TTC at 38 & scared — The Bump
TTC after 35

TTC at 38 & scared

Hi, all!

My husband and I met only 4 years ago and were certain we didn’t want children. None of us have siblings and are not particularly used to being around babies and children. Then a few months ago his grandfather died and he started wondering how it’ll be for us when we grow old and have noone to take care of us so we agreed to start trying for a baby. The thing is that I am sure we will make good parents, but am scared out of mind of the whole pregnancy thing (if it should happen) due to my age and all the many possible complications. I already have high blood pressure, which I understand is not a good and can endanger the baby during pregnancy. I also have two coworkers who had stillbirths this year and they were 37 and 38 years old. I don’t know how to make all the negative thoughts go away, because I’m also afraid that all this stress could cause even more problems. It’s been really hard to deal with this mess of emotions of wanting to be a parent, yet being so afraid of getting there. I’m not really sure what my question is, or the purpose of this post, I guess I just needed to put it all out there :)

Re: TTC at 38 & scared

  • Mack2342Mack2342
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    I can understand your feelings.   I was 39 with my first pregnancy and delivered my healthy son at 40.   So hopefully that gives you a little hope.  This board is not super active.  Feel free to PM me with questions 
  • Hi, I used to be a a member of this board before having two kids, first at age 36 and the second at age 40. Both are healthy and were conceived naturally. So I would encourage you not to worry too much about your age, but to be proactive and use OPKs, temping, and consult an RE if you'd not pregnant after 4-5 months (they say six, but at this age, I went after our second try was taking over 4 months).'
    All this said, you may want to think twice about having kids if it's only to have someone in old age. Old age is a relatively short period of time, and if you won't be happy the rest of your parenting career, you could be setting yourself up for an unfulfilling life. Kids are tough, so if you don't love the idea of having them, the sacrifices may leave you bitter.
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  • lizm1234lizm1234
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited September 5
    I would encourage you to try and see how it goes.  Everyone is unique.  Two of my coworkers both had trouble TTC and they were my age (37) or younger when they started trying.  I guess I just assumed it would take many months or years to conceive.  I actually got pregnant the second month of TTC.  I was shocked.  My friend who was 35, got pregnant her first month TTC.  I also used to work with two different ladies who were told they could never get pregnant.  Well they each had a baby.  One was aged 38 and the other was 43. Both ladies conceived naturally and weren't even tracking.  

    You honestly just don't know.  Don't just look at your chronological age.   If you have fairly regular cycles, there may still be a good chance.  Either way, the standard recommendation for women 35-40 is to try for 6 months.  If you don't become pregnant, then seek medical help.  Also an ovulation monitor should help too.  Read the instructions carefully.  The one I used suggested seeing a doctor if you go more than 3 cycles without detecting the LH surge.  
  • I just remembered my other former coworker in the almost exact situation as you.  She got married in her mid 30s.  She went to to have her first child at 38 and their second at 40.  
  • All the stories are giving me hope! I’m 36, just started TTC 3 months ago. I always hear that after 35  your chances for conceiving go down and risks go up. I’ve been trying not to stress about my age, but it’s hard not to. Thanks for the uplifting comments 😄
  • Hello, I'm 42 and my partner is 41. He doesn't have any biological children, so we decided just to let nature take its course. I'm currently 19w4d pregnant, and all genetic screenings are showing an active, healthy, NORMAL baby boy. I also delivered my second child at 35, and he is a happy, and crazy 7yo. Good luck! And, remember statistics are just that! They include factors from a time when we aged much faster than we do now and weren't as health conscious. Plus, women have been having babies in middle-life for literally thousands of years. And while it can be scary to hear there's a 1:55 chance of chromosomal abnormalities (at 42), it also means there's a 54:55 chance everything will be fine. And, that way more re-assuring. 

    ***TW*** How long it took us to conceive is listed in the spoiler.

    I became unexpectedly pregnant in Nov of 2018 after thinking the odds were so low, I'd never conceive. We'd been on the "let's see what happens" course for about 2 cycles. I did miscarry at 10w4d in January, but the consensus on it was that it was the 1:4 chance all women have.

    After some emotional healing, we decided that we wanted to see what would happen. In April, we started trying, and I was pregnant the very next cycle. Every woman is different, and some have a harder time than others. I'm not saying it'll be easy and you won't have issues, but know there's a lot of hope, too. 

  • @FyreFlyeRush you are my inspiration! That is amazing to hear. And you’re right, they are just statistics. My problem is that I’m getting in my own head. I know I need to relax and just let it happen, but I get so stressed when my fertile time comes. Ugh..
    Here’s to next month!
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