Wow, one day off of reading- I missed a lot!! I think our goal on this site (as opposed to the app I just deleted yesterday) is to keep the posts organized. I said this before (seems like a long time ago, but I think it was Tuesday 😂) that the other app was literally a post board where anybody could freely post anything, no responses directly to other users (therefore no relationship building), and I’m not kidding, hundreds of boards going simultaneously. How the heck is that helpful at all? Whenever I would try to glance at it, it made me feel lost in an abyss of posts. I do not want people to feel that they cannot make new posts on here, but keeping it to very general categories (aka registry, questions, etc.) that can include numerous topics makes it a lot easier filing system, so to speak. I am also not having a shower this time, and don’t feel that post to be a junk post. It was fine, and could still result in some great replies. It’s stuff like the random question threads about a small pack n play that need to be organized in general questions thread or something about equipment.
Anyway, I appreciate how well organized this board has remained and how kind and supportive we’ve been to each other. I’ve seen some one-off posters move their questions to the general threads and get responses, so I know we’re a welcoming community. Thank you all for working so hard to keep it that way ❤️😊
Just chiming in because I haven't in a couple of weeks. I check the board daily, but don't always have time to post and haven't had anything unique to contribute lately - just, "Meh... so tired," etc. I've really appreciated the inclusiveness and kindness of this group since we started and I'd love to continue being part of it.
@anniemarie887 Do we do another poll? Or maybe a thread and see who would be interested in being an admin and then narrow it down somehow? I agree that we need 3 but honestly I’m not sure what exactly the admins will do other than make sure everyone who want some in gets in.
I think anyone who is willing to be an admin is welcome to take it on, from my perspective! But yes, I think this is a good time to go private. It's a little exhausting coming on here to find so much trouble... I'm not used to it and it's hard to create mental space to deal with it!
@k_mama91 and @brrrrrrrrie and everyone else: so i have a few thoughts, feel free to push back:
i don't think another poll will work for two reasons: a) you can only vote one option in the poll and b) while the poll is anonymous anyone and their mother could be voting and in light of "stranger danger" i'm hesitant to go that route, i like the anonymity but there's no way for us to know if some rando is voting.
the other route, which is similar to what another month did - is we could have people nominate admins on the poll post in the comments and then your "love it" of that person is essentially casting your "vote" for that person. it means that we can all see what's going on - so i don't want to make people feel uncomfortable from that standpoint, but also allows transparency that we know the people giving feedback are legit and have the right to do so.
Is anyone hiring a doula for the birth? I'm a little concerned because my husband is my only support and I'm getting concerned this is asking a lot of him.
@bookworm492 - I have a doula and she is great so far. It's been really helpful to ask her technical questions via text instead of always having to write it down and remember to bring it to the OB appt weeks later.
Also, my hubby will want to support me and be there for me with the birth. But the medical and bodily fluids stuff he isn't a fan of. With her being there he doesn't have to be. It is an expensive bill to foot because no insurance really covers doulas. But for us it is worth it and our doula was great about letting us work out a payment plan.
@bookworm492 i briefly looked at this... it's kinda expensive, like easily $1000. i like the benefits of it, but i just can't see spending that much. i don't intend on having anyone but my husband in the room, love my mom to death, but just not how i see it going.
@k_mama91 i didn't until yesterday's incident, and maybe i'm overreacting... but i'm a little shocked to see 6 no votes for the pg considering what people have verbalized in support of it. there's no way for me to tell who is voting no, and there's no way to restrict the poll to this group.
@anniemarie887 that is expensive. I'll have to talk it over more with my spouse. I've kind of held the attitude that I can handle it whatever happens but maybe I give myself too much credit lol.
@bookworm492 I didn’t have one with DS and won’t this time but I did have my sister in there also and she will be there for this birth. I love DH but we had serious concerns of him passing out. There were a couple times my sister had to check to make sure he was still ok and didn’t need to sit down lol. If my sister wasn’t there I probably would’ve worried about him but since I knew she had him handled I could really focus on pushing and that’s it.
You do have the support of your nurses and I would say if you’re not concerned about him fainting or anything you will probably be good with the nurse support.
@bookworm492 We thought about a doula, and I would love one, but the cost is what's preventing us. Maybe the next baby, when he's moved up to O4 and I'll hopefully be bringing in more.
@bookworm492 - I know the price depends greatly on your location, the doulas experience and what each person charges. Ours is $800.
That includes me being able to call or text her day or night with any questions, one or two prenatal visits to hash out our birth plan and back up plans and she is on call starting 4 weeks before my due date. Even if it's a holiday.
My doula is a massage therapist so her being on call means she has to reschedule any massages if I go into labor. Once I looked at it from her point of view and what she sacrafices I realized that was a very reasonable amount to charge.
@mrszoobear you are so right about it being reasonable, even $1000, for what they do. i just wish i could somehow submit to insurance and get even some of it paid.
@mrszoobear if that's what they cost around here I'd go for it but.....I doubt it. I live in an apartment in a super bougie suburb of Chicago. We're probably technically upper middle class but for our neighborhood we're probably lower income.
Doulas came up with my midwives and we are considering it.
My midwives suggested that we take the two birth classes they offer (like $30 each) one on labour and delivery and one on "the fourth trimester" and then we can talk about whether we are interested in a doula for whichever phase we feel we need more support. When I asked about how a doula would differ from her care she said "at some point I'm going to have to go from looking at your face to focusing between your legs" 😂 - fair enough!
@bookworm492 doulas are also very expensive here in Canada so that’s one of the reasons I didn’t consider one. Thankfully my husband is very good around blood and all that stuff (he’s way better than me lol) so I’m not concerned about the fainting or squeamish part. I also heard that if you’re getting a doula, to really make sure you connect and can form a sort of “bond” ahead of time to make sure you’re on the same page. I’ve heard of doulas walking out on ladies for deciding to go for an epidural or consenting to a c-section last minute because they’re disappointed in them for not sticking to all natural. That’s really messed up in my opinion and adds an extra layer of guilt on the mom that’s not necessary.
@anniemarie887 - Yes it would be great but getting insurance to pay for anything extra is like pulling teeth 😔
@bookworm492 - Ahhh yeah your probably looking upwards of a grand in Chicago 😬 Our hospital is in a fairly swanky neighborhood but it's about an hour drive from any major city like Detroit or Ann Arbor. I'm sure we'd be paying a lot more money if we lived closer to the city.
I did find that one of the doula orgs here by me offers a range of classes which are more reasonably priced. Between that, the free class my midwife's practice offers, some free ones shared by @blueskychicago12 maybe we'll have it covered.
@bookworm492 we have a doula this time around, she's actually an apprentice but will be working on her own so she's significantly cheaper... so far she has been worth every penny! She texts me every couple of weeks to check in, also checks in after my appointments and has sent me a few books and some red raspberry leaf tea from a local shop too. Our hospital also does volunteer doulas, but you can't guarantee one will be on that night, or available, that's the main reason we decided to hire one.
@bookworm492 I didn't have a doula but don't underestimate your spouse on his ability to be your support person....I had no real expectations on how my DH would handle the labor process but he did awesome, he was very involved and was there every step of the way. He helped hold my leg up for an hour when I was pushing and saw everything (and later described it to me in detail) and didn't even flinch! I was very impressed by him 😊
@bookworm492 we got a doula (recommendation from my fave prenatal yoga teacher) and i am so glad she’ll be there. It’s pricey in the Bay Area ($2k) but that includes 3 sessions before the birth, coming to your house once you go into labor and helping you decide when it’s time to go the hospital, being there the whole birth, and then doing 3 follow up sessions with lactation consulting, light housework, helping you manage your visitors, just holding the baby while you and your partner eat, etc...
I was really drawn to the idea that I’d have someone who had seen 100s of births advocating for me in the hospital and giving my dude something to do. I’m also not close with my mom...I’d imagine a lot of things doulas do are things typical moms would be good for?
Oh also on the doula subject — I’ve emailed mine for advice about everything from back pain relief to gestational diabetes testing, and she is MUCH more responsive and supportive than my OB’s office.
Ha @anniemarie887 she kinda is!! The other thing I considered was that my OB probably wont be at my birth (at my hospital you just get whoever is on call) so other than my partner she’ll be my only familiar face.
Is anyone else worried about visitors bringing germs around the baby? My daughter was a 31 weeker but she was 6 months by cold and flu season so she was able to get two doses of the flu shot. I want all family members to get the flu shot before being around the baby, but my husband’s sisters are definitely going to give us a hard time. Anyone have any suggestions how to go about this?
@misgerose86 your doula sounds awesome!!! And it does sound like a lot of those things would be done by your mom (if you’re close). My mom and I are super close and my MIL is a former NICU nurse of 25+ years so thankfully I have both of them to teach me the ropes as a first time mom. I swear my MIL is a baby whisperer! She’s so used to dealing with super sick preemies that any baby who was born after 28 weeks is “huge” and she loves helping out new moms and answer any questions or concerns they have.
@anniemarie887 I am not worried about my side of the family or my mother in law and father in law, but my husband’s two sisters and one sister’s baby daddy are my concern. One sister in law had her son in December 2013 when my daughter was 7 months and the other sister refused to get a flu shot. I don’t know if my other sister in law asked her to, but I spoke to her about it at the baby shower and she said she never gets a flu shot and she wouldn’t be getting one. This terrifies me.
@KTZ17 this is baby #1 on my side, and my parents have been waiting a long time - so basically my family is willing to do anything.... it's the in laws that i'm clueless how they will react. it seems like most people it tends to be the in laws ruffling feathers.
I haven't seen the shots conversation in the other thread yet (I'll go check it out!) but like @anniemarie887 said, my midwife also just told me to have anyone who'd be near baby get their flu and TDAP shots, @KTZ17 .
Has anyone else started having baby related nightmares? Im a STM but I always get bad anxiety dreams. This week I have had dreams about feeding the baby every single night. One dream I lost my breast pump and couldn’t feed baby, the next night I forgot how to hold the baby and couldn’t feed him.
@bookworm492 I will second what @Spartanrd4 said in not underestimating your SO. MH hates needles, gets squeamish at his own blood, etc so I was in complete shock that he wanted to watch them do my epidural (normally they don't let people but it was midnight and anesthesiologist was in a IDGAF mood) then held my leg and watched me push DS out and even rubbed DS's head before they wiped him off. I was so shocked but so thankful for his support because even though he seemed like he didn't care when they told me if I didn't get baby out in the next X amount of minutes they were gonna send me for a c-section he said "no she will get the damn baby out give her time." I was so glad he believed in me at that moment because I was wore out from 24+ hours of labor.
Edit to add that I medically had no reason to NEED a c-section...I was just taking longer than the doctor wanted to wait for me to push DS out.
@ale9678 yes! Had one a few nights ago where I fell and looked down at my belly and it was all bruised up and back to normal size as if the baby just disappeared...
Re: QUESTION Thread
Anyway, I appreciate how well organized this board has remained and how kind and supportive we’ve been to each other. I’ve seen some one-off posters move their questions to the general threads and get responses, so I know we’re a welcoming community. Thank you all for working so hard to keep it that way ❤️😊
DD#2 - 7/13
Baby #3 due 1/19, m/c 6/18
DD#3 due 12/19!
@cpk3535 Yesterday we got a little wild 🤪
Is anyone hiring a doula for the birth? I'm a little concerned because my husband is my only support and I'm getting concerned this is asking a lot of him.
Also, my hubby will want to support me and be there for me with the birth. But the medical and bodily fluids stuff he isn't a fan of. With her being there he doesn't have to be. It is an expensive bill to foot because no insurance really covers doulas. But for us it is worth it and our doula was great about letting us work out a payment plan.
@k_mama91 i didn't until yesterday's incident, and maybe i'm overreacting... but i'm a little shocked to see 6 no votes for the pg considering what people have verbalized in support of it. there's no way for me to tell who is voting no, and there's no way to restrict the poll to this group.
You do have the support of your nurses and I would say if you’re not concerned about him fainting or anything you will probably be good with the nurse support.
That includes me being able to call or text her day or night with any questions, one or two prenatal visits to hash out our birth plan and back up plans and she is on call starting 4 weeks before my due date. Even if it's a holiday.
My doula is a massage therapist so her being on call means she has to reschedule any massages if I go into labor. Once I looked at it from her point of view and what she sacrafices I realized that was a very reasonable amount to charge.
@bookworm492 - Ahhh yeah your probably looking upwards of a grand in Chicago 😬 Our hospital is in a fairly swanky neighborhood but it's about an hour drive from any major city like Detroit or Ann Arbor. I'm sure we'd be paying a lot more money if we lived closer to the city.
I was really drawn to the idea that I’d have someone who had seen 100s of births advocating for me in the hospital and giving my dude something to do. I’m also not close with my mom...I’d imagine a lot of things doulas do are things typical moms would be good for?
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
Edit to add that I medically had no reason to NEED a c-section...I was just taking longer than the doctor wanted to wait for me to push DS out.