@b_1029 Echoing everyone that beyond being tired, my symptoms have been deeply mild (nausea less than 5 times, boob sensitivity). I'm trying to treat it as a positive which I know is harder for some folks!
@b_1029 yes! If reading about others' symptoms is causing you anxiety, definitely stay away! I remember last time reading the symptoms thread and being like, "I have nothing to contribute" but that's ok!
And if I'm remembering correctly, I think you had a very long/difficult road to get to this point? If you're anything like me, one of the ways you guarded yourself was just assuming the worst would happen so you wouldn't be *as* disappointed when it did. If that's what you did too, it can be really hard to re-frame your thinking to assume that everything is going well. Give it some time, and I hope it'll become easier for you. Oh, and therapy helps too if you're into that. (Speaking as someone who needed it after DD was born.)
@stlbuckeye132 I won’t claim to have it harder than others (I know others go through way worse) but it did take us 2 years to get here. I think I’m still in the place of not trusting my body to do what it’s supposed to since it “didn’t” for so long so with the lack of symptoms, I’m like well of course this wouldn’t work out. I definitely reframed my mindset over the course of treatment so I wouldn’t be as upset if another cycle failed. Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️❤️❤️
This week the girls have their dress rehearsal for their dance recitals next week. Between their costumes and watching them dance, I’m dying! It’s our youngest first year on stage so she’s filled with excitement to dance like her big sis!
@b_1029 I considered doing the same when my nausea went away for a few days in a row... so I totally get your level of crazy because I'm right there with you lol
@b_1029 so I just keep reminding myself that where we are now there’s a 90% success rate. Now I’m not sure about you but I’ve never been the top 10% ever, not top of my class, top of the socioeconomic status etc so why would now be the time that I’m convinced I’ll be the 10%? It calms me down.
My oldest has a cake auction tomorrow for her troop so of course the 3 year old needed to make a cake as well and I’m pretty impressed by her grinch decorating! I helped with the icing but she decided in the rest!
Random mini rant. So between the holiday and recent snow, I haven't been to my office or done my morning commute in over a week. I felt really good getting up and ready, excited to be distracted from symptoms and get out of my house a little. Good feelings came crashing down when I got to my train and was super winded on the stairs, then the conductor was rude to me because I didn't have my December pass yet and had to pay cash, and the train was super crowded. Get into the city, get my pass, more stairs, transfer to the subway, 20+ min delays. So I decide to walk a few blocks to a different subway line, which has worked out, but damn, this whole debacle has taken the wind out of my sails and I wish I was back working on my couch. (It does not help that I woke up at 4 and couldn't fall back asleep for an hour and a half because I convinced myself I have a blighted ovum - I have a US tomorrow)
Okay maybe not so mini of a rant but TLDR winter commuting sucks in general, worse when pregnant. End rant.
Ughhh agree. This is my first winter commuting as well (similar train/subway setup to you) and after not working last week this week was brutal!!!! Hang in there we can do this!
@b_1029 I totally get that. I don't barf, I just have a low grade quease all day long and I worry that I'm not sick "enough" to sustain pregnancy.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
I am so lost and confused right now. Open enrollment starts today and closes early next week. I need to make a decision about whether/how much to contribute to Dependent Care FSA like now, but I really do not want to tell HR this early that I am pregnant, but feel like I can't decide what to do without asking HR questions about maternity leave first. Ughhh. Any HR people who want to help me???
@zande2016 is it possible to update your enrollment next year to add dependent FSA? You’d be able to add the baby as a dependent as a life event, right? Maybe you can add the FSA option at the same time. Unfortunately, prob means digging through some HR policies.
@rachelredhead I will probably be on leave until mid-December, so I wouldn't bother changing it at that point. But I want to verify some specifics about the leave policy before knowing for sure I will be on leave that long, and figuring out whether they will let me continue contributing to FSA during leave plays into how much money I want to contribute for the year. To make things more complicated our handbook is super vague and I am in a union and our CBA is expiring on 12/31, and the CBA was never updated when my state enacted paid family leave so it is all kind of complicated and confusing. Andplusalso I really want to use Dependent Care FSA to help pay for an au pair, who we likely won't be hiring until May or June, so the vast majority of her time with us during 2020 will be while I am on leave and therefore probably not eligible under the FSA, but I am not exactly sure how that works either. My head is spinning.
@zande2016 agreed you can for sure change your coverage once baby is born because it's a life event, but that would be more coming out per paycheck if it's only deducted like Aug-Dec instead of the same amount spread out over a year. I'm not sure how all the details of that work. Ugh. Is there a benefits hotline or something you could call instead of speaking to your HR rep?
@stlbuckeye132 I think I will try calling the company that administers our benefits and see if they know anything helpful, but they are a separate company so will not know anything about my company's leave policy. Which very well might change in a few weeks when we finish renegotiating our union contract.
@zande2016 I just saw your response to @rachelredhead. That's a lot of unknowns and my head is spinning for you. Are you paying for dependent care now for your older kid(s)? (I forget if you already have one or two... I think two?) If you are, could you claim that expense when you withdraw from the FSA but actually use it to help pay for your au pair? You're really just reimbursing yourself with the money from your FSA so as long as you prove you've paid X amount on childcare, it doesn't matter how you spend the money you take out. (Ex: we've taken from our dependent care FSA twice this year, showing our daycare statements, and then we put that money towards our mortgage and college savings. Totally legal!)
@zande2016 I did open enrollment a few weeks ago and was similarly confused about what to do. My understanding is that the birth of a child is a "qualifying life event" that usually means you can change your benefits elections. Not sure if that counts for spending accounts too, though, or just coverage options...
I'm in the worst mood today and shouldn't be allowed around the general public.
Also, impromptu Thursday bitchfest? lol... I started the ball rolling with organizing DD's BMB's annual big get together and people...well, one person, is being dumb and it's taking all I can not to show how annoyed I am. She's like, "I can't see the Google Spreadsheet for date options!" Well, did you read the post, at all? If you had, you'd have seen where I told you, IN THE VERY FIRST TO DO, that I need your email address so I can give you editing rights. Also, why did you think everyone else was giving me their email addresses? So freakin annoying! ::end rant::
@blaf322 this is not in response to your Thursday bitchfest but in response to your post about 90 Day Fiance... like three days ago lol... my husband and I are OBSESSED with that show. We always dvr it and it's like my favorite time of the week. My husband calls it "my show" but I know he loves it too and he would never let me watch it without him. Highly recommend to anyone who loves trash tv! You really can't make some of this stuff up!
MH and I decided it would be worth looking at other daycare centers around us to see if we want to stay where we currently are with two kids or switch to another one. So I called two places yesterday to get their rates and availability. One of them had no wait list and the other's earliest infant availability was November 2020. I'll go back to work in October, but I figured it would be very possible someone would fall off the wait list and we'd get in for October just fine. I called both places back today to set up our tours... the one wait list is now January 2021. I thought I was so on top of things being not even 9 weeks pregnant and setting up tours. I went through this with my daughter so I knew how crazy the waits can get, but it still blows my mind.
@meanjellybean yesss! That show is so great! I'm excited to have someone to talk to about it
Did you watch The Other Way? If so, see spoiler for my thoughts on some things:
I can't believe Sumit is married! We're just catching up and have an episode or two before the reunion but, at this point, I actually feel bad for him. He made several terrible decisions. But I really think a lot of it started because he's afraid to go against his culture. Poor guy. And poor Jenny!
Laura's son (she's with Aladin) is a straight up douche!
Paul is BSC It is my actual favorite any time he freaks out and just awkwardly runs off into the woods bahaha
@stlbuckeye132 That's crazy on the daycare. My wife is planning to retire from teaching at the end of this school year and stay home for us. The cost of daycare is a little higher than what we'll lose in her check.
@stlbuckeye132 oh wow, I had no idea daycare was like that...I guess we should start looking instead of assuming DH’s mom will retire (dumb assumption but a girl can dream, right? 💸)
@b_1029 I think it largely depends on your area how crazy they get. And not all of them are that crazy, like I said the other one has no wait at all. (Although that sort of gave me a red flag. ha) It's definitely something to think about sooner rather than later from what I've experienced though.
I toured around 18 weeks with DD and the ones we liked were booked out several months past when we needed care. Luckily my mom's a teacher and volunteered to come live with us for the summer to watch her until she had a spot (August when we reserved). I ended up just contacting them several times throughout my pregnancy to be like, "just a reminder I'd love to start sooner if anything opens up!" and we were able to start her in June instead. Definitely be a squeaky wheel if needed!
@b_1029 what @stlbuckeye132 said about depending on area. I haven't checked with our daycare yet but, based on our experience when we were looking with DD, we'll have no issues getting her into childcare within the time frame we need.
question for moms who highlight their hair--i read through on the BMB that many of you plan to wait til second trimester and then go for it, which is kindof what i was planning to do, but during our first OB visit this morning, DH asked dr about me highlighting my hair, to which OB said i really shouldnt at all, but definitely not sooner than 20wks. Is it wrong that i wish he didnt ask so i could go and make my appointment at 14wks as planned?? it feels so silly worrying about something like this but between being bloated and breaking out like crazy, i at least wanted my hair to look right and not have 3inch long roots aghhhhh!
Can I blame pregnancy on being rage-y at all of my coworkers today, but especially my 23 year old coworker who keeps trying to tell me how to do my job when he's certainly not the best at his? Also, now I'm annoyed at this websites inability to make finding an angry emoji easy...
@asf0613 I think the recommendation your OB gave is outdated and not fact based. Do what you feel comfortable with, but I have no concerns about getting my hair done. Also, what are you getting done? If it's just highlights/low lights, definitely go get your hair done. When they foil your hair, SO little is able to actually absorb through your skin.
@pocketrose I don't think you need to blame pregnancy. He sounds like a moron and I'd definitely be annoyed even if I wasn't pregnant lol
@stlbuckeye132 currently my moms helps us out 3 days a week and we give her cash, plus we pay a babysitter off the books (yes illegal I know) the other 2 days, so we do not use any type of FSA for childcare. I am so tempted to continue that until July, then have no childcare while I am on leave for 20 weeks, then start up in 2021 (ahh scary) with an au pair. BUT I want help during maternity leave since this will be # 3, so I think instead we will bite the bullet and get an au pair ASAP like in March or April. We'll definitely spend more than the 5k of FSA money before the baby is even born, and I just hope my company lets me continue contributing and getting reimbursed the rest of the year even if I am out until December.
No clue if any of that makes sense. I am just going to go with it and hope it all works out...eeek
@asf0613 I asked my RE about getting hair done and have done so. He said it's fine. I also read what little research there is on it. The concern is more for hair stylists who are exposed to way more daily. Pregnancy already sucks make me see my roots and I'd lose it.
@asf0613 I asked my RE about getting hair done and have done so. He said it's fine. I also read what little research there is on it. The concern is more for hair stylists who are exposed to way more daily. Pregnancy already sucks make me see my roots and I'd lose it.
i feel like i had already made up my mind about doing this and then DH went and asked anyway (he's a little thorough and also feels that OB's word is God). I think i am still going to anyway since i do just do foils and not all-over color. And when i waltz in there for my 20wk apt with my hair looking fresh and highlighted, i will say i went the day before lol!!!!
@asf0613 my OB told me not to worry about coloring my hair and it's totally fine. As @blaf322 said, do what you're comfortable with, but I'm getting mine done on saturday at 9 weeks and colored it throughout my entire last pregnancy as well.
@pocketrose the emojis on here are the WORST. and so is your coworker.
@zande2016 got it. Based on a quick google, it does seem like any care costs paid while you're on leave wouldn't be eligible (based on what's in spoiler), but if you have the au pair before baby is born, those costs are for sure eligible!
@nursejenn5 I remember with my second walking around with my hand on my bloat in public so it just looked like it was the baby and I was farther along than I really was 😂 this time I seriously look like I’m 20 weeks by the end of the night and really I’m only 6 1/2 😬 I told DH between being moody, sick most of the time and the bloat, we just need to let the cat out of the bag!
@b-1029 I saw that it opened. It's wild to me there are already folks expecting for August. This year is both creeping along on daily basis but whizzing by week-to-week.
Re: Weekly Randoms 12/2
And if I'm remembering correctly, I think you had a very long/difficult road to get to this point? If you're anything like me, one of the ways you guarded yourself was just assuming the worst would happen so you wouldn't be *as* disappointed when it did. If that's what you did too, it can be really hard to re-frame your thinking to assume that everything is going well. Give it some time, and I hope it'll become easier for you. Oh, and therapy helps too if you're into that. (Speaking as someone who needed it after DD was born.)
ETA: You're all probably doing your job like good teachers and stuff and not playing on TB so you probably won't see this. hah
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Also, impromptu Thursday bitchfest? lol... I started the ball rolling with organizing DD's BMB's annual big get together and people...well, one person, is being dumb and it's taking all I can not to show how annoyed I am. She's like, "I can't see the Google Spreadsheet for date options!" Well, did you read the post, at all? If you had, you'd have seen where I told you, IN THE VERY FIRST TO DO, that I need your email address so I can give you editing rights. Also, why did you think everyone else was giving me their email addresses? So freakin annoying! ::end rant::
Did you watch The Other Way?
If so, see spoiler for my thoughts on some things:
Laura's son (she's with Aladin) is a straight up douche!
Paul is BSC
I toured around 18 weeks with DD and the ones we liked were booked out several months past when we needed care. Luckily my mom's a teacher and volunteered to come live with us for the summer to watch her until she had a spot (August when we reserved). I ended up just contacting them several times throughout my pregnancy to be like, "just a reminder I'd love to start sooner if anything opens up!" and we were able to start her in June instead. Definitely be a squeaky wheel if needed!
Also, what are you getting done? If it's just highlights/low lights, definitely go get your hair done. When they foil your hair, SO little is able to actually absorb through your skin.
@pocketrose I don't think you need to blame pregnancy. He sounds like a moron and I'd definitely be annoyed even if I wasn't pregnant lol
No clue if any of that makes sense. I am just going to go with it and hope it all works out...eeek
i feel like i had already made up my mind about doing this and then DH went and asked anyway (he's a little thorough and also feels that OB's word is God). I think i am still going to anyway since i do just do foils and not all-over color. And when i waltz in there for my 20wk apt with my hair looking fresh and highlighted, i will say i went the day before lol!!!!
@pocketrose the emojis on here are the WORST. and so is your coworker.
@zande2016 got it. Based on a quick google, it does seem like any care costs paid while you're on leave wouldn't be eligible (based on what's in spoiler), but if you have the au pair before baby is born, those costs are for sure eligible!
source: https://www.payflex.com/individuals/common-eligible-expenses/dependent-care (No clue how legit it is, just the first result on my google search)