PGAL Check-in w/o 10/23

kbrown2385 · October 2019

This thread is a safe place for those who are pregnant after a loss. (PGAL). If you have suffered a loss please feel free to answer the questions below and keep things going throughout the week as a continuing conversation.

If you haven’t suffered a loss, please refrain from answering the questions, but know we welcome anyone who wants to come in and support the PGAL ladies and their milestones with encouragement or love tits! Thank you!

1. How many weeks are you?

2. Previous loss(es)?

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?

4. Any appointment updates?

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: What is your favorite Halloween candy?

kbrown2385 · October 2019

1. How many weeks are you? 27 weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? 6 losses

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally, getting better with each growth scan. It was so nice to see baby girl have a good jump on her growth curve and I’m hoping that continues as we get closer to the end. Physically, I’m just huge and slow. Both babies are more ok the right side with their giant heads so it’s causing lots of discomfort.

4. Any appointment updates? Nst’s start next week. Weekly blood flow check on Tuesday.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Just happy we are getting closer and closer to the third trimester. Updated my family and told them we are cancelling Christmas for everyone but ds. That helped open up the conversation to stop feeling the need to buy for all 15 people. I think we are finally going to do secret Santa for the adults and just buy for the kids. I’ve been wanting to do this for a few years now and others are finally on board.

6. Any milestones coming up? Third trimester next week!

7. GTKY: What is your favorite Halloween candy? Reese peanut butter cups or Twix.

c1kc1kpol1cn1k · October 2019

1. How many weeks are you? 30

2. Previous loss(es)? sep18 /mar19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? feeling pretty good, feeling the kicks all day is really reassuring

4. Any appointment updates? nothing until my 32 week apt on the 5th

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? not much happening right now really!

6. Any milestones coming up? I've passed all the milestone's, I'm just grateful every time I hit a new week of pregnancy

7. GTKY: What is your favorite Halloween candy? none I don't like candy bars haha I think as I kid I liked getting snicker's or twix though

@kbrown2385 good call on the secret santa, we do that every year for the adult siblings and partners, only buy actual gifts for the kids and buy one big joint present from all of us for our parent's. We also use the website called Elfster, you can create a wish list depending on budget so that at least someone will have an idea of what you are interested in and you don't get anything useless.

biolprof · October 2019

@kbrown2385 I'm so glad about baby b growth scans. She is certainly holding their own. Also great idea about secret santa but not sure my fam is ready for it....

@c1kc1kpol1cn1k oh man it's likely really good that you don't like candy bars lol

1. How many weeks are you? 26.5 weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? 12/18, 4/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally feeling nervous the closer I get to my next ultrasound.... Physically better as long as I limit my walking.

4. Any appointment updates? Ultrasound Oct. 29, OB on Nov. 4 hoping for clarity

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Feeling like my losses plus possible complications are making me jumpy. For some stupid reason I worry that people think I'm overreacting and attention seeking. But when bad things have gone wrong it's hard to fight the feeling that they could go wrong again....

6. Any milestones coming up? Every day. Just want to get to that ultrasound...

7. GTKY: What is your favorite Halloween candy? @kbrown2385 I love Twix but not that I know I'm a Celiac I can't have them. But Recees are definitely a favorite as well. For something none chocolate I would do hot tamales all day!

FyreFlyeRush · October 2019

1. How many weeks are you? 26w3d

2. Previous loss(es)? 1/2019

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically, I'm starting to get a lot of shoulder and lower back pain. Yay. Emotionally...I'm a thunderstorm...dark, brooding, with occasional bursts of rain and noise, and the random ray of sunshine.

4. Any appointment updates? Start bi-weekly appts on Nov 5, and Bi-weekly growth scans on Nov 6....Remember Remember the 5th of November

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Rave - My SO's birthday is today and even though he's making me bonkers right now, he said the most bittersweet thing to me...sad, sweet, poignant..."I wish I'd chased you then (when we were 18), or looked you up at some point, so we'd have more time together."

6. Any milestones coming up? Waiting for 28w and then 30w.

7. GTKY: What is your favorite Halloween candy? Mary Jane's and peanut butter taffy (they're more or less the same)

kbrown2385 · October 2019

@biolprof it’s taken a few years for people to get on board with the secret Santa. We tried it with my siblings and SO’s a couple of years ago and my oldest sister felt gypped (?) 🙄. Who knows if anyone will actually do it or not even though my parents are finally ready to do it. I read your update in the other thread and I am glad it wasn’t actually your water breaking. Hopefully you get good news at your scan.

ponyoisfun · October 2019

1. How many weeks are you? 28 +2

2. Previous loss(es)? 6/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
@FyreFlyeRush you seem to have captured it.

For me every time I have an appointment is hard. It reminds me of what I have lost and what could have been.
Plus, yesterday we had to watch the Shaken Baby Syndrome PSA. It was terrible and emotionally traumatic.

4. Any appointment updates? Everything seems to be fine.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

I am finally seeking therapy. Any one else been down that road? Did it help or did it just open the floodgates?

6. Any milestones coming up? 30 weeks.

7. GTKY: What is your favorite Halloween candy?
I second the Twix.

FyreFlyeRush · October 2019

@kbrown2385, we ended up doing a twist on Secret Santa in my family. One, because we're a devious family, you have to show the name you draw....to make sure no one draws themselves. Two, you HAVE to shop at Dollar Tree and get 20 useless and utterly WTF items. By doing this, no one gets skipped and no one goes over the cash limit: 20$ plus tax. We stuff them into stockings and exchange them Christmas morning. The fun part is watching the other person giggle at the absurdity of the items they got. When DD turned 16, she got to decide if she wanted a Santa Stocking or to be part of the name draw. She's been "Adult" stocking ever since.

kbrown2385 · October 2019

@ponyoisfun I started therapy after my third loss and it really helped me. I had developed anxiety and knew it was time. I was angry and lashing out and just needed someone to tell me something other than the same old bs I heard from everyone else. I went to someone who dealt specifically with grief and pregnancy loss and it was a game changer. I actually went through my 4th and 5th loss with her and I was able to manage them much better than the previous ones.

FyreFlyeRush · October 2019

@ponyoisfun, I didn't. I've had issues with therapy in the past where it feels like the person I'm talking to is just going through the motions. I sought comfort and counsel from people who had been through it...here, family, my OB helped a lot. While neither she nor the NP have experienced their OWN losses, they experience EVERY patient's. My OB knew my pregnancy would end in loss, but still held this tiny hope, and was still heartbroken right along with me when it ended. The NP and I got off to a rought start this pregnancy, but once I broke down into a teary mess of PGAL brain and anxiety, both of them have been a huge source of support. In a way, they see him as their rainbow baby, too...and that helps.

EDIT: Homonyms.

ponyoisfun · October 2019

@kbrown2385 Thank you for sharing. I want to build that relationship with someone too.

@FyreFlyeRush I really appreciate your experience too. That is so beautiful that your providers see your baby as their rainbow too.

Lol about the homonyms. That is what I spent the morning teaching my kids and they were like..."What!?"

DalexRN · October 2019

@biolprof I am right there with ya on being jumpy and the feelings you described are exactly mine to a T, from feeling judged for being paranoid to feeling like doom is following me. Luckily most everyone has been supportive and validated that I have a right for feeling how I do based on what I've been through, so that's been helpful.

@kbrown2385 I am trying to get my family on board the Secret Santa train too! Maybe this year I can convince them.

@ponyoisfun I sought therapy after losing my son and it helped me tremendously. I've had some duds in the past when seeking help for anxiety, but the one I found after my loss was amazing. I'm still mourning the fact she moved out of state last month and I can no longer see her. The new girl is just meh but I am trying.

@FyreFlyeRush I love that your SO said that to you! Literally melts my heart

1. How many weeks are you? 27 + 5

2. Previous loss(es)? My son at 17 weeks 10/16

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally the anxiety is starting to ramp up. I knew this would happen as I reached viability and then progressed even further to the end. I'm trying to my best to acknowledge that I have a right to be anxious but not let it overcome me. Physically I started having pain from SPD and I can literally feel my tailbone shifting and it's causing severe sciatica. I went to a chiropractor today and she confirmed my pelvis is all out of whack. I can tell she will be my new BFF.

4. Any appointment updates? Echo for me Monday, growth US with MFM on Tuesday. Anxiously awaiting the US to make sure baby girl is growing ok and get some more clarity on the VCI issue.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm not ready for the aching all over, hard to move 3rd trimester! I feel like I barely got a honeymoon period during the 2nd and now it's all downhill physically

6. Any milestones coming up? Every day is a milestone, but 28 weeks and then 32 weeks

7. GTKY: What is your favorite Halloween candy? Currently it's Nerds. Usually I am a chocolate girl but have oddly not wanted it while pregnant.

biolprof · October 2019

@DalexRN hoping for clarity at your next scans. It is scary. It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. I'm not crazy so thanks for sharing your story too! Thinking about you!

MollySm · October 2019

@ponyoisfun - I haven't tried therapy, but probably should have in the past. I like to think I would be more open to it in the future if I go through something.

1. How many weeks are you? 27 weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? 6/2013

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? H has been out of town over a week now. He at least moved back to our time zone yesterday, and thinks he can drive home for this weekend. I know he is doing the best he can for our family, so I am trying to keep it together and not make him feel blamed, but my hormones are all over the place, and I am tired and lonely, so I am pretty weepy. I really hope he can drive home, even if it's for a short time. He should be home from this trip next Wed, so that's my countdown if not this weekend. Physically baby is clearly getting bigger. I love feeling him all the time, but it's forceful!

4. Any appointment updates? My next appt is the 30th for the GD test and a regular checkup. I think I move to every two weeks soon. I need to remember to ask if there is anything special I need to do about flying in Nov/early Dec.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Nope

6. Any milestones coming up? Just looking forward to hitting 30w.

7. GTKY: What is your favorite Halloween candy? I like 3 Musketeers and Milky Way, frozen.

MollySm · October 2019

Oh, and a bonus rant. Water is giving me such bad heartburn/reflux. Ugh. So then I don't drink enough, and I end up crampy because I am dehydrated. So frustrating.

FyreFlyeRush · October 2019

@mollysm, I quit drinking water for the most part. I drink unsweet Iced tea. It doesn't give me heartburn at all. It's a half-caf blend. I've also had a lot of luck with water cut with lemonade.

c1kc1kpol1cn1k · October 2019

@MollySm sameeee but I keep drinking it ICE ICE cold and then pay the price later

EmilyE13 · October 2019

@kbrown2385 Good idea with Secret Santa. We do white elephant gifts with my husband’s siblings to keep costs under control since there are so many kiddos now to buy for.

@ponyoisfun I felt the same way with ultrasounds in my first pregnancy after we lost DD’s twin. The reminder each scan with the other sac (while it was still visible) was really tough.

@MollySm Ugh same here, with both water and coffee. My OB called in some heartburn medication for me that I’m picking up today.

1. How many weeks are you? 28+3

2. Previous loss(es)? DD’s twin 2/17

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically the “switch” flipped pretty much the moment I hit 3rd trimester. I feel huge and uncomfortable and like I could sleep all day. And this little nugget loves to dance on my bladder constantly!

Emotionally, this will need a TW and Spoiler....

**TW Loss**

My friend and his wife just lost their son to stillbirth at 33 weeks in an otherwise healthy pregnancy. I’m utterly heartbroken for them, particularly because last year they lost a 4 year old son to complications from cancer. They also have two young daughters who’ve now been to the funeral of both their brothers. No family should have to go through this and I have been breaking down regularly ever since finding out. Not to mention it’s made PGAL brain go into overdrive.

4. Any appointment updates? Next appt is 11/7. Hoping for better BP reading since doc is having me start on baby aspirin.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Is anyone else on baby aspirin? Did you notice much of a difference with it?

6. Any milestones coming up? Each day!

7. GTKY: What is your favorite Halloween candy? Anything with chocolate and caramel, especially Twix and 100 Grands.

MollySm · October 2019

Oh, wow, @EmilyE13. I cannot even imagine. How heartbreaking.

biolprof · October 2019

@EmilyE13 wow that is so terrible for them and for you too. I can't even imagine though I already dream about worse case. It's even worse to be blind sighted. Hugs to you!

c1kc1kpol1cn1k · October 2019

@EmilyE13 sorry to hear about your friend that is horrible for them.

FyreFlyeRush · October 2019

@EmilyE13, that is heart wrenching to read. 😔

I've been on Labetalol and baby aspirin since 12w. Sometimes my blood pressure is fine some times its elevated. The idea behind it was it would thin the blood and lessen the odds of the placenta "wearing out too soon"

EmilyE13 · October 2019

Thank you ladies so much. I am trying to think of something to do for them. Maybe a pair of butterflies as ornaments or something.

DalexRN · October 2019

@EmilyE13 My favorite gifts I received were ornaments (especially angel ones) and a birds nest necklace that had a pink and blue egg in it (to represent my daughter and my son) with a swallow charm attached. Sailors believe that when a sailor dies, a swallow will carry their soul to heaven. I can't even fathom the heartbreak your friends must be going through. Life doesn't make sense sometimes.

FyreFlyeRush · October 2019

@EmilyE13, what sticks out the most for me when my nephew died was the sunflower my aunt sent. Everyone else had sent the traditional memorial flowers, but there was this single, bright, giant sunflower. And it looked so happy and hopeful amongst all the somber white ones, it made us smile. It reminded us that even in the dark, there's still light and hope.

FyreFlyeRush · October 2019

@biolprof , I was going to put this in the Weekly check in, but decided it was better here.

You're justified in how you feel. PGAL brain is a very real thing, and what you're being told is scary. You finally have your rainbow baby after 2 back to back losses, with all three pregnancies being less than 6 months apart total. Being afraid something will go wrong is natural and normal in the best of PGAL experiences, let alone one with complications. You are NOT being paranoid. You are NOT being emotional. I do think you should try to find a support group to lean on. Anixety is going to make the last trimester an emotional nightmare of a rollercoaster. Make sure you have a strong, and empathetic, support system in place. It can be as simple as posting here or as complex as finding a loss group in your area. It's going to be especially important during postpartum. One of the best ways to prevent PPD or PPP is having a solid support system in place afterwards.

Thinking of you.

EDIT - My eyes are playing tricks on my preggo brain

biolprof · October 2019

@FyreFlyeRush thanks! That really means a lot! I definitely know PGAL has so much to do with it. You don't know that things can end with the worst outcome until it happens to you I think which makes the thought of it happening again feel more real! I appreciate all the support I have hear with ladies who get it!

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