I would like to be in the private group if it happens! I don’t remember this happening back in 2013 when I had my daughter. Is it a recent Bump development?
So I’m not sure how to go about making anything here private but from further digging a few members somehow gain access to a fancy backstage section of the bump where they have the ability to invite others? In our case I guess that would be sending access to everyone who wants it? Im out for that position bc I’ve been emailing the admins about their dumb daily size references lol
so do we think some sort of poll re private group? it appears you also have to name them - which can be as simple as Dec 2019.... or something else?!
from what i've read whomever starts the group is the admin and controls who gets in - and you can add addt'l admin - not sure how many. i also don't want to be mean girls about it, and i haven't had any concern about anyone who has said they want to be included... but i do think we need to have some sort of guideline.for ex. the two posts re twins and baby shower stuff, i have no clue who those women are, and found that a little like oh hello, where did you come from?!
@anniemarie887@rjgmcmanus I think if the leader/admin recognizes the name and if others tell admin they do know the person we can opt them in. Let’s do a poll (maybe put the reason we’d like to do the private group next to the pool!? So people understand)
I’m down for whatever the majority want to do. If we do private are we going to move all topics over there? I think it’ll be confusing if ppl are still posting on this one and the private one. All on one board I think will be better.
@ninrms I'm definitely on the opposite schedule to you, but that's because on weekends my focus is almost entirely on looking after my toddler, and I imagine it's similar for any non-FTM's. I honestly have no idea when I'll post once I start work though, I guess when I'm on the train commuting?
I agree about the recent one offs, the names weren’t familiar for me so that’s a great example of why a PG would be good and who we may not jump at including?
Im with @ale9687 regarding the migration of topics. We’ll need a post for clarity so nobody gets left behind if we’re doing this.
WARNING: not a regular poster so i know i'll catch heat, but i'll chime in. I was the one that started the baby shower thread. I thought it would be a good place for everyone to share their special days and give advice and now i know why no one has commented on it. Because "regular posters" are on this thread slamming people that aren't regular posters because of it. I was VERY active on here with my first pregnancy in 2016 and now by reading the threads daily and occasionally chiming in and the same exact thing happened then as it is now. And the reason some people might not be able to be more active on here is because of their work schedules and i really don't thing they should be shamed or excluded because of it. Do what you want but if you're starting a private group because you are worried about privacy issues (this is the internet after all) then just add each there on facebook. You are taking away from other women who are looking for helpful info by starting a private group and confining yourselves to that. Luckily this is my last pregnancy and the last time I'll be joining these groups because this really is just a mean girls club.
@firsttimemomma417 Hey! I'd say come on over to the private group! You're welcome in my book. I just don't have a lot of thoughts about baby showers. I again tend towards inclusivity. Rather than evaluating who posts a lot we might let those people in who want to be included. I'm also interested in internet security, but I think that if people have been following along by reading so far, what's the harm in allowing that to continue but just limiting it to no additional eyes after this point. It's still probably a good practice to not put really personal information on these boards, even if it is private. Nothing on the internet is truly private.
@firsttimemomma417 I don’t think anyone is “slamming” here. And I don’t see where anyone said anything hateful regarding the schedule on which others post. Obviously we’re all busy and it’s understandable if someone doesn’t participate daily or as much as the next person. We’re all approaching the 30 week mark and have been supporting, encouraging, and venting to each other for about 24-25 weeks now and I don’t think it’s weird that we’d feel better about sharing our lives in a more controlled space. This isn’t to exclude someone who isn’t a regular poster but to shield our info from creepy lurkers who never give input, provide support, or join in. As far as the Facebook group goes, it’s the same concept but there are some of us who have been around since March that don’t do Facebook but regularly post and don’t want to be left behind. If you’re interested in participating find your weekly check in and give some input besides a random thread pertaining to something that interests you specifically. I know for a fact that if you wanted to migrate with us no one would stop you but it probably won’t go over well that you’ve accused us of slamming other women when it’s just not the case.
@firsttimemomma417 - I don’t think there’s a lot of haters here. I’m pretty sure everyone would welcome you with open arms. Looking at the discussion about a private group it seems like people are trying to balance inclusivity with some privacy - actively trying not to be a mean girls club. I’m certain you and many others would be welcome with open arms, regardless of post frequency. I’m sorry you haven’t gotten a ton of traction on your baby shower post. I’ve had to cancel both of mine because of surgery and now bed rest, so I’ve got nothing but downer thoughts to share. No one wants to hear those! I think sometimes things just pop and sometimes they don’t. There’s been a couple unanswered questions on the question thread too that I’ve meant to respond to but just didn’t get around to. I’m by no means a leader of this group (I honestly just struggle getting the app to work), but I can tell you one thing it hasn’t been is nasty - even the one day we almost veered into politics. 😂
firsttimemomma417 I have no issue owning that I used your post as an example. if you go back and read what i wrote i said "i have no clue who those women are, and found that a little like oh hello, where did you come from?!" there was no "slamming" in my comment. i didn't say you shouldn't be let in, i didn't call you names, didn't even say anything remotely derogatory about your drive by post. i'm also confused you seem to contradict yourself and say you were active your first pregnancy but then also left out? i can click on your name and see 22 total comments since 2016. clearly you are missing the point - fb isn't an inclusive option for all of the women who are active participants on the board and coming in here like a bull in a china shop isn't going to help you make friends. also don't try and guilt us about "taking away from other women" you get what you give m'dear, xoxo an apparent mean girl.
Having been just as active here as I was in my June '17 board, I am shocked at how little drama and meanness there has been. Maybe because it's been a smaller group? A bunch of us migrated to Facebook and still exist there and our initial group was ~75, down to about 60 now. I'm not even sure there's 60 of us here to begin with.
I personally have no problem with people who haven't posted much being included, as long as they're willing to participate in some capacity in a private group. Some people just won't feel comfortable until the point where it's private. To me it's more about keeping personal details private from literally anyone who wants to come here, even years from now. If I have some issue with a stalker or an identity thief in 5 years, I don't want some posts on the Bump to be where they got any information from. I don't want to post my personal birth story with the world at large. I don't want to share photos of my newborn with anyone who I don't feel at least some sense of community with. And as we get closer to the end dates, that becomes more and more prevalent. A few women in the last group had premies and shared a lot of really personal, really emotional experiences with their time in the NICU and finding out different diagnoses etc. And regardless of participation level, that kind of stuff is easier to share with a limited audience than it is when literally anyone in the world could be reading it.
Edited to add: actually there WAS a private group in my last board. It was the board that specifically existed to talk about other group members behind their backs, making fun of stupid questions they asked, or rolling their eyes at opinions etc. That is not at all what this proposed group is about.
@anniemarie887 thanks for your input m'dear. I clearly said i was very active in reading the threads daily and occasionally chiming in, so no contradiction there.
We all were just so nice to you after you freaked out for absolutely no reason and you’re trying to give a mic drop. You will not be met with hate or anger from this group of women.
I feel even more inclined toward a private group after reading some of today's posts in this thread. It's my opinion that we don't need people to be able to pop in with rude things to say when everyone who has been a part of the community here has been so nice and supportive throughout.
I thought everyone was pretty measured and kind in their responses to you. They all said you would be welcome. But now it sounds like you won’t even take that olive branch, so I’m just going to say a hard life lesson I learned as a kid: When a lot of people don’t want to be around you, maybe ask yourself what you could do differently.
Best of luck in your pregnancy ❤️ I mean that with full sincerity.
I'll third @blueskychicago12 and say ya'll were a lot nicer than what I was originally going to type out and then held back on doing. Sorry you made a one off post that was about you (in your second comment in it) and no one responded. Read the rules and then join on in!
PS I'm impressed across the board with how much activity there has been the last 3 days. It's been hard to keep up!
@ashorkeyPlease know there were a few edits before I hit post. I am dead on with prior comments that I can be a bit abrasive and it’s something I am CONSTANTLY working on. I’ll also own that I was an actual mean girl in high school. It’s not a cute look in hindsight.
Ding dang. You don't look at the page for all of 12 hours and miss all the drama llama 😂 Granted it was only a one sided dramatization by one random person but still. I know I read and liked her baby shower post thinking "that's a cute idea for a thread." But as my shower is being hosted for me and I've mentioned it in other posts, I didn't have anything to say. Her other post was asking for dress recommendations for which I had none.
I felt sorry for her at first for feeling excluded...until she went off again for no reason and was extra "mean girl" to @anniemarie887. I mean come on, anyone who says my dear in a patronizing tone is not playing very nice.
On the plus side this is our very first "confrontational" exchange to date I think. That's awesome! Especially for the internet.
@ashorkey I will second it's been hard to keep up but I honestly just thought it was my crazy past 3 days until I actually realized how much activity there has been.
I'm glad to see us all supportive and inclusive no matter what some people say. My first board in 2016 was not as accommodating so I love this group even as a STM!!
Look, I'll say this. I am openly planning to formula feed off the bat AND I have expressed comments especially early on where I felt ambivalent about the pregnancy and unsure I made the right choice to me a mom (feelings which fortunately through a lot of time and a lot of work have resolved! But beside the point for now) if anyone was an easy target to be treated meanly it's probably me. I've never felt disrespected by anyone here.
I feel bad that she felt left out, as I'm certain that wasn't anyone's intent, but the reaction was a bit much. I didn't respond because I just had my baby shower this weekend, and was basically emotionally exhausted after it (see Why my pregnant self is crying and the group 1 and 2 check in for details)...so continuing to talk about baby showers was not something I really wanted to do. Honestly, had she posted it a week ago, before my shower, I probably would've had something to say.
I don't think anyone has ever been disrespectful or mean in this group. Honest, yes, but always respectfully so, and I appreciate that. There's a reason I keep coming back here. I always steered clear of the "mean girls" in school, and never once have I felt that urge here. If anything, in some ways, you ladies have been more helpful and supportive than some of my real life friends. I appreciate all of you.
Agree with @blueskychicago12 though...it makes me a bit more inclined towards a private group now.
Well, this has been my morning coffee read for today. Holy crap 😳 I’m with the majority and this confirms my belief that we need to go private, not to exclude anyone but to prevent this wacky shit from happening. 25ish weeks y’all and we made it this far without so much as a blip. I thought everyone was very polite in their response to the drive by and I’m like @anniemarie887 in the fact that I’ve spent years working to be more empathetic to others and not so harsh in my words so I’ll call this a win on that front if nothing else. Ive grown to care for our little group and having someone come in upsetting others really bothered me.
I feel bad that someone feels left out from the chat. But also, I do think everyone here is pretty respectful and very polite. Although I also don't post much regularly (or way less than other moms), I don't feel in any way excluded and definitely don't think that there is a 'mean girls group'. Well regarding the reaction - don't want to justify, but always like to look at things from different perspectives: We all are very emotional these days in different ways (sadness, anger, upset, fear etc) and as people express themselves differently, I don't judge how @firsttimemomma417 expressed her opinion. You just never know what rubbs you the wrong way these days (from personal experience). I'm just sorry that she feels like that. Going to her Baby Shower post, I honestly didn't see it at all as I usually only navigate to questions, symptoms, exercise and working moms discussions.
Now about the private group: are we talking about the already existing December 2019 moms Facebook group or creating a completely new one?
oh I missed a lot! i'm even more on board with going private. I said nothing in the baby shower post because I'm a STM, just over a year from giving birth, and having another boy....no showers here this time
I thought the baby shower thread was a great idea-- I'm just not having one so I didn't comment. I also saw someone made a thread about meal planning before baby comes, also a great idea, I just haven't started getting my ducks in a row for that yet as I still have about 13 weeks to go-- give me another month and I'll start researching freezer recipes.
My point was that the "worst" that really happens here is sometimes a newish poster starts a one off thread or doesn't really introduce themselves and another poster points it out. Not really that bad imo but that's just, like, my opinion man.
@sjai59 The private group would remain on the bump and would be the same format just moved behind locked doors to avoid outsiders reading our personal details. I’m thinking a Facebook group is still in the works as well but there are some of us on here who don’t do social media but want to stay connected.
The baby shower post didn't take off because we already had a registry post...the shower post would've been for people who wanted to be ~*flashhy*~. Not needed, because that's not who we really are here. The End.
Lemme know when the Private Group goes live ya'll! This was a great coffee read @k_mama91 and it made me appreciate you ladies so much more I could cry. I feel lucky to have made such a great group of friends online and hope we can continue it after all the babes arrive.
Sha'll we nominate an Admin???? @anniemarie887 you got my vote Regina!
i'm flattered @ktmaesim and @k_mama91 - and yes, please be the Gretchen to my Regina. how do we want to decide on admin? if i am one of them i would really want someone else to do it, too, or even 3 total. just that way it's not all on one human, or a dictatorship.
Re: QUESTION Thread
So I’m not sure how to go about making anything here private but from further digging a few members somehow gain access to a fancy backstage section of the bump where they have the ability to invite others? In our case I guess that would be sending access to everyone who wants it? Im out for that position bc I’ve been emailing the admins about their dumb daily size references lol
from what i've read whomever starts the group is the admin and controls who gets in - and you can add addt'l admin - not sure how many. i also don't want to be mean girls about it, and i haven't had any concern about anyone who has said they want to be included... but i do think we need to have some sort of guideline.for ex. the two posts re twins and baby shower stuff, i have no clue who those women are, and found that a little like oh hello, where did you come from?!
Im with @ale9687 regarding the migration of topics. We’ll need a post for clarity so nobody gets left behind if we’re doing this.
as for poll - just a yes no poll to move to private?
I personally have no problem with people who haven't posted much being included, as long as they're willing to participate in some capacity in a private group. Some people just won't feel comfortable until the point where it's private. To me it's more about keeping personal details private from literally anyone who wants to come here, even years from now. If I have some issue with a stalker or an identity thief in 5 years, I don't want some posts on the Bump to be where they got any information from. I don't want to post my personal birth story with the world at large. I don't want to share photos of my newborn with anyone who I don't feel at least some sense of community with. And as we get closer to the end dates, that becomes more and more prevalent. A few women in the last group had premies and shared a lot of really personal, really emotional experiences with their time in the NICU and finding out different diagnoses etc. And regardless of participation level, that kind of stuff is easier to share with a limited audience than it is when literally anyone in the world could be reading it.
Edited to add: actually there WAS a private group in my last board. It was the board that specifically existed to talk about other group members behind their backs, making fun of stupid questions they asked, or rolling their eyes at opinions etc. That is not at all what this proposed group is about.
@k_mama91good luck with your private group.
and if anyone else wants to give their two cents to me then go ahead but it'll be met with silence.
really hope the private group works out.
Ill give my my two cents
We all were just so nice to you after you freaked out for absolutely no reason and you’re trying to give a mic drop. You will not be met with hate or anger from this group of women.
Best of luck in your pregnancy ❤️ I mean that with full sincerity.
PS I'm impressed across the board with how much activity there has been the last 3 days. It's been hard to keep up!
I felt sorry for her at first for feeling excluded...until she went off again for no reason and was extra "mean girl" to @anniemarie887. I mean come on, anyone who says my dear in a patronizing tone is not playing very nice.
On the plus side this is our very first "confrontational" exchange to date I think. That's awesome! Especially for the internet.
I'm glad to see us all supportive and inclusive no matter what some people say. My first board in 2016 was not as accommodating so I love this group even as a STM!!
I don't think anyone has ever been disrespectful or mean in this group. Honest, yes, but always respectfully so, and I appreciate that. There's a reason I keep coming back here. I always steered clear of the "mean girls" in school, and never once have I felt that urge here. If anything, in some ways, you ladies have been more helpful and supportive than some of my real life friends. I appreciate all of you.
Agree with @blueskychicago12 though...it makes me a bit more inclined towards a private group now.
Well regarding the reaction - don't want to justify, but always like to look at things from different perspectives: We all are very emotional these days in different ways (sadness, anger, upset, fear etc) and as people express themselves differently, I don't judge how @firsttimemomma417 expressed her opinion. You just never know what rubbs you the wrong way these days (from personal experience). I'm just sorry that she feels like that.
Going to her Baby Shower post, I honestly didn't see it at all as I usually only navigate to questions, symptoms, exercise and working moms discussions.
Now about the private group: are we talking about the already existing December 2019 moms Facebook group or creating a completely new one?
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
My point was that the "worst" that really happens here is sometimes a newish poster starts a one off thread or doesn't really introduce themselves and another poster points it out. Not really that bad imo but that's just, like, my opinion man.
Lemme know when the Private Group goes live ya'll! This was a great coffee read @k_mama91 and it made me appreciate you ladies so much more I could cry. I feel lucky to have made such a great group of friends online and hope we can continue it after all the babes arrive.
Sha'll we nominate an Admin???? @anniemarie887 you got my vote Regina!