Plans for visitors after baby — The Bump
August 2019 Moms

Plans for visitors after baby

With [almost] all of us in the third trimester, we're probably starting to think more about L&D and bringing our sweet babies home. Part of the joy of babies is how they bring people together, but crowds can also feel overwhelming to new families. Let's use this thread to organize our plans, questions, hopes and fears of handling visitors after our little ones arrive, both in the hospital and in those first few days/weeks after we go home.
Me: 27 | DH: 27
TTC #1 since 2/2017
2/17 - 5/18: Metformin + Progesterone, all anovulatory cycles
6/18 - 11/18: Metformin + Progesterone + Letrozole + Estradiol + Trigger: All BFNs
Benched 11/18 - 12/18 for testing + HSG with new RE
12/13/18 - Surprise BFP!! Baby #1 EDD 8/27/19

suzycupcake

Re: Plans for visitors after baby

  • hemlheml member
    Thanks for starting this @oklahomak!

    My plan is to have my mom with us for the birth and to stay for about 10ish days after that. My dad will come for part of that time too. I’m planning on having them stay with us. I worry about this being too many people in a confined space, so I’m keeping the option of getting them a hotel room for two nights in the middle of this open. 

    Then, I plan to have 5ish days with no visitors before MH’s dad and partner come for a couple of days. Then, we’ll have a two week break before MH’s aunt and uncle come for a couple of days and another week break before my aunt comes for 5 days. That gets us through the end of September. MH will be home with her for two weeks in Oct/Nov when I go back to work, so I’m leaving it up to him if he wants to ask his fam for help during that time. Obviously we’ll have visitors during the day throughout (especially during college football Saturdays). To make this less stressful, I plan to ask our housekeeper to come more often than she currently does, perhaps weekly instead of every third week. 
    oklahomaklovelikestardustaecmcato99
  • AFM, I am pretty introverted but DH is very extroverted and loves company and being surrounded by people during exciting times. We also live in the same town as his immediate family and the majority of his extended family, but all of my family is out of state (4-9 hours away). Visitors after birth has honestly been the biggest stresser for me since making it out of the first tri because I feel like it's going to be the one thing about pregnancy/baby that DH cannot understand my feelings on and anxiety around because it's an area we are so vastly different. 

    Ideally, this is my goal/plan, and it probably makes me sound like a complete recluse...

    In the hospital: We will call my parents when I go into labor at home. Since they have a full day's drive, and we'd like my mom to be there to help me through delivery (she was a Bradley coach for 15+ years), we want to give them as much notice as possible. My mom will be in L&D with us, but knows we will want the first couple of hours with DS to ourselves right after he gets here. 
    Assuming everything is going smoothly and we don't have any scary complications, we will call DH's parents when I'm close to delivering and let them know we will call them again after we have had a couple of hours to bond with Everett. 
    We have one couple we are inseparable with and DH will probably text them when we're headed to the hospital. They will come to the hospital later that day after he's born (we just went through the same drill with their baby born in March).
    Both of DH's grandmothers are local, and we will probably have his mother bring them up to the hospital on the second day for a quick visit.
    We won't announce his arrival publicly/on social media until we are going home. We have a very well-meaning group of older folks at our church who have a habit of setting up a full-blown visiting committee anytime someone is in the hospital (it's even more intense with new babies), and I desperately want to avoid them all being in and out at the hospital... especially because they're face kissers/don't understand the concept of germs and privacy in general. 

    Once we get home: My parents will stay at our house while we're in the hospital, but my dad will have to head back home for work after just a couple of days. My mom is planning on staying with us after our first night home for about a week to help with visitors/cooking/dogs/cleaning/in general. Her mother did this for her with all of her pregnancies and basically played gatekeeper for drop-in visitors. Since my mom doesn't know anyone in our town, it will be easier for her to be the "bad guy" and let unannounced visitors know that baby and/or I are sleeping/feeding and to schedule another time. DH will feel obligated to entertain if he is the one to answer.

    Once we've had a couple of days at home we'll probably welcome visitors (assuming they're not sick) at home. 
    Me: 27 | DH: 27
    TTC #1 since 2/2017
    2/17 - 5/18: Metformin + Progesterone, all anovulatory cycles
    6/18 - 11/18: Metformin + Progesterone + Letrozole + Estradiol + Trigger: All BFNs
    Benched 11/18 - 12/18 for testing + HSG with new RE
    12/13/18 - Surprise BFP!! Baby #1 EDD 8/27/19

    lovelikestardust
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  • BigBadWolf12BigBadWolf12 member
    edited May 2019
    In hospital,  no visitors likely,  unless whoever is watching DS wants to being him instead of DH going home to collect him.

    After hospital,  a couple of friends who are like family who live close by can come for coffee.

    MIL, FIL & BIL (10yo) are coming from Canada and staying with us for the last 2 weeks of august. 

    My parents will come for 2 weeks later in September ish.

    TTGP history (*TW*):

    Started TTC Oct 2015
    BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
    Re-started TTC Aug 2016
    Started IF testing Nov 2016
    Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
    BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019


    oklahomaklovelikestardustaecm
  • @mrosek91 wow that sounds like a really cool, supportive and organized tradition!

    When I go into labour, I'll call my sister so she can come stay at our place to watch the dog.
    Which means we will probably have to alert our parents as well.
    Once baby is born, parents and siblings will be allowed to visit at the hospital, providing everything went well.
    We will also probably send out a text to closest friends, and email to family announcing the birth.
    Visitors will be welcomed once we go home and settle in, and decide we are feeling up to it.
    I have no fears of people arriving unwanted/unannounced. There's only one crazy aunt who might do that, and she won't have our new address muahahahaha.
    And as long as visitors bring food or clean something or walk my dog or...do something useful, and leave when I tell them to, I'll be happy 😂
    oklahomaklovelikestardustaecmcato99
  •  OH MY! I forgot about my daughter, I want her to come so she will probably come end of day 1 or early day 2. Well I feel like a terrible person for not thinking of her.....

    Me 32 <3 H 33
    TTC#1 January 2016  BFP 5/16/2016  DD Born 1/27/17

    TFAS: BFP 11/26/2018 Estimated due date: 8/2/2019


    BigBadWolf12cato99
  • No one has come to stay with us after any of our babies have been born, I find it mostly unnecessary. Barring exceptions like mom had a csection and dh has to return right to work. 

    Hospital Plan: We will call parents when I go into labor. FIL lives a few minutes away and will come to watch our kids until after baby is born. No idea what MIL's plan is...she was unwelcome but ended up in the room when DD was born, when DS was born she was visiting her daughter out of state and then had a major pity party about missing it. This time I am putting my foot down and she will not be near my hospital room until baby is here, we have bonded and I have showered. My bio mom will head straight to the hospital. She lives 3 hours away but has been a huge help with my past 2 deliveries. Depending on work/personal schedules her dh and dd may come with her. After baby is here she will head to my house to care for our other kids until I am discharged, then she will head home. My parens will get here when it is convenient for them. For my dad that meant 2.5 months later last time. They live 1.5 hours away. Depending on time/length of labor I may text some close friends during labor otherwise I will text them once baby is here. Our siblings usually don't visit us at the hospital except maybeb1 of my sisters if she can make it work. 

    At Home: We aren't close enough with any of our family to worry about them intruding too much. They will all keep their distance. FIL will offer to pitch in with the big kids but that will consist of him picking 1 or 2 of them up and then dropping them back off. That is a HUGE help. 

    At this point my friends have all had multiple kids and the general rule is just to give people space after the baby is born. We will check in on eachother via text and quickly drop off food but that is it. 

    Baby will end up being around people a lot by no later than a few weeks old due to our schedule. Both other kids will return to school and fall sports/craziness will start. Even the end of summer they have some sports and dd has weekly pt and ot so baby will be on the go with me the whole time. 
    11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS 
    10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks
    1/12/13 DD was born
    4/9/16 DS was born 
    9/17 CP 
    6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19 

    oklahomaklovelikestardust
  • Good thread...

    When I’m sure labor is real or day of my induction (which ever comes first) we will call my in laws for them to take over our older 2 kids and pup. It’s the first time ever we will have family actually in town when I deliver so plan on using them to help outside of the hospital. 

    No visitors in the hospital until baby is actually here. Once I’m settled in recovery I will tell DH he can let the in laws bring the kids over so everyone can meet the baby.

    Once we are home I plan on letting my MiL come whenever she wants to help out (she is awesome and not pushy)! 

    My mom and Aunt also want to come down for a few days once the baby is here. My mom I’m totally on board with. However, I’ve never hosted my Aunt before. I really love her, she has 5 kids (all grown now), and overall she’s great. However, she also tends to be a little bit of the “life of the party” type personality and can bring that out in my mom too so I’m worried both of them here together may be overwhelming. But maybe not, can’t decide how I feel on that one yet...
    BabyFruit Ticker}
    oklahomakcato99jrm_14
  • During L&D it will be just me and H. My mom will probably be with the kids. I have a friend who usually comes visit in the middle of the night and brings me all kids of snacks. She's my favorite. There's a small chance she will be gone, and if she is I'll probably cry. My mom and brother will probably bring the kids by at some point. And I assume the ILs will visit at the hospital. DH has a couple of friends that are likely to come visit at the hospital but not many. And one of those friends is due to have a baby at the end of July, so we very well could actually be in the hospital at the same time. No one will stay more than 30 minutes except maybe my mom and Hs family 

    As for at home all of Hs family lives in town. So I'm sure they'll stop by. My parents and one of my brothers lives in town and I'm sure they'll stop by or we will all get together for dinner or something. And then two of my other brothers live about 2.5 hours away. One will more than likely come down in the first week. The other is a toss up. No one will stay at our house probably. Most family guests usually stay at my mom's house.
    oklahomak
  • I am still trying to decide on how I want this to go. I'll be giving birth at my local hospital, and I know I don't want anyone there except for DH. We have a dog, and I'm not sure yet what we'll be doing with him while we're at the hospital; our close friends in the area either likely won't be in town, or have pets of their own that mean they can't house/dogsit for us. We could board him, but that means last minute arrangements with the kennel we usually use, which does fill up sometimes. I really don't know what to do about this. I suppose if worst comes to worst, DH can make short trips home from the hospital to feed and walk the dog (we're a five minute drive away), but I'm hoping we'll figure something else out.

    As a FTM, I'm really not sure whether I'll want family around soon after bringing baby home for extra support, or if I'll really prefer some time for DH and I to bond before having people over. Any advice or comments on that front would be very much appreciated! Our friends are great and won't stop by uninvited, so that's no problem. The issue is that our families are both out of town and will need to make travel arrangements; we're in the Boston area and my parents are in DC while DH's parents are in California. For my parents in particular, they will need to request leave from work, preferably in advance, so I need to decide soon when it'll be best for them to come up. DH's parents have more flexibility. My parents will for sure be staying with us, but DH's parents have offered to stay at a hotel. We definitely can't host both at the same time. As a practical matter, it may work out that we plan for parents to come in late August, just because we don't know when the baby will actually be born and we don't want parents to book travel and then be here before baby is actually born. This is one of the very, very few times I wish parents lived closer!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    jrm_14
  • BigBadWolf12BigBadWolf12 member
    edited May 2019
    So,  slight change of plans.... DH also noticed on the IL's e-ticket that 25yo BIL is also coming..... so another mouth to feed,  another adult in our 3 bedroom 1000sqft apartment....Yay.

    Thankfully BIL is AWESOME and might even make things easier in some ways (distracting and taking care of DS and 10yo BIL). Otherwise I'd be more upset....



    TTGP history (*TW*):

    Started TTC Oct 2015
    BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
    Re-started TTC Aug 2016
    Started IF testing Nov 2016
    Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
    BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019


    oklahomakjrm_14
  • H and I talked about no overnight visitors at our house during the first month. I know that my mom would love to come and stay with us, and if I'm having a really difficult recovery I wouldn't hesitate to take her up on it.

    But, my parents and my FIL and SMIL all live within 2 hours of us so they could come for day trips, while my MIL and SFIL live at least 7 hours away. So if we are going to offer to let anyone stay at our house, it should be my MIL and SFIL but they have 2 small dogs and I know they would stress me out WAY more than being helpful. Like my MIL doesn't cook - they go out to eat for every meal - so other than just picking up takeout, they aren't helpful in that sense. Plus they always bring us loads of crap we don't need that we then have to deal with finding a place for. So I really don't want them staying here, at least not for the first month. I would much prefer they stay at a hotel nearby, or with other relatives that live within 2 hours.

    I think I'm fine with any visitors at the hospital as long as they check with us first. I don't really want anyone in the delivery room with me before she's born other than my H, my parents and my sister, and definitely no one in there during the actual birth other than my H.
    TTC #1: May 2018
    BFP: 12/19/18 :heart: EDD: 8/31/19
    oklahomak
  • With DD1, my mom and husband were in and out during labor (42 hours) then I had an emergency c section just after midnight. My mom and DH went to the nursery with the baby while I was in recovery then my mom went home for the night. The next two days at the hospital my parents visited a few times and my grandma came by. Once we went home, my mom came by every day for about an hour so DH and I could shower or nap. That lasted the two weeks that he was off work, then she'd come by every other Friday for 4 hours until I went back to work. She'd also bring us takeout once a week and hold the baby while we ate. For other visitors, if people requested to come by, we allowed it after DH was home for the day. Most people only stayed a little while and I never minded. MIL visited when dd1 was 3 months and I was glad it wasn't earlier. 

    DH gave me some grief about not having MIL here sooner for dd1, so when dd2s c section was planned, he invited his mom out for that day. The invite was for up to 10 days but of course being mil she stayed 18. It was about 12 days too long. She didn't stay with us but was always over and only ever wanted to hold the baby and was not helpful. She's not invited for this kid for a few months. 

    Dd2s birth was a bit different since it was a planned c section. My parents, mil, and brother were in the waiting room. Once I was moved to recovery, the hospital allowed them in 2 at a time. The men stayed for about 20 minutes then the moms stayed for hours. After dd1 was out of school, my mom brought her to meet the baby. They stayed about 30 minutes then everyone left around dinner time for the day. My bff brought me dinner and stayed for about an hour. The next day, the moms came early so DH could go home and shower and change and bring dd1 to school (she's a daddy's girl), so about 2 hours. The same group of visitors came and went over the next 2 days basically the same routine. It worked because I needed help (bad recovery), but MIL was always not helpful. Once we got home, it was mainly my mil and mom every day at various times...with mil being basically all day. DH was supposed to entertain her but she would take the baby, keep her up, not help with chores...and I feel like that impacted the nursing relationship. I was made to feel guilty if I'd take the baby and hide in the nursery for any length of time. I won't allow that again. 

    Plan for this one is different again since I'll be delivering 90 minutes from home. It'll be just DH and I possibly the whole time in the hospital depending on when it actually happens since my mom works and dd1 starts kindergarten and my mom will be staying with my kids and dogs. If it falls over a weekend, or before school starts, my mom will bring the kids up to visit for a few hours one day. Otherwise they'll all wait until we get home. Once we're home, we'll allow visits from my parents and bff whenever they want. 
    DD1 5/23/14, DD2 12/5/16   Baby #3 on the way!


    oklahomakjrm_14
  • mkrelmkrel member
    This is experience is looking like it will be a lot different than with my daughter, where we had both sets of parents here at the same time (mine with us, his at a hotel) but still overwhelming.
    My parents live locally now and will stay with my daughter while we are in the hospital.  I'm sure they will come over daily to help out as we need them.  Last time they stayed for about 3 weeks with us and took care of most cooking, cleaning, groceries, and holding baby when I needed a break.  It was amazing.
    My in laws recently told my husband that they are going to come over labor day weekend, so I'm assuming they won't be here right when she's born.  I was extremely overwhelmed last time and spent half of the time hidden in our bedroom nursing so I think they took notice and want to give us a little space initially.  
    BigBadWolf12oklahomakjrm_14
  • I expect the visitor list to be pretty small this time. DH’s mom and sister, who can be quite smothering, now live 1,000 miles away and I don’t think they will come see the baby anytime soon (I’m so not sad about this!) My dad is the only family we have in town, so he will be keeping the older boys and bringing them to the hospital for visits. I’m not that close to my extended family and they are 2+ hours away, so i doubt they will come down. My grandparents came last time, but they can’t travel anymore, so we will take the baby to see them when he’s about a month old (as long as health is ok). Most of our friends will wait until we come home to visit. So it looks like just me, DH, and the baby most of the hospital time with periodic visits from my dad and the boys!
    oklahomakjrm_14
  • aecmaecm member
    My mom is planning to arrive to help out mid-July (I’ll be 35 weeks) so hopefully she’s already here to watch DD when I go into labor (twins come on average at 36 weeks). My intention is to only have DH at the hospital during labor and delivery. He invited his parents to the hospital when I was laboring with DD (they had came down to stay with our dog) so they ended up being there when I was rushed in for an emergency c-section and were sitting in my room when we were wheeled back to L&D to recover. I definitely don’t want that to happen again. I’m happy to have the parents come visit in the hospital once I’m in my recovery room and have had some time to bond with the babies and try to nurse. I’m going to play DD’s visitation by ear...my mom should be able to bring her when we’re ready, or DH can run home to grab her. I just want to make it a positive experience, not a “watch out, don’t pull mommy’s catheter out, mommy can’t move b/c she’s still half numb from the epidural, etc.” experience. 

    My mom is planning to stay and help til sometime in October (so until the twins are about 6-8 weeks old) and that’s a big relief for me. My dad will also come and stay sometime after they’re born and my mom is still here - just not sure exactly when yet. He’s helpful around the house, grocery shopping, etc. but not nearly as helpful with the kids. Once my mom leaves my aunt & uncle will come stay for another week or two. They’re super helpful, so this is also a very good thing. 

    Not sure how we’re going to handle in-law visits. Previously they could stay overnight in our extra spare bedroom, but now that’s going to be the nursery. They only live 1.5hrs away so they’re going to have to do day trips now, but I’m already starting to hear grumblings about that from my MIL. Also - they’re well intentioned, but I’m just not comfortable around them. It really stressed me out when they visited while I was nursing w/ DD b/c I felt like I had to go hide in the nursery all the time and felt guilty that I was taking the baby away. With twins...it’s stressful just to think about how I’m going to handle it. 
    BabyFetus Ticker
    oklahomakjrm_14
  • My parents are coming August 23 - my dad for 2 weeks and my mom for 1 month. I kind of hope I have the baby a week before so by the time they come, I’m in a better situation than fresh off birth. 

    My in laws come at the end of September and we are going to Italy to meet my brother in law and their family. We will stay in a villa for 2 weeks. 

    Other than that, I don’t anticipate visitors since we live so far from our friends and family. My brother will be here for 2 days and that’s it. If any of my MBA friends are still around, I’m sure I may see them at some point. 

    Ive asked everyone to get updated tdap vaccines if they plan to see my baby. 

    *Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*

    oklahomakjrm_14
  • @AKuzReve How did you phrase the vaccine ask? We would like to do this, but I'm not sure how to word it. I've heard friends ask, but their babies were born during flu season so there was an easy opportunity to ask people to go ahead and get tdap when getting their flu shot before seeing the baby. 
    Me: 27 | DH: 27
    TTC #1 since 2/2017
    2/17 - 5/18: Metformin + Progesterone, all anovulatory cycles
    6/18 - 11/18: Metformin + Progesterone + Letrozole + Estradiol + Trigger: All BFNs
    Benched 11/18 - 12/18 for testing + HSG with new RE
    12/13/18 - Surprise BFP!! Baby #1 EDD 8/27/19

    jrm_14
  • @oklahomak, I didn’t really have any pushback. I was speaking to my mom on FaceTime and told her that it was important to get their vaccines updated before they come and see the baby. I will remind them again in July. I also asked them all to get the flu shot when we visit in December for Christmas since it will be flu season. I think the measles outbreak helped have an easier time since she recognizes the risks to the baby are not worth not getting a booster. I just explained why it mattered, even if they’ve had the vaccine before, and the easiness of doing it for my peace of mind. 

    *Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*

    oklahomakjrm_14
  • hemlheml member
    @oklahomak MH and I told all of our family members they have to get tDap vaccine before being around the baby. We didn’t get any pushback at all, just a few “what is the vaccine we need again??” Texts. I have no problem reminding people! I don’t plan to ask for proof. 
    jrm_14
  • agpandmeagpandme member
    edited May 2019
    My "plan" is to have no one at the birth except my husband.  My parents live 5 minutes away so they will likely pop in while we are there after the baby comes.  They also live on my property so I am sure they will be stopping by almost daily to check in on us.  DHs parents live 3-4 hours away.  I do not want them to come and stay a while but I would like them to visit for a day or maybe over night (at a hotel as usual) with a few hours spent with us. This is their first grandchild so I don't want to be crazy about them visiting. My sister lives 3 hours away with 3 kids. I do not expect her to drop everything and run up here but I am sure she will try! I will request that she leave the kids at home when she visits until we have our routine set at home.  I do not need or want another infant crying, a 3 year that doesn't listen and screams a lot or a 4 year old rowdy boy in my home after this baby comes.  Sorry, not sorry. 
    emqbeejrm_14
  • cato99cato99 member
    edited June 2019
    @emqbee you had asked me this on the Randoms thread so I'll just answer here! It's such an individualized situation for everyone depending on geographical considerations, closeness with family, and cultural expectations!

    First of all, I want to give everyone an internet hug who had (or will have) to deal with unwanted or unhelpful people around during birth or postpartum. It's such a momentous and fragile period and I can't imagine having any additional stress. 

    All of our families are super far away so any visits have to be coordinated well in advance. This is a negative regarding my family, whom I'd love to have closer or on shorter notice, and kind of a relief regarding his family, for whom I'm happy to have to make formal plans. They are all so nice and well meaning but not really helpful, and I definitely need my space during that time. I was so thankful that DD was perfectly on time so that the birth matched my mom and sister's travel arrangements!

    DD: my mom and sister came in a couple of days before my due date, were in the room along with DH for labor and birth, and stayed for a few days afterwards. I would have loved to have them around for longer! There was never even any question of my IL's coming around that time, and our friends are very baby-ignorant so no one pushed to come to the hospital or anything. DH stayed with me at the hospital the whole time; mom and sister slept at our place at night and took care of the dog. During the day, our dog walker checked in on the dog and my mom and sister spent pretty much all day at the hospital with me. DD was in the NICU for a few days so a lot of that was just hanging out with me. They brought lots of delicious things for breakfasts and dinners; once back at home they were a helpful, comforting presence.

    About a month later my mom came back with my father and brother for a quick weekend visit, but by then we'd settled into a routine so it was a more traditional "we're hosting you for a fun weekend also look, cute baby!" than a "help out a confused postpartum family" visit. Same goes for the eventual IL's visits later that year. I should note that we hired a full time nanny who started when DD was 4 weeks old (though I'd be on leave until 12ish weeks), since that's when DH started back up his normal heavy business travel. 

    This upcoming baby: I am crossing all of my fingers and toes that this baby is also on time and mom and sister will be there for labor and birth. This time their travel arrangements don't match up exactly (though they do overlap for the EDD), which will give me more of a spread with at least one of them. The nanny will also be "on call" so she'll be able to come be with DD during the actual birth. I bet in the days postbirth in the hospital there will be a random combo of mom, sister, and DH staying either home with DD or with me. I'd like DH to be around home a little more to be with DD, and I'd like someone to bring her to the hospital every day. BIL may still be living with us but I'd expect him to stay with friends during my mom and sister's stay just for breathing room, but would love to have him around at the hospital and postpartum. The nanny will also be welcome to come to the hospital with DD. Other than that I don't expect/want to have anyone else. My EDD is 8/16 and my mom is (miraculously) staying through 8/25 so that will be plenty of time to get situated, and after that the nanny will be around of course. If I need additional support when DH starts traveling again a little later we may hire a night doula (though if BIL is still living with us that may be enough support). 
    Me: 36, DH 38
    MFI: somewhat short-lived sperm, otherwise unexplained
    2012-2016: TTC #1
    2015-2016: 5 negative IUIs
    August 2016: IVF with ICSI: 13 day-5 blasts, non-PGS tested
    BFP on fresh transfer, DD born May 2017
    FET #1 planned for January 2019, but surprise BFP December 2018: EDD August 2019

    jrm_14
  • aecmaecm member
    @cato99 - would your BIL help get up in the middle of the night with the baby!? If so, he might win an unofficial BIL-of-the-year award (even if we are still side-eying him for his cooking and essential oil smells at the moment 😂). 
    BabyFetus Ticker
    BigBadWolf12jrm_14
  • cato99cato99 member
    @aecm hahahaha I would feel too guilty to put him through MOTN torture but he would help tend to DD even super early if I needed him to! And to his credit, the black-pepper-ban has really helped. Essential oils still an issue—I think I’ll invent a “postpartum nose sensitivity syndrome” that I’ll mysteriously be stricken with 😂
    Me: 36, DH 38
    MFI: somewhat short-lived sperm, otherwise unexplained
    2012-2016: TTC #1
    2015-2016: 5 negative IUIs
    August 2016: IVF with ICSI: 13 day-5 blasts, non-PGS tested
    BFP on fresh transfer, DD born May 2017
    FET #1 planned for January 2019, but surprise BFP December 2018: EDD August 2019

    aecmthirdtimesacharm2019BigBadWolf12jrm_14
  • @cato99 oh, you mean PPNSS? My cousin's wife's sister had that ;) 

    TTGP history (*TW*):

    Started TTC Oct 2015
    BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
    Re-started TTC Aug 2016
    Started IF testing Nov 2016
    Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
    BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019


    cato99agpandmejrm_14
  • I don't want anyone but my husband and daughter at the hospital after I give birth.  Once I get home, I don't get much of a say.  We live with my in-laws. My SIL and her family are going to be visiting from California.  So we are not going to get any peace and quiet or time to ourselves.

    I love the niece and nephew.  They're great kids.  But they are 5 and 7 and just very rambunctious and loud.  
  • jrm_14jrm_14 member
    edited June 2019
    @mrosek91 Love the culture & the support in which you are immersed. 

    @sourlemon Oh man- that sounds like it was super stressful with your MIL after #2. Glad you’re putting your foot down this time since you have proof it didn’t work well last time!

    My family lives ~4hrs away. ILs lives 45min, and about 10min from the hospital at which I will likely deliver. We have talked about giving my parents about a 3-4hr lead time so ILs & my parents arrive at the hospital about the same time. IDK. I really don’t want my ILs or parents at the hospital during labor. I’d like it to be MH & possibly my sister or BFF. I want at least 2hrs PP before visitors. I don’t want extended family to visit in the hospital, which will be an issue for ILs. No f’s to give anymore, though. I highly doubt anyone except my family & a couple of friends will be helpful. Everyone else says they’ll, “Come hold the baby” for me. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.  

    MH & I really need to have a conversation on all of this again- who to tell when, etc. I’m rather stressed about all of it. 



    oklahomak
  • @jrm_14 I think this was discussed on another thread a while back, but it gets on my last nerve when people think holding the baby (no doubt during daylight hours) is helping you!! 1. It’s my baby human, I made it and I want to enjoy it for a bit. 2. I don’t want you breathing/kissing all over my brand new baby. 3. There are faaaarrrrr more “helpful” things that can be done.... like bring me some food 😉. 
    jrm_14oklahomaksourlemon
  • Add me to the list of annoyed people when someone thinks they are helping by holding the baby. I actually just told DH that MIL is not welcome over just to hold the baby, she needs to make herself useful. There is more family drama that led to that but he is in agreement. 

    If you want to make yourself useful cook or clean something or love on my older kids. I do not really want to hand over my newborn and my newborn would rather be attached to my boob anyway. 
    11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS 
    10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks
    1/12/13 DD was born
    4/9/16 DS was born 
    9/17 CP 
    6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19 

    thirdtimesacharm2019jrm_14oklahomak
  • jma_18jma_18 member
    With my son we didn’t tell people I was in labor at all, just sent a text when he was here. That was perfect, and I’d like to do that again. We still have to come up with a plan for who’s on standby to watch our son and our two dogs but we’ll wait until much later to worry about that. I actually really loved having visitors in the hospital because I have the world l’s best in-laws! No one overstayed, they all texted first, and most brought gifts! I’m up for people coming to visit us at home pretty much whenever too, which I know is a lot different then most people. We ask people to use hand sanitizer, but other then that I’m not big on sheltering, and nobody expects me to do anything but sit on the couch anyway so it’s all good 
    sourlemon
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