TFAS July 2020

bows22 · July 2020

What number are you trying for? 2

Month/Cycle? Cycle 22 including 2 benched

WTO/TWW? WTO

Ages of other child(ren)? 2.5

Any thoughts about this cycle? Pessimistic but hopeful

Any questions? No

Rant/Rave/Brag: Happy to report that DD seems to have mostly adjusted to sharing the spotlight with her fur brother! She still has her moments but it’s so much better. He goes to doggy daycare twice a week so that helps tire him out for the days we are all home together so he kind of goes off and sleeps and I don’t need to tend to him as much. It’s weird that it kind of feels like he was part of the missing pieces of our family? Not that he replaced having a baby for us but it still made us feel more “complete” for some reason. I don’t know why but I’m going with it haha. DD adores him (and vice versa) and I love that she will grow up with him as a best buddy

GTKY: umm there’s a lot haha. One thing that comes to mind is that I was never taught to type using the “shift” key for caps so if I need to capitalize something I hit the caps lock on and then off. It’s just a habit now and doesn’t feel like an extra step but people go nuts if they are watching me type and notice it.

edit because I just realized this was one paragraph too

bows22 · July 2020

Oh and also, since this thread is getting more popular what are everyone’s thoughts on going back to weekly versus monthly to try to keep the kid/prior pregnancy talk out of the dailies?

lee^2 · July 2020

@bows22 I definitely didn’t have CM the first 4 months. Not a dang thing was going on down there but pain lol. That sucks you had to get your period back so quickly! I have a friend who exclusively BFed but got hers back after 6 weeks or something crazy like that! I was very thankful mine stayed away for quite some time but now I’m impatient and I just want it back already! But I have had fertile feeling CM pretty consistently for maybe 5 or 6 months now. But the fact that it was so much and then disappeared has me wondering.

lee^2 · July 2020

Also @bows22 Everyone else probably already knows, but since I just arrived, did you get a puppy?!?! I have always loved the idea of having a kid and a dog grow up together. So sweet.

kvh22 · July 2020

@lee^2 I had lots of CM but was wearing a liner until it started bothering me and then I just dealt with it and changed my underwear a lot (sorry for the overshare). I honestly don't think I was every "dry" for 24 hours until closer to getting my cycle back but I wasn't paying all that much attention. I got the MMR at 12 months pp so wasn't able to TTC until 13 months pp (got my period at 12.5 months so it worked out perfectly). And with my first I was waiting until 12 months pp and got my period back at 11 months pp. So I never tried to TTC before AF although I would have if she'd stayed away longer. I've also heard it's possible to get your period without ovulating although the further out you are the less likely that is to happen.

@bows22 at the risk of sounding ungrateful (trust me, I'm not but I think it's going to sound like it), I got pregnant on my second cycle with DD1 and first cycle with DD2 so what might be me knowing I'm pregnant or having the same symptoms is just a coincidence. with DD2's pregnancy, I was like "I'm absolutely pregnant, this feels exactly the same" and I was right. Same exact symptoms this time and I was wrong but I don't have anything to compare it to and haven't had a non-pregnant cycle since October 2016 so I'm essentially full of crap.

kvh22 · July 2020

@lee^2 oh and were you in the June 2019 BMB? B/c @chindimples04 and I were in the May 2019 one so I'm just curious.

lee^2 · July 2020

@kvh22 I was not on the BMB. I stopped coming to the bump long before I got pregnant last time around. I wasn’t super involved so I wasn’t getting much out of it.

That’s good to hear your experience with CM while BFing! I am hopeful.

Pregnancy symptoms are an awful lot like PMS symptoms. Which is so frustrating!!! I was so sure I was pregnant every month for almost the whole two years we were trying lol. I think I finally figured out not to symptom spot by the time I got pregnant. The only difference I actually had before I tested that cycle was some little pin prick feelings in my lower abdomen while walking through the grocery store which is what made me think to test that night I found out. This time around I’m working hard on not being obsessive about symptoms like I was last time. Not sure how well it’s going because I’ve definitely been sure I was pregnant quite a few times recently.

Any of you mamas have phantom kicks postpartum? I’m still getting them over a year after having DD! I’ve asked a couple friends who have babies around DDs age but neither of them have experienced phantom kicks

lee^2 · July 2020

@bows22 I forgot to say, I think TFAS weekly threads would be a good idea! Given how long this one already is and it’s only a week into July

edited because I said daily but meant weekly

DoubleUp8 · July 2020

@bows22 I think weekly TFAS would be great. It's really hard to not talk about previous experience when talking about the TWW. When I was on the Bump previously, that was not a rule.

Also, when did the only post a graduate post if you are on TTGP for three months start? I feel like there have been multiple weeks with no graduates and it makes me wonder if people just haven't been here long enough but have gotten a BFP and left. Do people who are active for 1-2 months just ghost the TTGP board when they get their BFP? Just curious as the rule is new to me.

Panaceia · July 2020

@lee^2 I'm still breastfeeding also (DD is 12 months) and I didn't get fertile CM until my cycle started again (it came back at 7 months this time). I've been using OPKs and temping to confirm O.

Panaceia · July 2020

@DoubleUp8 I remember back when I was a lurker here in 2013 the drive by bfp post was frowned upon but they didn't have a specific time line for posting to the grad thread. They just asked that people not post about bfps unless they had been active on the threads for a while. People would generally just go directly to their BMB but their first post usually contained a thank you message to TTGP for all the support etc. It's maybe good they have a specific time line now so people don't question whether or not they should post and you don't get the drive by post etc.

Panaceia · July 2020

@bows22 I like the idea of going weekly as well!

chindimples04 · July 2020

@bows22 yes, I think a weekly one may be a good adjustment for the current group of people here.

krash_ · July 2020

@DoubleUp8 when I was on TTGP the first time in 2017 it was a rule then too. I don't mind it because there are so many people here that have been here a long time and they put a lot of mental and emotional labor into supporting everyone that joins. It is hard to see people posting their grad updates that have only been on the board for 1-2 months. I think it was more of an issue back when TTGP was busier and every week there would be a number of grads each week and it just got inundated with anxious people in their TWW who would move on after a week or two. It's been pretty slow this year, I think not many people are actively TTC during a pandemic and some IF treatments have been cancelled or postponed all together, so it hasn't been as much of an issue. The TTGP regs who care about everyone here will find someone who got a BFP and offer their congrats personally on the BMB or PM.

@bows22 how are we the same person!?! Why did you EP? I am still pretty triggered by nursing and breastfeeding talk. I never got to nurse DS because after his NICU stay and being sedated for seizures he couldn't figure out and didn't have the energy to nurse. Then he wasn't gaining weight with just pumped breastmilk so we had to fortify with formula so I never could have nursed even if he did figure it out. I pumped for 10 months and it made me a really unpleasant person to be around. I did have a wicked freezer stash though.

kvh22 · July 2020

@DoubleUp8 having lurked TTGP a lot before participating in the past (lurked before my first, lurked and participated before my second), I totally understand that it's kind of a slap in the face to the ladies who have been here for a while for a cycle one or two positive to post their BFP. I've seen the hurt it causes when people forget in their excitement even with the explicit rule.

DoubleUp8 · July 2020

@krash_ and @kvh22 I definitely understand the need for sensitivity. TTC can be a very difficult journey. It was much busier when I was on TTGP in 2014. There were 10 of us in the TWW who all tested on the same day. (At that time, BFPs were still posted in the TWW, there was not a separate graduation post.) So it would have been strange if someone tested, got a BFP and didn't post their results. I'm just sounding like an old lady now...back in my day...

Back In My Day GIFs Tenor

Kenneylynn3 · July 2020

Weekly works for me.
@lee^2 I still once in awhile get phantom kicks. DS is 16 months.

mamasloth · July 2020

@bows22 Weekly updates are great for me, too! Do you live in the southeast? I feel like the southeast has been opening a lot sooner (LBH we never really shut down) but the timed entry is a way to re-open more safely.

jenotontx · July 2020

@krash_ Our paths probably crossed on here in 2017. I started participating around January 2017 and got my BFP with my DD in July 2017.

@bows22 I like the idea of weekly as well. I have definitely been trying not to discuss my previous pregnancy as much as possible in TWW but there have been a lot of comments or comparisons I keep wanting to make to when I got pregnant with my DD.

@DoubleUp8 One thing I wanted to say in regards to your post in TWW is that with my previous pregnancy I had zero CM after O. Totally dry every day until I had super light implantation bleeding on CD 22 when I was 11 DPO and then I got a super squinter the next morning on 12 DPO. I think I previous posted that I got my BFP on 11 but I just looked at my chart again and it was 12. All that to say I wouldn't give up hope this cycle!

ashaislurking · July 2020

@bows22 Spotting went away. I'm on day 3 of Provera.

bows22 · July 2020

Okay weekly it is! On Monday whoever thinks of a GTKY first can start the new thread

@lee^2 I don’t get the phantom kicks anymore but I remember talking about it on this thread before probably when DD was around 1.5. So weird that they last for so long! And yes we adopted a puppy! He’s 7 months old so not a “baby puppy” as DD would say but definitely in the toddler stage of puppyhood so the 2 of them can be exhausting haha.

@krash_ I’ve mentioned our NICU stay but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten into the details on here! DD was born with a complete cleft of the hard and soft palate so the roof of her mouth was totally open. She couldn’t create suction so couldn’t nurse or even use a normal bottle. I actually formula fed for the first 5 days but then we ended up at children’s hospital because of a condition related to her cleft palate that wasn’t diagnosed at birth. We didn’t know what was wrong at first and I knew my milk was in and pumping felt like something I could do for her. I ended up pumping for 13 months (until her palate repair) but I dropped to twice a day because that’s all I could mentally handle. So for 8 months she had all breastmilk and then for the rest it was about half breastmilk half formula. I can relate to being triggered by talk of breastfeeding and nursing though. Honestly if I ever get pregnant I think I’ll pump again because I think it would be hard for me to breastfeed when I didn’t get to with DD. Even though I’m fine with the fact that I didn’t get to do it? I’m afraid I would realize what I was missing if that makes any sense.

krash_ · July 2020

@bows22 another mom in my 1st BMB had a son with a full cleft. MH actually has one too. She and I were the only ones in the BMB that EP'ed but I feel like I am seeing more and more mom's on IG that EP, sometimes just because they think it is easier. I would like to try to nurse if I do have a second but because I am used to the schedule of pumping and the certainty of knowing exactly how much they have eaten seems easier to me than nursing. It totally makes sense and I know exactly how you feel. Like you would mourn not being able to nurse DD all over again. Feeding the baby seems to be the most difficult and opinionated parts of parenting and it hits you right out of the gate. You will do whatever works best for you and your next LO. You already did the best for DD!

jenotontx · July 2020

@krash_ @bows22 You EPers are rock stars. I had an absolutely awful BF experience with my DD and because of that I plan to formula feed from day one moving forward. I kept my pump so I may give it whirl to see if it's any different then last time but I'm 100% not interested in BFing.

_orchid_ · July 2020

@everyone I would be good with a weekly thread bc I'm only getting here now and there's a lot to catch up on!

@lee^2 I had phantom kicks for a long time after DS1. Not so much with DS2, but I *did* get phantom let-down a lot when he was 2 (a year+ after I stopped nursing) which was weird AF, especially when I was at work mid-conversation.

@bows22 @krash_ I EP for 6 months for DS1 and hated every minute of it. Going into DS2'S birth I lined up a breastfeeding consultant ahead of time and really mentally prepared myself for how hard beginning breastfeeding. DS2 has a tongue/lip the that was identified early by the consultant bc I made an early appt, and then it was smooth sailing after that. He also had weight gain issues, but my first did too so I didn't stress as much. I had a baby scale at home so I could document how much he was eating, and by 2 months we had it down. He nursed until 12 months and then I was done. @bows22 I get that you would want to do the same bc of your first, but there were benefits to bottle feeding that nursing didn't give- DS1 bonded so well with DH because he bottle fed him often, whereas DH couldn't nurse and didn't get that bond with DS2 until much later. I don't regret that I couldn't nurse DS1 for that reason. BF DS2 was much easier when I was out doing stuff with DS1.

This is long and rambling TL:DR each infant learns feeding differently and there are benefits to all ways.

_orchid_ · July 2020

What number are you trying for? 3

Month/Cycle? 15/13 with 2 losses this round

WTO/TWW? Wto

Ages of other child(ren)? 6, 3

Any thoughts about this cycle? Not positive ones lol/cry

Any questions?

Rant/Rave? I'm in a weird place with this right now. Each month that goes by I wonder if we should just stop and be happy with the 2 we have. My first round with DS1 was 11 months with a loss, and the DS2 was our first cycle trying. I am feeling so ready to have TTC behind me but still feel like we're missing someone from our family.

GTKY: What's something about you that others might find odd/quirky?
My sense of humor. I definitely have dark humor and am very sarcastic. I am very quiet when I first meet people bc I try to keep all of that in until I get a sense of how that person will react lol

Panaceia · July 2020

@_orchid_ I feel the same way. Especially with the current covid situation. But despite my loss history I feel like someone is missing. I love my 2 girls but I don't feel ready to be done just yet.

ashaislurking · July 2020

Okay so I'm curious, anyone else with school aged kiddos needing to make decisions about sending them back to school or homeschool?

_orchid_ · July 2020

@ashaislurking they haven't announced yet in our area what our choices are. I am a teacher though so both kids will probably go back in some capacity, just not sure what. I don't feel great about it but really have no other options.

_orchid_ · July 2020

@Panaceia it's a hard spot. I don't want to have any more losses and I'm so ready to move to the next stage but I know I'll regret not doing everything we can. H wants to get snipped once we make our choice bc he doesn't want any oops, so once the door is shut it will be completed shut.

ashaislurking · July 2020

@_orchid_ my biggest concern is that my 2yo has a compromised immune system. If he gets sick (even with the flu) he almost always ends up hospitalized. I don't know if I can risk it. The problem is, my state isn't taking it seriously. My oldest son's school district is refusing to make a decision until early August, which makes sense- they want to track trends, but that leaves me stuck in limbo with my oldest and his dad (who is a teacher and whose mom is the school librarian) trying to figure out how to keep YDS out of the hospital.

_orchid_ · July 2020

@ashaislurking honestly in your situation I would try my best to keep YDS home full time and would maybe try to keep ODS home too. Something that's being discussed in my area is hiring college students/ high school kids (who are isolating to the same extent your family is) to come in your house and help with distance learning. That's tough with his dad/grandmother situation. This whole thing is so impossible.

chindimples04 · July 2020

@ashaislurking similar problem but different, I’m a teacher and have to decide if it’s worth risking my daughter’s health to teach in person. My district hasn’t released a plan yet but from what was discussed at our staff meeting last night, I’m not okay with the current plan.

In other news, DD started WALKING on Tuesday! She is 10-12 steps and standing back up if she falls down rather than crawling! I’m so damn proud of her! She’s almost 15 months so it’s been a long time coming!

krash_ · July 2020

@chindimples04 DS started walking at 15 months too. He was taking a few steps here and there and then we were at my IL's house over Labor Day and he wanted to show off so he went to full time walking. It was great for us since their house is almost entirely tile.

Kenneylynn3 · July 2020

@chindimples04 DS can walk, has taken a step or two here and there, but is still not walking ...

Panaceia · July 2020

@ashaislurking I'm in Canada so a bit of a different situation but I'm pretty sure all schools are going to be closed here for the year. I'm a teacher but I'm still on mat leave until January. One if the reasons I am hoping to get pregnant quickly is so that I can go directly into another 18 month mat leave and not have to go back. Even if schools are open in September I will not be sending my 6 year old and will not be going back myself if it is not remote learning. All the Universities are closed here at least for the fall semester so I can't see them opening the schools.

ashaislurking · July 2020

@_orchid_ @chindimples @Panaceia I talked to ODS's dad and we really only have two options if our schools aren't still implementing distance learning this year- either I keep ODS at my house full time (with video calls with his dad and grandma) and homeschool OR his dad keeps him there full time (with video calls to us) and he goes back to school. Honestly it's a really tough call either way and no situation is going to be perfect for us. With YDS's compromised immune system it's so scary and no one here is taking it seriously. As far as teaching during all of this, I completely agree that I would not want to be put in a position where I would have to go back into a school setting until things calm down and I'm sorry some of you are dealing with that. I start gathering clinical hours in December at a local mental health agency and I'm terrified of meeting with clients. Thankfully I'm in a smaller private agency setting as opposed to a big community mental health center. I'm also thankful my master's program is already online (I've expressed this a few times throughout this pandemic but it's worth noting again) because my program doesn't have to change around their curriculum and my education isn't suffering because of it.

Panaceia · July 2020

@ashaislurking It's a tough situation. We have been self isolating away from SO since mid March due to covid. The girls only get to see him outdoors and from 6 feet away and I know he is struggling with not being able to really play with the girls the way he wants to. He hasn't held DD2 for 4 months...and she is only 12 months old...so I know that having to have one parent with them full time is hard on everyone. I will say though that the girls love being together. If I were you I would lean towards the home schooling option if they are expecting a return to the physical classroom. Only because I still wouldn't be comfortable sending my child to school when they have no way of really keeping her safe from this.

ashaislurking · July 2020

@Panaceia I completely agree that homeschooling is far and away safer in relation to physical health, but we need to consider mental health as well. This pandemic is taxing at best and absolutely detrimental at worst when it comes to the mental health of people who are largely isolated from friends and other family members. I'm definitely leaning toward the homeschooling option but I'm also not going to leave ODS's opinion on it completely out of the conversation either.

krash_ · July 2020

I made the mistake of sharing stories to IG of DS playing with his babies. Anyone care to guess how many responses I got about him being ready to be a big brother?

The best one was I responded back saying, I’d have to get pregnant first, and she said, you wanna know something crazy? We are actually trying for #3 even though we were so done with two. 🙄

kvh22 · July 2020

@krash_ I don't get how ppl are so insensitive/oblivious. I'm sorry. The daycare director started making comments about how DD1 needed a sibling before she turned 1...so I didn't tell her until I was 21 or 22 weeks pregnant with DD2 😂😂😂 those comments mean you get to find out LAST! I had a 10lb lifting restriction for 12 weeks and still didn't tell her. Would have made my life so much easier to get the help instead of forcing my kid to walk and climb into the car as best she could (she was young) but I'm spiteful AF 🤷

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