | Combo IUI (Letrazole + Menopur) + Trigger | BFN
    02/06/2021 | Switched to a new RE (TEW) ; trying naturally until we complete additional testing 
    03/14/2021 | Hybrid Double IUI, with Zymot (Letrazole, Gonal-F) + Trigger + Endometrin | Ovulated 4 mature eggs but still a BFN ☹️
    04/07/2021 | Natural cycle while we regroup | BFN
    04/09/2021 | Employer announces fertility benefits starting 05/01/2021! | Search for a new doctor who accepts insurance
    05/10/2021 | New RE consult & plan for IVF
    05/13/2021 | Mid-luteal IVF cycle #1 interrupted; had to get cancer genetic screening done to make sure I didn't have the same SDHA gene mutation as MH. 
    06/10/2021 | Aygestin priming IVF cycle #1; opted to Cx after 9 days of stims since only 5-6/12 follicles responded
    07/26/2021 | Attempt #2 at IVF cycle #1 (mid-luteal start): 8 retrieved, 8 MII, 6 fert (1 PN3), 3 Day 5 & 6 blasts: 3AA, 3AA, 6AB; 3 euploid
    08/09/2021 | Rest cycle / unmedicated TTC | Shockingly, a BFP! EDD: 5/25/202 | CP at 4w4d
    09/23/2021 | IVF cycle #2 (mid-luteal start): 14 retrieved, 13 MII, 11 fert, 5 Day 5 & 6 blasts: 2 x 3AA, 2 x 3AB, 3BB; 2 euploid
    11/12/2021 | IVF cycle #3 (mid-luteal start): cancelled due to ovaries being on vacation
    12/20/2021 | Rest cycle / unmedicated TTC + Pregmune Immunology Testing; BFN
    01/22/2022 | Rest cycle / unmedicated TTC + understanding uncovered immunological issues; BFN
    02/18/2022 | Mock transfer cycle! ERA, ReceptivaDx, EMMA/ALICE; start Prednisone to address NK activity
    03/16/2022 | Final, "Hail Mary" super-ovulation + TI cycle before FET; BFP! EDD: 12/21/2022 | MMC 05/08/2022
    05/20/2022 | D&C; recovering... 
    06/21/2022 | Trying naturally until October 2022
    07/21/2022 | BFP! EDD 04/02/2023; 👦🏼 born on 4/5/2023


  • @bumblebee0210 um, no. That is total bullshit. I’m sorry your employer sucks right now. I am
    in a similar only female position and I constantly am choosing my battles. Yours is a battle I would fight for sure. I’m so pissed for you. 


  • @bumblebee0210 from an HR standpoint that's kind of a red flag, it's one thing to say tie PTO to tenure and give more for more years, but when you're talking about applying policies they need to be equitable among staff. i also totally understand the position you're in about not wanting to make a stink, but it might be worth a convo with your HR person in the "help me understand..." frameset.
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