@toesinthesand-2 - Have you considered a doula? I know a lot of hospitals are allowing a doula in addition to the support person. Your hospital might be super strict on the policy, but many consider the doula a medical personnel, like a nurse.
@toesinthesand-2 I'm so, so sorry you are feeling like that. I feel like I'm pretty good at bobbing along with covid, but every now and then my sadness/anger about it just stops me in my tracks. How can this be real life?
I had a similar delivery with DS1 (36 hours laboring, slow to progress so no epi, contract 1min long/1 min apart for 12 hours, 2 hrs of pushing and then an emergency c). It SUCKED and I was so, so tired. Recovery was tough. DH had a hard time during labor and during the c since it was a rush (he almost fainted), and I needed him for so much support afterwards.
DS2 turned breech at 34 weeks so I had to do a repeat c. It was AMAZING. Recovery was sooooo much easier compared to my emergency c. It was a better situation for dh too- he was not in the OR while I was getting prepped, and we requested he have a chair. We let them know he had a tough time the first time (🙄) and they put him in a spot where he would be a bit out of the way and not able to see much. It was a much better experience for both of us.
I personally cannot even think about not having my kids come to the hospital. DS2 is 4 and I have never spent the night away from him. He is a momma's boy and I can't even think about not seeing him for 3 days, it is going to be so tough. Ugh I'm tearing up now
@toesinthesand-2 I’m so sorry! The awfulness of Covid builds up in me too and I have full on breakdowns. I agree with @marebear15 about looking into a doula. I think some hospitals are allowing a partner + a doula.
@toesinthesand-2 I was also going to recommend looking into a doula. It's important to have a support person who can actually support you but you obviously can't ask your H to sit this one out.
I am in a similar position regarding RCS vs VBAC. I had to be induced after my water broke and was in labor for 2 days before we finally decided to do the c-section - DS was posterior and cock-eyed so he got stuck trying to come out. I was violently ill during delivery and it sucked but while I thought for sure it was all the meds I was given for pain and for induction, my OB thinks it could have just been labor. Anyway, I don't want to be induced so we decided that we would schedule a repeat c-section on June 23 (actual due date is June 26) and if baby wants to come earlier than that and it looks like it won't be complicated I can try for a vbac.
History and blog link in spoiler
2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks May 2020 FET; BFN July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate Oct 2020 BFP!
@marebear15@_orchid_@laurad75. @mc0303 I haven't really considered looking into a doula, but based on conversations with my midwife even they aren't being allowed into the hospital. Some of them have been FaceTiming their clients, but that really doesn't help in my situation. Plus, while I get the point of a doula, I'd really just rather have someone close to me because I'm fully confident in my midwife's ability to guide me through the birth process...it's more the comfort of having someone I'm close to there for support.
I should also add...I have MAJOR anxiety about awake surgery. I'm not afraid of surgery, or dying, or complications, etc. I don't see it as a failure or anything. It's just the simple fact my mind can't get past being awake. (It's the same reason I still wear contacts - because I can'tWith my first, the second we all agreed we needed to move forward with a c-section it's like a light switched and I went into full panic meltdown mode. It's honestly a little crazy because it seems incredibly dramatic but I couldn't help it. Full blown crying, shaking, teeth chattering (I looked like I was having a seizure). Poor DH had run out to grab dinner and all was fine, and when he came back I was losing my shit. I had pretty much accepted that a repeat C was probably going to happen for this baby, but once she threw out there maybe I could do a VBAC it got me thinking about it.
I'm definitely going to have a lengthy conversation with DH about his ability to be of support. While medical stuff (on other people) doesn't bother me, and I've photographed several births, I know for my DH he just doesn't handle that well. With my first, even though I knew the potential for him to not handle it well was there - I wasn't as concerned because I knew I'd have my friend and my sister there with me. This time around knowing that it's just him is stressing me out. There's no way either of us would ever want him to not be present for the birth - so it's just really a crappy situation all around.
@toesinthesand-2 that’s so tough trying to think through a VBAC without having to factor in Covid restrictions. We can’t say what it’ll be like, though betting on things taking longer to go back makes sense.
It did get me thinking though: what is your hospital doula policy? My area has changed its stance a couple times and now allows certified doulas in addition to one support person. I’ve even heard of people who video-chatted in a doula during their birth.
I appreciated having a doula with DD honestly the week before birth, because I could talk to her about the prospect of being induced and what that would mean. And the little I do remember from DD’s birth was that DH got WAY more helpful and confident in helping me after doula showed up. The reassurance was just as valuable to him as it was to me.
If you can have a doula, I highly recommend it and it might not count against your one support person
Bahhh!! Can we start a sh!t my MIL says thread?! I am so mad at her. I heard MH talking to her on the phone on FaceTime and he was talking about moving things around the house to make space for the new baby because we’ve been feeling cramped. And her response was ‘maybe you should’ve thought of that before you had another baby’. In light of her having the absolute worst reaction to this pregnancy, it really ticked me off all over again. Gahhh that woman makes me so mad!
OMG @mc0303. WTF. My MIL can be really difficult and I can totally see her saying something annoying like that. I'm sorry. Also - I would be happy to contribute to that thread. ;-)
History and blog link in spoiler
2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks May 2020 FET; BFN July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate Oct 2020 BFP!
@toesinthesand-2 let your providers know you have anxiety about the surgery too. I'm also anxious about that and was VERY vocal about it before my RCS. The anesthesiologist was amazing and gave me something to help with the anxiety- I went from shaking/needing to be supported walking into the room to laughing listening to the Dr and nurses talking during the surgery. My cousin just had a RCS and did the same thing- she was so relaxed she was literally belting out the music that was playing in the room. Sooo different from the rush of an emergency c.
That being said, I do have anxiety about going through surgery again! But am confident that it will be better than the first time lol.
Well for today, my MIL asked MH to fly to her house in the month of June to watch her dogs while she is on a cruise to Alaska. 1. She knows nothing about this baby so I'm not faulting her for the time of year. 2. Why would MH want to fly to be with dogs for a week and not his family. What the F is she thinking that I don't need MH around. 3. He responded with that she was delusional thinking the cruise was going to happen with this pandemic and he will be working so he can't. Why would he take a week of PTO just to sit at her house. Ugh
@_orchid_ oh trust me, they know about my anxiety! My poor midwife has probably never seen anything so dramatic. 😂 I had already had an epidural during the induction, and they juiced me up extra in the OR to the point I really can only remember bits and pieces. Still, it was the time it took from deciding to do the c-section until they got me to the OR and settled that was such a disaster for me. I mean, they'd literally need to sedate me walking through the front doors of the hospital...haha. I've worn glasses & contacts for 20 years and still can't bring myself to get eye surgery done because they keep you awake! At this point I'm like 90% sure I'm going to do the repeat C, so I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and be a disaster!
@toesinthesand-2 I'm the same way with contacts and glasses!! Good that you are so vocal. My RCS was scheduled for 1pm and I was so chill up to 1pm. Then it got pushed back 30 minutes. I literally threw all my things back into my bags and told DH we were going home until I was in labor bc there was no way I could handle waiting 😂 I definitely lost my mind those 30 minutes lol. BUT I am the same with my first delivery, only remember a few bits and pieces and was REALLY high. I remember so much from the RCS. Definitely see how you feel as it gets closer! I just knew 100% I did not want another emergency c again.
Just saw my MIL to do Christmas and she gave me a bottle of wine. In a normal year, fine. But, she has known I’m pregnant since thanksgiving! Thank you for giving me something I can’t drink for several months. Even when I can I won’t ever finish a whole bottle before it tastes bad. I will only drink a glass or so a week while breastfeeding.
Re: We can vent here
I had a similar delivery with DS1 (36 hours laboring, slow to progress so no epi, contract 1min long/1 min apart for 12 hours, 2 hrs of pushing and then an emergency c). It SUCKED and I was so, so tired. Recovery was tough. DH had a hard time during labor and during the c since it was a rush (he almost fainted), and I needed him for so much support afterwards.
DS2 turned breech at 34 weeks so I had to do a repeat c. It was AMAZING. Recovery was sooooo much easier compared to my emergency c. It was a better situation for dh too- he was not in the OR while I was getting prepped, and we requested he have a chair. We let them know he had a tough time the first time (🙄) and they put him in a spot where he would be a bit out of the way and not able to see much. It was a much better experience for both of us.
I personally cannot even think about not having my kids come to the hospital. DS2 is 4 and I have never spent the night away from him. He is a momma's boy and I can't even think about not seeing him for 3 days, it is going to be so tough. Ugh I'm tearing up now
I am in a similar position regarding RCS vs VBAC. I had to be induced after my water broke and was in labor for 2 days before we finally decided to do the c-section - DS was posterior and cock-eyed so he got stuck trying to come out. I was violently ill during delivery and it sucked but while I thought for sure it was all the meds I was given for pain and for induction, my OB thinks it could have just been labor. Anyway, I don't want to be induced so we decided that we would schedule a repeat c-section on June 23 (actual due date is June 26) and if baby wants to come earlier than that and it looks like it won't be complicated I can try for a vbac.
2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
May 2020 FET; BFN
July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
Oct 2020 BFP!
Take a look at my blog
I haven't really considered looking into a doula, but based on conversations with my midwife even they aren't being allowed into the hospital. Some of them have been FaceTiming their clients, but that really doesn't help in my situation. Plus, while I get the point of a doula, I'd really just rather have someone close to me because I'm fully confident in my midwife's ability to guide me through the birth process...it's more the comfort of having someone I'm close to there for support.
I should also add...I have MAJOR anxiety about awake surgery. I'm not afraid of surgery, or dying, or complications, etc. I don't see it as a failure or anything. It's just the simple fact my mind can't get past being awake. (It's the same reason I still wear contacts - because I can'tWith my first, the second we all agreed we needed to move forward with a c-section it's like a light switched and I went into full panic meltdown mode. It's honestly a little crazy because it seems incredibly dramatic but I couldn't help it. Full blown crying, shaking, teeth chattering (I looked like I was having a seizure). Poor DH had run out to grab dinner and all was fine, and when he came back I was losing my shit. I had pretty much accepted that a repeat C was probably going to happen for this baby, but once she threw out there maybe I could do a VBAC it got me thinking about it.
I'm definitely going to have a lengthy conversation with DH about his ability to be of support. While medical stuff (on other people) doesn't bother me, and I've photographed several births, I know for my DH he just doesn't handle that well. With my first, even though I knew the potential for him to not handle it well was there - I wasn't as concerned because I knew I'd have my friend and my sister there with me. This time around knowing that it's just him is stressing me out. There's no way either of us would ever want him to not be present for the birth - so it's just really a crappy situation all around.
It did get me thinking though: what is your hospital doula policy? My area has changed its stance a couple times and now allows certified doulas in addition to one support person. I’ve even heard of people who video-chatted in a doula during their birth.
2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
May 2020 FET; BFN
July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
Oct 2020 BFP!
Take a look at my blog
That being said, I do have anxiety about going through surgery again! But am confident that it will be better than the first time lol.