Weekly Questions 5/12

aukeev · May 2019

@purplg8r I can't remember if you're into natural products, but I've used the Mom Balm from Pure Haven (it's an MLM, but I really do love their stuff. And I buy it from my sister, so I don't have an annoying salesperson talking to me all the time.) and the Belly Butter from Earth Mama Organics. I love them both! '
The Mom Balm takes longer to absorb, but I've been using it in preparation for stretch marks since I found out I was pregnant, and I don't have any yet. I realize I'm only at 25 1/2 weeks and the most growing is still to come, but I've been happy with it.
The Belly Butter absorbs more like a traditional lotion, and it comes in a larger bottle. You can also get it on Amazon Prime, which is always a plus!

MamaK225 · May 2019

Since it's a bit early and UO hasn't been posted and it's a day before FFFC, I just wanna put this out here.

Is it wrong to be filled with schadenfreude when DH has a stomach bug? Asking for a friend

The last week or so, DH has been getting on my last damn nerve, having the balls to make snide comments about "doing everything" around the house and with DD. I have not let up in the damned slightest, despite being almost 27 weeks pregnant. DD had a mini bout with a stomach bug on Tuesday and we both worked from home because anyone who knows Toddlers knows that they'll show an ounce of sickness but have 120% energy and zero interest in rest. Well, I had a huge meeting & presentation yesterday (Wed) that I only got about 70% of the crap I needed to get done for it and while I ended up pulling a Hail Mary, it was beyond stressful and not necessary for me to have gotten to that point (i.e. if DH had handled her more - it was 80% me on Tues - I would have been fully prepared). And then yesterday, he "needed" to go to Happy Hour to discuss a few work items "off-the-clock." Even though he was home by 6:00, I had dinner ready (which was a Plan B option, after realizing he hadn't bought ground beef like I asked him to the other day) when he walked in the door. He sat down with a beer and was moderately engaging DD in activity as I was preparing everyone's plates and getting us ready to eat. I only got to sit down briefly because DD then threw a shitfit because "rice is yucky" [eye roll - she loves rice] and we had a 20 min battle that included 2 time outs and tons of screaming (her, I don't add to the fire in these instances) as I shovel food in my face because I know that I'm the person who needs to deal with this (DH was already losing his temper because he doesn't do well with DD when she's being stubborn, he's of the "I'm the parent, she must do what I say" mindset [insert another eye roll]). After another 20 min of drama, tears, and tenacity, I get the situation under control and she ate all of her rice and half of her green beans in order to get the Cheerios she *really* wanted for dinner. Then DH said he would give me a break and get her prepared for bed, only to come out yelling that he can't find a specific nightgown of hers - and that I'm "not even helping" with the situation. Oh, I'm sorry - thought you were giving me "a break" and/or an actual adult with eyes with which to find things. Needless to say, *someone* got the silent treatment/RBF the rest of the night until I decided I was just going to go to bed. Thankfully, I got a glorious night of sleep in the spare room where I've been co-sleeping with my Snoogle (only 1 bathroom break at 22:30, then natural wake-up at 6:30) until DH came in to tell me he had been up all night with the stomach bug. At the last second. Knowing it would put me behind schedule because I would be doing 100% of everything by myself. I normally get her ready and he takes her to daycare. A text would've sufficed (i.e. don't come in here with that crap and try and get me infected). I was secretly feeling like karma was giving me a wink because even though that means he'll be out of commission today/tonight, I can more effectively manage DD and the household *knowing* it's all me and without any snarky comments.

TL;DR: Rough last few days that have only given me unnecessary levels of stress that could have been intermittently mitigated by DH. The - seemingly - one time where DH chose to step-up and assist turned into a temper tantrum and then he had a night of suffering with a stomach bug. Schadenfreude.

brianalee2984 · May 2019

@purplg8r +1 for Burts Bees Mama Belly Butter. I used Palmers originally but I started breaking out in hives, I haven't any problems since.

mkrel · May 2019

@MamaK225 Your household sounds a lot like mine. My husband, who I thought would have all the patience in the world, tends to make things so much worse sometimes. He is of a similar mindset, and I'm sorry, but it just does not work with a toddler. I get so frustrated because I want him to be around more when he's working a lot, but what ends up happening is it makes my life more difficult.
Yesterday he got done early and picked my daughter up. I work until 4 from home and they were back here at 3. Mind you, I still need to work. She's clinging to me and he just keeps offering to do things with her that she is saying no to. I finally was like take her out of the house! Go for a walk, do something! I'm glad you're home and get to spend time with her but this is making my last hour more difficult. He also routinely opens the refrigerator and can't find her milk, fruit, whatever she wants.... I absolutely refuse to get up and help. You have eyes. Move stuff around. It's there. Major eyeroll.

brianalee2984 · May 2019

Okay, I've been meaning to post this but now I'm just all done with my skin. I need any tips you guys have for acne. I never had it growing up and so far this pregnancy it's my whole face/neck/chest. Please help lol

wabash15 · May 2019

@mamak225 and @mkrel do we have have the same husband?!? The you must immediately do what I say because I told you to thing does not work with toddlers!

MamaK225 · May 2019

OMG, RIGHT!? @wabash15 @mkrel!?

Like clearly the standoff last night had nothing to do with the flippin' rice and everything to do with the "I wanna do what I wanna do" - which is fine in most instances, but I just refuse with meals. Sure, if you'd rather have cereal, go for it, kid ... but you have to try a few bites of each piece of dinner (it's not like I serve her things I know she doesn't like!) and if you still feel the same, then I'll happily grab you something with minimal effort (e.g. cereal, yogurt, banana, etc.) for meeting me in the middle. We all know: fed Toddlers are best (and very rare). But saying "YOU WILL EAT" and/or shoving a fork full of food in their face with have not only the opposite effect, it will bring on meltdowns. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?

Is it a pain in the ass to have to try to negotiate/reason with a terrorist for something that it so damn natural (i.e. hunger)? Shit yeah, it is. Does the extra 5-7 minutes and extra energy to remain calm and patient make me want to walk into traffic? Yup. But guess what? Those 5-7 minutes eventually fade away and your child will be more willing to listen to you or your suggestions in the future because they know you are taking their views/opinions into consideration, instead of immediately turning into a demonic spawn because they already know where this is heading (Meltdown Central) with an "IDGAF what you want kid, it is what it is, suck it up" attitude.

Oh - in other things he does that drives me insane. I know my Toddler is super irrational and has specific trigger words: night-night, nap, pajamas, eat, etc. Super annoying. However, instead of asking every f@cking night "you want to go put on your pajamas?" and having her scream "NO!!!!!!!!!!" and running away followed by me saying "you wanna go put on your Anna/Elsa dress?" with an immediately happy, compliant "yes, please, mommy!" - EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. How do you not learn? Ughhhhh ... I need a cigarette (I don't smoke) and bourbon just thinking about it [more eye rolls].

mkrel · May 2019

@wabash15 I'm glad we're all in it together

@mamak225 YES!!!!!!! Every night he says it's time to brush your teeth and she flips. Meanwhile if we let her know it's happening in 5 minutes or we can throw the ball X number more times then it's time to get ready for bed, she will generally be agreeable when the time comes. He has seen this work, yet he just abruptly stops play time and announces it's time to get ready for bed and she flips. I can't deal. Toddlers and husbands are hard!

MamaK225 · May 2019

@mkrel - OMG, yes! Like I've even looked at him and said "PLEASE try it my way. I'm not saying I'm Right or I know more/know better, but you WILL get a generally willing, positive response!" But nope, Dad Knows Best

wabash15 · May 2019

@mamak225 I struggle with when to intervene.. DS and DH are just alike in personality and I can just see them both getting worked up but DH gets pissed if I intervene, but the alternitive is them both having meltdowns screaming at one another, then I have to spend 20 min calming everyone down, and getting the original task accomplished... Just be patient, explain yourself, give them choice. Do I still have to use time outs/take stuff away occasionally yell, yes but if we can talk it out over a few min I would so rather take the time to get them to voluntarily do it than deal with the meltdown... DH just doesn't get it...

MamaK225 · May 2019

SAME!!!!

As the old sayings go "you attract a lot more bees with honey than vinegar," plus "respect is earned, not given."

flagchic · May 2019

@Beauxbaton I feel your pain. I felt awful yesterday- I barely made it home from work so I could run straight to the restroom. I called my doc yesterday about it. They said ONE dose of Imodium and that's it. If it didn't help, they said I needed to just ride it out and keep hydrated. Luckily the one dose of Imodium helped to where I didn't feel like I was dying anymore.

purplg8r · May 2019

@AKuzReve @Lotus_2008 @cato99 @oklahomak thanks ladies! Going to check them out!

mamamias · May 2019

Is it an untreated condition all husbands/fathers have? They can't find anything unless it has a GPS attached to it. Also, is it universal MIL/grandma rule that toddlers should never cry? And they can do no wrong? 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️🧘‍♀️

grangerhp37 · May 2019

So I have this coworker who I barely know that keeps making awkward jokes about me being pregnant, specifically about me gaining weight. So far it’s been 3 separate times, always something along the lines of “Wow your diet really isn’t working!” or “You really need an ab workout!” He usually follows it up by going on a tangent about how his wife lost all of her baby weight but he knows other women that gain so much weight with each baby.... I know I need to say something to him bc he clearly isn’t getting the hint from my awkward half laugh and no response that I don’t think it’s funny. It just always catches me off guard bc he says it out of nowhere and I feel awkward being blunt back to someone who’s a virtual stranger but it’s just getting ridiculous. I’m not particularly sensitive or self conscious, but it just feels so inappropriate and rude that I’m appalled it’s even happening. Anyone else deal with anything similar? Any advice on what to say? What I want to say is “I’m literally growing a human being. Please stop making rude comments about my body.” I just don’t know if I can work up the courage to spit it out.

olivemomma · May 2019

@dogmomma096 you could say something along the lines of, “since you are still married you obviously must not have made such inappropriate comments to your wife while she was pregnant.” I would also likely throw in a choice word or so at the end

mkrel · May 2019

@dogmomma096 Do you work for an organization that has an HR department, because I would say something. I'm not one to complain or jump to reporting anything, but that is so not ok. Either that, or I'd just say (if you don't want to be confrontational and give him the benefit of the doubt) "I get that you're trying to be funny, but I'm starting to get really self conscious so I'd appreciate if you wouldn't make comments like that." Then if it continues, report it.

Avrilmai · May 2019

@dogmomma096 punch him in the throat.
but seriously, that is not okay and I'm sorry that you have had to put up with it. That would for sure bother me. I get that you don't want to be confrontational, but you have enough to deal with. I would be blunt back, can you say/would you be comfortable saying something like, "not funny and inappropriate." It seriously gets under my skin how people completely lose all boundaries around pregnant women.

grangerhp37 · May 2019

@olivemomma @mkrel @Avrilmai Thanks ladies. I work in a high school and he is in my department, so I could say something to my direct supervisor (assistant principal) but I don’t want to have to go there yet. I need to say something to him, and I’m hoping to find a time when there aren’t a bunch of people around so it’s not causing a “scene”. I think I want to avoid saying that it makes me uncomfortable or self conscious, because even though it does, the main issue is really just that it’s inappropriate and rude. I don’t want him to have any sort of comeback like I’m just being “sensitive” or that I have low self esteem. I don’t think he will, but like I said, I don’t know the guy. FX I can tell him to stop sometime today so it doesn’t bother me all weekend!

flagchic · May 2019

@brianalee2984 I started getting acne my chest, too, and I've never had break outs there before in my whole life. The last few months have introduced the worst night sweats of my life- I've started putting on Lush's powder (Silky Underwear) on my chest to absorb the sweat at night and it's helped the break outs.

In terms of face, I haven't had bad break outs since college (maybe 9/10 years?) and luckily the break outs on my face during pregnancy have been minimal. I use Rodan and Fields- it's pricey but worth it.

https://www.rodanandfields.com/Shop/Unblemish/products

agpandme · May 2019

Anyone have/had varicose veins? The back of my knee started aching recently and when I felt it, I can feel raised veins. I can't see the back of my knee very well so I took a picture and it just looks like veins. I've never experienced anything like this. Google says to elevate legs. I sent a message to my doctor asking her about it but she hasn't responded yet. I'm not sure how serious of an issue it is?

jmesue1030 · May 2019

@dogmomma096 I would probably say something like, “I know you’re joking, but just a heads up, most pregnant women don’t appreciate comments about their body”

thirdtimesacharm2019 · May 2019

RE: Braxton Hicks

I’ll be the first to share my experience on a lot of topics, but this one has me feeling like FTM. I haven’t had BH with my prior pregnancies (although DH swears up and down I had them a few weeks before DS2 was born...ummmm I think I would remember?)

Last Thursday I had some very sporadic cramping that felt like light menstral cramps. No pain or fluids, confirmed with the NP Monday it was likely BH. No big deal.

The last few days I’ve had spasms/cramps in my lower back. No kind of pattern, and the intensity varies, but not steadily increasing. They last about 30 seconds to a minute. I’m thinking these may also be BH, but the paranoid part of me is always thinking the worst. I’m hydrated and not engaging in strenuous physical activity.

My doctor is closed for the day, and even if they weren’t they would tell me to go to the hospital for evaluation. But I could sit at the hospital all night without a repeat event.

I’m not asking for medical advice, but if anyone has had experience with BH in your lower back I would like to hear about it.

Thanks!

BigBadWolf12 · May 2019

@thirdtimesacharm2019 no experience with back-BH. I read recently on here or in July (shameless lurker) about someone with back-BH though, I can't remember who though

I don't remember many BH last pregnancy until the last few weeks and even then I wouldn't say they were often. This pregnancy though I've been getting BH several times a day since like 20 weeks or before (usually in the afternoons after working all day or walking up a huge hill home from the bus). My midwife has commented on how hard my ute is whenever she is checking anything so Idk if it's super abnormal 😬 but my ute feels hard a lot even without me feeling uncomfortable. When I get BH though it tends to be in the top half of my ute where baby girl seems to be hanging out a much as she can....even though I've heard BH are often low? I think? Idk.

sourlemon · May 2019

@thirdtimesacharm2019 the last time I had regular time able back "bh" it ended up being preterm labor from a kidney infection. Can you run to the store and get a UTI test?

I've been getting terrible BH since 16w with this one and my back only hurts after a few hours of them.

grangerhp37 · May 2019

Update: I put on my big girl pants and talked to my coworker after school today. I just asked him to stop making the jokes; he knew what I was talking about and apologized and said he would stop. We talked a little about normal stuff before I left. Obviously if he still makes comments I’m going to talk to my supervisor, but he seemed like he wasn’t trying to be a dick he just thought he was being funny (WHY, I’ll never know).

BigBadWolf12 · May 2019

@thirdtimesacharm2019 found it! nolemomma14 in July on "third tri symptoms" thread was talking about back pain with BH

thirdtimesacharm2019 · May 2019

Thanks y’all. I’m 99% sure these are BH, but I’m going to start paying more attention to the timing.

Good idea on possible infection, I hadn’t thought of that since I’m not experiencing symptoms.

wabash15 · May 2019

@thirdtimesacharm2019 I have not had back pain with BH. I have been getting them fairly regularly and it mostly feels like tightening and some occasionally some discomfort. I do also get some cramping. I was having issues with time-able pain in my upper abdomen (away from my ute) and it was gas/an impending GI blow out...
I hope you get some relief soon and that its not anything serious.

agpandme · May 2019

@dogmomma096 On the inside, most men are still just little boys at heart. Good for you for speaking directly to him. Hopefully he will settle down and treat you as a colleague once again.

Beauxbaton · May 2019

Entirely not baby/pregnancy/motherhood related, but does anyone's spouse use a CPAP? If so does it ever make weird noise when you SO breaths out? I'm about to throw DHs out the window, maybe him too. Idk yet

aecm · May 2019

@Beauxbaton Mine does, and yes it makes annoying noises. I can’t decide if it’s better or worse than the previous snoring noises.

Beauxbaton · May 2019

@aecm his like whistles. Sometimes I wonder if his mask is too small? It doesn't do it all the time and sometime I can just like pull it away a little and put it back and the whistling stops. But omg. It's really annoying after waking up in the middle of the night to go change DDs sheets and coming back to a whistling CPAP.

aecm · May 2019

@Beauxbaton Yeah, maybe he should get checked to make sure he has the correct size. My DH’s will whistle like that if his becomes positioned incorrectly while he’s sleeping, and it’s much more annoying than the baseline annoying sound.

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