March Mental Health Check-In

stlbuckeye132 · March 2020

This is a check-in for those of us who are struggling with mental health in any way. Depression, anxiety and all mental health disorders are real issues that impact our health and that of our babies, not to mention our careers and relationships. This is a safe place to share how we're feeling (dear diary-type posts are welcome) and offer support and advice. Feel free to use the questions below or just DD as needed.

Diagnosis (if you have been) or what brings you to this thread today?:

How are you feeling?

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)

stlbuckeye132 · March 2020

Started this selfishly because I am in a funk lately. Not following the prompts and am just gonna throw this all out there. DD ahead!

I'm in one of those times where I feel like I'm failing at all aspects of my life - like I'm being pulled in all directions and doing nothing well. DD is in a really difficult phase right now (it's a phase, it's a phase, it has to be a phase, this is not the new normal) involving all of the tantrums. And I mean giant tantrums that last 30+ mins and involve screaming, crying, thrashing about, hitting, throwing things, etc. and she cannot be reasoned with or calmed down until she gets it all out of her system and then suddenly pops up off the floor totally fine like nothing happened and is happy as can be. So that makes for rough mornings and evenings, and MH and I can barely even talk to each other lately. We've been short with each other because of it and haven't had much time to focus on us or our relationship which isn't helping the situation.

Work is also not going well right now. One of my big projects was sent out for consumer testing recently, the surveys from the testing are starting to come in, and the project manager told me this morning that the results are the worst she's ever seen. So that's fun and a not great way to start off the week. I know logically this isn't all my fault - the true developers are the people in China and there's only so much I can do from here, but since it's my project I still feel responsible. This is also something our brand has never done before, not anything even close, so of course there are going to be hiccups and this is the whole point of doing the consumer testing before lauch, but it still makes me feel like a failure.

I know I need to do a better job on the self-care front, but it's just hard for me to find the time. I feel like all my free time is spent planning and learning my Pure Barre classes... which again takes up a lot of my time and doesn't allow me to spend as much time with MH or even just relax or do something fun. I'm starting to think something has got to give and I might not be able to continue teaching PB after this baby is born, but that thought also makes me really sad because I love it. I just need more time in the day! (Don't we all?) No real point in all of this, just venting to get it off my chest. Honestly, it's been a long time since I've had a good cry, and I think one is in the near future and it'll probably help. My mom is also visiting this weekend which will be fun, and MH and I are going on a date Saturday which will also help. I know this won't last forever, but it sucks when you're in the thick of it.

That is all, hope everyone else's week is off to a better start!

blaf322 · March 2020

@stlbuckeye132 lots of hugs.... that all sounds like a lot. Anyone would be feeling like you are about everything.

I hope this all passes quickly.

knockupthestock · March 2020

@stlbuckeye132 i'm sorry youre dealing with all of that right now!! it sounds like this weekend will help some, so that is good to have that to look forward to! hoping things get better, and we are here if you ever need to vent or anything.

stlbuckeye132 · March 2020

@blaf322 @knockupthestock thank you.

Update: the straw that broke the camel's back just now was when I pulled into Sonic for lunch and realized my wallet was in the diaper bag at home. Luckily I realized before I'd ordered... but I broke down in tears when I called MH to have him send me his card info so I could have something delivered to the office instead. I just wanted some tots from Sonic! lol so ridiculous that this is what pushed me over the edge.

footdrbritt · March 2020

@stlbuckeye132 creepy internet hugs.

And I get the tantrum ridiculousness. I was alone this week with DS all weekend and it sucks. At one point I let him just sit on the floor and scream for about 30 min. It doesn’t help my anxiety personally, and I totally understand how you feel

meanjellybean · March 2020

@stlbuckeye132 ugh girl that IS a lot and feel free to put it all out there any time you need to! You know I feel the DD struggle so hard. The work stuff is also hard and I get feeling like you are ultimately responsible. Getting that feedback would put me in a serious funk as well. Date night this weekend sounds like it will do you both some good, it's always nice to reconnect as people (and not during mealtime at home with a screaming toddler).

coffeeandcookies84 · March 2020

@stlbuckeye132 I’m right there with you. I’ve been quiet on TB because these past few weeks have been rough, and I just can not deal. DS barely listens to me and I feel like DH and I are fighting every day for the past 2 weeks. Things just keep happening and its really hard to be positive.

I hope your date night is just what you need!

Pascal86 · March 2020

@stlbuckeye132 totally get it! All of that stuff is stressful on its own, but altogether it’s sooo much.

Today I hit my knee hard on a cabinet, and then just sat on the floor and sobbed for like 10 minutes. It hurt,but normally I’d never do that. But I was in the middle of a stressful day at work, my husband has been sick, and I am honestly so stressed about being in the middle of a Coronavirus outbreak on the verge of hitting the tipping point in my area and trying to stay away from any potential spread... I realized I’m really on the edge of a breakdown at any moment if something little goes wrong.

Hope you start feeling better, I’ve been there with the tantrums, and it’s rough.

mehugg · March 2020

@stlbuckeye132 @coffeeandcookies84 @Pascal86 sending all of the love and hugs your way this week. The toddler things sound so hard - honestly pregnancy is tough enough without caring for a toddler going through a phase! Thinking of you guys. And @Pascal86 you're out in the PNW right? That must be so scary and stressful!

I know I've been beating the therapy drum around here but this one is timely. Last week I was feeling very emotional and taking things super hard - nothing against emotions, they're normal and healthy, but I was sitting in a funk and felt like I was overdialing everywhere. In sharing this with my (pregnancy, new mom, and family focused) therapist, she said that pregnancy hormones can cause our emotions to ramp up significantly. So, something that might typically cause you to have a 3 or 4 reaction (on a scale of 1-10) might instead cause an 8 or 9. We talked about techniques to manage it which I'm happy to share but mostly it was so nice just to be validated by a professional for what I was feeling!

One of the things that drove me to therapy was a concern about PPD/PPA but I've learned that mood disorders don't only start after baby, they can also start before. She asked me twice "if I can still feel joy" and my answer was definitely yes but she told me to call her if that stopped being true. I'm not trying to moralize at or diagnose anyone here AT ALL, but I had no awareness of that before my session last week and thought it could be worth sharing with this community.

meanjellybean · March 2020

I will also say that sudden pain (like banging your knee) can be what causes you to finally release and just let all the tears out (kind of like what our toddlers are doing now lol). I know that there have been times when I've either been fighting with DH or dealing with a DD neverending tantrum and my cat, who does not like it when DD is upset, sneaks up behind me and bites my leg. Something about that sudden shock and pain just makes me completely lose it, where usually I would just yell at him and shake it off. Like causes me to launch into major sobbing and breakdown lol, over my cat biting me. But it seems like it's what needs to happen in that moment.

blaf322 · March 2020

I think my mental health is very much impacted by the weather. The week before last I was thinking I absolutely need to ask to be put back on Prozac at my next appt. After our trip to Vegas (where we were out in the sun, walking, a lot plus, spending QT with really good friends) and a warm day yesterday (with more on the way) I feel so much more like myself and now I'm torn. I need someone to adult for me and make this decision

Just kidding... sort of lol...I think I'm going to ask to be put back on it, but let her know I'm going to hold off on starting it as long as I can (hopefully closer to 30 weeks). It just impacts my sleep SO much....starting with the first dose.

TLDR; Welcome warmer temps! It's refreshing to feel like myself again. Still planning to start the Prozac (but waiting as long as possible) so I don't go completely off the deep end if I end up having to leave the hospital with this LO still in the NICU.

stlbuckeye132 · March 2020

You guys are so nice. Thank you.

Yesterday was just one of those days, but today is already off to a better start. I'm also in the process of learning a new class format for PB and I film my test-out video Wednesday night, so that has me extra stressed b/c I put way too much pressure on myself for this sort of thing. But it'll be over tomorrow and then my mom's here and things will be fun!

@coffeeandcookies84 I'm sorry you're in a rough patch too. I hope things improve for you soon.

@Pascal86 sometimes a good long cry can really help! I totally understand what you mean about one small thing going wrong being what sends you over the edge. Thinking of you.

@mehugg glad you felt validated by your therapist last week! I've been keeping a careful eye on my moods/feelings given the PPD/PPA with DD, and it has been something I've been thinking of while in this funk. But I do think, for me, this is just a combination of a lot of stressful things accumulating at once and I'm definitely still having joyful and happy times! It's definitely good to think about, and I'm glad you brought it up.

@blaf322 it's really amazing what a little sun can do for the soul! (But not too much... especially for me b/c I'm super fair and burn easily lol) I'm glad you're feeling a bit more refreshed. I think your plan sounds like a good one - even starting it at 30 weeks will give it several weeks to really get into your system and take affect (effect? idk). I think it's really smart you're being proactive about this.

nursejenn5 · March 2020

@blaf322 you could also try to take a vitamin D supplement, if you don’t already. I generally have self diagnosed SAD, but try and keep up on vitamin D(I was better with it when I worked nights and never saw sun during the winter months) but I feel like it does help some.

blaf322 · March 2020

@nursejenn5 Good to know! I wonder if that's okay to take while pregnant? I know some supplements can be dangerous if you get too much while pg.

stlbuckeye132 · March 2020

@blaf322 my vitamin D was low when they did my initial bloodwork, so my OB prescribed a weekly supplement for several weeks, and now I do a daily supplement. This is what I take (she said anything over 800 IUI I'm pretty sure) in addition to my prenatal vitamin. I'd ask your doctor!

https://www.amazon.com/Nature-Made-Vitamin-1000-Softgels/dp/B004GJRFYA/ref=asc_df_B004GJRFYA/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=406271311374&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2506362593394299211&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9022871&hvtargid=pla-405660795568&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=86126917865&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=406271311374&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2506362593394299211&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9022871&hvtargid=pla-405660795568

blaf322 · March 2020

@stlbuckeye132 thanks!!

lizzybean84 · March 2020

It's been a rough month so far.

We put our condo on the market way back in October, because we knew we were going to need more space, and it still hasn't sold. The market here isn't great, which sure doesn't help. We thought we were going to get an offer last week as we were in a couple's top two, but they ended up going with the other condo instead of ours. Now I'm feeling hopeless about selling and starting to worry about cramming all this baby stuff into our little condo with nowhere to put anything. The ventilation system in the condo building isn't great either so now my mommy instincts are kicking in and I'm worried about our little baby breathing that air.

Also, I'm an emetophobe, and had the joyless pleasure of catching norovirus last week, and threw up (a lot) for the first time in 14 years. It was awful. Now I'm so paranoid, knocking on wood every day that my DH doesn't get it (it's been a week since I had it, I'm hoping he'll escape it) and scared to eat anything for fear of germs being on my hands. It doesn't help that I work in a senior's facility where germs are around all the time and spread like crazy. I just feel tense all the time these days, and I can't seem to find much that helps.

Mamaof2beautifulgirls · March 2020

@mehugg I so second what you said about a therapist!!!! I have started Lexapro and it has helped so much!!! I still was feeling worried and wasn’t sleeping much at night, but after talking with her and sorting things out, I have slept wonderful the last two nights!!!

@stlbuckeye132 I hope you are feeling better and things have turned around. All that sounds so stressful!!!

@blaf322 I also take a daily vitamin D supplement because I had low vitamin D before getting pregnant. My OB was fine with me continuing it.

@pasc@Pascal86 I hope you are feeling better and the cry helped. I have been there too during this pregnancy.

@lizzybean84 I am so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. Have you thought about talking to someone or mentioning how you are feeling to your OB?

stlbuckeye132 · March 2020

@lizzybean84 ugh I can only imagine the added stress of trying to sell while pregnant. I'm sorry there hasn't been much traction on your condo. Hopefully things will pick up in the spring heading into summer. I bet your husband is in the clear by now if it's been a week since you were sick! I agree with @Mamaof2beautifulgirls that if you're feeling super stressed all the time with nothing helping, it may be worth mentioning to your doctor and/or trying to find a therapist you can talk to about everything.

Erikahenderson1 · March 2020

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kc0711 · March 2020

@erikahenderson1 I had PPA with my first and did not have PPD. I had a very high risk pregnancy, early delivery, and NICU time- so perfect storm for it. I self-diagnosed when she was around 3ish months old and sought out counseling around 4 months. I loved the PPD/PPA group that I went to and was able to come to terms with everything just with group therapy alone. There are a bunch of different avenues for treatment based on what you need, from individual to group therapy and medication.

pocketrose · March 2020

Does anyone have any good advice on how to find a reasonably priced therapist or one covered by insurance? I've never seen someone but want to establish a relationship pre-baby having in case of PPD.

rachelredhead · March 2020

@pocketrose I honestly just called a couple therapists in my area, asked if 1) they were taking new patients and 2) if they accepted my insurance. After initial consults my insurance required a specific diagnosis in order to continue payment for care and I think that's pretty common. It wasn't a difficult process for me but I'm sure that's largely dependent on how big a city you're in, how many options you have, how your insurance processes claims. But I found the offices I called were very used to those kinds of questions so they put me at ease pretty quickly.

rachelredhead · March 2020

@lizzybean84 we're going to be putting our house on the market in the next month, after we close on our new house in mid-April. Between that and COVID-19 and just general pregnancy anxiety I feel like I'm only moderately keeping my shit together. Just sending hugs. Selling/Buying is always stressful and to add it to pregnancy is just exhausting. I hope you're able to sell soon and you can at least put that stressor behind you.

mehugg · March 2020

@pocketrose psychology today has a cool function on their website that allows you to search both based on your insurance and also issues you're hoping to engage around (and of course your location). I used that as a starting point then checked their practice websites and made a few calls/submitted a few inquiries to verify. That's how I found mine - for exactly the reason you said of establishing care before post partum. Recommend!

blaf322 · March 2020

I know I'm late, but I was also going to recommend psychology today. My friend is a psychologist and looked up options for me based on what I needed and my coverage (using what she knows about techniques they have listed and such)... but the function is there for you to use too @pocketrose

Mamaof2beautifulgirls · March 2020

@pocketrose you might can call your insurance and they can provide you with a list of in-network counselors or psychologists like @blaf322 said.

lizzybean84 · March 2020

@rachelredhead Hugs and love back to you my dear. It's so stressful. And you're right, all this Covid stuff... we were excited every time we got a showing request and now the paranoid side of us is like, "Are people going to bring sickness in? Are they going to steal our toilet paper?"

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