- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies on the Brain
doodleoodle
member
Come in if you’re considering having a second, third, or fourth baby...
doodleoodle
member
Creating this thread has been discussed previously and I thought now was as good a time as any to start it.
How many children do you have currently?
How many more children do you think you might want?
What is holding you back from taking the plunge?
Anything else you’d like to share?
I want this to be a place to endlessly discuss the constant back and forth that’s going on in our heads (or is that just me?)
How many children do you have currently?
How many more children do you think you might want?
What is holding you back from taking the plunge?
Anything else you’d like to share?
I want this to be a place to endlessly discuss the constant back and forth that’s going on in our heads (or is that just me?)
Re: Come in if you’re considering having a second, third, or fourth baby...
I have two girls, ages 3.5 and 24 months.
How many more children do you think you might want?
DH and I discussed having 4 prior to getting married. After having our first 4 seemed nuts. And now I’m considering having a third baby, but I really don’t want to have a middle child so, I’m back to thinking about having 4. That number still seems nuts to me though which is part of what is holding me back.
What is holding you back from taking the plunge?
I’m all over the place. All day today I was thinking of how calm things have been at home and how easy another baby would be. Then, at bedtime tonight, I imagined trying to read my girls their bedtime story and get snuggles in with them while caring for a crying infant. And now I can’t stop picturing doing things for them one handed while I nurse a new baby.
The real problem is that I know that I want a large family. When I picture my children as teenagers and adults I think that having 3 or 4 just seems like more fun. And, I want them to have more siblings to rely on. However, I don’t want to be spread so thin that they feel like they can’t rely on me and have to rely on each other.
Anything else you’d like to share?
Not yet, but I’m excited to discuss this with like minded internet strangers.
How many more children do you think you might want?
Definitely only one more. My husband and I have been in the same page about that since we started dating where if we had two of the same gender we would try for a third. After my first I was 100% convinced I would never have another child (ptsd from birth) and then I had a happy little accident.
What is holding you back from taking the plunge?
I need some time before having another one. Logistically I want both of my boys potty trained, my youngest in preschool, and we need a larger home and vehicle. I’d also like to be out of some more debt before we do this, and as I’d like to attempt a home birth (attempt again that is) I’d like to have the cash in hand to pay the midwifery fee. ($5000 is no small chunk of change...)
Anything else you’d like to share?
Eh? I’m trying to get back in the swing of bumping so...
ETA that you could always potty train your kids together 😂
3 girls: SD 6 years old (who we only have every other weekend now since mom moved an hour away), DD1 3.5 years old, DD2 8 months
How many more children do you think you might want?
Possibly one more
What is holding you back from taking the plunge?
Time and money! We're stretched thin on time with DH's jobs and grad school and I do ton of solo parenting. Daycare and hospital bills from DD2 are eating up all the money. We'd like to wait until DH is done with grad school which will be 2021. The positives are that we live in CT and they just passed 12 weeks paid FMLA and it doesn't go into effect until 2021. Also DD2 will be going into kindergarten and we won't have the full time daycare bill for her. The down side is that I'll be 39ish and I'd like to have them closer together than the previous kids. I feel a bit rushed and wanting to start before 2021. *TW* we started to try for DD2 just after DD1 turned 18 months. Even with us being able to conceive fairly quickly each time we had a loss between the two. DD1 and DD2 ended up being almost 3 years apart. *End TW* All of that makes me over the think the timing. Wow, that was quite the ramble....
Anything else you’d like to share?
We have joked that we might be addicted to getting pregnant
We couldn't get SD potty trained until she 3.5 I promise it will happen!!
One thing that has given me a little bit of success with potty training is a sticker chart. After she fills up her chart she gets a small surprise. Idk how you feel about bribing your kids but it works 🤷♀️😂
When it comes to deciding to have another child or not it’s a huge decision, and you definitely don’t have to make that decision right this second. It’s not like someone is holding a gun to your ovaries. With that being said... I completely understand wanting to feeling like a person again. I’ve been Pregnancy and/or nursing since July of 2015 (
As for the breastfeeding thing, I think breastfeeding is the easiest part of mothering for me, BUT I HATE IT for like the first six months. It’s so time consuming and it’s constant touching. Constant. Touching. CONSTANT. And when you’re done, the other one wants affection... oy... Your husband can have the (frankly shitty) opinion that you’re being selfish for expressing a personal boundary you’d like to establish, but until he’s capable of lactating and the level of commitment and sacrifice it takes to do so, his opinion is worthless. Don’t let him make a decision on your behalf about what you’re going to do with your body. It sounds like he doesn’t want to step up and be an active co parent for your sake and that SERIOUSLY rubs me wrong. You will come up with what’s going to work for you when the time comes, and it should be with a supportive partner telling you they’ve got your back, even if they disagree with it.
I’m sorry it seems like you’re going through some turmoil today. /CreepyInternetHugs
I love your advice. Although I didn’t mean to paint my DH in such a bad light. He’s great with the kids when he is around. He just works a lot and has never woken up at night when they do. He’s such a heavy sleeper. The only complaint I have is that he seems to not be able to balance their needs and mine. Like with nursing. He has no idea the level of commitment it takes. I’m so happy to be able to connect with someone that hates the touching too! My youngest is still nursing before bed at night. And throughout the day when she asks to nurse I tell her no but she is still constantly sticking her hand down my shirt trying to twiddle... and it is incredibly painful and I’m so over it. Anyways, I guess I just feel like I have to make a decision soon because I've never wanted a big age gap and having another baby has consumed my thoughts for at least 6 months.
Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful in your response, and for the creepy internet hugs. They really do make things better haha
P.S. I can’t imagine being pregnant/nursing since July 2015. You’re basically a superhero
I also go back and forth with the freedom aspect. I'm the type of person who has a hard time balancing things on my own and will put everyone before me even though I know its not healthy. Plus I think about how great it will be when everyone can get in and out of the car on their own, how nice it is to allow the kids to play in the other room without having to worry that someone will find a tiny thing on the floor you missed and choke, stuff like that.
Yes, my DH took about a month off with each baby, but he managed to get really “sick” (just kidding I think he actually was sick) both times and didn’t do as much as I would have liked. I’m sorry to hear you suffered from PPD. It’s no joke. Nursing definitely contributed to my own PPD. With DD1 I thought everything was fine but at her 2 month checkup discovered she wasn’t gaining weight and then she started losing weight and it took so long to get her to take a bottle. I pumped for about a month until I had no choice but to transition to formula. Pumping was awful so kudos to you! Because of this ordeal I was constantly worried I was starving DD2 and it drastically impacted my mental health. If I were reading someone else’s post about nursing I would give the same advice that you have so, it really reinforces that I’m not a selfish monster for trying to find a little balance. I will talk to DH. Thank you so much!
The independence of older toddlers and children is so nice! It’s great to be able to empty the dishwasher or cook a meal without someone crying at your feet.
On a side note I read a study or survey that said 3 kids is the hardest, but if you get to 5 it’s smooth sailing lol
How many children do you have currently? 2 DS's. Oldest is almost 3, youngest is 18 months (they're 15 months apart)
How many more children do you think you might want? 1 more is my absolute max
What is holding you back from taking the plunge? Pretty much everything @doodleoodle
said already. I'm finally feeling myself after 3 years of pregnancy/newborn/infant stages. We have great babysitters who don't mind taking care of 2 kids. We have kids sleeping through the night. There are some rough days in there when they don't nap, or when they are being cranky/tantrumy, but in general my life is so much easier than it was 1 year ago and I'm not sure if I want to go "backwards", but I also envision our life with one more kid at the dinner table. I work full time, so does my husband. We are grateful to have the financial ability to afford 3 kids, but they're in daycare so much. I feel guilty about a 3rd because the small amount of time i do get with them on a daily basis would become even more spread out with 3 kids to focus on. I also struggle with the health aspects. This might seem selfish as well, but I have been blessed with 2 very healthy children and I feel like I don't want to push my luck. Does that sound crazy?
On a personal level, I don't want to be pregnant again (well I like it minus the last few months). I don't want to lose the baby weight again. I don't want to go through post-partum anxiety again. I don't want to be sleepless again. I don't want to breastfeed again. But all of that aside, the emotional part of me wants to have a big family, and I don't want to look back and regret those very temporary stress points of life.
Anything else you’d like to share?
DH is more on the stay on 2 side of life, so we're in a debate. We've set a date of 1 month from now where I'm going to take my IUD out. Basically we're giving ourselves a month to figure it out and i'll either go to the appt or not, depending on what we decide. I think about this so often (daily, sometimes mutliple times a day), so i just want the relief of making a decision. I know we could wait a year and decide then, but one thing we both have come to the conclusion about is timing of a 3rd. Since our first 2 are so close together, we don't want a 3rd to constantly feel like such a baby. I'd really like to get pregnant by the time our youngest is 2 if we decide to go that route (of course that's not always in the cards, but I got pregnant very quickly the last 2 times).
That was a novel. whoops.
Edit to add: I’m an idiot and somehow forgot you had two children in addition to your SD
@mamaqdubu I can’t wait to see what you guys decide!
The only thing that I think is helpful is that if I got pregnant now, both of my boys would be potty trained, talking, and good playmates by the time baby arrived. Having my 2nd @ 15 months after my first was like having 2 babies pretty much. I'm not saying I could "reason with a 2.5 and 4 year old".... but they will at least understand when I have to spend time with the baby and when they are cranky about it, I'll be more in the mindset of thinking they'll just have to suck it up and wait 10 minutes.
Date nights are huge and no one ever wants to watch my kids as it is. DH and I have resorted to getting take out and having cocktails at home after bedtime. About 2-3 times a year someone will watch our kids for us and it is so nice.
issue thats easily solved with outside sources... My sister and I that are 18 months apart never really got along and we never really played together growing up. We had friends instead.
I am pretty concerned about throwing off the balance of the home too though... I’ve always said I’m only ever going to have two hands, and thinking about adding a third is daunting in that capacity. Hopefully making sure my older kidlets are more self sufficient will help in that capacity. (Wishful thinking, I’m sure)
ETA As far as the more kids than hands thing... the easiest thing to do is to make a chain. You hold the hands of the littlest ones and the older one holds one of the little one’s other hands. Then you pray like hell that the oldest one doesn’t let go.
I'm also hoping to have a summer baby if possible. My youngest was Aug and I had health problems the first few months so by the time I could get out it was winter. My second was November so same thing. I have a good friend who is due any day and i'm super jealous of her summer lounging with baby (not that leave is any sort of vacation or that fun for that matter).
As far as the more kids than hands one of my biggest causes of anxiety is getting everyone in the car in a parking lot at once. SD is a very carefree soul and her lack of awareness scares the bejesus out of me!
@mamaqdubu how cool would it be if we end up on the same bmb?!
I have to say that I am loving how active this thread is and having people to talk to about this stuff! It’s all so emotional and overwhelming. Having this community helps.
Parking lots are scary for sure. We have a lot of practice at daycare every day, and the best suggestion I have found to be helpful is get DS1 out first and bring him to the other side of the car, and have him touch the car/wheel/something that I can see out of the corner of my eye while i get DS2. I won't move until he's doing it, and I make a really really big deal out of it. Lots of positive attention when he listens, and unwavering in my decision that he must do it if he wants to go inside daycare. It was only a few days before he knew and it became a habit.
@doodleoodle sorry about the ovulation stress! I also have cycles that are between 30 and 35 days and I was convinced before we started to try for DD1 that I wasn't ovulating! I think my cycles are so long since my AF lasts forever. Sorry about the pains too! I've never had a cyst but have a friend who had one and it was super painful for her. I lurked the TTGP board but I also felt like since I wasn't temping and charting I didn't belong there. That level of involvement sort of stressed me out and DH and I were set on not letting trying get to us and ruin the act
The cyst pain is horrific and it actually kind of feels like round ligament pain. We haven’t been too careful because part of me wanted to just “accidentally” get pregnant so that I wouldn’t have the stress of making a decision. If I wasn’t so convinced that I didn’t ovulate I’d be POAS daily because of this cyst. 😂
Went to epcot today with my 1y/o and 3y/o and they had a blast! We’re annual pass holders so we go a lot... I’m dog tired though! Baby wearing and stroller pushing in 91° is no joke.
I have to say that baby wearing makes ALL the difference. I feel like if I hadn’t to push a stroller and hold a kid with my arms on my hip that entire time would be misery. I 100% recommend the Tula coast. I’ve been using a free to grow that wasn’t a coast up until then but the coast was a HUGE difference for us heat wise, and I like that the seat is a smidge wider.
I have heard so many good things about the Tula. Is it similar to an Ergo because I hate mine. I haven’t used it more than a few times. I used a Didymos with DD1... it was okay, but I hated using it in public because I never got got the hang of wrapping it without letting it drag the ground in he process of wrapping. I wanna say I used a k’tan with DD2 but I can’t remember. All I remember is that by 6 months old she hated it 😂