@mrszoobear We are telling my parents and sister and BIL and his mom, but that's about it. We are going to ask that no one come into town until after the birth, because I don't want people hanging out bugging my husband. The only exception to that is if I go into labor in the middle of the night, my dad had said he will drive down from MD to watch our dog and make sure he's fed and taken care of while DH and I are at the hospital. If I go into labor in the middle of the day though, we're dropping our dog off at the kennel on our way to the hospital.
@mrszoobear we don't have any nearby family so it wont really effect us too much. But it will still depend on the time of the day. If it's the middle of the night we may text parents, otherwise wait until morning. If my family lived nearby and I had a concern about them showing up in the waiting room, I wouldn't tell them personally.
Could you have a conversation with them and let each other know your wishes? Like, we will tell you, but we don't want you coming to the hospital until we give the OK to come because we don't want you sitting around for hours waiting.
I have a small family. Most local except grandparents. My grandparents are 4 hours away. Assuming I go into labor during the day they will head this way when I start. If I make it to my scheduled induction they will come up the day before. My parents will likely have DS1, so if they are there or not depends on his schedule. And they live like 5 minutes from the hospital. Soooo I can get my mommy quick if I need her lol. My brother and sister in law depends on their schedules (brother is in law enforcement).
DH’s family is huge. His mom, dad and stepmom, and grandma will likely wait in the waiting room. They know I’m a bit off and on about actual visitors. So they know they may just be in the waiting room a lot. His full brother may come too. His stepbrothers and their families likely won’t visit until we are home.
I dictate who is in my room and when. Where they wait otherwise is up to them. I don’t feel any pressure to cater to anyone lol
@mrszoobear with DS we agreed not to tell anyone we were in labor just wait until he was born. Granted all our family lives out of state I didn't want the constant texting/calling while I was busy and DH was helping me. BUT I found out after I delivered my DH was texting his dad (whom he is not super close with) the whole time which still pisses me off to this day. With this one I still haven't decided what I want to do because honestly I haven't even thought about who will keep DS while we are in the hospital but I do know whatever I decide I am taking DH's phone from him this time lol
@ashorkey - I really like the idea of telling everyone to stay put until she is born because we won't know how long it will take. Its tactful and polite.
@rjgmcmanus - Oh I didn't even think about my fur babies! I can probably distract my aunts by having them "take care of" them while I'm in labor so they aren't lonely.
@Peachie89 - I don't want my hubby to have to worry about updates either. I think a nice big talk with family members explaining what they can expect as far as updates. Basically keep an eye on Facebook and don't text or call us, we will call you short of thing.
@Stac928 - I'm happy your mom can get to you fast if you need her and I hope you make it to your induction date. I did just hear from my mom that she will come up as soon as I go into labor. She will probably miss me delivering unless they decide to induce or do a c section. But I feel better just knowing she will be at the hospital when I'm still there.
I'm not sure what we'll do this time. We live with my in-laws, so they will obviously know when I'm going to the hospital and I'm assuming they'll be watching our son so they'll be pretty occupied until we ask them to come to the hospital.
My mom lives about a 2 hour drive away. Last time I called her at like 5am on my way to the hospital, and she showed up somewhere around 9. Then she was stuck in the waiting room until about 5pm so I don't know if she's going to want to do the same thing again this time LOL
Dh has a big local family and they love to be in everyone’s business and will definitely pile in the waiting room for however long it takes. Based on my experience last time I do not want that and I’m hoping they respect it. My mom is 3 hours away and I’ve already told her I’ll let her know when I go into labor but I don’t need her coming up. Ideally I’ll go quietly in the middle of the night and not tell anyone until we get home. Realistically I’ll be pissing my in laws off when I refuse them entry to my room. It should be fun.
my parents and younger sisters have already indicated they want to be in the waiting room - I have one sister in high school still, to the point that she made my mom promise she can skip school for this. I think they're nuts and it sounds terribly boring - but this is the first grandbaby for my crew. I have no idea what my in-laws will want to do, this is grandkid #6 for them even though it's our first, I don't think the sis-in-laws will have any desire to camp at the hospital considering they have kids, and i'm ok with that! they can even wait to visit until we are home, my goal is to check out of the hospital ASAP. my MIL and FIL have camped out with the other kids, so I guess they'll do the same?! we need to have this convo with them... I also need to discuss everyone getting flu and TDAP vaccines. not sure how much push back we're gonna get on that.
i'm kinda with you @k_mama91 - i asked at my OB appt today what my dr's thoughts were and she very emphatically said "the flu and whooping cough kill babies and you are having one in the full swing of that time of year, if anyone doesn't want to get vax'ed they are selfish and i would not let them around baby". my sorority sister's step dad wouldn't do it last year, and she stuck to her guns and wouldn't let him around baby.
@anniemarie887 So my plan was to limit baby access to only grandparents and both uncles until flu season is over. I also want hands washed, no kissing, and if they’ve been ill to stay away. My brother was fine with the shots, my mom was not and I was fine telling her she couldn’t come around but she’s not local so that wasn’t a big deal. My in laws are 20 minutes away, anti healthcare, and overall assholes and I just know it’s going to be a big blowup and I have no idea how to stick to my guns without causing a huge fallout.
@k_mama91 does your husband agree with you? mine does, so i'm just hoping that if it comes from him they will know he means business. it's not his personality to be over the top, so him making that request i'm hoping they know how serious it is. my mom also offered to casually bring it up at the shower, like "oh i'm going to get mine when are you doing yours?" so i'll let you know in a few weeks how it goes!
I know my BIL and sister are reluctant to get flu shots. My sister has the TDAP from bother her pregnancies. I’m going to convince my sister to get the flu shot but if BIL doesn’t I’m not going to stress bc he doesn’t have any desire to hold the baby. He didn’t hold DS, his godson, till he was about 5 months old haha. My son actually had the flu this past year and I honestly believe if he didn’t get the flu shot it would’ve been so much worse.
@anniemarie887 Yes let me know! We need to revisit the topic, I’m not sure that he understands how serious it is despite talking to our ob about it at our initial visit. It takes 10 minutes at Walgreens to get the vaccines so I’m not sure why people have such an issue doing it.
We've already told people if they don't have their vaccines, they can't visit baby, period. My sister is also going to put together a meal train for us, and that will be right at the top of the sign up list that goes out to family and friends. So far no pushback, which is good, but with family in all sorts of areas relating to the medical field, that's not surprising.
*edited for meal train. Not mean train. That would've been unfortunate if we got a mean train, lol.
There is a girl from my first baby group (Facebump as I call it) that had a December baby. He was born 5 weeks early and got whooping cough from a family member. He will be 2 this coming December and still has issues with his lungs because of it! I'm holding pretty strong to the vaccinations.
@ashorkey That is my biggest fear. That a family member will give the baby something, especially something that will have lasting effects.
Which brings up my next fear-lying. Am I the only one with deranged family members who would potentially lie about being vaxxed to pacify me and see baby? And how insane am I for thinking of this?
My mom and DH’s stepmom are nurses. I’ll have no problem with those folks. DH’s mom might be different for the flu vaccine. We had the TDaP fight last year and won because I was actually exposed to Pertussis at 37 weeks pregnant. So everyone either verified a current shot with their provider or got a new one.
DH already got a flu shot. DS got his today. I’ll get mine at work when we start.
I’m not at all exaggerating when I say I’m dealing with a different breed here and it’s become worse since I’ve been pregnant, maybe my hormones or just bad timing. Tonight I told dh I expected them to get both shots and he said I was blowing things out of proportion. I reiterated the dangers of flu and whooping cough and while he said he would talk to them he acted like they would decline.
@Stac928 My own mother is a nurse and declined the flu vaccine! Blows my mind.
@k_mama91 I’m always amazed at the bitching from the RNs where I work about the flu shot (mandatory without a medical exemption). So I’m not surprised.
If it helps anyone to convince their family about whooping cough....last year I was 37 weeks pregnant and a patient (I was his primary therapist and social worker, so very exposed) was found to have Pertussis. Our facility infection control nurse immediately stopped me from all patient contact (cause who knows how many more might have it) and my OB also did once she knew. For the remainder of my pregnancy, I went straight to an exam room at the OBs office. No waiting rooms with other pregnant women around, too risky. Walking through common areas I had to wear a mask. And my primary nurse could no longer see me because she was also pregnant.
Pertussis has a decently long incubation period. DS1 was born just at the tail end of it. And I could have passed it on at any point during that. The fear was not for the other women but for the babies they were having.
@Stac928 She’s gone from L&D nurse to charge nurse in a children’s behavioral center so I’m assuming they’re more lax on the flu shot. Like you said, the incubation period is what I’m worrying about bc someone could be a symptomatic but still carrying the germs. Gives me anxiety.
After reading the flu and Tdap posts I decided to give everyone a heads up on my Facebook this morning. Basically if you want to be around the baby getting them is mandatory. My step mom didn't say anything to me or comment on my post. But not a hour later she starts posting a stream of anti vaccination posts. 🙄😤🤔 Guess that means your not getting them? Fine by me. Just don't get mad when I tell you not to hold her or visit us 🤷♀️
I don't really know how my family/in-laws are going to react to this either. Mostly I'm guessing they have no idea when their last TDAP was, which essentially means they probably should all get it again.
My real concern though is my sister. When she was a baby she had a bad allergic reaction to the pertussis portion of the TDAP (I'm not sure how they knew it was that part specifically but that's what I've always been told) so I have no idea what to do about that. I don't want to keep her away from the baby completely for months on end, but as far as I'm aware she's not at all vaccinated against whooping cough.
@Stac928 she works at a hospital (in a non-medical, support role, but still) so I'm sure she would. Though I also just heard from a nurse friend that the shot has changed significantly since we were kids so it's possible she's no longer allergic to it. I'll have to talk to her about and see if it's something she'll look into.
@mrszoobear Wow! I’m sorry for her response to your request!
Some hospitals wont admit visitors to the floor if they’ve not had at least a flu shot. My hospital doesn’t use this practice but I lied to dh and told him his family wouldn’t be allowed in by staff without the one shot and if they’re getting one they might as well get the other. We’ll see if that approach works, if not I hope they enjoy pictures!
Once upon a time I attempted to start a blog and wrote up a little post about Go Bags. Sorry for the novel!
Labor Bag:
Small duffle bag or small suitcase. Take into the hospital when you arrive. You’ll want some if not all of these ready to go.
Hair ties — Don’t underestimate how many you’ll need. I would buy a fresh pack and have them in your bag ready to go.
Headband
BobbyPins
Chapstick — Again, do not underestimate how many you’ll need. I always misplace my Burts Bees, so I’m going to have a fresh multi-pack in my bag ready to go.
Tissues
Slippers
Socks — I prefer the fuzzy socks with skid-free bottoms. You may want to walk around while laboring, and barefoot is not an option.
Robe
Swim Trunks — No, you’re not going swimming (well, unless you are). But you may want to get in the shower while laboring. Alternatively, labor can be wet. If your water didn’t break before the hospital, it could very well break while you’re there and your partner could be in the splash zone.
Water Bottle with Straw
Essential Oils (optional)
Gum
Trail Mix — You may need to put something in your tummy, as it can be several hours before your next meal. It’s advised not to eat once you’re in the hospital, but try telling a pregnant woman she can’t have food. This is a safe backup.
Tylenol & Ibuprofein — This is for your partner. I know, you’re in the hospital so it should be accessible right? Wrong. They will NOT give your partner any meds without a doctor’s order. Unless you’re OK with sending them down to the pharmacy which means leaving your side, I would highly suggest you have some of this on standby.
Mommy’s Bag:
Small duffle bag or small suitcase. Take into the hospital when you’re moved into your regular room. If you have a Doula, he/she can go get this for you.
Pajamas or a Nightgown (optional) — I never changed out of my hospital gown, but I would still recommend bringing something comfy to sleep in.
Nursing Bra
Comfy Underwear — I’m not talking VS lacey sexy panties. I mean the super comfy cotton grannies.**
Going home outfit:
Nursing Tank**
Leggings
Flip Flops
Sweater
Partner’s Bag:
Small duffle bag or small suitcase. Alternatively you can probably squeeze this in your bag or combine with the Bathroom Bag. Take into the hospital when you’re moved into your regular room. If you have a Doula, he/she can go get this for you.
Sweat Pants or Pajamas
Change of Clothes — don’t forget fresh socks and underwear!
Bathroom Bag:
Large bathroom bag. Alternatively you can put this in your suitcase or your partners suitcase. Take into the hospital when you’re moved into your regular room. If you have a Doula, he/she can go get this for you.
Toilet Paper — Get the super expensive, thick, soft, comfy TP and have a few rolls at the ready. Your ladybits will thank you.
Hair Brush
Dry Shampoo
Shampoo& Conditioner
Body Wash
Face Wash/Wipes
Toothbrush & Toothpaste
Nail File
Prenatal Vitamins
Makeup Bag
Hair Dryer (optional)
Deodorant
Lotion
Nipple Shield
Nipple Balm
Peri Bottle & Spray**
Baby’s Bag
Diaper bag or small bag. Take into the hospital when you’re moved into your regular room. If you have a Doula, he/she can go get this for you.
Onesies (Newborn & 0-3) — You really won’t know how big your baby is until he or she is born.
Going Home Outfit (Newborn & 0-3)
Hats (optional)
Socks
Mittens
Blanket
Wipes — I preferred to use these Dry Wipes with some warm water, or Water Wipes. No harsh chemicals, and we NEVER had to deal with Diaper Rash. Sometimes hospitals will have these so that's a plus!
Burp Cloth
Other Must-Haves:
Nursing Pillow**
Phone Chargers — Take into the hospital upon arrival.
Tablet & Charger — Take into the hospital upon arrival.
Camera & Charger— Take into the hospital upon arrival.
File Organizer — You’re about to get a TON of paperwork and important documents. You’ll need a way to keep these safe. Have a small binder or folder, something to keep these documents safe.
Snacks
Pillows & Blanket — Your partner will thank you since most hospitals don’t provide linens for sleeping. Plus, you may want your own pillow.
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16) DS born 12.13.14 DD born 10.15.16 BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18 BFP 4.25.19, EDD 12.31.19
i feel like i'm gonna be rolling up to L&D like i'm going on a week long vacation.... oh man. i am so appreciative of these lists, but i am like a week in a carryon bag kinda gal and this is a LOT of stuff... i also realized i will never fly again without checking bags the other day and was v sad.
@anniemarie887 I didn’t bring all the things others did. For example the nursing pillow never made it out of the car. I piled up the generous amount of pillows the hospital gave me and it was fine. The hospital provided plenty of linens for my husband. And for me. I didn’t bring that. So check with your hospital.
@nsquaredlife13 The file organizer is absolutely genius! And I wouldn’t have thought about TP, I know we’ll be dabbing dry vs wiping but good soft TP is so much more pleasant than the tree bark they supply you in L&D.
Yesss!! Especially when so much is riding on you using the bathroom for the first time post-delivery... you need some softness for your bits!!! Even after my CS I appreciated not having to wipe with single ply.
And the file organizer was my Doula's suggestion, and it totally came in clutch. They gave us so many documents, and even though some came in a folder from the Hospital, it was so much easier to keep track of everything in just one spot.
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16) DS born 12.13.14 DD born 10.15.16 BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18 BFP 4.25.19, EDD 12.31.19
@midgerose86 so glad it's useful for ya!! Those grippy socks come in handy... I recommend more than one pair juuuust in case you have a water leak/accident.
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16) DS born 12.13.14 DD born 10.15.16 BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18 BFP 4.25.19, EDD 12.31.19
@nsquaredlife13 - yes thank you!! This just went into a google drive doc and I'm so excited to have it. @anniemarie887 - re: no more carry on life maybe again one day? At least I'll be able to bring bottles of booze back from trips now?
@nsquaredlife13 such a great idea bout the file organizer/folder, my husband is obsessed with filing and keeping everything organized and this will give him excitement lol!!
So funny story about grippy socks. I bought 2-3 pairs for my last birth. For some reason, that escapes me now, I thought toe socks would be awesome. So that's what I got. After my C-section I couldn't lean over to put them on, and my husband couldn't get them on either. So I ended up wearing the hospital grippy socks...luckily the maternity ward had cute teal and purple ones so it wasn't so bad.
Re: Hospital Bags! What is in yours?
Could you have a conversation with them and let each other know your wishes? Like, we will tell you, but we don't want you coming to the hospital until we give the OK to come because we don't want you sitting around for hours waiting.
DH’s family is huge. His mom, dad and stepmom, and grandma will likely wait in the waiting room. They know I’m a bit off and on about actual visitors. So they know they may just be in the waiting room a lot. His full brother may come too. His stepbrothers and their families likely won’t visit until we are home.
I dictate who is in my room and when. Where they wait otherwise is up to them. I don’t feel any pressure to cater to anyone lol
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
@ashorkey - I really like the idea of telling everyone to stay put until she is born because we won't know how long it will take. Its tactful and polite.
@rjgmcmanus - Oh I didn't even think about my fur babies! I can probably distract my aunts by having them "take care of" them while I'm in labor so they aren't lonely.
@Peachie89 - I don't want my hubby to have to worry about updates either. I think a nice big talk with family members explaining what they can expect as far as updates. Basically keep an eye on Facebook and don't text or call us, we will call you short of thing.
@Stac928 - I'm happy your mom can get to you fast if you need her and I hope you make it to your induction date. I did just hear from my mom that she will come up as soon as I go into labor. She will probably miss me delivering unless they decide to induce or do a c section. But I feel better just knowing she will be at the hospital when I'm still there.
My mom lives about a 2 hour drive away. Last time I called her at like 5am on my way to the hospital, and she showed up somewhere around 9. Then she was stuck in the waiting room until about 5pm so I don't know if she's going to want to do the same thing again this time LOL
*edited for meal train. Not mean train. That would've been unfortunate if we got a mean train, lol.
Which brings up my next fear-lying. Am I the only one with deranged family members who would potentially lie about being vaxxed to pacify me and see baby? And how insane am I for thinking of this?
DH already got a flu shot. DS got his today. I’ll get mine at work when we start.
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
@Stac928 My own mother is a nurse and declined the flu vaccine! Blows my mind.
If it helps anyone to convince their family about whooping cough....last year I was 37 weeks pregnant and a patient (I was his primary therapist and social worker, so very exposed) was found to have Pertussis. Our facility infection control nurse immediately stopped me from all patient contact (cause who knows how many more might have it) and my OB also did once she knew. For the remainder of my pregnancy, I went straight to an exam room at the OBs office. No waiting rooms with other pregnant women around, too risky. Walking through common areas I had to wear a mask. And my primary nurse could no longer see me because she was also pregnant.
Pertussis has a decently long incubation period. DS1 was born just at the tail end of it. And I could have passed it on at any point during that. The fear was not for the other women but for the babies they were having.
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
My real concern though is my sister. When she was a baby she had a bad allergic reaction to the pertussis portion of the TDAP (I'm not sure how they knew it was that part specifically but that's what I've always been told) so I have no idea what to do about that. I don't want to keep her away from the baby completely for months on end, but as far as I'm aware she's not at all vaccinated against whooping cough.
@CapricaAndrea would she be willing to use droplet precautions. Always good hand washing right before and wearing a mask.
https://www.cdc.gov/infectioncontrol/basics/transmission-based-precautions.html#anchor_1564058155
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
Some hospitals wont admit visitors to the floor if they’ve not had at least a flu shot. My hospital doesn’t use this practice but I lied to dh and told him his family wouldn’t be allowed in by staff without the one shot and if they’re getting one they might as well get the other. We’ll see if that approach works, if not I hope they enjoy pictures!
Labor Bag:
Small duffle bag or small suitcase.
Take into the hospital when you arrive. You’ll want some if not all of these ready to go.
Mommy’s Bag:
Small duffle bag or small suitcase.
Take into the hospital when you’re moved into your regular room. If you have a Doula, he/she can go get this for you.
Partner’s Bag:
Small duffle bag or small suitcase. Alternatively you can probably squeeze this in your bag or combine with the Bathroom Bag.
Take into the hospital when you’re moved into your regular room. If you have a Doula, he/she can go get this for you.
Bathroom Bag:
Large bathroom bag. Alternatively you can put this in your suitcase or your partners suitcase.
Take into the hospital when you’re moved into your regular room. If you have a Doula, he/she can go get this for you.
Baby’s Bag
Diaper bag or small bag.
Take into the hospital when you’re moved into your regular room. If you have a Doula, he/she can go get this for you.
Other Must-Haves:
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16)
DS born 12.13.14
DD born 10.15.16
BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
And the file organizer was my Doula's suggestion, and it totally came in clutch. They gave us so many documents, and even though some came in a folder from the Hospital, it was so much easier to keep track of everything in just one spot.
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16)
DS born 12.13.14
DD born 10.15.16
BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18
Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16)
DS born 12.13.14
DD born 10.15.16
BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18
@anniemarie887 - re: no more carry on life
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019