How do you cope with the anxiety?

candicehj · August 2019

Hi! I am 37yo and just got a BFP 1.5 weeks ago. I’m in the beginning of my 5th week, according to my LMP.

Im looking for tips to cope with the anxiety I’m feeling about being older with my first pregnancy and all the stuff that could go wrong. I’m especially anxious about losing the pregnancy, as my brother and his wife just went through a still birth at a little over 6 months just before I got my positive result. Their circumstances were quite different than mine, but I can’t help feeling absolutely terrified my family will have to endure another loss when we just need a WIN! Any tips mamas?

dpchickens · August 2019

One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time.

You are PG right now and you should be thankful for every minute you are PG, whether that PG lasts 2 weeks, 2 months, or til you have a living baby in your hands. There is nothing you can do besides listening to what your doctor says and doing your best.

Also, I recommend therapy if it bothers you too much. Sometimes... you never get a win.

kiki75 · August 2019

candicehj said:

Hi! I am 37yo and just got a BFP 1.5 weeks ago. I’m in the beginning of my 5th week, according to my LMP.

Im looking for tips to cope with the anxiety I’m feeling about being older with my first pregnancy and all the stuff that could go wrong. I’m especially anxious about losing the pregnancy, as my brother and his wife just went through a still birth at a little over 6 months just before I got my positive result. Their circumstances were quite different than mine, but I can’t help feeling absolutely terrified my family will have to endure another loss when we just need a WIN! Any tips mamas?

Those first few weeks are really hard.

First off, I am so sorry to you and your family for the loss of your niece/nephew. If you haven't told your brother and sister-in-law about your pregnancy yet, please be cognizant of where they're at and be very careful about how you handle it. I know you're overjoyed and they want to be overjoyed for you. But it's just going to be hard for them. You know them better than I, but the general consensus among the loss community is that it's best to hear it directly from the expecting couple via text or email. That way, they can digest the information in their own time and project the reaction they want to project when they're ready and able. Throughout the pregnancy, try to keep their mixed emotions in mind. For example, if you're planning to do a sex reveal, give them an out. Don't do it at a holiday when they didn't see it coming. Be ever so kind even when it feels like they're not preforming the excitement for your pregnancy you would like them to. Don't complain to them about any of it. There are people who can be your audience for that but it's not them. Grant them a cubic crapton of grace. Even if this is a "win" for the extended family and is a win for your branch of the family, their arms and nursery are still empty.

Now, on to you. It's funny that the messages we hear overall are that 37 is so suuuuuper crazy old for pregnancy. Doctors aren't really that impressed. Sure, over 35 changes some of the guidelines but it's not the scary thing we're led to believe. The best thing you can do is to stay away from Dr. Google and not think about it too much. There aren't articles on the internet that are about, "37-year-old woman gets pregnant, has normal pregnancy, baby is cute." Articles aren't written about that which is why it seems to be a mass of articles about what can go wrong. Sure, you need to be educated to a point so you know what things to watch out for and can keep yourself safe but other than that, too much information just serves to stress you out and make you feel terrible. So try not to invite it into your life.

All you can do is to take care of yourself, appreciate that today, you are pregnant, and until you have information otherwise, assume that all is good. If you do find that your anxiety is getting to you, talk to your OB about it and seek help, if needed.

candicehj · August 2019

Thank you for your words, and believe me, I’m very aware that telling my brother and his wife about our pregnancy should be done with grace and in a private setting. It’s one of the things causing anxiety, revealing to them.

kiki75 · August 2019

candicehj said:

Thank you for your words, and believe me, I’m very aware that telling my brother and his wife about our pregnancy should be done with grace and in a private setting. It’s one of the things causing anxiety, revealing to them.

Just making sure.

We've seen them all here.

From people like you to people who insist that other people's life experiences don't matter, if the whole family isn't doing absolute backflips over the pregnancy, they're horrible and they aren't being supportive. "I don't care that Nana is 95! BACKFLIPS if you aren't horrible!!!" You'll find the right time to share. And there might be times where you feel like you misstepped. But you already have the most important parts of caring and trying.

candicehj · August 2019

So am I the only one holding my breath every time I go pee (like, every 5 minutes) and silently praying I don’t see any kind of blood? So so scared of that.

mercury94 · August 2019

@candicehj It’s not abnormal to react that way every time you go to the bathroom. But, do your best to relax. You have no reason to believe that something is going wrong. Many women have normal, successful pregnancies at 37. Just remind yourself that you are pregnant right now and cherish those moments. There could be many reasons why that tragedy happened with your niece or nephew. Without more information, such as genetic disorders that you and your brother both carry, there is no reason to think that the same thing will happen to you. I sincerely recommend that you talk to your OB and seek help if you can’t move past the anxiety.

Edit for typos.

dpchickens · August 2019

@candicehj I absolutely understand about holding your breath every time you go pee, checking for blood. It's terrible feeling like that. I'd definitely maybe suggest some therapy because it's nice to have someone to talk through all this anxiety with.

Hope you have better luck than I did!

emeraldcity1214 · August 2019

I’m 28 weeks and I still check the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom. 😕

candicehj · August 2019

Love your user name! Emerald is actually top of our girl name list! I guess I’ll just get used to tp checks, then 💁‍♀️

ejoseph16 · August 2019

@candicehj I’m 7 weeks 5 days and check every single time. 🤷🏼‍♀️ The struggle is real.

candicehj · September 2019

Is this your first pregnancy?

ejoseph16 · September 2019

@candicehj no. I got my first bfp in March and miscarried in April, but I had nightmares of miscarrying. Internally, I knew it was going to happen. This time I have the same feelings but that I will take home this baby. Listen to your gut. It knows. Even though I check, it’s to note whether or not I see spotting. I had O bleeding and I had implantation bleeding, so my body bleeds with big changes apparently.

emeraldcity1214 · September 2019

@ejoseph16 I missed your announcement! Congratulations! I’m so excited for you!

ejoseph16 · September 2019

@emeraldcity1214 thanks!!! I’m 8 weeks along now, heard a heartbeat of 142 bpm on Tuesday at 7w1d so we are through the moon! So excited! The symptoms tipped me off this time that I had a sticky!

kksadie · September 2019

I’m just over 5 weeks and don’t have my first scan for heartbeat for another 3 weeks-I don’t know how I’m going to make it! This is my first pregnancy and I’m overwhelmed with nerves. So far it’s just been those knots/butterflies in my stomach, but today it’s been shortness of breath I’m so anxious😰

How do you cope with the anxiety?

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