PGAL check in week of 12/22

gomillis · December 2019

This is a thread for anyone who has experienced a loss at any point during this journey. Hoping we can support each other. TW applies to the entire thread.

EDD/weeks+days?

Other children?

Previous losses?

Concerns or worries this week?

Any milestones coming up?

Questions?

GTKY: How is your partner (if you have one) handling everything?

gomillis · December 2019

EDD/weeks+days? 8/1, 8+2

Other children? DS, will be 3 next month

Previous losses? 2 in the past year

Concerns or worries this week? I have an irrational fear that exercising will cause a loss. I know it won’t, and I’m doing it anyway, but any time I do I feel nervous about it.

Still checking for bleeding every time I go to the bathroom.

Any milestones coming up? My second ultrasound is a week from today. I think I will feel much better after that.

Questions? None

GTKY: My husband is even more anxious about this pregnancy than I am. It’s kind of tough because I’m starting to get really excited about it but he’s not there yet. I think he will get there if we have a good US next week though. TW for the spoiler below.

My first loss was really traumatic for DH because I had a bad reaction to the misoprositol and lost a ton of blood. DH has to drive me to the ER while I was unconscious. Needless to say it was a really upsetting experience for both of us.

wildrainbow · December 2019

EDD/weeks+days?
6+4/ Aug 16

Other children?
2 boys, 3&14mo

Previous losses? I've had six losses, including one this year.

Concerns or worries this week? I've had very minimal symptoms and it's messing with my PGAL brain. I'm trying to remember that every pregnancy is different, but I've always had tender breasts, and some nausea. I have none of those this time and it's really screwing with me.

Any milestones coming up? No

Questions?

GTKY: How is your partner (if you have one) handling everything? He's good. He's my rock. We are both still nervous, but he reminds me of our victories.

marfi236 · December 2019

EDD/weeks+days? 8/28, 4w6d

Other children? DS, 14mo

Previous losses? CP in October 2019

Concerns or worries this week? In my first pregnancy I had bleeding around 6 weeks, I'm nervous that that will happen again.

Any milestones coming up? This week (4-5) is when I had my CP in October. I had my second beta this week, my second beta was when we found out about our loss. This time my second beta was where it should be.

Questions? Nope

GTKY: How is your partner (if you have one) handling everything? He has been amazing! He keeps reminding me that we need to be positive!

psychobutthead · December 2019

EDD/weeks+days? Since they had the one scan I should be 5 weeks and 4 days now.

Other children? Yeah 2 others

Previous losses? 2 previous losses. This is my 5th pregnancy.

Concerns or worries this week?
I just don't feel pregnant anymore. I dont really have any pregnancy symptoms going on and it scares me.
I'm afraid just in general. I thought waiting over a year since my most recent loss would have helped but it hasnt.

Any milestones coming up?
I guess a milestone for me is making 6 weeks and 4 days. That was the time of my first miscarriage. If I make it past that I will till probably be on edge until January 10th. All of December seemed to speed on by until this week. Now its as slow as a snails pace.

Questions? How is everyone else coping? I feel like a neurotic mess.

GTKY: How is your partner (if you have one) handling everything?

He's on edge. He's terrified having sex with me will cause a miscarriage so hes a complete grouch since he refuses to have sex.

sarah0985 · December 2019

EDD/weeks+days? 8 weeks 4 days

Other children? 1 daughter

Previous losses? 1 in September. On my birthday (relavent to below)

Concerns or worries this week? I was really worried with Christmas and convinced it would happen that day. Now that we are past that I feel like I’m somehow more confident. I don’t consider myself super superstitious but enough

Any milestones coming up? Christmas was

Questions?

GTKY: How is your partner (if you have one) handling everything?
he isn’t handling as well as he likes to portray. With our first he told his family immediately. This one he’s still keeping secret. He doesn’t talk about it though

psychobutthead · December 2019

@gomillis your reaction sounds terrifying. I felt like I was dying when I had to take it. It was awful because my insurance was going to charge a fortune for a d&c. So i tried to do the financially reasonable thing and take the medication.
I reget it so much.

tara4910 · December 2019

@gomillis I’m so sorry for your loss and also how traumatic it was for both of you. That sounds so scary. I hope your second u/s goes well and gives you both some relief from anxiety.

@wildrainbow PGAL brain is the worst. Thinking of you and hoping you experience more symptoms, but maybe not too much nausea 🙂

@marfi236 I’m glad your second beta came back where it should be. With your DS did they ever find out why you were bleeding? Fingers crossed for you that you don’t experience it this time.

[Deleted User] · December 2019

@gomills. I'm so sorry what a traumatic experience for both of you. ❤️❤️❤️

@wildrainbow I'm sorry lack of symptoms is messing with your head. I'm glad YH is so supportive. ❤️ Fx your next appointment in a week or two gives you some more comfort.

@marfi236 Congrats on an amazing second beta! I hope that can be some relief to you. :) fx the bleeding stays away and you get to your next happy milestone soon

@psychobutthead I'm sorry you're not feeling pregnant right now, and your last appointment didn't exactly give you peace. My symptoms have been so minimal too. I don't even know how many times a day, I just try to reassure myself that it's going to be okay.

@sarah0985 I'm so sorry YH isn't comfortable sharing your happy news with anyone yet. Hopefully he will be able to relax and enjoy your happy news soon. ❤️

[Deleted User] · December 2019

EDD/weeks+days? Aug 21 / 6w+0

Other children? DD is 15m

Previous losses? One embryo before her, two embryos before this one

Concerns or worries this week? Add me to the minimal symptoms club. At least I'm not spotting, which I actually spotted on and off for maybe 10w with DD, so that's been reassuring. I told SIL, but now I plan on telling MIL on Sunday, and I just wish we could have had our HB appointment prior.

Any milestones coming up? 6+6 next Thursday for my second scan / to hear the HB

Questions? Not really.
<div>
</div><div>GTKY: How is your partner (if you have one) handling everything? He can be hard to read. I think mostly he is okay. Our losses were all so early, even getting to 6w is a huge milestone. But he doesn't say much about it either, so I feel like he is quietly waiting for things to progress a bit farther before it is real to him. I was planning to tell more of his family around the 3rd or 4th week of January, which would be about 10 weeks. He made a comment about not wanting to do the surprise gift thing, like it felt like a "gotcha" but idk if that's really it? Or if he just feels more comfortable keeping it more quiet until....?</div>

gomillis · December 2019

@psychobutthead I’m sorry you had that experience. Hopefully I will never be in a position to take it again, but if I ever am I will never choose misoprositol again. I also did not feel like the doctor prepared me for what it would be like.

babytimeagain · December 2019

EDD/weeks+days? 8/18, 6w+3

Other children? 2 year old DD

Previous losses? MMC 7/2019 at 9 weeks (baby stopped growing at 6 weeks)

Concerns or worries this week? Getting scared. I was confident and excited at first, but I’m starting to feel more detached and scared which I hate.

Any milestones coming up? My first ultrasound is 1/2 and I’m freaking terrified. Having experienced a missed miscarriage in July and not having a clue anything was wrong until the ultrasound has me completely terrified of it happening again.

Questions? Nope

GTKY: How is your partner (if you have one) handling everything? Pretty good. He’s trying to be supportive but I can tell he’s a little more cautious/detached this go around.

babytimeagain · December 2019

@gomillis I’m so sorry for your horrible experience with misoprostol. I took it too for my MMC and had an incredibly painful experience that I also wasn’t prepared for. Never again.

[Deleted User] · December 2019

GL @babytimeagain my next scan is 1/2 as well, I have to go in extra early before work, alone, and I really just wish there were a way for DH to be there. Hoping it's a magical moment to get to hear the hb (but DH will have to miss out on), but then of course worst case, I don't look forward to having to hear the worst alone. 😔

marfi236 · December 2019

@tara4910 It was a SCH which are fairly common with IVF according to my doctor.

5unflowr22 · December 2019

@gomillis, although I've read a book about exercising during pregnancy to empower me to do it the first two times, I still worried today out on a relatively short jog. I'm feeling the drag on my cardiovascular system for sure and I'm trying to listen to my body. To make it fun today I did a zombie run for the first time... so yeah, I risked getting overtaken to stop for a little bit and tune into my body. I just think to myself, this is more than ok. It's stress relief and it's good for me, and if I do this work and build that beautiful big placenta, give those babies the oxygen and nutrients, it's the best I can do for their bodies and minds maybe ever. Also builds their endurance and helps them get through L&D better. I also love prenatal yoga, when running becomes more like shuffling. This time I'm going to try swimming more!

babytimeagain · December 2019

@BusinessWife ugh, I’m sorry your DH won’t be there. I may have to go alone too. Gulp. Hoping and praying we all get good news that day.

psychobutthead · December 2019

@gomillis same. I feel like no one at all prepared me for how bad it could be. The doctor prescribed me ibuprofen. Or maybe it was tylenol for the pain and that was a joke. i remember popping them like candy and my husband freaking out for taking more than the dosage listed.
I have found doctors and nursing staff to not be helpful about mc and what it is that your body goes through.

tyrion_ · December 2019

@gomillis That sounds so traumatic for everyone. I am sorry that was your experience.

@psychobutthead I agree that docs and RNs are not at all helpful or informative about the process of a miscarriage. At least that was my experience. If it wasn’t for TTCAL/TTGP I would have been so lost. Those ladies basically helped me figure out what was going on was normal and to be expected.

In general, I’m not mentally in a great place. I haven’t left my house in a few days and have cancelled any plans with friends because I’m scared they’ll call me out on being pregnant. And people finding out is my number 1 fear right now because I really don’t want to untell again. My first ultrasound is Tuesday and the closer I get the more freaked out I’m getting. My zen has flown right out the window. I am hoping after Tuesday I can get out of my own head and be a supportive member of this community. I’m just really struggling currently.

Edit: fixed an error

gomillis · December 2019

@tyrion_ I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. I hope that Tuesday brings you some peace of mind.

[Deleted User] · December 2019

(((hugs))) @tyrion_ I'm glad you were able to call yourself out at least. It sucks, but it's totally understandable. Fx Tuesday comes as a relief to you.

wildrainbow · December 2019

@tyrion_ I'm glad you were able to take a moment to pull yourself out. Hopefully Tuesday will be a day of great news and you can rest a bit easier. Is this your first pregnancy after loss? I can't remember if you said already.

tyrion_ · December 2019

@wildrainbow It is. My loss was in May.

WishesSheCouldCook · December 2019

@tyrion_ hugs lady! I’m sorry you’re struggling

melle1635 · December 2019

EDD/weeks+days? August 24th / 5w5d

Other children? None

Previous losses? 2 previous losses

Concerns or worries this week? Super nervous until my ultrasound appointment January 9th. After my previous losses, I can't help but worry

Any milestones coming up? First u/s Jan 9th

Questions? Any suggestions on how to not worry as much in the meantime?

GTKY: How is your partner (if you have one) handling everything? He's so calm about everything that it gets annoying sometimes. But it's helpful to not have us both a nervous wreck.

wildrainbow · December 2019

@tyrion_ The first pregnancy after a loss is the hardest. The big thing is to make sure that you recognize when you're spiraling and take steps to mitigate it or minimize it. Remember that you aren't in control and nothing you do or don't do will change that. That was the hardest for me. This is my third rainbow baby as I've had losses in between my living children. While the losses themselves never get easier, knowing that despite my fervent prayers, railings, rantings, and begging; has never changed the outcome. Once you accept that, you will find you can breathe a bit easier. You will still struggle, but you will find the gripping panic doesn't hold on as long. I know nothing I can say can change anything for you, but as someone who has more losses than living children, I am (unfortunately) a pro. Hugs and feel free to reach out if it get too much, I can help talk you down.

tyrion_ · December 2019

@wildrainbow I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve had to endure on your journey. But thank you for turning that pain into thoughtful words for others struggling. I’ve really pulled away from all my anxiety coping mechanisms this week; running/exercise, meditation, prayer (I’ve been passing right out). I needed a little jolt so to speak 💗

caseysunshine1986 · December 2019

Everyone, this thread is so supportive and I'm happy to be here with y'all. Hoping I can keep up with posting.

DD/weeks+days? Due 8/27

Other children? 2 yo son

Previous losses? Oct '19 (at the 6 week mark)

Concerns or worries this week? I'm trying to stay positive and not be too worried. The scariest thing to me is working out. I've been pretty consistent with staying active but I'm a little scared of the Orange Theory workouts I love.

Any milestones coming up? Making it to the first US - calling the doc tomorrow to make an appt.

Questions?

GTKY: How is your partner (if you have one) handling everything
He's excited and positive, but will definitely be wary until we get the first heartbeat and have a few more weeks past.

[Deleted User] · January 2020

You guys, I just woke up from the most vivid nightmare.

<div class=" Spoiler">I had heavy bleeding and was in a panic that I was losing the baby.</div>
Ughh. A good scan Tuesday, and two days of feeling happy everything is going well, and now this. :/ DH is just brushing it off like it doesn't mean anything, everything is fine. But ugh, what a horrible feeling to wake up with! :s

WishesSheCouldCook · January 2020

@BusinessWife ugh that’s the worst. Hugs lady!!

gomillis · January 2020

@BusinessWife I’m sorry you had such a disturbing dream. I’ve had a few similar dreams during this pregnancy. It’s hard to shake the feeling that they are a bad omen, but I try to interpret them as signs of the anxiety I know I feel about having another loss. Hugs.

[Deleted User] · January 2020

Thanks @gomills @WishesSheCouldCook I appreciate it, and unfortunately I know you get it! ❤️ Hopefully I'll just get busy at work and take my mind off it....

tyrion_ · January 2020

@BusinessWife I’ve had some horrible dreams like that about myself and my best friend that’s currently pregnant. They’re awful. I hope that’s the only one like that you have. So sorry for how it left you feeling.

[Deleted User] · January 2020

Thank you. ❤️ I hope so too! It was just so vivid, kwim? I can go back to the random rendezvous brand of first tri dreams any night now... 🙄

WishesSheCouldCook · January 2020

I’ve struggled today. I reigned it in a little by not calling begging for an earlier appointment. Next Friday still feels like an eternity. I don’t have any reason to believe something is wrong other than my anxiety.

[Deleted User] · January 2020

(((hugs))) @WishesSheCouldCook next Friday IS an eternity away... Sigh... But I mean really it's just one more week. I don't know if it helps at all but it seems to be a recurring theme I've heard more than once or twice this pregnancy, that nothing I do, or not do, is going to change the outcome. It's out of our hands, kwim? For me, I choose to believe that means God's got this lil babe-lette already in the palm of His hand, why then should I worry!? But I know everyone's different and putting trust in God doesn't work for everyone. Maybe a positive mantra of some sort when you catch your mind going to that anxious place?

WishesSheCouldCook · January 2020

@BusinessWife it is so true! Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

My other struggle is I almost feel like I don’t “work” hard enough for this pregnancy. It took almost 2 years with DD there were a lot of desperate prayers uttered for that pregnancy. Our plans were to start trying again Summer 2020. After a tricky IUD check over the summer I had it removed and we said we’d be careful but we weren’t. Apparently having unprotected sex can cause pregnancy who knew? Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be “easy” the next time around.

[Deleted User] · January 2020

Sure, I get it! @WishesSheCouldCook like a form of IF survivor guilt... :/ It sucks. But of course, it is a gift that this one came easier, and it sounds like you waited long enough for the both of them the first time! Try not to feel bad about having it easier this time. (((Hugs)))

babytimeagain · January 2020

I shared in the ultrasound thread, but I wanted to update here too that all went well at my first ultrasound appt today. Measuring right on track (seven weeks) and a strong heartbeat of 148. Due to DD’s schedule, I ended up going to the appt alone while DH stayed home with her. Going into the scan with no support person was terrifying (same tech, same room, etc as last time- MMC) but it was incredible to hear that all is well this time around and to see the little flicker of a heartbeat. The doctor afterwards said there’s only a 4% chance of MC after hearing a heartbeat. I’m still cautiously optimistic, but that was good to hear. I think I’m feeling positive enough to start writing in my pregnancy/baby book. I’m so grateful to be here.

[Deleted User] · January 2020

That is so wonderful to hear! @babytimeagain that must have been tough going in on your own, but you did it, and you had a completely different experience this time! 🎉 Congrats!

wildrainbow · January 2020

I feel you @WishesSheCouldCook. We tried for 3 years for ds1, including fertility treatments. It took over a year to conceive ds2, and I was on my way back to the RE when we found out. With this babe, it was a complete surprise! I was on the pill. It feels weird having a baby without "working" for it.

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