PGAL Check-in w/o 6/26

kbrown2385 · June 2019

This thread is a safe place for those who are pregnant after a loss. (PGAL). If you have suffered a loss please feel free to answer the questions below and keep things going throughout the week as a continuing conversation.

If you haven’t suffered a loss, please refrain from answering the questions, but know we welcome anyone who wants to come in and support the PGAL ladies and their milestones with encouragement or love tits! Thank you!

1. How many weeks are you?

2. Previous loss(es)?

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?

4. Any appointment updates?

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: What is one thing on your bucket list?

kbrown2385 · June 2019

1. How many weeks are you? 10 weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? 6 losses. 12/13, 1/17, 11/17, 4/18, 9/18, 2/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Im beginning to lose my confidence again. I wish there was an easy way to guarantee everything was fine between scans. I know I’m still tired, have some nausea but it’s starting not to be enough for peace of mind.

4. Any appointment updates? NIPT bloodwork July 3rd, ob appt/next scan July 19th

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Our 8th anniversary was yesterday. Pottery is one of the traditional gifts so we decided to go to one of those paint your own pottery places to make gifts for each other. DS was with us and he had a blast. I can’t wait to see how everything turned out. We went out for hot dogs after and it was everything I needed lol.

6. Any milestones coming up? Passed all previous milestones. Just need to make it to the 2nd tri for some peace of mind.

7. GTKY: What is one thing on your bucket list? Travel through Europe. I’ve never been and big into history so I want to see everything.

FyreFlyeRush · June 2019

1. How many weeks are you? 9w3d

2. Previous loss(es)? 1/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically, I'm still feeling like poo, but after being sick, my energy is coming back...which freaked me out. Emotionally...I'm a PGAL mess and will be for a while. Every time I start to relax, I panic. Every time I have a good day, I panic. Every time my chest doesn't hurt walking, I panic. Logically, symptoms SHOULD be starting to ease back... But I hate it.

4. Any appointment updates? I need to call to schedule my NIPT (I'm Uber AMA). 12w appt July 15.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I love July 4th. It's my Dad's birthday. It's not my favorite holiday, but it's a such a huge family day for us. We have BBQ, watch Jaws, etc. We used to watch A Capitol 4th but a Desperate Cheetoh ruined that. Still, I'm super excited. I signed us all up for a 2 mile Fun Run/Walk and I'm going to make red, white, and blueberry cobbler.

6. Any milestones coming up? The next few days are my big milestone... The hardest. The scariest. At 9w6d, I got the news Spawn was measuring more than 3w behind and had such a weak heartbeat, the ultrasound couldn't even pick it up. I began bleeding that night, and I knew it wasn't due to the ultrasound. At 10w4d, the process (mostly) completed. "It'll feel like a nasty period." Yeah, the same way a root canal feels like biting your tongue.

7. GTKY: What is one thing on your bucket list? The National Mall. Ever since playing Fallout 3 and seeing Battle for the Smithsonian, I've wanted to go.

8. Bonus Round: I miss my daughter right now. Her 23rd birthday just passed and I miss her more than ever. I'm happy and proud of her for following her dreams and seeing the world... But she is so far away!!!

FyreFlyeRush · June 2019

Side note... Every time I see GTKY, Sound of Music pops into my head. GETTING TO KNOW YOU! GETTING KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! GETTING TO LIKE YOU! GETTING TO HOPE YOU LIKE ME! *Make it stop* lol

c1kc1kpol1cn1k · June 2019

1. How many weeks are you? 13wks!

2. Previous loss(es)? sep18 / mar19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? physically I still have strong symptoms like nausea which I thought was supposed to wear down, last night I was just tossing and turning, I think I ate too late before bed.
Emotionally I thought I was ok but I had the WORST dream. I guess it was all the sex talk in last weeks PGAL thread but essentially I dreamt that after sex I had serious spotting / clotting. It was super traumatizing I definitely thought it was real, we haven't done the deed since we found out that we're expecting but I think I will still be holding off unfortunately.

4. Any appointment updates? doula on the 3rd, midwife on the 16th

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? nothing really. I guess a rant: My husband is still in europe coming back friday finally. These two weeks have been hard ( this week especially) since I've had to deal with my DD and jet lag and taking her to soccer and swimming. Also carrying her around and she's definitely heavy.

6. Any milestones coming up? passed them just waiting to see how it goes

7. GTKY: What is one thing on your bucket list? I would like to own a property in Europe, we go every summer and we have strong roots there and would like to set up a family home if possible.

MrsJessS · June 2019

@kbrown2385 I’m right there with you. Even with the nausea I am just constantly paranoid and fearful

@FyreFlyeRush hugs to you as you get through this milestone! Also I never had that mental reaction to GTKY...but now I will forever 😂

@c1kc1kpol1cn1k that sounds like a really rough week! Hopefully when YH gets home you can get some rest!

1. How many weeks are you? 9w6d

2. Previous loss(es)? 4/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically I am starting to feel better, which is making me worse emotionally. I’m ready to be able to feel this baby moving so I can have that daily reassurance. Or an at home ultrasound machine 🤷🏻‍♀️

4. Any appointment updates? First midwife appointment tomorrow!

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? They keep changing MH’s deployment stuff and now he might be entirely off grid when baby is born. And despite the fact that I know it’ll change 10 times by then I’m still frustrated.

6. Any milestones coming up? I’ve passed the milestone, but for some reason I’m not really feeling relieved

7. GTKY: What is one thing on your bucket list? Hiking across Ireland!

biolprof · June 2019

@kbrown2385 I've realized the scans never make me feel good for long. The peace has to come from within. No amount of worrying will change the outcome. At least that's what I'm telling myself. It helps get through the 5 weeks between my last and next scan.

@c1kc1kpol1cn1k I can't imagine taking care of a little one by myself at the moment. I can barely care for myself! Hang in there!

@MrsJessS for some reason paying my milestone didn't make me feel better either....

@FyreFlyeRush I will never look at GTKY the same!!!

1. How many weeks are you? 9wk3d

2. Previous loss(es)? 12/18 4/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I was feeling better on Monday but feeling worse nausea wise again. I didn't sleep well last night so that might be part of it... I'm ready for first tri to be over for so many reasons.

4. Any appointment updates? Nope. Just waiting for my 12 week look July 12

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Uggh I find out that this student who wrote me this nasty email in winter term and threatened to report me for bad teaching and blaming all good issues on me is adding my class this summer.... I cried for so long after he wrote that nasty email and my boss was so kind. I ended up having to cc him on all my correspondence with the student. I'm just not looking forward to dealing with him and being pregnant...

6. Any milestones coming up? I've past my milestones!

7. GTKY: What is one thing on your bucket list? Have kids 😉

carrieandr · June 2019

@kbrown2385 all my confidence is lost. I haven’t been feeling pregnant at all. But I just started feeling sort of mildly crampy, so that’s something I guess? (Unless it’s bad cramping.)

@FyreFlyeRush I hate symptom loss, too. Oh the anxiety...

@c1kc1kpol1cn1k DH and I would love to spend summers in Ireland someday, but we can’t figure out how we’d ever make that work.

@MrsJessS my MIL is in a hiking club in Ireland.

@biolprof sorry about the student. Nasty emails are the worst!

Weeks: 10w4d

Losses: 3 MMC’s, 4 CP’s, + a vanishing twin

Feeling: pretty normal. Symptoms are almost gone. Definitely losing confidence big time.

Appt: a week from Monday

Rant: I had a really overwhelming day yesterday and just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I broke a tooth! I got it filled this morning but they think I’ll need a crown at some point.

Rave: I’m going to make mussels for dinner. I may not be confident about this pregnancy, but eating is getting a lot easier.

Milestone: This is officially the longest I’ve been pregnant without already knowing it’s over (aside from my daughter).

Bucket list: have a second child and be a full-time artist

kbrown2385 · June 2019

@carrieandr ugh I’m sorry you aren’t feeling pregnant at all. I’m keeping everything crossed for good news next week. My sympotms have had such huge swings the past two weeks. I went most of last week (like 5 days) with nothing until I ate fruit and started dry heaving.

@biolprof I doubt I’ll have peace until the baby is here, or at least I can feel movement. I’m sorry you are go my to have to deal with that student again.

@MrsJessS fx for a great appt tomorrow! An at home ultrasound machine sounds perfect!

@FyreFlyeRush lol at desperate Cheetoh. The red white and blueberry cobbler sounds delicious.

FyreFlyeRush · June 2019

@carrieandr, IDK of this will make you feel better or worse, but I know my symptoms didn't disappear until RIGHT before I miscarried, like literally 36 hours ish. By that point, I'd been bleeding for several days. They leveled off by week 7, but I still had them. I also do recall enough about my 2nd pregnancy that my MS almost disappeared around weeks 9 to 11. One of my pregnancy trackers says a lot of women will start to feel relief around this time as the placenta takes over and hormone levels taper off and drop. Fingers crossed.

carrieandr · June 2019

@FyreFlyeRush my 3 miscarriages were different every time. The first one had really strong symptoms that improved suddenly at 8 weeks. I still wasn’t even spotting at 11 weeks when they did the d&c. My second had the mildest symptoms and I started spotting at 9.5 weeks. The third one I had medium symptoms and my abdomen just didn’t feel pregnant by 10.5 weeks when I got the bad news. I started spotting a few days later.

FyreFlyeRush · June 2019

@carrieandr, Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. I wish we could magically peak into our tummies and see what's going on, and I wish we had better insurance so it wasn't so financially painful just to get peace of mind, something every woman, child and man should be able to get as a basic human right. *hugs*

motherof3dragons · June 2019

1. How many weeks are you? 10w5d

2. Previous loss(es)? 11/12 at 10 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Finally feeling confident and connecting with this pregnancy after weeks of anxiety!

4. Any appointment updates? After all those days of spotting I finally called my OB's office and got an appointment yesterday and an ultrasound. Seeing the baby move and kick and seeing the heartbeat was so wonderful. It really made me feel reassured that everything is ok. (Although they have no reason for the spotting)

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I am so exhausted but I can't sleep!

6. Any milestones coming up? Just passed my loss and this pregnancy is starting to feel real.

7. GTKY: What is one thing on your bucket list? Travel to Europe and see the west coast. (I live near DC and haven't left the east coast area!)

marebear15 · June 2019

@kbrown2385 - Oooh, making pottery sounds like a fun way to spend an anniversary! We used to do trips, but now we just do a fancy restaurant. I understand about doubts creeping in the longer you go between scans. July can't get here fast enough.

@FyreFlyeRush - Praying for you these next couple of hard days. A milestone is a big thing to overcome.

@c1kc1kpol1cn1k - 13 weeks! Holy cow girl, you are so close to 2nd tri!

@MrsJessS - I will be so happy when I start to feel this baby move. Every once in awhile, I feel something that feels like baby, but it's probably just gas. I can always pretend for a little bit though!

@biolprof - Ugh I'm sorry about that student. Who would voluntarily sign up for your class again if he has so many problems last time.

@carrieandr - I'm so sorry that you are feeling out about this pregnancy. I know you might not want to hear words of hope, but this being the longest pregnancy besides a LC is good news!

@motherof3dragons - I'm so glad you were able to see your baby moving around and able to connect emotionally.

1. How many weeks are you? 10w5d

2. Previous loss(es)? Early MC in Jan

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I'm okay, I keep having moments where I think about the possibility of no heartbeat at my 12 week scan. Most of the time I can push those moments away. Physically I'm also feeling okay. The nausea is subsiding and I'm having fewer gagging sessions. I'm still very tired.

4. Any appointment updates? Next appointment is 1.5 weeks away

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? This acquaintance on Facebook is making me mad, because she's in labor at 35 weeks and the doctors are trying to stop it but she's "so ready to have this baby." I asked her about a steroid shot for the baby's lungs and said I'm hoping he cooks a little longer, but she said he's "very developed" because he's measuring 2 weeks ahead. So being a few inches longer going to help your baby's lungs how? Not to mention other complications like low blood sugar, a non-developed sucking reflex, jaundice, and the fact that most hospitals won't let you take your baby home until it reaches what would have been 36 weeks gestation.

6. Any milestones coming up? All are passed.

7. GTKY: What is one thing on your bucket list? Visit Hawaii and the UK.

justsuzie · June 2019

@kbrown2385 have you ever used an at home Doppler? I use mine once a day, everyday.

@FyreFlyeRush love Jaws. Best summer movie hands down.

@c1kc1kpol1cn1k congrats on making it out of the first tri! How exciting.

@MrsJessS I’ve really wanted to do a bike tour across Ireland. I know someone who did it and they said it was life changing.

@marebear15 yah, your acquaintance sounds like a selfish fool. That makes me mad for you. I’d hate reading that shit.

@biolprof your bucket list wish is making me cry. People are staring. Thanks 🙄 jk-it will happen! You’ll be able to cross that off!

@carrieandr I’ve put off going to the dentist for too long. I’m scared.

justsuzie · June 2019

Based on lmp I’m 10 weeks 1 day
baby is a strawberry
I have an appointment in 2 weeks for a HB check and NIPT testing
milestones-I’m past all my losses so hats relieving. I just want to feel baby movement for piece of mind. I think NIPT results will be the big milestone.

Rant- some mom on my Facebook group referred to having an abortion as “nonsense” and it hit me so hard. If anyone, you ladies would understand. One of my losses was a cornual ectopic at 7 weeks. It’s the most dangerous ectopic with the highest mortality rate. We heard the HB and saw the fetus and then I was told we had to terminate the pregnancy or most likely my uterus would burst. And it was not nonsense. It was a medically necessary abortion. It hurts me that people reduce the severity of such a decision. Also, another mom came in and defended her when I wrote I was personally hurt and offended. The other mom said that she had he right to her opinion because it was how she felt. Basically saying that as long as you feel any way you can proclaim that and nobody should have the audacity to challenge your comment. It all got me so ragey. And the pregnancy hormones don’t help. Sorry for the rant.

Bucket List- travel Europe with my kids and show them not to fear the unknown, but embrace it. I was so sheltered growing up and feared all new situations.

kbrown2385 · June 2019

@justsuzie I have a Doppler but havent been able to find the heartbeat yet. As for your fb group, people are so ignorant. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

c1kc1kpol1cn1k · June 2019

@justsuzie thank you!
@marebear15 that FB acquaintance sounds ridiculous. I'm a big believer of going full term and don't understand this trend of people wanting to be induced earlier. My brother was a C-section and it was booked weeks earlier since the DR at the time was going on holiday and my mom liked the date, well my brother has had serious allergies since birth, poor lungs and has always been more sick than any of us siblings. It was one of my mom's biggest regrets later.

biolprof · June 2019

@justsuzie sorry for making you cry! Hope it was a least a good cry. And as for that FB group, that is really frustrating. They have diminished your feelings at the expense of others and that's not okay. I wish people would listen more and jump to conclusions less!

carrieandr · June 2019

I decided I needed to know, so I called the doctor and they fit me in today. TW...

The doctor was skeptical about my abdomen “not feeling pregnant anymore” and was confident that we’d hear a heartbeat. We didn’t, so he sent me to get an u/s, still certain that we’d get good news. I was right, though. The baby didn’t make it. That’s 5 losses and only one living child. I’m fairly certain my daughter won’t be getting a sibling, but my husband said, “we’ll just have to try again.” I think I’ll give one more pregnancy a chance (only if it happens in the next year) then give up. Mostly so I don’t wonder what would have happened if I didn’t give up. I have an aunt and a friend who had 3 consecutive m/c’s followed by babies and this was my third consecutive (if you count the twins as one). The other was before my daughter. It took me a year to get pregnant this time, so I may not have another pregnancy. This is a lot to wrap my head around right now. I wish all of you luck. Most of you don’t have my history, so you’ll probably do fine.

kbrown2385 · June 2019

@carrieandr oh no, I’m so sorry. I was hoping this time would work out for you. If you’re up for it, check out the TTGP board. The loss and infertility threads really helped me and the women over there are fantastic. Lots of hugs your way and I’ll be rooting for you ❤️❤️.

carrieandr · June 2019

@kbrown2385 I’ve done the miscarriage board and the TTCAL board and the TTC over 35 board in the past. I’m not up for it at this stage. I’m going to try to move on with my life as if there won’t be another child. If by some miracle it happens, it will be an unexpected surprise.

kbrown2385 · June 2019

@carrieandr I totally get it. Take care and be gentle with yourself.

biolprof · June 2019

@carrieandr what terrible news. It really sucks to be right about those things but you know your body and I'm glad you were able to get closure at least. Please be gentle with yourself! I'm glad to hear like it sounds like you have an awesome supportive spouse. Hang in there! So much love sending your way.

leprechaunlady · June 2019

Oh @carrieandr im so sorry to hear this. Please take care of yourself, sending all the creepy internet hugs your way. Xxx

dumbledoredies · June 2019

@carrieandr I'm so sorry for your loss

I also had a doctors appointment today that needs a TW.

I should have been 11w4d today. The baby unfortunately stopped growing a few days after my initial ultrasound and no longer had a heartbeat. We are devastated but have to move forward. I'll be taking the pill this weekend to induce the miscarriage. If that doesn't work I have a D&C scheduled for next Wednesday. If anyone wants to share their experience with either that would be helpful. I havent done either (had a MC before my son and a CP before this MMC) and am a little nervous.

Wish you all a H&H 9 months ❤

kbrown2385 · June 2019

@dumbledoredies oh my goodness, I’m so sorry you are experiencing this as well. I’ll put my experiences in spoiler for you.

I’ve had 2 d&c’s and they were physically easy. The whole procedure is shorter than the workup to it and I bled lightly for about 10-14 days after. I was out into twilight for one and completely under for another and had no issues with either. I find them to be easier than waiting for your body to do it because you aren’t waiting endlessly until it happens. I have also taken the misoprostol (the medicine to force it) and it was incredibly painful. I’d highly recommend asking for a painkiller or some kind. I wish you the best. Please take care of yourself. Sending all the love your way ❤️.

carrieandr · June 2019

@dumbledoredies TW

I’m so sorry you’re facing this, too. I’ll be using vaginal misoprostal on Sunday morning. My dr recommended Sunday so I can come into the office the next day if I have any problems, plus I’m Rh- and past 10 weeks so I’ll need a rhogam shot afterward. I’ve had 2 d&c’s and one misoprostal. I had a piece of retained tissue after my first d&c and bled heavily for a month or two (I can’t remember anymore.) My second d&c was fine and I bled like a period for a week. No pain for either. And I was put under anesthesia for both. I did the first d&c because I’d never given birth and was nervous. I did the second because it was my third m/c and I wanted it tested. I triggered m/c #2 at home. I was given pain medication to take before the misoprostal so it wasn’t very uncomfortable. One strong cramp broke my water. (Wear a super pad in preparation.) I think most of the miscarriage happened in two long trips to the bathroom. Then a little bit more the next morning. A lot of large clots will come out and it feels odd. The baby had stopped growing at 6.5 weeks, so I didn’t see it. This one is larger, so I don’t know what to expect. My insurance deductible is $6000 and my last d&c cost almost $5000, so I’m really hoping to avoid that. Good luck this weekend. Know you’re not going through it alone. I hope it goes smoothly for both of us.

peppyj9 · June 2019

@carrieandr I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending love your way ❤

@dumbledoredies I'm so very sorry for your loss too. Sending love your way as well ❤

MollySm · June 2019

I am so, so sorry @carrieandr and @dumbledoredies. My heart hurts for both of you.

biolprof · June 2019

Oh wow....what terrible news both of you. My miscarriage came on naturally and early so I don't have any experience to contribute. I just want to send my love ❤️❤️❤️❤️

MollySm · June 2019

1. How many weeks are you? 10w 3d

2. Previous loss(es)? A blighted ovum between my first two living daughters

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? My symptoms have pretty much totally disappeared. I have had tiny bits of spotting here and there. I know none of that guarantees anything, so I am just waiting and waiting for an ultrasound.

4. Any appointment updates? Still waiting. I feel boring with nothing new to say. My first appt is next Tuesday, so at least it's getting closer.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? H is out of town. He travels a lot, but summer is always less so I got used to having him home! My kids are awesome, but I am tired! In lovely news, I took my nephew to camp on Sunday before H left on Monday - it was 2.5 hrs away in Portland, and so I took the day off! I had lunch with my nephew, dropped him off, spent the afternoon in a bookstore and bought lots of books, and then on the drive home I ate dinner at this cute Italian pizza place. It was a wonderful break before he left.

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: What is one thing on your bucket list? Taking my H to Europe to show him where I lived and introduce him to my host families and show him my favorite places.

MrsJessS · June 2019

@carrieandr and @dumbledoredies I am so so sorry you are going through this. Sending love and support and thinking of you

dumbledoredies · June 2019

@kbrown2385 @carrieandr

My doctor said to just take some Motrin. Do you think that would be enough? My grandma has terrible rheumatoid arthritis and has basically any type of pain killer. She would 100% give me whatever I needed. The D&C makes me so nervous because of the risks. Even know they are so slim.

leprechaunlady · June 2019

@dumbledoredies i am so sorry you have to go through this. Look after yourself! Xxx

kbrown2385 · June 2019

@dumbledoredies

I’d personally have something else on hand. My dr also told me to take Motrin and I was still laying on the floor in the fetal position because I was in so much pain. Not trying to scare you, but it is not pleasant. I told my dr he was full of shit with the “mild cramping” he said I’d have.

carrieandr · June 2019

@dumbledoredies this dr just wrote the prescription for the misoprostal and didn’t say anything about pain meds, but I still have the oxycodone and 800 mg ibuprofen the last doc gave me. I used one oxy when I started the process, then switched to ibuprofen after that. You could just take up to 800 mg of Motrin (which is ibuprofen).

c1kc1kpol1cn1k · June 2019

@carrieandr and @dumbledoredies I am so sorry to be ready this news and what you two are going through. I wish you both peace through this time ❤️

I did my MC at home at 9 weeks. Essentially when you’re that far along or longer it feels like mild labour. What will come out will be more graphic I really recommend someone being there with you since it’s very hard to see and go through. A heating pad helped a bit.

carrieandr · June 2019

My miscarriage at home was at 10.5 weeks, but the baby stopped growing at 6.5 weeks. The heart stopped around 8 weeks. I’m not sure when the placenta stopped growing. I had brief contractions that weren’t even close to labour, but I had taken oxycodone, so who knows. I’m sure every experience is different. I’m curious how this one will go. The baby is definitely bigger.

EmilyE13 · June 2019

@carrieandr and @dumbledoredies I’m so terribly sorry for your losses. My heart aches for you both.

justsuzie · June 2019

@carrieandr This is terrible news, and I am so sorry. I had 3 losses and then a LC. Take care of yourself.

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