@heml I actually ended up having my type a tendencies tone down signifcantly after having kids. Although i also realized a few years later my anxiety had gotten out of control. Before DD was born I had so many plans for how things would go but in reality I learned I just had to let it go. She would not sleep in her crib, take a bottle, or pacifier. She would cry if we sat while holding her instead of walking. If i pulled my boov out of her mouth once she was sleeping, she would wake up screaming. I very quickly learned to adapt to what she needs, which forced my very type a personality to become much more go with the flow. Even 6 years later it is unbelievable how much I have had to give up control to parent her....thankfully the girl loves structure and knowing the plan so that satisfies my need for some structure too 😊
11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS
10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks 1/12/13 DD was born 4/9/16 DS was born 9/17 CP 6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
Im reading bringing up Bebe and I love it so much. I plan to read happiest baby on the block too and that’s all. I have what to expect and will skim it.
@Beauxbaton I've noticed this if I've had several in a day, but not so much if I've just had one.
On books - I'm currently reading a natural childbirth book by a Bradley Method instructor and I'm really enjoying the in-depth knowledge about the actual process of labor and delivery. I'm learning I have a lot of anxiety about childbirth, so knowing exactly (well, as exactly as someone who hasn't given birth before can know) what to expect during each stage of labor and having DH know how he can support me and help keep me calm has been so nice. I think the book is called Childbirth the Natural Way, but I'll confirm tonight when I get home.
@wabash15 I also did not find wonder weeks to be that helpful, I only suggested it because everyone I know raves about it. I also have never read a single book about pregnancy, babies or raising kids. I am a total planner but I really just figure it out as I go. If my kid has a sleep regression I personally dont need to know why.
11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS
10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks 1/12/13 DD was born 4/9/16 DS was born 9/17 CP 6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
@wabash15 I hadnt read a single book about kids either until recently I started one (and have 2 more waiting) on discipline/anxiety stuff. DD1 just turned 5 and is a challenge sometimes that we feel are unusual for her age. It's so bad that we have asked about getting her screened for Autism/Aspergers. If it was strictly based on home behavior, she would have been placed on the spectrum...but she doesnt have most of the problems in other situations (school, sports, dance class), so she wasnt diagnosed. I'm thinking its a problem with our parenting style. The doctor did say she seems like a very high anxiety kid (she totally is). So I picked up a few books about child development, discipline, and anxiety. Cant say I've read much of them yet.....but its on the list lol.
But I never read a baby book. Wonder Weeks seem to work for some people, but things never lined up with either of my kids, so it wasnt really helpful for us.
@Allycat11 I suspect this will be the same for me, which will be a good thing! I'm an older FTM so I think that too will help me be a little more laid back than I would've been in my 20s.
@sourlemon DD is my high anxiety kid who has ADHD. She is tough to raise. I have a list of books to read for her and have even ordered a couple but never actually get around to it. And try not to beat yourself up too much over parenting style. While yes, certain parenting styles can help a kid who is struggling, it is typically not the root of those struggles. Sincerely, a mom who has spent far too much time beating herself up for why her kid is different than others.
11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS
10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks 1/12/13 DD was born 4/9/16 DS was born 9/17 CP 6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
Thanks @Allycat11. it's definitely hard not to beat ourselves up! I'm sure lots of parents struggle with similar things, but when all you see on social media is rainbows and butterflies it sure makes you feel alone.
@sourlemon totally! DD has other health issues as well that I have touched on slightly here and there are times I have to excuse myself from conversations or step away from social media because what is normal for their kid is not normal for mine. I try to post on social media some of the not so rainbow and butterfly moments too because I think it helps us all feel a tiny bit more normal.
11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS
10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks 1/12/13 DD was born 4/9/16 DS was born 9/17 CP 6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
I found wonder weeks helpful because it at least explained why they were ultra fussy. It's not helpful in terms of making the wonder weeks easier, but just letting you know that the behavior is completely normal and is happening for a reason.
@Wabash15 ditto to both. I deleted the wonder weeks app after a few months bc I didn't find it helpful and I saw a bunch of things come up online about how the wonder weeks theory was debunked and the guy admitted to making it up or something. I also didn't read any books. I read stuff online and shared strategies and fails in mom groups, but didn't invest in one specific way of doing things.
TTGP history (*TW*):
Started TTC Oct 2015 BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016 Re-started TTC Aug 2016 Started IF testing Nov 2016 Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017 BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
@sourlemon and @Allycat11 it is definitally not all rainbows and butterflies. There have also been many less than proud parenting moments... I like to think however that showing up, loving them, even if we are imperfect is what really matters.
*TW*
TTC 1/2012 Diagnosed : unexplained infertility 6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015 TTC #3 5/2016 Restarted Fertility tx IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
@Beauxbaton I agree about the wonder weeks. I am the type of person that likes to know why and have an explanation for things. It helps me understand and move forward even though I can't fix it.
@wabash15 My husband won't read anything kid related. He feels that no two people are the same and we aren't "raising a robot" so a book can't tell us how/what to do. I do appreciate that he will listen to/read over things directly related to health and safety at least. To this same point, I also think a lot of things you read as a FTM can set you up for stress/frustration/disappointment. For example take sleep. My friend who is expecting her first signed up for Taking Cara Babies and shared all of the materials with me (no judgement for those who are worried about sleep routines at an early age, but I'm more of a go with the flow when the baby is tiny and dependent and needs you type of person so I never would have signed up for this). I was literally sitting there laughing as I read it. I had to tell her that reading it stressed me out and I have been through this before. She gives all of these seemingly simple suggestions and advice and we literally tried EVERYTHING with my daughter in her list of things to do, and they didn't work- the biggest source of humor to me is trying to put a baby down "drowsy but awake." All of the sleep people say to do this. Well they never met my daughter. It was impossible. We tried everything. She needed to be rocked, nursed, or bounced to sleep and just accepting that was a lot easier than implementing a book full of suggestions and frustrating ourselves. Set her down awake and she would scream. So point being, even if you read something that sounds good, don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work for your kid. And as an aside, I am really hoping for one of those babies that just falls asleep on their own this time around
@mkrel the drowsy but awake thing always killed me too! None of my kids were "drowsy" until they were much older (2ish...) it was either awake or asleep... DD2 would not tolerate not being held... once she was asleep you could put her down but man even then sometimes she needed to be held/worn to sleep. All the tricks in the book didn't work. I think sometimes they just have to be ready to sleep on their own.
*TW*
TTC 1/2012 Diagnosed : unexplained infertility 6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015 TTC #3 5/2016 Restarted Fertility tx IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
For those who do enjoy parenting books, I love Janet Lansbury’s No Bad Kids: toddler discipline without Shame and her podcast: unruffled... I know I’m answering a question no one asked but for those with toddlers, her stuff is so good!!
@Beauxbaton the only thing that has worked to completely remove spit up stains for us is scissors (aka throwing out the clothes or just dealing with it). I've had mild success with a solution made of blue dawn and oxyclean (cant remember amounts but its online) and rubbing the solution on the stain, letting it sit for an hour, then washing. Thats probably 50/50. Ive had about 25% success leaving things out in the sun for a day, but that is logistically hard for us because our dogs will eat the stuff if they can reach it.
I've gotten to the point that I dont care about stains on my kids clothes. I cant tell you how many random blue/brown stains I find every week. I try to keep the nicer clothes from getting stained, but anything that goes to daycare seems to get killed.
@jmesue1030 I’m so back and forth about how to discipline my daughter (2 next week). I’ll check it out. Trying to redirect with time outs following if she doesn’t listen works ok, but at her daycare they use a way more gentle approach. I like reading about different styles and opinions of discipline for this age.
@mkrel Yes, check it out! Hope it resonates with you. I feel like keeping her approach in mind makes me a much more mindful parent and things just run more smoothly!
Re: Weekly Questions 6/2
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
Im reading bringing up Bebe and I love it so much. I plan to read happiest baby on the block too and that’s all. I have what to expect and will skim it.
*Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*
On books - I'm currently reading a natural childbirth book by a Bradley Method instructor and I'm really enjoying the in-depth knowledge about the actual process of labor and delivery. I'm learning I have a lot of anxiety about childbirth, so knowing exactly (well, as exactly as someone who hasn't given birth before can know) what to expect during each stage of labor and having DH know how he can support me and help keep me calm has been so nice. I think the book is called Childbirth the Natural Way, but I'll confirm tonight when I get home.
I've heard great things about the wonder weeks app. @Twinkiedoll thanks for sharing
TTC#1 10/2016
TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each.
BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021
planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks,
some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
and maybe a FFWC... I have not read a single book about kids... (well I take that back I did read sections of the "no cry sleep solution"...)
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
But I never read a baby book. Wonder Weeks seem to work for some people, but things never lined up with either of my kids, so it wasnt really helpful for us.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
Re-started TTC Aug 2016
Started IF testing Nov 2016
Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
@wabash15 My husband won't read anything kid related. He feels that no two people are the same and we aren't "raising a robot" so a book can't tell us how/what to do. I do appreciate that he will listen to/read over things directly related to health and safety at least.
To this same point, I also think a lot of things you read as a FTM can set you up for stress/frustration/disappointment. For example take sleep. My friend who is expecting her first signed up for Taking Cara Babies and shared all of the materials with me (no judgement for those who are worried about sleep routines at an early age, but I'm more of a go with the flow when the baby is tiny and dependent and needs you type of person so I never would have signed up for this). I was literally sitting there laughing as I read it. I had to tell her that reading it stressed me out and I have been through this before. She gives all of these seemingly simple suggestions and advice and we literally tried EVERYTHING with my daughter in her list of things to do, and they didn't work- the biggest source of humor to me is trying to put a baby down "drowsy but awake." All of the sleep people say to do this. Well they never met my daughter. It was impossible. We tried everything. She needed to be rocked, nursed, or bounced to sleep and just accepting that was a lot easier than implementing a book full of suggestions and frustrating ourselves. Set her down awake and she would scream. So point being, even if you read something that sounds good, don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work for your kid. And as an aside, I am really hoping for one of those babies that just falls asleep on their own this time around
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17